The Dowry Issue - Page 7

Dowry is an issue deep-rooted in our society and one of the most difficult to handle. It was started to secure the girl's future, and as usual man has to bend it to his benefits.But one of the main reasons it exists is because more than men many times its the women of the house who get actively involved in it for more gold, more money etc etc.. and they show those nakhras- you didn't bring me a car, go clean the house, you didn't bring me 10 tola gold, you can't visit your home. How shallow! I mean can't they put themselves in the girl's place and then talk? It all comes down to women being women's enemies.



And this is not restricted to the illiterate, educated people in the city do it with even more passion and rigour. Sorry I am deviating from the dowry issue, but this one's about female infoeticide, another black sheep. I read this article where a man, who is a doc and owns a hospital and his parents are docs too, marries another doc. In course of time, the lady is pregnant with a pair of girl twins. After their birth, the in-laws and even the father tried to kill them. The mother suspecting, left the house and is now filed divorce and other criminal charges. I mean how sick can people get? And the man's a peadiatrician for crying out loud!

Loved the Way the Scene was portrayed the Girl not breaking her promise which she took with her Friends and was firm in her decision not to go ahead with the marriage and the father supported her caring about his daughter putting his life in danger as he may loose his job due to Uma Ben

Well a very serious and relevant issue...

Originally posted by: McNinja

The issue of dowry is so deep-rooted in our culture that I wonder if there is a real way around it, atleast not for another few generations as we continue to make strides at trying to eradicate the issue.

But truth be told, from what I've seen of recent marriages back home, the dowry is just getting worse. Nowadays it's considered a given that a girl will bring a car, that the immediate family of the guy will be given gold jewlery of sorts, etc etc...it's getting to a point that an average person can't give away his daughter "respectfully" without selling land, taking loans and what not.

And yet we still see that girls fathers keep giving into these demands, thinking its for the greater good. I can understand the conundrum that exists for families...it's really a catch-22. Give in once to the demands, and they can keep popping up. Don't give in, can you live with the weight of a broken engagement/marriage of your child?

There needs to be more people from our generations, especially the men, who make it clear to their families that they want no dowry of sorts. The older generation is unlikely to come out of this mindset, so hopefully we can start to change these regressive rituals.

yeah.. sadly true .. im from upper mid class.. what i am seeing is dowry as in gifts .. starting from car and everything else .. but (im from BD) in my family and my friends .. ppl stop asking about it .. they felt a bit shame if the girl is doing well.. now-a-dayz if a girl is earning good the dowry issue is not spoken out loud .. but they expect some gifts ..

And my telugu roommate told how they still actually discuss about dowry money before marriage .. so some parts really not improving .. hopefully our and later generations will make it work against dowry ..

how did i miss such a nice post like this..
dowry is so prevalent even in highly educated society..that education knowledge all seems to futile..i absolutely agee with ChhanChhan when she said "kabhi gift ke naam pe ...etc etc.." the show is very much realistic..
its pathetic when i see rich highly educated doctors/engineers are taking car in the name of gifts during marriage..
dowry is indeed so deep rooted..and unless the girl is independent ..self conscious and strong enough to speak against it..it will remain like this..its cheap mentality when a girl is attached with a price tag..
well hats off to ChhanChhan ,her friend and her friend's father..the show is indeed different than other stereotype family dramas or saas bahu serials..

Originally posted by: Ash_Rajendra8

My answers are too lame i guess, no offence to anybody .My mood is elsewhere and on high actually cant say whether i make sense or not.

And she finds out months later. What would be her reaction?
she must ask all that money to be put in her account if its given then she should have .

What would she do when she finds out that they want another Rs. 25 0000?

sorry , no money.father is no ATM , neither father has not invested in any retirement policy.

Would she tell her dad, or keep it to herself and possibly endure mental or even physical abuse from her in-laws and hubby?
better to log complaint at police station and keep your parents informed.hubby is not good so start legal process for separation.girl should be strong and should not take all these torture.

Would she have the guts to walk out on her hubby? Or would she fear being stigmatised in society?

she should have guts for both to walk out and even to face society for that matter . fear will lead to self destruction.

Would it actually be a social stigma if she walks out on her hubby, or would society just ignore (I doubt that will happen).

see you become part of society eventually .initially it may effect you (if they does) but they will also shut their mouth over a period . practically speaking , shift to a new place and rent a flat,start a new life , stay away from your relatives (bad) then society will not even effect you .society will also get tired of all this.

What if she turns out to be pregnant? Would that have an effect on her decision?

Employment is solution for majority of problems (especially for women) in our society to make a living or a new beginning in life. If she is firm abt what she wants in life like single being mother then she should opt for it.

for her stay they want money and dont you think expenses would double if they want baby. what would husband and their family do?

what if she is able to conceive but husband is not able to ? (anyway this is another debatable topic)

Will she become depressed and suffer the same outcome as Arti.

better not to play with fire (read dowry) in life to get burnt.

Now, I may be banned if i say this here. We must encourage court marriage and intercaste/religion love marriages .

Man should be man of responsibilities standing on his own feet , only then opt for marriage and say NO to dowry.

Hey Ash, thanks for replying!😃

Originally posted by: preeti25nair

these r my views which i shared in other thread of oyster

since i m a south indian , we here give lots gold to the bride . i started growing up in the society of dowry at every stage of life as chan chan said ek baar diya to har baar , i personally dont like this give and take , so i was always nervous as how i m going to face this system of marriage , u know in south the grooms family proudly asks for dowry stating various reason as ur gril is not beautiful or black skin tone , or the groom is a engineer or doctor , the reasons goes on and on , thank god mine was a love marriage , and i and my husband never asked for any money or gold , but that was not the case with my younger sister my dad took a loan for fulling their demands ,i voiced against it but it all went to deaf ears , after 3 yrs still now it has not stoped , they ask indierctly like after marriage first diwali , first delivery expenses , first brithday/ anniversary and on .

i think the society will not change until we try to stand up for urselfs

Yep! Totally agree with you! The younger generations have to try and instill change in society, and stop with dowry system which still prevails. The older generations traditions and views will never change, so we must make sure that we try and make a difference, so the future generations don't have to suffer through this gruesome and pathetic dowry system.

Originally posted by: moomin4455

The dowry issue is such an ingrained part of society...it's a given and it's not just present in Asian cultures, you'll be surprised to find that mentality even in some European countries...

Most fathers would give in to ensure their daughter is married - a broken marriage, nay a broken engagement can have stigma attached to it in some communities. Case in point: my dad's friend's daughter got married and was 'sent back home' in 10 days ie marriage broken, because she didn't bring enough dowry. Before she was sent back my dad says she was verbally and physically abused.

If every family stands up and says they refuse to give or accept dowry then we may see an equal footing between the bride and groom...

I applaud the man who stands against giving dowry because he does not think of his child as cattle - I wish others would do this and the son's family would say "you're daughter is joining our family, this is worth more than any dowry".

Sigh! I wish people would start thinking like you and I do Bim! But for that to happen, society will have to change it's mindset!

Originally posted by: deereyedgal504

Dowry is an issue deep-rooted in our society and one of the most difficult to handle. It was started to secure the girl's future, and as usual man has to bend it to his benefits.But one of the main reasons it exists is because more than men many times its the women of the house who get actively involved in it for more gold, more money etc etc.. and they show those nakhras- you didn't bring me a car, go clean the house, you didn't bring me 10 tola gold, you can't visit your home. How shallow! I mean can't they put themselves in the girl's place and then talk? It all comes down to women being women's enemies.



And this is not restricted to the illiterate, educated people in the city do it with even more passion and rigour. Sorry I am deviating from the dowry issue, but this one's about female infoeticide, another black sheep. I read this article where a man, who is a doc and owns a hospital and his parents are docs too, marries another doc. In course of time, the lady is pregnant with a pair of girl twins. After their birth, the in-laws and even the father tried to kill them. The mother suspecting, left the house and is now filed divorce and other criminal charges. I mean how sick can people get? And the man's a peadiatrician for crying out loud!

@bold- Yep! Heard of that!

Originally posted by: JohnySolomonRaj

Loved the Way the Scene was portrayed the Girl not breaking her promise which she took with her Friends and was firm in her decision not to go ahead with the marriage and the father supported her caring about his daughter putting his life in danger as he may loose his job due to Uma Ben

Me too Johnny! Also loved her how the father handled the situation! Truly inspiring!