Being Alone.

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Hello DM-ers! 😛

Okay, I wanted to write this since a long time, but I thought it'd be boring and IDK if it's appropriate for DM aaand, IDK if I'd make sense and make myself clear to you readers...anyways, I'll just try to make this topic, the MODs can close it if this topic is redundant.

I was wondering why people cannot be alone? Like, why does everyone look for a companion?

I have seen many of my friends..like ALL of my friends, they want someone to be with them all the time. Both, either, romantic companion and a buddy. Especially a romantic companion? EVERYONE, of all age-groups, SOOO want a lover, and even small kids like 11-12 year olds too have/WANT romantic partners!! 😕 why is that??

And, in a way, it's UBER ANNOYING when I see guys and girls of my age going "forever alone :( " ..and all that bullshit, because, c'mon, W*F, you're just 17-18 years old, and your already in so much rush to get a lover?! 😆 anyway, I quite dont get it... even the 15 year olds say such nonsense and TBH, I feel like smacking on their heads. You all must've seen kids, adults, middle-aged, young-aged, old-aged, EVERYONE of them because this seems to be existing globally! They want a companion or else, they're sad and bogged down!

On the contrary, what makes me ponder more, is that I'm too detached and all, and I find myself enjoying more when I'm all alone...especially since past few months. I mean, I find all the time in the world to read, listen to music, watch TV and what not -- when Im alone which isnt the case when I'm with someone.. But, nowadays, I even enjoy being by myself more than hanging out with my parents/besties(which is making me feel so guilty). These days, I get annoyed when my friends act too clingy..and all these are making me feel so guilty but I cant brush away the truth. :(

So, why does everyone look for a companion? someone who they can talk to? They want someone who they can make an emotional/physical/intellectual bond with. Sure you'd want a soul-mate, but what's that hurry? It's amazing when you fall in love, but why are they always on a hunt?? It's like people WANT to fall in love, they dont allow themselves to. Why do people(all ppl, young, old, teens, all people of ALLL agre groups!) act so sad/lonely yada yada when they dont have a lover?? Why cant they enjoy being alone?? Whyy?? Is it important to crave for a companion??

I have soo many friends and people I know, although they seem normal/happy..they're all craving for lover/are love-lorn themselves :( .. they want to hangout with friends too. I've never seen anyone enjoying being alone(maybe one person or two besides my father)...why is that?

Also,

I get told that I'm weird..because I'm warm and sweet and friendly with everyone in college(face-to-face), I am by nature like that, I dont try to put on that friendly face, it's just me...but I dont let anyone cross the "face-to-face" hi-hello-bye-bye(like phone numbers, messaging, texting, hangouts..no, I dont do such stuff)...one girl told me I'm split and my behaviour seems to offend male-egos. 😳

Is it wrong to be detached?? Is it wrong not to maintain a large circle of friends and keep only the close ones near you? Why is it socially weird/unpleasant when a girl doesnt care about anyone and cares only about her two bestfriends??!

I wanna know.. :( ..please give your feedbacks! ...and, thankyou :)

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 13 years ago

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Frequent Posters

return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

No man is an island. Human beings are naturally social beings. Being truly alone is against the grain of human nature. Even the most introverted aloof loners have an intrinsic need to belong to a society. But love, sex, marriage etc. is just one aspect of socialization. You don't have to have a lover or spouse. No one is alone because they are not dating or planning on marrying. I think romance and marriages were institutions stemming from the desire to propagate the human race and construct lineage.

Personally I'm not looking for relationships and don't want to get married. People find that odd, but I find immense satisfaction in being by myself curling up and reading a book. One reason is that I'm introverted and prefer solitude. Even though I'm completely at ease with a group of friends, with family etc, I'm extremely awkward with one on one interactions. Attaching myself to one human being just doesn't come naturally to me. Finally, I'd like to travel the world and do my own thing. I really hate the thought of obligations and commitments. If I feel like it, I want to be able to spontaneously go on a day trip and do what I want. I don't like the idea of having to think of someone back home. People don't see it as a norm, but I don't care. If anything ever comes my way that I want to be with someone so be it. But for now I'm happy and feel connected to people my way. I don't understand the people craving for someone, especially when it gets to a point of desperation as I see in some friends who go through strings of bad relationships.

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hindu4lyf

@hindu4lyf

Rocker

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

The reason 11-12 year olds feel like having a life partner at that age is probably because they listen to too many Bieber songs lol.

Being alone is not just to do with having a life partner. It's something we as humans feel from a very young age, just to feel wanted. To have someone to share our thoughts and feelings with. Having a partner, or entering a marriage basically provides a sense of security for many people that they will always have that someone who will be there for them. It's something that people don't usually walk out of as easily, unlike friends, who no matter how close can easily drift away.

I guess if you wanna take the traditional approach then humans aren't born to be alone. People seek a companion all the time, many don't even realise it. Some do it through parties and social events, others do it through the internet, talking to people with similar interests and likes.

About your last question. I'm guessing that person has trust issues. It happens to all of us when we put our trust in someone and it's broken and we're hesitant to do the same again. Some people easily overcome it because that's just how they are. Others use that experience and are cautious when it comes to putting their trust in someone else. The reason it's considered 'socially weird' is because we're destined to meet a lot of people throughout our lifetime, and to have so little trust to not be able to develop a similar sort of relationship with anyone else can be worrying. But who knows, maybe when you come across that certain someone, you'll automatically find it in you to develop that trust and build upon the relationship?

P.S. Those 'forever alone' gif's and memes are actually pretty funny lol. At least better than the YOLO crap anyway.

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joie de vivre

@joie de vivre

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

I'm a loner by nature, and there's nothing I love more than being alone and financially independent.

I used to live with my mum when I was in India, but I moved to work in the States this January, and live alone, and I've never been happier. I don't really need friends or a partner in my life. I've never really had friends when I was in school or uni, and I certainly don't have a best friend whom I can share everything with etc. I just don't like doing things friends do together - going out for a drink, going out to restaurants (nothing's more off-putting than eating along with some 20 other people), eating out, partying (I don't drink, so don't see the point in just going out and talk about fu(k all and then wake up with a hangover), going out to the cinema (streaming is where it's at, and it's cheaper as well), going shopping together (do all my shopping online), going sightseeing (exhausting), going on holidays (again, tiresome and tedious and exhausting) etc. I mean, even when I get a day off at work, I'd rather have a lie in, then wake up and potter about in my bed all day, streaming a good indie movie or an episode of a fantastic BBC drama, ordering some nice food and enjoying it at leisure at home, have a long bath, and curl up with a nice book or just lay in bed listening to a good audiobook or browsing the internet reading brilliant journals and articles and blogs on science, philosophy, theology, current affairs, economics etc.

I'm depressingly square, but heck, I like it this way and wouldn't want any bloody tinpot god telling me this isn't normal. I don't want friends, I don't need somebody to accompany me on trips of facile naval-gazing, and heaven forbid I don't have the effing patience to sit down and listen to the multifarious and excruciatingly boring (non) 'issues' of a twenty-something self-absorbed and narcissistic 'friend'. I'm way better off on my own, thank you very much.

Maybe this speaks more about me than others - maybe I'm the one that's self-centred, unsympathetic, frigid and uncaring bitch, but so be it. I just can't be arsed with friends, and relationships sound even worse, seeing how frequently and badly most of them end.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in being alone and enjoying being alone. It's liberating and empowering and fulfilling, and you get a lot of time to spend with yourself, making yourself cleverer, more self-aware, more intellectual, more well-read, more self-reliant and more emotionally self-sufficient. You also don' have to bother yourself with all the potential problems a friendship or a relationship will possibly entail.

I'm extremely happy and content - and I daresay, a tad smug - being friendless and single. I don't think I'm missing out on anything and anyone who tries to convince me otherwise can sod right off.

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Believe

@-Believe-

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
Hello DM-ers! 😛

Okay, I wanted to write this since a long time, but I thought it'd be boring and IDK if it's appropriate for DM aaand, IDK if I'd make sense and make myself clear to you readers...anyways, I'll just try to make this topic, the MODs can close it if this topic is redundant.

I was wondering why people cannot be alone? Like, why does everyone look for a companion?

I have seen many of my friends..like ALL of my friends, they want someone to be with them all the time. Both, either, romantic companion and a buddy. Especially a romantic companion? EVERYONE, of all age-groups, SOOO want a lover, and even small kids like 11-12 year olds too have/WANT romantic partners!! 😕 why is that??

And, in a way, it's UBER ANNOYING when I see guys and girls of my age going "forever alone :( " ..and all that bullshit, because, c'mon, W*F, you're just 17-18 years old, and your already in so much rush to get a lover?! 😆 anyway, I quite dont get it... even the 15 year olds say such nonsense and TBH, I feel like smacking on their heads. You all must've seen kids, adults, middle-aged, young-aged, old-aged, EVERYONE of them because this seems to be existing globally! They want a companion or else, they're sad and bogged down!

On the contrary, what makes me ponder more, is that I'm too detached and all, and I find myself enjoying more when I'm all alone...especially since past few months. I mean, I find all the time in the world to read, listen to music, watch TV and what not -- when Im alone which isnt the case when I'm with someone.. But, nowadays, I even enjoy being by myself more than hanging out with my parents/besties(which is making me feel so guilty). These days, I get annoyed when my friends act too clingy..and all these are making me feel so guilty but I cant brush away the truth. :(

So, why does everyone look for a companion? someone who they can talk to? They want someone who they can make an emotional/physical/intellectual bond with. Sure you'd want a soul-mate, but what's that hurry? It's amazing when you fall in love, but why are they always on a hunt?? It's like people WANT to fall in love, they dont allow themselves to. Why do people(all ppl, young, old, teens, all people of ALLL agre groups!) act so sad/lonely yada yada when they dont have a lover?? Why cant they enjoy being alone?? Whyy?? Is it important to crave for a companion??

I have soo many friends and people I know, although they seem normal/happy..they're all craving for lover/are love-lorn themselves :( .. they want to hangout with friends too. I've never seen anyone enjoying being alone(maybe one person or two besides my father)...why is that?

Also,

I get told that I'm weird..because I'm warm and sweet and friendly with everyone in college(face-to-face), I am by nature like that, I dont try to put on that friendly face, it's just me...but I dont let anyone cross the "face-to-face" hi-hello-bye-bye(like phone numbers, messaging, texting, hangouts..no, I dont do such stuff)...one girl told me I'm split and my behaviour seems to offend male-egos. 😳

Is it wrong to be detached?? Is it wrong not to maintain a large circle of friends and keep only the close ones near you? Why is it socially weird/unpleasant when a girl doesnt care about anyone and cares only about her two bestfriends??!

I wanna know.. :( ..please give your feedbacks! ...and, thankyou :)

Just Remember:- We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone... Aloneness is our very nature...be cool.😃which is natural to us, we try to ignore ..I have seen people playing Chess alone... . They have invented games in which the same person plays chess from both sides...somehow one wants to remain engaged..n I know some ppl hate weekends...cos nothing to do at home...People play cards, chess, watch TV ,Sit online for hours... just to avoid themselves...I BELIEVE ,if someone know their aloneness they can create, then they can be involved in as many things as they want, bcos involvement will not anymore be running away from yourself

Personally I love lonliness...i like to sit somewhere n think about nothing..bt aaj kal time nahi .😃

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415868

Hibernated

Posted: 13 years ago

I am quite thrilled to see what passes through my head are in words here.

I've seen the 'forever alone' and 'why God gave me a lonely life? :(' far too often that I'm de-sensitized(and pretty irritated) towards it now. Most of the bearers are someone with no girlfriend or a failed love story. How convenient it is to forget everyone else and sympathize with yourself on your assumed solitude.😆

I like spending time with few people but that's a select few and that too only for a limited time 😆 I can't see myself attached to anyone all the time. I am quite affable as long as I'm with people but I can't take it beyond a certain time limit and want to get back to my solitude. I always wonder if the desire to have someone with you ALL the time stems from from deep-rooted fear or insecurity. You have got to embrace solitude as you have got to embrace a crowd depending on the situation. So I guess, it's pretty good if one can take both albeit with more affinity to one of them. And to us, it's opposite of what society approves.😛

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joie de vivre

@joie de vivre

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Summer3

Yes it is good to see someone enjoying solitude so long as it is not because the person is unable to socialize. Each person should have at least a few good friends.

I'm afraid I find your last statement to be terribly patronising. There's no one size fits all rule when it comes to social interactions. Some people are naturally gregarious and outgoing and funny and popular and well-liked. You can't really force these people to embrace solitude and be taciturn and unforthcoming. Likewise, some of us are just not of the same disposition, and you can't force us to be overly friendly and loquacious and fun.

I feel uncomfortable around strangers and just can't bring myself to trust people easily. I'm by no means a hermit crab and I have absolutely no problems interacting with my colleagues and articulating myself, but my interactions aren't of the personal nature. I would, for instance, never want to hang-out or party with them, simply because I don't think I have anything interesting to say. I'm a bore, and would probably bore the pants off people if forced to interact personally. I mean, who really envisages a night out with discussions about the financial crisis or neoliberalism, or Nietzsche or Sartre or Dorris Lessing or Hilary Mantel or Ian McEwan or subtitled Scandinavian dramas? See what I mean? I don't gossip on principle, especially not about co-workers or seniors, and I don't like sharing information about my personal life with people I barely know, and I'm just not interested about celebrities or sport or fashion or men or any other fathomable subject that might crop up on a night out. I also simply cannot pour my heart out to people, I just can't.

I don't need friends. I'm reticent by nature, and don't wear my heart on my sleeve and keep a stiff upper lip. I'm emotionally self-sufficient so I don't see the need to have a friend to fill some void; I keep myself entertained with all of my hobbies. I have a drama-free life and I like to keep it that way. This doesn't mean I'm opposed to having a friend or a partner, but I just don't go out of my way to find one and then be depressed or feel lonely and miserable when I don't find one. I like my solitude and I want to enjoy it for however long it lasts. I can see why a relationship or a true honest to goodness friendship would be an absolutely marvellous thing, but they don't happen very frequently or very easily or very quickly to many people. Chasing this paradigm as the only ideal and denigrating all other lifestyle choices as lacking in fulfilment reeks of condescension.

I'm not claiming one type of personality is better than the other - both have their pros and cons. People try to make the most of what they've got, so let's please stop making broad brush generalisations or expect everyone to conform.

Edited by joie de vivre - 13 years ago

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DulceTentacion.

@DulceTentacion.

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

Being deprived of love or a partner cannot be distinguished as being alone. Some people choose not to get into relationships or even matrimony but that doesn't classify them as introverts. There are numerous individuals out there who love to socialise and but they simply dislike getting into relationships or getting hitched, yet they are very joyful and grateful to life and not going into the extremes of depression or loneliness. It's a different outlook for every individual out there. Some crave for love while others wish to stay away from it. Point is a person's life is not solely based around love and relationships; they attain happiness from other environmental factors as well as from a close circle of friends and family. There are many forms of love, there is parental love, brotherly love/sisterly love, love for god etc. I personally feel the human by nature needs some sort of belonging in their life, every person out there craves for someone to call them their own, and this can be achieved a simply means of network of family and friends. Being in a relationship is not necessary. Sometimes when I need my own space, I crave to be left alone from the worldly doings, it gives me a feeling of peace and serenity but then again, I am a person who also loves to socialise and interact with the world. I cannot simply stay shut in my bedroom for a long period of time, I love to explore and try out different things - it gives me a feeling of thrill and makes me feel content. Is it important to crave for a companion? I feel it's best to let things happen naturally rather than crave. Falling in love unexpectedly is more beautiful and somewhat more fun than sitting like a damsel in distress pondering over why you have not met your Mr Right ' that's depressing.

Edited by DulceTentacion. - 13 years ago

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: joie de vivre
I'm a loner by nature, and there's nothing I love more than being alone and financially independent.

I used to live with my mum when I was in India, but I moved to work in the States this January, and live alone, and I've never been happier. I don't really need friends or a partner in my life. I've never really had friends when I was in school or uni, and I certainly don't have a best friend whom I can share everything with etc. I just don't like doing things friends do together - going out for a drink, going out to restaurants (nothing's more off-putting than eating along with some 20 other people), eating out, partying (I don't drink, so don't see the point in just going out and talk about fu(k all and then wake up with a hangover), going out to the cinema (streaming is where it's at, and it's cheaper as well), going shopping together (do all my shopping online), going sightseeing (exhausting), going on holidays (again, tiresome and tedious and exhausting) etc. I mean, even when I get a day off at work, I'd rather have a lie in, then wake up and potter about in my bed all day, streaming a good indie movie or an episode of a fantastic BBC drama, ordering some nice food and enjoying it at leisure at home, have a long bath, and curl up with a nice book or just lay in bed listening to a good audiobook or browsing the internet reading brilliant journals and articles and blogs on science, philosophy, theology, current affairs, economics etc.

I'm depressingly square, but heck, I like it this way and wouldn't want any bloody tinpot god telling me this isn't normal. I don't want friends, I don't need somebody to accompany me on trips of facile naval-gazing, and heaven forbid I don't have the effing patience to sit down and listen to the multifarious and excruciatingly boring (non) 'issues' of a twenty-something self-absorbed and narcissistic 'friend'. I'm way better off on my own, thank you very much.

Maybe this speaks more about me than others - maybe I'm the one that's self-centred, unsympathetic, frigid and uncaring bitch, but so be it. I just can't be arsed with friends, and relationships sound even worse, seeing how frequently and badly most of them end.

There's absolutely nothing wrong in being alone and enjoying being alone. It's liberating and empowering and fulfilling, and you get a lot of time to spend with yourself, making yourself cleverer, more self-aware, more intellectual, more well-read, more self-reliant and more emotionally self-sufficient. You also don' have to bother yourself with all the potential problems a friendship or a relationship will possibly entail.

I'm extremely happy and content - and I daresay, a tad smug - being friendless and single. I don't think I'm missing out on anything and anyone who tries to convince me otherwise can sod right off.

I sooo agree with the bold. You spoke my mind! I can really relate to whatever you said . And co-incidentally, I started being more independent and utterly aloof than I already was since this January.. I dont see any point in having friends, other than my time being wasted and inviting complex things in my life which'll mess up my emotional and mental health - well-being.

Everywhere you look around, I see narcissistic people, people totally self-absorbed and people who want to fit in, people who'll do anything to get friends, people who're always on a hunt for a lover/partner. It's like their whole life revolves around those "issues", everytime you meet them, they only talk about those issues - friends, lovers issues related to that! ..come on, life is much deeeper than that. Most of my acquaintances are sooo superficial in their mentality and even emotions-wise, it all just makes me wanna run away from them

There's much better things I'd rather do than listen to their repetitive superficial blah blah blah. I dont understand what people get out of hangouts, hangovers, partying, dinners etc etc. I dont even like giving my phone number to anyone which leads to texting, phone calling and all sorts of nonsense!

RED - 100% true.

It's only annoying when every single person I know, looks at me like I'm some criminal for enjoying my solitude. And it's super-annoying when they come over to ADVICE me and CONVINCE me that I shouldntt "isolate" myself from the world and should socialize more...yeah right! Shouldnt isolate myself from the world. Rubbish! I am frigging enjoying my life studying, visiting libraries, reading novels, listening to music, shopping and travelling all by myself.

I dont understand what's so big about socializing with narcissistic people who have no individuality anyways. I'd rather go have a nice chat with my Political Science professor and learn something from her.

Glad to know there's someone like you too :)