Your views on live-in relationships.. - Page 2

i am veri open to this.. infact if somebody is interested please PM me...👍🏼......now who doesnt want a free life.....

Personally, I really do not think marriage always equals to love and commitment. Nor does choosing not to marry make you love or care for someone any less. Love, trust, respect, care, commitment and a variety of emotions are above any social institutions. They are unconditional and exist when two people connect on levels. Emotions do not require institutional validation, nor do they get greater or less with it.

People marry all sorts of reasons, and it is not always out of love. Many marriages themselves exist out of convenience and not love. Not all married people are committed. Divorces extra marital affairs etc happen all the time. At the same time just because two people live together without marriage does not necessarily equate that they share no commitment or love. Sometimes two people living together can go on for years together, creating a bond stronger than many marriages.

Of course many people share live in relationships for the fun of it. To have someone no strings attached. While may not agree with the concept, it is their personal right of choice. However, when someone chooses to live with someone exclusively, it is a commitment. Because if it is just fun and freedom there are so many options like one night stands, friends with benefits etc - why choose one person to be with. It does show a step of commitment. It maybe a half step, but it exists.

Although, fun and freedom is not the solitary reason for live in relationships. Many people use the test drive analogy, but people find it derogatory - people are not cars. My personal view is people tend to want to marry a person they cannot live without, the reality is that we ought to find someone we can live with.

College students will often tell stories about roommates from hell. Best friends who have known each other since kindergarten choose to room with each other end up becoming sworn enemies. That person who you love to be with, could end up being a nightmare to live with.

People have quirky habits, annoying habits, frustrating habits. The nicely dressed put together could be a slob at home. The romantic guy when at home probably will ignore you and spend most of his time with his video games and television. Sometimes, it might be a silly reason; but, sometimes it can be real serious ideological differences. Living with people can reveal surprising aspects of their personality like bigotry, hypocrisy, emotional issues, anger management issues.

Of course loving someone means accepting all their flaws, but sometimes it is best to get out before you hurt each other seriously than live a life of misery in each others company. This concept is hard to digest in Indian culture as we lay a high emphasis on compromise and adjustment. Indian people are taught from childhood to adjust and live with lack of space and privacy. For someone brought up in a different individualistic culture where letting the self shine is given great emphasis - it is hard for people to live with someone who will not let them shine as brightly.

Living in before marriage makes sense to see if you really want to get married. Even with Indian culture of compromise, sometimes the question arises - are you truly happy in your marriage. Many of us have it trained culturally to make it work and end up being really happy. But if you are unhappy, resent the marriage or feel disconnected in any way - it will affect the lives of you, your kids and people around you in subtle ways. If you culturally or morally cannot approve a live-in do the next best thing to that - a cross country road trip in a car, or a backpacking trip. Room separately, but spending that much time together will give an idea if you really can be together or will be wanting to kill each other someday.

Then there are practical and economic reasons too. Many girls dream of the perfect wedding. They want the wedding to be really really special. But such perfect weddings can be expensive and difficult. Many kids also dream of getting married where their parents did or at a famous monument. These can be difficult to organize and sometimes dates are hard to get. Some people who live in are either engaged or plan to, and want to be together - but cannot wait till the perfect marriage.

I for example want to get married in the British Museum in front of the Rosetta stone as a symbol of communication through, time, culture and language. But unfortunately the British Museum does not allow weddings there. So whoever winds up getting engaged to me ought to be really influential, be up for the risk of being arrested during a midnight break in or get enough people to create a perimeter to keep tourists away and have a quick ceremony and if all that fails we might just have to live in. So help me god!

Anyway back on topic sometimes living in is more cost effective, practical and intimate compared to being separate. One of my friends moved to Chicago and moved in with her boyfriend. In a city like Chicago it was just impractical for them to find separate apartments, or room with strangers, especially in these tough economic times. Many campuses offer couples dorms to married or cohabiting couples. People in committed relationships often like such dorms because they do not have the noise, hassle and socialization of other dorms. They are surrounded by couples which is a different atmosphere. I actually knew an Indian guy who lived with his fiance in a couples dorm on campus while they completed their degrees.

Then there is the fear of marriage. Either due to failed marriages of parents or people around them, or very unhappy conflicted marriages of parents or people around them people grow up with a psychological fear of marriage. This often is misconstrued as fear of commitment. Many people find themselves being mentally and emotionally committed, and share a marriage like relationship but fear the concept of marriage itself. Sometimes people fear marriage because they love someone so much that they are afraid marriage will ruin the relationship. Happily married couples cannot wrap their head around such fears and it often seems like an excuse, but it is psychologically proven that children raised in dysfunctional families have fear of marriage. There are other fears like introducing a girlfriend or boyfriend to the rest of the family, fear of family disapproval that make people live in for a long time before they tell their family or marry.

Bottom line - to each his own. Would have been nice if I wrote the one line on top before all the long drawn essay. 😆

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

.

..............................My personal view is people tend to want to marry a person they cannot live without, the reality is that we ought to find someone we can live with.

........................ .That person who you love to be with, could end up being a nightmare to live with.

.......................... Living with people can reveal surprising aspects of their personality like bigotry, hypocrisy, emotional issues, anger management issues.

Great points, RTH! Especially the one on the top. You hit the nail in the head with these.

For someone brought up in a different individualistic culture where letting the self shine is given great emphasis - it is hard for people to live with someone who will not let them shine as brightly.

(this was going to be my main point in that asian women managers thread you started. This coupled with self-sacrificing culture with no space etc...list goes on)

If you culturally or morally cannot approve a live-in do the next best thing to that - a cross country road trip in a car, or a backpacking trip. Room separately, but spending that much time together will give an idea if you really can be together or will be wanting to kill each other someday.

Problem is most parents who don't approve of live-ins are equally averse to their kids, especially their daughters, going on an overnight trip, leave alone cross-country, with a guy. If people were broadminded enough to do this, they would have been open to the idea of living in as well - just my two cents from Indian culture pov. But yes, I must say it could be a good idea for those who don't approve of live-ins and are not ready for straight away getting married either.

I for example want to get married in the British Museum in front of the Rosetta stone as a symbol of communication through, time, culture and language. But unfortunately the British Museum does not allow weddings there. So whoever winds up getting engaged to me ought to be really influential, be up for the risk of being arrested during a midnight break in or get enough people to create a perimeter to keep tourists away and have a quick ceremony and if all that fails we might just have to live in. So help me god!

😆😆 you are such a funny bunny!

Then there is the fear of marriage. Either due to failed marriages of parents or people around them, or very unhappy conflicted marriages of parents or people around them people grow up with a psychological fear of marriage. This often is misconstrued as fear of commitment. Many people find themselves being mentally and emotionally committed, and share a marriage like relationship but fear the concept of marriage itself. Sometimes people fear marriage because they love someone so much that they are afraid marriage will ruin the relationship. Happily married couples cannot wrap their head around such fears and it often seems like an excuse, but it is psychologically proven that children raised in dysfunctional families have fear of marriage. There are other fears like introducing a girlfriend or boyfriend to the rest of the family, fear of family disapproval that make people live in for a long time before they tell their family or marry.

True that. Live-ins make perfect sense for such people. One baby step at a time.

Bottom line - to each his own. Would have been nice if I wrote the one line on top before all the long drawn essay. 😆

ahhhh, ain't I glad you did not write just this one line on top! Always a pleasure reading you. I know you must be getting bored listening this from me over and over again but what to do - I don't know any other way to convey this message😆

Like always, a brilliant post!

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Personally, I really do not think marriage always equals to love and commitment. nor does live-in.. it was dead since romeo and julietNor does choosing not to marry make you love or care for someone any less. see its like this if there is a binding and people get into it.. knowing it difficult to come out.. it makes for a better life for all...otherwise the extreme case of a live-in is a brothel// asssuming if one of them wants to leave he can simply walk away without anything...see i dont compare it to a brothel but the psyche is more or less similar.. of business and no commitmentLove, trust, respect, care, commitment and a variety of emotions are above any social institutions. They are unconditional and exist when two people connect on levels. Emotions do not require institutional validation, nor do they get greater or less with it. all those you mentioned are against basic instincts so no guarantee of its existence anywhere...

People marry all sorts of reasons, and it is not always out of love. true Many marriages themselves exist out of convenience and not love. like i said there is no love anyway... 99.99% people dont know whats love Not all married people are committed. in india they are atleast 90%Divorces extra marital affairs etc happen all the time.again same applies At the same time just because two people live together without marriage does not necessarily equate that they share no commitment or love. Sometimes two people living together can go on for years together, creating a bond stronger than many marriages. its just a matter of getting a better 20 year old nanny.. sometimes our stats are misleading because of the cocoon.. dont trust the instincts of a man...unless he has ED...😆

Of course many people share live in relationships for the fun of it. To have someone no strings attached. While may not agree with the concept, it is their personal right of choice. However, when someone chooses to live with someone exclusively, it is a commitment. Because if it is just fun and freedom there are so many options like one night stands, friends with benefits etc - why choose one person to be with. It does show a step of commitment. It maybe a half step, but it exists.

Although, fun and freedom is not the solitary reason for live in relationships. Many people use the test drive analogy, but people find it derogatory - people are not cars. My personal view is people tend to want to marry a person they cannot live without, the reality is that we ought to find someone we can live with.

College students will often tell stories about roommates from hell. Best friends who have known each other since kindergarten choose to room with each other end up becoming sworn enemies. That person who you love to be with, could end up being a nightmare to live with.

People have quirky habits, annoying habits, frustrating habits. The nicely dressed put together could be a slob at home. The romantic guy when at home probably will ignore you and spend most of his time with his video games and television. Sometimes, it might be a silly reason; but, sometimes it can be real serious ideological differences. Living with people can reveal surprising aspects of their personality like bigotry, hypocrisy, emotional issues, anger management issues.

Of course loving someone means accepting all their flaws, but sometimes it is best to get out before you hurt each other seriously than live a life of misery in each others company. This concept is hard to digest in Indian culture as we lay a high emphasis on compromise and adjustment. Indian people are taught from childhood to adjust and live with lack of space and privacy. For someone brought up in a different individualistic culture where letting the self shine is given great emphasis - it is hard for people to live with someone who will not let them shine as brightly.

Living in before marriage makes sense to see if you really want to get married. Even with Indian culture of compromise, sometimes the question arises - are you truly happy in your marriage. Many of us have it trained culturally to make it work and end up being really happy. But if you are unhappy, resent the marriage or feel disconnected in any way - it will affect the lives of you, your kids and people around you in subtle ways. If you culturally or morally cannot approve a live-in do the next best thing to that - a cross country road trip in a car, or a backpacking trip. Room separately, but spending that much time together will give an idea if you really can be together or will be wanting to kill each other someday.

Then there are practical and economic reasons too. Many girls dream of the perfect wedding. They want the wedding to be really really special. But such perfect weddings can be expensive and difficult. Many kids also dream of getting married where their parents did or at a famous monument. These can be difficult to organize and sometimes dates are hard to get. Some people who live in are either engaged or plan to, and want to be together - but cannot wait till the perfect marriage.

I for example want to get married in the British Museum in front of the Rosetta stone as a symbol of communication through, time, culture and language. But unfortunately the British Museum does not allow weddings there. So whoever winds up getting engaged to me ought to be really influential, be up for the risk of being arrested during a midnight break in or get enough people to create a perimeter to keep tourists away and have a quick ceremony and if all that fails we might just have to live in. So help me god!

Anyway back on topic sometimes living in is more cost effective, practical and intimate compared to being separate. One of my friends moved to Chicago and moved in with her boyfriend. In a city like Chicago it was just impractical for them to find separate apartments, or room with strangers, especially in these tough economic times. Many campuses offer couples dorms to married or cohabiting couples. People in committed relationships often like such dorms because they do not have the noise, hassle and socialization of other dorms. They are surrounded by couples which is a different atmosphere. I actually knew an Indian guy who lived with his fiance in a couples dorm on campus while they completed their degrees.

Then there is the fear of marriage. Either due to failed marriages of parents or people around them, or very unhappy conflicted marriages of parents or people around them people grow up with a psychological fear of marriage. This often is misconstrued as fear of commitment. Many people find themselves being mentally and emotionally committed, and share a marriage like relationship but fear the concept of marriage itself. Sometimes people fear marriage because they love someone so much that they are afraid marriage will ruin the relationship. Happily married couples cannot wrap their head around such fears and it often seems like an excuse, but it is psychologically proven that children raised in dysfunctional families have fear of marriage. There are other fears like introducing a girlfriend or boyfriend to the rest of the family, fear of family disapproval that make people live in for a long time before they tell their family or marry.

Bottom line - to each his own. Would have been nice if I wrote the one line on top before all the long drawn essay. 😆 we could say that if this "each" was marooned with his "other" on an island... these issues carry signifance cos of the context in which they happen...same holds true for gaydom, and womens immoral behvior and so on...

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

i am veri open to this.. infact if somebody is interested please PM me...👍🏼......now who doesnt want a free life.....

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Personally, I really do not think marriage always equals to love and commitment. Nor does choosing not to marry make you love or care for someone any less. Love, trust, respect, care, commitment and a variety of emotions are above any social institutions. They are unconditional and exist when two people connect on levels. Emotions do not require institutional validation, nor do they get greater or less with it.

People marry all sorts of reasons, and it is not always out of love. Many marriages themselves exist out of convenience and not love. Not all married people are committed. Divorces extra marital affairs etc happen all the time. At the same time just because two people live together without marriage does not necessarily equate that they share no commitment or love. Sometimes two people living together can go on for years together, creating a bond stronger than many marriages.

Of course many people share live in relationships for the fun of it. To have someone no strings attached. While may not agree with the concept, it is their personal right of choice. However, when someone chooses to live with someone exclusively, it is a commitment. Because if it is just fun and freedom there are so many options like one night stands, friends with benefits etc - why choose one person to be with. It does show a step of commitment. It maybe a half step, but it exists.

Although, fun and freedom is not the solitary reason for live in relationships. Many people use the test drive analogy, but people find it derogatory - people are not cars. My personal view is people tend to want to marry a person they cannot live without, the reality is that we ought to find someone we can live with.

College students will often tell stories about roommates from hell. Best friends who have known each other since kindergarten choose to room with each other end up becoming sworn enemies. That person who you love to be with, could end up being a nightmare to live with.

People have quirky habits, annoying habits, frustrating habits. The nicely dressed put together could be a slob at home. The romantic guy when at home probably will ignore you and spend most of his time with his video games and television. Sometimes, it might be a silly reason; but, sometimes it can be real serious ideological differences. Living with people can reveal surprising aspects of their personality like bigotry, hypocrisy, emotional issues, anger management issues.

Bottom line - to each his own. Would have been nice if I wrote the one line on top before all the long drawn essay. 😆

Originally posted by: raj5000

Hope you don't receive a PM from Pakya Bhai, in the name of free life and changing trends😉😆😆

^^^ 😆😆😆 u got it!! nps Bro!

Studies show that more couples who lived together before marriage end up divorced, compared to couples who didn't live together prior to marriage. I don't have the data to prove this, but this is what we were taught in our development Psych class. It is possible that the population sampled may be biased.

Originally posted by: qwertyesque

bad in cultured/traditional societies like india and ok in other societies especially the US...

true true true