Bhakti: Sab kuch toh gadbad hai Dilli mein - things are really very bad and what with the elections taking place no one knows what will happen. With all the talk I was just wanting to ask ki - what happens to a rape victim in U.S.?
[SD] : Any rape victim in the world will have same pain. Sense of outrage, violence, so much so that pain and anger is internalized and the victim starts hating herself/himself for the thing that happened to her. They do not pity themselves, but they feel shamed, they blame themselves, they are in a state of shock, they try to negate what happened to them, they try to live in denial and yet thay cannot forget the pain, the outrage. They feel tortured every second and every minute.
Bhakti: Is there this same sense of shame that people attribute to the girl although she is at no fault in this?
[SD] : No in US or any country, where they have humanity based laws, the enforcement authorities and medical attention taking care of the victim, try to get the victim, accept the fact that she has been outraged, she is asked to talk about it freely, she is assured that she is not at fault and she is promised help, which is actually very difficult to achieve considering the state of denial and self-blame the victim is in. If the victim is able to talk, the breakdown helps the victim to come out of the tormented state of her mind.
It is totally INHUMAN and brutal of people to add more shame or imprint shame upon the victim's mind. Its outrageous of the society that first a girl is outraged and now it adds the weight of shame over the victim.
Bhakti: Here people keep saying ki abh voh zinda lash rahegi and his type of thing. It just struck me as so terrible yaar - she is attacked brutally and yet she becomes the living dead for her lifetime?
[SD] : The victim does not need people's pity. The victim needs support of people around her to live on with her life, whatever it is left off. Sense of normalcy should be shown, with extreme sensitivity shown to the victim's psychological condition, As the victim goes into self-loathing mode, a lot of love needs to be shown. Personally I don't think, us crying in front of her needs to be stopped. Because I don't think, I will be able to stop my tears. But I would wish she too cries along with and we both can talk normally also. Just that the victim should not be left alone.
Bhakti: In the U.S. would a victim of rape still be able to marry?
[SD]: Yes. Without a question. But issue is primarily, would a rape victim want to marry ? has her hurt been healed ? Has she been served with justice ? Has she started to love herself and more importantly has she started to respected her body and love it ?
Bhakti: Would she be shamed? I have truly been thinking about it - can the mindset be changed...is it this way everywhere in the world?
[SD]: Answered above.
In India, the mindset has to be changed for not just girl child or rape victims or any specific crime. India needs to change from Core. The attraction to Strength, Power is what is killing Indian Psyche.
Just like, the whole of MB forum cannot see an insecure and a weak or crying RK. Everyone needs him to be strong like he is some machine. Sensitivity in India is something unforgivable trait. One cannot show it for he is deemed to be weak then...
India is INHUMAN. India looks down upon HAVE NOTS. A poor man is looked down. A weak man is looked down upon. And since Girl fall under weaker category between man and woman, they lose the right to be a human being at the time of birth itself. In India, if there is no money, or you are not rich, you are nothing. If a man does not look like man or does not appear strong enough, he is shamed. So do you think, a girl or woman has any choice left ? We are taught from childhood, we need to be careful. We need to look in front, see our left, see our right and we are also asked why we did not preempt what was behind us. We are told from childhood that we need to be superman and superwoman and that too not in any superman clothes, we need to be that in ordinary clothes. So from the very beginning we are taught not to have innocence and to think like 40 year old men and women. Instead of courage to question or fight back, we develop fortitude to see more pain, injustice. Instead of fighting or seeking justice, we become more tolerant towards injustice. Because since childhood we are taught not to question much, but be careful and steer clear of trouble. And consequentially we are happy to commute over a scooter which meanders itself in the traffic and is able to beat cars. People who follow traffic rules or look for garbage cans to throw garbage are ridiculed...as if they are idiots.
My husband is currently unemployed. Been like this from past two years. Would he have survived without social scarring in India? No. Would I as the wife supporting him survived in India ? NO. We both would have been tormented with passing unwanted remarks of concern or had to lose dignity in one or the other way as low-life. Being an Indian, first I felt it difficult in the beginning. Then soon I removed the feeling. I was like who cares. I am his wife, I will support him.
My husband (an american now) travelled to India back in 2009. He was overwhelmed by the chaos in Indian streets...so much that he had an anxiety attack and I had to calm him down and take him to a secluded place. Now I know, he can never travel to India. But then ...other Indians would have laughed at him for being so weak hearted. India is like...one needs to be resilient, tough. Only Darwin's theory of evolution applies on every Indian...its just the jungle laws.
Here in United States, in NYC where I am living; it is not that case. EVeryday you do not feel that you are living in a jungle. We often forget that only survival of the fittest will happen. We feel protected. I am okay to travel in MTA train even at 2:00 AM in the night.
Here in United States, stray incidents do happen. Like people being shot in anger, woman beaten to death by baseball bat in angry quarrel does happen, a young man Adam Lanza decided to shoot 20+ young students and then kill himself.
Here, the criminal is mainly sick himself to commit the outrage, there in India, the criminal is healthy in mind to commit the outrage because it is nothing wrong to do so. Ulta, he will be lauded with laurels for indulging on gaming on his preys.
Just because Putin was visiting India, PM, without any warning, the Indian Govt closed the metro stations, so that no junta is seen around the Politically important roads. If people suffer, so what ? If they cannot reach office or go back home, who cares, if they are being fleeced by auto wallahs, who cares.
Here in US, even when Sandy storm was about to hit, the MTA issued advance notice over televised broadcast as to when would be the last train from each stop be and when the train service was going to be shut down.
There in India, the aam-junta is nothing, it is not even valued as a fly, we are nothing but slime to people in Govt and yet we are courted for votes and then we are robbed for them to fill their coffers.
Here in US, Aam junta is supposed to be kept happy, fed properly so that it loses all sense to think and criticise its Government. The junta is courted by politicians, but sadly the junta is not even in a mind to know what's right and what's wrong.
Its not a rosy picture anywhere.
Everyone protesting in Delhi is seeking justice for the victim and every Delhite wants girl protection...they are demanding it. It took a Putin's impending arrival to the Capital city which forced the PM to open his mouth and talk. Out there in wake of his talk other politicians and Govt machinery are now clubbing Rape Laws and Domestic Violence in same category and doing their talks about making them more stringent.
Should I be happy that they are doing this or should I start being apprehensive and cry. My family is charged with Sec 498A and they are still facing the music of harassment, going on from last 4 months. They already feel, who knows what awaits them. Bhalai ka to zamaana hi nahin raha. Yeh to sabko hi pata tha. Kya nahin pata tha, ki khushion ke peeche bhaago to, dukh hi milte hain.
Bhakti: I am worrying that I have done my daughter a harm just by bringing her into the world here.
[SD]: Its not just about you bringing your daughter. I guess its more about the fear of the unpredicatble times ahead for everything. I am always burdened for me being living in this world, since I do not see any use for myself, when nothing is rosy. One way to live present life, is not being cynical, but being intelligent to understand our surroundings, our mileu and continue to live on. But we can never be sure, what is right and what is wrong. There are always times where we could have said NO, and we did not say that ...in some false hope and greed. We need to curb these desires and help nature take its own course and on the other side, as we per our human laws will take our course. Fact is nothing is right and nothing is wrong. Its all about, aaj meri mutthi mein kya hai, kya woh kal bhi rahega, and for that matter, will I be dynamic enough to adapt to changing situation and thought process.
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
Anupamaa
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