The Dowry Issue

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836772

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Posted: 12 years ago

Suppose Purvi had gotten married, without any knowledge of her in-laws taking dowry from her father.

And she finds out months later. What would be her reaction?

What would she do when she finds out that they want another Rs. 25 0000?

Would she tell her dad, or keep it to herself and possibly endure mental or even physical abuse from her in-laws and hubby?

Would she have the guts to walk out on her hubby? Or would she fear being stigmatised in society?

Would it actually be a social stigma if she walks out on her hubby, or would society just ignore (I doubt that will happen).

What if she turns out to be pregnant? Would that have an effect on her decision?

Will she become depressed and suffer the same outcome as Arti.

One would think that the parents have enough wisdom and maturity to understand and realize that once these people ask for money, they will keep asking for their entire life!

I am really happy with what her father did though. He admitted his mistake and made the right decision for the future of his daughter. And the actor portraying Purvi's father portrayed the right range of emotions in the situation.👏

Please share your views!😃

Edited by Miss Cherie - 12 years ago

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Praba

@prabbs

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

This is what exactly happens , the bride and the parents would have bowed down to the demands for the sake of saving their family name slandered in the community and she would be another statistic in the long numbers of brides being tortured for dowry. She would have lost her self respect and independence under a husband and in laws and would be another woman binded by a marriage in namesake only.

I am glad , there was progression shown , by changing her father's opinion to give in and stop the wedding, which was a brave thing to do even knowing the repercussions of his decision.

Edited by prabba - 12 years ago

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LadyLaLa

@LadyLaLa

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Aloha Soniya and Prabba... 🤗 Long time no see nor hear... 😆 How goes it?

Regarding the dowry issue... this is just the tip of the iceberg.. they have just asked for 25 million in dowry.. there will be more demands down the lane.. everytime there is a function, they would expect the DIL to bring in more money... so its good to nip it in the bud... 😆

I will also blame those who bow down to such demands... if taking dowry is considered a crime, the one giving too is equally at fault.. by doing so they too are agreeing that a girl is inferior to the boy ... if I was the girl who got to know that my parents had given a hefty sum as dowry.. I would tell the boy that now that I have bought him and his family they had better serve me day and night.. 🤣 Because only slaves are bought and sold in the market.. so technically the dulha has been sold for a price of 25 million..

Edited by LadyLaLa - 12 years ago

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836772

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: LadyLaLa
Aloha Soniya and Prabba... 🤗 Long time no see nor hear... 😆 How goes it?

Regarding the dowry issue... this is just the tip of the iceberg.. they have just asked for 25 million in dowry.. there will be more demands down the lane.. everytime there is a function, they would expect the DIL to bring in more money... so its good to nip it in the bud... 😆

I will also blame those who bow down to such demands... if taking dowry is considered a crime, the one giving too is equally at fault.. by doing so they too are agreeing that a girl is inferior to a boy ... if I was the girl who got to know that my parents had given a hefty some as dowry.. I would tell the boy that now that I have bought him and his family they had better serve me day and night.. 🤣 Because only slaves are bought and sold in the market.. so technically the dulha has been sold for a price of 25 million..

La🤗

Where were you missie?😡

I missed you.😭

Why haven't you joined our new home😡

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LadyLaLa

@LadyLaLa

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: Miss Cherie
La🤗

Where were you missie?😡

I missed you.😭

Why haven't you joined our new home😡

you are my soniya ... welcome back... how was holidays? When did you get back? Missed you too lekin you were having a ball while I became an Anjali shedding by the buckets 😆

Home is where the heart is and now that you are here, this is my new home 😳

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McNinja

@McNinja

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

The issue of dowry is so deep-rooted in our culture that I wonder if there is a real way around it, atleast not for another few generations as we continue to make strides at trying to eradicate the issue.

But truth be told, from what I've seen of recent marriages back home, the dowry is just getting worse. Nowadays it's considered a given that a girl will bring a car, that the immediate family of the guy will be given gold jewlery of sorts, etc etc...it's getting to a point that an average person can't give away his daughter "respectfully" without selling land, taking loans and what not.

And yet we still see that girls fathers keep giving into these demands, thinking its for the greater good. I can understand the conundrum that exists for families...it's really a catch-22. Give in once to the demands, and they can keep popping up. Don't give in, can you live with the weight of a broken engagement/marriage of your child?

There needs to be more people from our generations, especially the men, who make it clear to their families that they want no dowry of sorts. The older generation is unlikely to come out of this mindset, so hopefully we can start to change these regressive rituals.

Edited by McNinja - 12 years ago

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Risha

@LivingInPajamas

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 12 years ago

You know that scene where Chhanchhan said all those things about "changing the mindset" of the society and Uma Ben shows her the hand?[Reminds me of *ahem* someone from Aparticular show 😆 ]

It might seem weird but that is exactly what happens when I try to say something like that.Being a teenager,half of what I say is taken as idealism and not practical in the real world.I remember listening to an incident related to a family we know.The daughter left her In-laws-home and came back home.I don't know if it was dowry or some other reason because which she was not happy.But from what I saw,everyone was ready to talk about how she would bring shame to the family and that she should not have left home and it was so embarrassing.

My question was,that if she was not happy then why don't you ASK her the reason?Why would any parent send her back despite knowing she came back unhappy?Most of the times girls don't come back home because they think it will bring shame to the family or they won't ever get married because of a "broken wedding". Unless and until the parents themselves stop caring about what society will say,things won't change.

I obviously said all that,but my suggestions were put down by a "You don't know anything about the world" :|

I am really glad too that Purvi's father showed such maturity in handling the matter.A progressive step indeed :)

Edited by Amethyst. - 12 years ago

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LadyLaLa

@LadyLaLa

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: McNinja
The issue of dowry is so deep-rooted in our culture that I wonder if there is a real way around it, atleast not for another few generations as we continue to make strides at trying to eradicate the issue.

But truth be told, from what I've seen of recent marriages back home, the dowry is just getting worse. Nowadays it's considered a given that a girl will bring a car, that the immediate family of the guy will be given gold jewlery of sorts, etc etc...it's getting to a point that an average person can't give away his daughter "respectfully" without selling land, taking loans and what not.

And yet we still see that girls fathers keep giving into these demands, thinking its for the greater good. I can understand the conundrum that exists for families...it's really a catch-22. Give in once to the demands, and they can keep popping up. Don't give in, can you live with the weight of a broken engagement/marriage of your child?

There needs to be more people from our generations, especially the men, who make it clear to their families that they want no dowry of sorts. The older generation is unlikely to come out of this mindset, so hopefully we can start to change these regressive rituals.

Hey Mehek 🤗 How are you?

I am no authority to talk about the situation back in India or any other country in the Asian continent. I think the bottom line is parents should give a good education so that the girl is independent and is economically capable of managing her life... Rather than considering girls as inferior they should encourage girls to have an opinion and a voice of their thoughts and wishes... often they are taught to obey and not question back.. girls should be taught to be assertive..

I doubt if this tradition is continued in the western world.. I mean there are many Asians living outside their homelands who have moved on.. as far as I know most of the girls of my age had a love marriage or are in a relationship with the intention of culminating it into a marriage.. now in a love marriage there is no talk of dowry unless of course parents give the children a wedding gift so that they could start their life.. I have not seen parents demanding money or gifts when the talk of marriage is raised..

So my point is if things can change when people move out of their countries why cant people living in India bring about a change..? the more you raise your voice against such nefarious actions, the more awareness it will create... it is like bribery.. people complain about the corruption in India but are willing to be a part of it by giving and taking dowry.. I an not saying that all living in the sub continent are into giving and taking dowry because that would be blanket statement..

Edited by LadyLaLa - 12 years ago

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836772

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: prabba
This is what exactly happens , the bride and the parents would have bowed down to the demands for the sake of saving their family name slandered in the community and she would be another statistic in the long numbers of brides being tortured for dowry. She would have lost her self respect and independence under a husband and in laws and would be another woman blinded by a marriage in namesake only.
I am glad , there was progression shown , by changing her father's opinion to give in and stop the wedding, which was a brave thing to do even knowing the repercussions of his decision.

We have come a long way from the olden days, but still this dowry system prevails!🥱

@bold- Yep! That is exactly what would have happened! And it's sad cause I know some people who are going through exactly that! And if I try and help them out of their misery, they tell me off! Stating what Uma Ben says. Apparently I am too young and naive and have views that are way too idealistic.😵

Edited by Miss Cherie - 12 years ago

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canuck-umz

@canuck-umz

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#10

I think there is no question, the girl may have had to endure it like their friend did in the flashback scenes.

The father did what he did because he felt indebted to Umaben for I guess giving him work or whatever she and her husband did for him. UmaBen also seems to have a way with words, she is persuasive without looking bad. She puts on this innocent faccade, so she does not look bad or otherwise acts as if it is her right, whatever it is she does. Same with the ex in laws to be, they had used the whole reverse psychology tactic (UmaBen is a master at this isn't she?).

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