The Dowry Issue - Page 5

Originally posted by: RickyBahl

Well articulated post👏

Thanks Rishi!

Ok few points

• If its arrange marriage than it means the parents have taken the responsibility of finding a suitable groom for the daughter.Its the responsiblity of father to ensure he goes ahead with the proper selection of groom. So if after marriage purvi finds out that the groom is demanding money...i wud expect purvi to sit n enjoy . Cause for me its father who is responsible on first place to select a groom who demanded dowry.Its not about how many times demand has been made.Even if a single demand is made in the first meet. The father shud reject the proposal. In the first meet between families and if the boy and girl like each other than the Girl's father shud clearly tell i wont give dowry.Rest is your wish. Iam not forcing my daughter on you

Yes, I agree that in arranged marriages it is the parents' responsibility to find a suitable groom for their daughter. I don't quite agree that Purvi would have no issues after marriage if she finds out that her hubby is demanding money. Since dowry is against her morals and she has no tolerance for it! Yes, the father is responsible for selecting the groom and he may have made the wrong decision, but it's the daughter who is going to suffer the consequences of that!

• secondly i dont know about other families but certan families do background check of the groom n family before marriage through spies through the neighbours and seek opinion about the groom and his family..So a family shud always do this background check.

Yes! Totally agree with this!

• The girl has to clearly talk about dowry to the man before marriage.

Yep! That should infact be one of the top priorities.

For me prevention is better than cure.So its best to sort out it clearly before hand Yes!

But the other fact is that even daughters desire to carry many objects of luxuries..cause she wants to live in with her in- laws house with her head held high.Dowry is now about status symbol. The groom's father wants to tell evryone that we hv got a daughetr in law from aristrocratic family and we got many things. It is considered as a shame if someone brigs a bride with nothing along her.

Yes, and it's such a shame isn't it! It's like people wanna show their valuables off to the society! It's like some kinda competition to see who's DIL "gifted" the best things/most expensive things!

If society stops taunting other people about what their daughetr in law has bought from her paternals ..i think this mentality can be cured till some extent.

Such questions irk groom's father and hence they look for bride with rich resources.

Yes! But I really don't see society reforming any time soon!

Originally posted by: Aphrodite88

I dont think i am the right person to answer your question as from what i have seen in the place i live and grew up in...there has never been a mention of dowry in real life before. I still remember the first time i heard this word and it was while i was watching old movies and the groom's family demanded so many things from the bride's family from cars to bikes to land and what not. If this was one scenario, the other one is where the daughter-in-law is killed because of dowry. And i still remember asking my mum...does this really happen?

When i saw that scene yesterday, i really felt bad for the father. A father who pampered his daughter and gave her everything since young and now wants to marry her off to a good family and he thought by giving them 25lakhs, they will keep his daughter happy. He did it for the well being of his daughter and for the marriage to take place well but what he forgot that was highlighted was that once the groom's family know that they can bend you to their will, they will continue to do that in future too.

From what i have been reading in the forums regarding giving dowry and taking it, i have realised its a situation thats lived and experienced by many people. It has become deeprooted in the Indian customs i feel and sadly a curse too. The only way this situation can be changed is by taking a stand against it and having a open and progressive mindset.

This was highlighted when the father realised the extremity that his action can cause to his daughter's future life. He saw the connection between taking dowry, asking for more dowry in future and Arti's death. A father who could give everything for his daughter can never see her being unhappy, tortured and at the end dead. He took a stand for his daughter and cancelled the marriage...a huge message that sent out my daughter is more important than society.

I liked the scene more coz instead of the bride's family pleading to ths groom's family that their family honour, daughter's life is at stake...it was the groom's family that was saying all that. I jumped up and started clapping coz this was the first time i have ever heard it! (its always been my son can find million girls but your daughter...and they will mock the bride's family argh!!)

I just love this part! And the producers sent out the right message to the audiences. Changes in society can only take place when we change ourselves first...and the father's stand to call off marriage is the first i hope to many more to come :-):-) Love will always preside society!

My heart broke for Purvi though when she was speaking to her dad...she is so innocent! Hopefully she finds someone who is worthy of her :-):-) She does not deserve this family at all!

Yes! I do hope that the positive message sent yesterday reaches to the audience, so they can take the first step in reforming society!

Nice post Sonia! Loving the replies 😎

really gr8 post...👍🏼
dowry is a social curse...every1 knows it yet decides 2 keep shut abt it...
i think what purvi nd her father did is what every bride nd their father should do if they r asked 4 dowry...
dowry even causes suicide...many family give up their all money 2 give dowry 2 the groom...they think that it may keep their daughter happy...but that almost never happens..
in chanchan by the time they found out abt the dowry issue the marriage took place...i know that when a marriage breaks it brings social humiliation on the family...but life is more valuable...ppl forgets abt these things after a while...but when a women chooses to end her life in order 2 save her family nd herself frm mental nd physical torture...her family loses their beloved daughter 4ever...so saying "NO" 2 dowry is actually the way 2 keep their daughter happy...dowry cannot bring happiness...

Originally posted by: .Chanchan.

Nice post Sonia! Loving the replies 😎

Thanks Nelo!😆

We generally think education is to gain knowledge. The evil dowry system has changed this as well. The greedy parents admit their sons to professional courses so that these degrees fetch them a huge dowry. There is demand for land, gold, cash & car.

The latest trend is sponsoring the higher education of the groom. After spending a fortune on their child's education, the father has to sponsor even the Master's degree of their future son-in-law.

My niece was mentioning that her friend in college is faking among his relatives that he is doing M.tech when he is studying B.E. because M. tech degree earns him more dowry. These degrees fetch them above 1 crore rupees dowry apart from other material gains.

Even girls have to change their attitude. They just should not accept that if they want a good & well to do family they should give what the groom's side demand.

Unless, today's youth take a tough stand against this evil practice, we cannot expect any drastic change in the society.

In the serial they showed in a nice way how the girl's father did not succumb to the pressure.

Nice Post!

Originally posted by: Naach_Basanti

Fabulous thread Sonia.

So here it goes.

I come from a place and a community where the concept of dowry is non-existent. We have made a lot of progress over the last 2 decades but there is still passive gender bias

1. To date in most parts of India its the girl's family that foots the bill of the wedding. What kind of logic is this?

2. The concept of gifts. A gift is a gift if it is given out of love not out of pressure. My friend is married to a man who comes from a wealthy family in Western part of India. My friend's family is very progressive and believes in the concept of simple weddings. However the guys mother would call up during every occasion and say you have to gift us this, you have to gift our relative this etc. The boy's family are them self very well to do. The reason they ask for the gifts so that they can hold their head high among their relatives.

We would have truly overcome gender bias only when marriages happen between 2 equals.

Coming to the show, the highlight so far for me has to be the scene where the father realises his mistake. Normally Id have expected CC to walk in heroically and call off the wedding, whereas the father doing it adds a very realistic touch.

Thanks Kripa!

Originally posted by: no_username

really gr8 post...👍🏼
dowry is a social curse...every1 knows it yet decides 2 keep shut abt it...
i think what purvi nd her father did is what every bride nd their father should do if they r asked 4 dowry...
dowry even causes suicide...many family give up their all money 2 give dowry 2 the groom...they think that it may keep their daughter happy...but that almost never happens..
in chanchan by the time they found out abt the dowry issue the marriage took place...i know that when a marriage breaks it brings social humiliation on the family...but life is more valuable...ppl forgets abt these things after a while...but when a women chooses to end her life in order 2 save her family nd herself frm mental nd physical torture...her family loses their beloved daughter 4ever...so saying "NO" 2 dowry is actually the way 2 keep their daughter happy...dowry cannot bring happiness...

Thanks Natasha!