Whether or not?
A single tear slipped down his eye as he read those lines again, he wiped that tear with his thumb instantly in order to hide it from others and then with a painful smile kept the sheets which were clutched tightly in his hand on the table placed in front of him and with a sigh attached his head with the head rest. People around him saw him like this and one man who stood silently yet angry and hurt at one corner looked at him and then at the sheets lying in front of him and took a sigh painfully as he clearly got what the man was going through now, he signalled this to others and others after looking at those sheets completely quite as got the hurt of the person with whom they had been working for more than 17 years now. Even if they were not as close in real life as they were shown in their reel life they still had the ability to understand the silence of each other very well and of this person specially as his eyes and his silence conveyed those words and feelings which cannot be depicted through his words itself.
A well built man who also stood silently at that time looking at this man with whom he had spent 17 years of his life, as a friend, as a brother clearly got the meaning behind that single tear as all of them already gone through it and knowing the person's heart well this reaction was quite expected from his side. He jerked his head and whispered lightly.. "pata hi tha.."
He looked at the elderly yet a smart person who stood beside him at that time and whispered in a low tone.. "abh kya?"
The elderly man just sighed and whispered in a tone audible just to the person standing beside him.. "kyun tumhe pata toh hai.."
The man with soft expressive soothing eyes nodded in "yes" with an adorable smile...
These people didn't need any new words or phrases to describe their feelings to each other, it is a bond of 17 years and these are some unknown, undefined relations made up over these years of work and fun together, this show, this set is now not just a workplace to them, it has become like their second home...a home with family members, emotions, feelings, laugh, fun, smile, tears and sadness and not with just four concrete walls...
The man opened his eyes, his eyes were filled with sadness, someone knew the reason behind that undefined sadness yet the person needed to know it himself, it was nothing new for him, he had had gone through this a hundred times in these few years but still he didn't knew why he felt sad about these things he wanted to leave all this at one point of his life when what he was asked to do was utter nonsense yet being a human being a single ray of hope was still their inside his heart which he was aware of very well and was not taking a step just for that single hope...still he was not aware why he was so upset, this wasn't his real life or was it..!
Frustrated, exhausted and in need of fresh air he got up from his place and made his way towards the exit as the crowd around him dispersed, again going back to their work they now did just for the sake of doing it as many of them completely losing their interests but yet what they can do with their hearts..!
He came out and made his way towards the most soothing place of this crowded city which was filled with opportunities yet with despair, with the most rich of people yet with the biggest slum of this country we today know as Independent India..! But this place where he was headed to was the only place where people sat without a mark of concern but with a smile worth a million dollars with their friends and family and sometimes alone enjoying the company of their talkative soul..!
He looked around at the world that walked beside him, he was, as many people said "popularly known" by the name Abhijeet in this place, though he had many other names and the most important of them all was just one that made up them all so big and memorable that they can be recognised in this crowded era and was called "Aditya srivastava"...he knew he had made a mark for himself..a persona..a name...an inspiration...but yet there was something missing...other than being an actor, he was a human being who had a name of his own...he had emotions, aspirations, feelings, words and a point of view of his own...he had that desire, that...that hope...those expectations...(he smiled thinking about expectations)...yes he did had expectations for the betterment...for the life of his show that had become more of a life for him now...he sighed thinking all this still walking towards his destination...
A soothing cool fresh wind wished him "good evening" as he felt the salty air and the silence with the sound of church bell echoing all around...he took in a deep breath taking in the freshness and the soothing aroma of the environment and moving in a bit forward and finding a place to sit in his own company he drifted apart in his thoughts...
17 years, such a long period of time it is, so many moments of fun, laugh, smile they had shared altogether, the bonding with the actors and the characters, the time they spent in smiles, in teasing and in pulling each other's legs, so many things they shared, so many problems they discussed, those hesitations of the first day, those wishes of "you can do it", those encouragements, that happiness of making a record...
A soft smile came on his lips as he remembered his agreement that he did just for a few episodes which extended for the bonding of 17 years...he closed his eyes for some seconds and again opening them looked at the vast sea that stretched in front of his eyes trying to talk to him but today he was not interested in those words of the sea as today he had some other work to sort out with..
He took a sigh easing his shoulders and his body, all this seemed so unusual now, 17 years, how can someone spend 17 years of his life in decorating just one character into many and into his own, it had not been a career of 17 years it had been a life of these many years, a life of fun, learning, friendship, teaching and fighting too... Those characters had seemed so real, those emotions seemed so true, those tears were not glycerine droplets now, that sadness and that smile came from the heart and not from the scripts, that concern, that trust was not the show now, that had become their real life, real life of these people who lived in the world of reel...
Was there anything missing? The answer that always came was no but then why he was upset, why everyone was not as enthusiastic as they used to be...some years back it felt so nice working on the sets of this show, but everything seemed to be changed now...earlier they used to work with heart but now all of it seemed forced...the dialogues were not good, the scripts were not as brilliant as they used to be, that unusual charm that the show had created, that respect which it gained for itself was lost somewhere in the big crowd and in the demands of the channel named "sony" and the productions named "fireworks" that really did fire up the show itself...
He was missing that realistic charm, those natural instincts that the actors had, those dialogues they delivered not according to the scripts but according to the situation they were subjected to...
He missed that natural portrayal of characters, the relation they shared on screen...that daya was lost somewhere, he was nowhere to be seen in his usual self expect in some instances which were very rare, Acp sir was lost somewhere in between just anger and screaming, satam sir was lost with him too, Narendra sir was the most enthusiastic one as he still enjoyed his character but after this...he doubted it too, and he himself.. (he smiled wryly)..he was not even there anymore...he was lost long ago with the utter nonsense they asked him to do...he couldn't say no, he just can't, it's not his habit...he cannot disappoint anyone but he knew he did it, his fans were hurt deeply, he was aware of that..
"you know his biggest problem, he just can't say NO'.."
A beautiful smile came on his lips as he remembered those statements that his fans had made out of utter disappointment from what he was asked to do...he whispered in a low tone..
"yeh log toh mujhse bhi jyada gusse mein the...(he started to laugh as the words floated around him in a clutter)...hahahaha...(with a sad smile and in a loving tone)...aakhir 17 saal ka yeh rishta inse bhi toh hai...17 saal ka nahi sahi toh kuch saalon ka hi sahi...aakhir rishte waqt se nahi dil se bante hain...(he remembered something and whispered again with a smile)..main toh bas philosophy jhaad raha tha...hahahaha..."
As the laugh and this silent happy moment subsided he sat quietly still with a small smile present on his lips. After some moments of silence of his soul, those words brought him out of the soothing moments that he was enjoying...
"main jaanta tha, main janta tha pradyuman ek na ek din yeh abhijeet puri CID team ke liye woh gandi machli saabit hoga joh pure ke pure talaab ko ganda kar deti hai"
"iss abhijeet ki wajah se puri ki puri CID team badnaam ho gayi hai.."
"kalank hai...yeh abhijeet CID team par ek bahot bada dhabba hai...kalank hai.."
A tear again slipped down his eyes...
But...
Why was he upset, those lines were just some dialogues and not the feelings and emotions of the person speaking and neither they were for him, they were just for abhijeet not for Aditya srivastava...then what was it that was bothering him? He spread his hand in his hairs...he was frustrated now with this...he felt as upset and as hurt as abhijeet would have been if he had heard those lines for him...but he is not abhijeet, or is he?
From 17 years he had been playing this role, he know he is deeply attached to this character himself..he loves the dark shade that the character represents, the dark past, the anger, the attitude, the wittiness...he had made Abhijeet himself...decorated him with his own hands...spent almost half of his life in the shoes of this character; earlier the character was played and portrayed from brain, but now it is made alive with his own heart...how can he be not attached to abhijeet then...even he is attached to each and every character in the show, but abhijeet is someone he considers to be really alive...alive within himself...his tears his pain is true..he can feel the pain of that dark past, the hurt of those harsh words...the hurt for being blamed again and again despite proving his own innocence for a number of times in front of the same crowd of people every time...this all is not true and he is well aware of it, but the way abhijeet has been embedded within himself make him feel that pain and hurt...he had played hundred's of roles in his life, in television, in movies and in CID itself, yet he is most attached to abhijeet as abhijeet has been alive for 17 years while other characters just come and go within a fixed period of time...
But now he felt degraded and bad when playing abhijeet, the way the character has been ruined by these people has hurt him deeply but he cannot just leave the show, this show has a special place in his heart, in his life itself...everything has a end point and he is aware of it, someday CID would also come to its end, and at that time he would have to say goodbye to abhijeet, daya, Acp sir, salunkhe, and freddy...forever, but the characters would still live inside their masters...alive and taking breath as easily as they did in this reel world...but while living a relaxed life...not the one with hurt and anger...
He took a big sigh, it all had become more of a burden now rather than work or interest, they were losing their smiles, energy, and the willingness to do the work day by day...the degradation of characters was another big problem, then these bad dialogues, forgotten relations and pasts did arouse in them a ray of anger which was again suppressed by something which they were not even aware of...
Someone placed a soft hand on his shoulder; he jerked out from his thoughts and looked at the person who stood beside him smiling at him slightly yet hesitatingly...
He was going to stand up when the person pressed his shoulder and sat down beside him with..
"hogayi apne aap se baatein tumhari?"
The man smiled shyly and said in low tone...
"jee sir, aapka shot hogaya.."
The another man looked at him and nodded slightly then after few seconds of silence looked at the man named Aditya and said in low tone.. "i am sorry aditya.."
The man was shocked so looked at him confusingly with.. "lekin kyun sir.."
"bas aise hi, woh..(hesitatingly)..woh maine tumhe woh sabh bola na issiliye.."
Aditya was again shocked, he was not able to understand what here was "woh sabh"..
"kya sir.."
The other man replied irritated.. "arre wahi sabh na.."
Aditya was again confused but after some seconds looking at the tears in the other man's eyes he said calmly.. "sir yeh aap kya keh rahe hain...kya mujhe nahi pata yeh sabh un writers ka kamal hai..'
The man looked at him and said in a low tone.. "phir bhi..hum sabhi abh bahot attached ho chuke hain inn sabh se...apne aap se bhi aur dusron se bhi..abh dard yahan(pointing towards his heart)...hota hai aditya.."
Aditya looked at this man for few minutes and then said smilingly.. "narendra sir, congratulations.."
The man named narendra got highly confused so just managed to say.. "han.."
Aditya started laughing loudly while when narendra glared at him angrily he be quite and said in a tone trying to be fresh with a wink.. "aap bhi abh humari team mein aagye hain..hahaha"
Narendra looked at him for few minutes and now getting the meaning stood up with him with teasing as.. "tum topic change karne mein badhe hi ache ho waise.."
Aditya(laughing loudly).. "koi shak sir.."
Narendra sir jerked his head lightly with a smile...
Both of them now started walking towards their common destination for now in silence...narendra looked at aditya and asked him.. "jawaab mil gaya tumhe.."
Aditya(smiling).. "jawaab toh mere paas hi tha, bas main ignore kar raha tha.."
Narendra(after few seconds in serious tone).. "tum CID chodh kyu nahi dete.."
Aditya(laughing).. "aapko badhi jaldi hai sir..aap phir show mein ladenge kisse, aur itna sabh kuch kisse kahenge, bas issiliye main nahi chodhta.."
Narendra(angrily).. "Aditya..!"
Aditya looked at him and said in a low tone.. "bas dil nahi karta sir...17 saal ka yeh rishta ek dum se todh dena mere bas mein nahi.."
Narendra.. "lekin aditya joh yeh sabh ho raha hai..tum bhi itna hurt ho rahe ho...main bhi bahot sharminda, bahot harsh shabd the yaar woh.."
Aditya(silently).. "aap sharminda nahi hon sir...jinhe hona chahiye unhe toh koi fark hi nahi padhta toh hum kyun...rahi baat baaki cheezon ki sir toh shayaad abh toh hum sabhi ko CID chodh dena chahiye par humme se koi bhi tayaar nahi...(looking at narendra sir)..hain na sir.."
Narendra sir simply nodded in yes while both of them continued walking, after some minute's narendra sir asked Aditya sir in low tone...
"waise tum yahan kyun aaye the.."
Aditya(smiley tone).. "aapko pata to hai sir, aap mujhse jawaab bhi sun chuke toh abh sawaal janne ka kya faayda.."
Narendra sir.. "bas aise hi.."
Aditya.. "main janna chahta tha sir ki main CID chodh kyun nahi deta.., aur main har baar abhijeet ke liye kyun rota hun.."
Narendra sir... "bhai tumhare pehle sawaal ka jawaab toh shayad kisi ke paas bhi nahi magar shayad tumhaare doosre sawaal ka jawaab na har koi de sakta hai.."
Aditya.. "lekin main hi nahi de sakta tha.."
Narendra.. "woh tumhaari rooh mein basta hai aditya.."
Aditya.. "maine yeh jaan liya sir...meri zindagi shayad mujhse jyada toh abhijeet ki hai...mujhe woh har shabd dukh deta hai joh shayad abhijeet ko bhi de...mujhe un kuch lafzon ne hurt kiya sir jabki woh toh mere liye the hi nahi..woh toh abhijeet ke liye the..."
Narendra...(with a smile).. "lekin abhijeet toh tum hi ho na.."
Aditya... "kya main main nahi sir?"
Narendra sir (with a sigh).. "aisa nahi aditya...bas baat itni si hai ki tum, yahan tak ki hum sabhi abhijeet se, daya se, pradyuman se, freddy se..aur (proudly)..salunkhe se itne jyada attached ho chuke hain ki abh hum unke dard ko apne dil se mehsoos karr pate hain..abh hum humaare saath saath woh bhi hain...abh humara rishta na aditya woh wala bhi hai aur yeh wala bhi...samajh aaya...(naughtily) abh dekho na main salunkhe hun issliye main tumse jyada intelligent hun..."
Aditya... "woh toh sir aap narendra hokar hain sirf...(secretly)..salunkhe hokar toh nahi.."
Narendra(angily)... "aditya tum na..."
Aditya(in hurry).. "sir woh abhijeet ne kaha tha...hahahaha"
Aditya sir started laughing while narendra sir just looked at him angrily and whispered.. "yeh baaz nahi aayega...abhijeet banker toh pareshaan karta hi hai, aur abh toh aditya bhi...(with smile)..hai bhagwaan uthale mujhe.."
Aditya(with a big laugh).. "arre itni jaldi kahan sir..abhi abhi toh aap humari team mein aaye hain..thoda "enjoy" toh kar lijiye.."
Narendra... "haan haan enjoy karlun...pata hai bahot gaaliyan padhne wali hain isske baad.."
Aditya(laughing).. "kya sir aap bhi..hum sabh toh kha chuke, abh bas aap bache hain..koi baat nahi hum aapko ek shandaar party denge...(mischeviously)..aap apni girlfriend ko bhi bula lena sir...hahahaha.."
Narendra.. "aditya tum na sachme mujhe bahot irritate karte ho.."
Aditya.. (Laughing).. "thank you sir"
Narendra sir jerked his head, why was this man so much like abhijeet, hiding each and every feeling of his from the world and keeping a smile on his face yet his eyes were like an open book which said each and every word about him...
They continued walking until they reached their destination..while Narendra sir walked in Aditya sir stood outside for few seconds looking at the building, and after some seconds he just jerked his head and smiling now said in a whisper..
"kuch sawalon ke jawaab shayad sachme kabhi nahi milte...ya hum dhoondhna hi nahi chahate..."
I am really sorry if anything, any dialogue, any statement, any word or simply anything in the above story has hurt anyone's feelings here. I have tried to keep the story away from most actors even away from Aditya sir because anything from actor's side may hurt anyone and may turn or can be turned as bashing, still if there is something questionable i am really sorry, mention it and i will edit it straight away..
Rest regarding the story, it's based on CID with ADITYA sir, not abhijeet...
The story didn't come out the way i wanted it to, but still i hope it was bearable...
All kinds of feedback's whether praise or criticism are all welcome, any suggestions regarding this story or my writing would be whole heartedly excepted...
Thank you for reading and really sorry for wasting your precious time...
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Mannat Har Khushi Paane Ki
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