Chapter 4:
"Kasam Ki Kasam Hai Kasam Se, Jee Rahe The Hum Tere Dum Se, Ab Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Phir Humse Kasam Ki Kasam...Hai Sirf Tumse" : Kasam ki Kasam by Chithra and Shaan
Taani's fragile body laying almost lifeless only made Rey shiver with fear, this was her second suicidal attempt, how could she even think of such thing. Hell why would she go through such a thing, their situation was bad, and he regretted everything about it. From the way he humiliated her, and then her having sex with Adi, and now when he himself slept with his best friend. He had set of a chain of reactions that ended with Taani on her deathbed. This wouldn't even be forgiven by God Rey thought. He waited for her to fall back asleep, her medication was strong and he knew her consciousness would only last a few more minutes at the very most. He was going to stay by her side no matter what from now on, having relationship problems was one thing but losing her entirely was something he could never comprehend. On the other hand he was shit scared about Swayam too, who God knows was on an entirely different page. Rey could sense that he was not at all in his senses, his movements and behaviour were just so off, he just prayed that Sharon got here fast enough and took him home. He could sense that Swayam could have taken drugs, but just thinking of the two things in the same sentence seemed so ridiculous, but so did thinking of Swayam and sex. Something clearly was not right with him, and maybe it was something that had severely affected Taani too.
***
Rey checked his phone and realised Sharon was finally at the hospital, he messaged the directions to the ward and went outside to speak to her. Stepping outside he saw Swayam sitting in a corner on the floor with his face covered by his hands. The sight of him was just abysmal. He could see the constant agitation in his movements even while he was seated on the floor, or more precisely collapsed. Sharon came through the corridor and widened her eyes in shock; her mind was racing with question of what could possibly be going on with Swayam that he was acting so delusional. Rey quietly sat her down while Sharon was clearly worried about the Swayam still crouched on the floor, Rey motioned to her to just listen to him for a few minutes.
"How is Taani?" Her first and obvious question was.
Rey was quiet but replied with relief, "she is alright, stable but it was a close call. I am going to speak to the doctors when they come to check in on her. But she will be physically fine at least, I can't say anything about her emotional state though.
Sharon looked down, she felt responsible for all this, "I never thought the thing about you and me would get out, and then let alone Taani would do something like this because of it."
Rey's head lowered as well in shame, " I know what you mean but this wasn't your fault, in fact I have a feeling something else entirely is going on."
She looked at him, and then at the crouched Swayam, "What's happening with him? If Taani is stable shouldn't he feel better or look better at least?"
Rey looked at her with sympathy, because he knew what he was going to say was going to sound the most ludicrous thing to come out of his mouth. "Sharon I need you to first listen to me very carefully, and then I need you to take care of him." She was worried already, this wasn't at all looking good.
"Come on Rey tell me what the hell is happening, everybody is clearly loosing it."
Rey looked at her in the eye, "I think Swayam is using drugs."
To say that her eardrums exploded would have been an understatement. Sure hearing about him philandering with Ruhi was so difficult to digest, but the holes in their relationship were clear and she could somehow even make sense of it. But him abusing drugs, Swayam could be stubborn enough to prove a point but he was never in any world reckless. His eyes fogged with fear and tears, this was clearly a fu*cked up situation.
"Do you know what he has taken? How much?" she continued to stare at Swayam's now shivering form, as well as the unfortunate onlooker nurses who were clearly worried as well.
"I have no idea, which is why I need you to take him home right now, and start grilling him to find out what the hell happened. Taani is in no shape to talk, and he clearly has lost it, I need you to get him back and make sure he doesn't take whatever the hell he took again. Unless we know the cause of this there is no going forward. I know you're not with him, and neither are you obligated to help him..." She stoped Rey in the middle.
"Rey come on, no matter what happens between us I will always care for him, and you know that!"
And he did, which is why he asked her to come immediately.
Together they both got up to walk over to Swayam, and then crouched down so they could both convince him to get up and leave. Sharon tried removing his hands from his face, but couldn't get past his strong hold. Then Rey stepped in and forcefully pulled the hands down and held them there. This was going to be much more difficult Sharon thought.
She looked into his eyes, which he was desperately trying to hide by avoiding her gaze and then constant blinking, but all she could see was redness. They were severely blood shot and she knew Rey was right about with his theory at that very moment.
Swayam noticed her presence the second she came through the corridor but he didn't have the heart to address it. He knew they were both going to find out today what he had been up to. Up till that moment his heart had never gone through a moment of regret, but only up till that moment. Rey had his hands pinned down to the floor while Sharon looked him in the eye. She had never felt so many emotions surge through her, sadness being the least important one and anger being the most prominent one. He was trying to blink to somehow normalise his gaze and avoid her deep stare, but all a failed attempt.
She finally spoke with a certain authority he remembered, "you're going to get up and I'm going to take you home. Then you're going to take a shower and finally tell me what the fu*ck has been going on these past few weeks. Do you hear me straight?"
She was in a no nonsense mood, but what he could also hear was fear in her voice, she had a stutter and she was still worried even though she didn't want to show it.
He got up like an obedient little boy and sincerely asked, "please tell me that Taani is okay? She is going to be okay isn't she?"
Rey put his hand on Swayam's shoulder and reassured him, "she is okay, just sleeping and don't worry I won't leave her sight even for a second when you're gone. We need you to be okay as well Swayam, and you're clearly not. What makes this worse is that you know that you're not okay, so just listen to Sharon and do as she says and I'll be here with Taani. If anything happens don't worry Sharon will bring you here immediately, but for now you're going to listen to her okay?"
Swayam didn't want to do any of the things he was being told, but he had no choice, he was clearly not capable enough to look after his own sister in this condition.
Sharon held his hand, to which she felt an unusual warmth pass through her, but she then slowly took him outside the hospital towards her car. They drove back in absolute silence, and in no way was it comforting. She wanted to loose it at him because of her serious worry, and he wanted to bury himself alive for the atrocious mess he had put his sister in. He felt responsible for all the stupid decisions he had made, which ultimately could have cost Taani her life again.
They arrived home and Sharon took out a fresh set of clothes for Swayam to change into, she was secretly hoping that while invading his closest she would come across something that could explain his behaviour, if not drugs than just anything. She handed his clothes to him and just told him to go take a shower. All he did was silently nod; he couldn't even meet Sharon's eyes.
Sharon on the other hand told kaka to make two cups of chai, and some lunch for Swayam since he hadn't had anything since morning. She waited patiently in his room, with the constant fear that the idiot wouldn't get high again in the bathroom, knowing at this point she had lost all faith in him. Kaka brought in his food with their chai, and left the tray on the side table. Sharon just anxiously waited.
Swayam eventually came out, and thankfully looking allot like the Swayam she always knew. He seemed allot calmer, and far more in control of his actions. He still wasn't looking directly at Sharon but she could see his eyes were starting to clear out, the redness on a decline. She would be lying to herself is she wasn't drooling a little as he was trying to dry his hair, but she quickly brushed the thought and forced herself to remember that he wasn't just taking drugs, he was screwing Ruhi as well, a combination that was going to take way too long to recover from.
"Drink your chai before it gets cold." He looked at her through his mirror while drying his hair, finally replying using his sober voice, "just give me a minute."
He sat down, sipped his chai while Sharon pushed the tray of food at him. He looked up, "I'm not hungry at all I'll have it later."
She just stared him down, "just eat something, I don't care if you feel like it or not."
And he heard it again, the fraction of stutters and that cry in her voice, she wanted to be authoritative but all he could hear was her concern.
His heart wrenched at her worry, and the guilt unwantedly settled onto his heart.
He picked up the sandwich and took a bite, but all Sharon did was watch him intently. Eating most of his sandwich he put his plate aside, while she was still sipping on her chai.
After a few minutes of silence she finally gathered the courage to start asking question to which she knew she was sh*t scared of the answers.
"What did you take last night?" Her eyes demanding his complete attention.
Swayam on the other hand couldn't look back into them, neither could he speak out the truth.
"Don't make me ask again Swayam, you're sister's in hospital and you didn't know that she nearly bled out to her own death. If not for me or Rey, then for her sake be honest with yourself and start speaking the truth." Her eyes still not budging, and his still refusing to meet hers.
Swayam's hands were still fidgety but he started to mumble the inevitable truth that both of them would find out. "After coming back from you're place I took two LCD pills."
Sharon just closed her eyes in response, and silent droplets started to flow.
"Why?"
His face still looking at the bedspread underneath him, "I couldn't take it anymore. You and Rey just got to me so I lost it."
Sharon could only think of the word hypocrisy at the very moment, he was sleeping with Ruhi for a month and he expected her to be okay with it, while he himself took drugs to digest her and Rey.
"When did you start taking the pills?"
He finally looked back at her, his eyes full of regret this time.
"A hooker gave them to me..." There was just silence and he faced the bedspread again. Sharon didn't know what more questions she could ask.
"I asked her over for one night. She came from an agency my jackass father used for fu*cking his escorts."
To say what came from Swayam's mouth was earth shattering didn't cover any possible reaction. He knew he wanted to be honest at that very moment with Sharon, after all what more could he possibly have lost, everything important to him was long lost.
Sharon eyes were becoming hazy and wet once again, she wanted to scream her head at him for being such a disgusting bas***d, but she couldn't. She was just plain and simple hurt, on top of all the things he had done, she now had to accept his escapades with hookers as well. Who the hell was sitting in front of him? And why was his father using escort services, she knew the man wasn't a loving father to Swayam, but how delusional was he really?
"I know anything I say from now on, you probably won't believe me, but it's the disgusting truth about our family. I walked in on papa having sex with an escort the last time Taani tried taking her life."
Once again Sharon was stunned, she had no idea that this was Taani's second attempt at suicide, he never told her before.
"Believe me right now what you say is making far more sense than you have ever been making over the past month, so just continue... I'm listening."
And he did, he went over the entire incident after Rey's video fiasco, Taani's attempted suicide, his father's indiscretions, and him realising that nothing mattered to him anymore.
***
1 month ago
Swayam's father had left back for Jodhpur after he was threatend, and slowly and steadily Taani was starting to regain her strength back. Swayam had been thinking about going into the bottom floor of his house for a while, which was usually only reserved for his father. He just wanted to somehow comprehend where the hell he would go from here on. One thing that had become clear to Swayam was that his soft personality was going to get him nowhere in life, he was far to innocent, and if anything his father had almost designed the idea of masculinity for him. He always knew he would never meet his expectation as a son, but for the first time he didn't care, because now he realised that his father didn't deserve to expect anything from him at all. Being the exact opposite of what his father expectations never got him Sharon, she refused to see his blind and faithful love. And he clearly failed to meet his father's expectation, but now since he had no one left to impress anymore, he realised he could do whatever he desired. Clearly the first thing on that list was to eradicate his virginity; surely he was a decent enough looking guy to get any girl in his bed, than why not relish in some lust since there were no more consequences.
As if luck would have it the coffee table on the ground floor had a business card while Swayam was searching for metaphorical answers in his father's den. The card was referring to the agency his father called to get the escort that evening he walked in on them. Swayam smirked, as if the universe was pointing him the directions from now on, leaving him to blindly follow. He picked up the ground floor landline and dialled up the number, only to be surprised as a women on the other end received him as Mr Shikhawat. Like he said, the universe was already deciding for him.
"You called fairly soon Mr Shikhawat, we assume you were pleased with our services on your last encounter."
Swayam pulled a deeper voice, and then carried on.
"Of course I was."
She continued not noticing any difference in voice; after all he was his father's son.
"So what can we do for you today sir? Another arrangement like last time, or any changes?" She spoke with utter professionalism.
Swayam just agreed, "yes indeed, though your youngest legal girl this time."
She spoke back defensively, "Sir I can assure you that all our girls are legal age or above."
Swayam just rolled his eyes in response.
"I need her at 12 am, tell her to just knock the door."
He knew Taani would be fast asleep by then.
"That's all fine sir, anything else I can do for you?"
Swayam was surprised she never mentioned anything about the payment.
"Payment?"
"Sir you gave us your credit card details last time, so we don't need them again. The charge will appear on your credit card statement as a marketing strategy agency, just like you decided last time."
Swayam smirked once again, his dear father was a real smart man, and he knew exactly how to hide just as well as plan everything. This was just perfect buisness because not only could Swayam get what he wanted tonight, but also his father would have no choice but to pay for it. This was not something he would ever want to disclose to others about what the payment was actually for, that is if he refused to pay.
"That's perfect, I'll be waiting for her, oh yeah and one more thing."
She spoke, "yes please continue."
"Please tell her to wear white, I have an odd fetish with the colour." He finished with another smirk.
Tonight he would understand the real meaning of becoming a man, because up till now he clearly had it all wrong he thought back. Being a man in his oh so wonderful family' meant demeaning the existence of other women, no wonder Sharon never paid him any attention. Rey treated women with an arm's length of respect and disrespect yet he still had them all lining up for him; Kriya then his sister and probably even Sharon, he always felt that she admired him more than she let on. They were just always the golden couple even though they never actually dated. For some weird reason he always thought they would end up together, but who knew, and who the fu*ck cared anymore. He was going to have the defining night of his manhood.
12 am eventually came around, the entire house was silent, and he had successfully locked the 1st floor door to wait downstairs. He wasn't sure if he was going about this the right away? Was he wearing the right cologne? Did it suit him to have his hair lightly gelled back? Did the black shirt make him look a little too sinister? He would be lying to himself if he didn't claim that he was nervous. Then he suddenly remembered the most important thing, the alcohol. Raiding the liquor cellar, he took out the oldest scotch his father had. At least his father had a decent taste in scotch he thought. Swinging a sip straight from the bottle he calmed his nerves and heard the expected knock.
Upon opening the door he saw a fragile looking girl draped in a white saree, fu*ck he thought, she looked so innocent. He probably needed more scotch he thought. She was quite startled to see him, while he motioned her to come inside.
"You're a lot younger than I was told you would be?" she spoke in a soft voice, Swayam realised that she was expecting his father.
He wanted to give her a snarky reply but settled for, "believe it or not young people want to have fun too."
She laughed, and then he realised she wasn't as nave as he thought she was, "Mr Shihkawat I'm not complaining, rather very pleased." She almost purred seductively.
Swayam offered her a full glass of scotch that he was drinking, he knew he was going to need allot more of it. She gleefully took it and gulped it down faster than he could have ever thought. She was clearly far too experienced in everything.
"How old are you? It'll effect my conscious if you're underage."
She laughed again, the irony that the rich kid even had one. "Don't worry I'm old enough."
He needed confirmation, "state your age."
"20 she replied," as smoothly as lie if she wanted.
She was probably just a few months younger than him.
"So I head you like dance." Swayam literally jerked his head in shock.
"How do you know?" He replied gazing straight back at him, " the other girl said you made her dance before you decided to do anything with her."
Swayam was about to die with humiliation, how much of a fuc*k wit was his father exactly? But she cleared one very important thing, it hit him what his father all these years exactly thought of him; no higher than any of these girls he had used.
"I'll save you the effort for something else, lets take this..." Pointing to himself and her "to the bedroom?" He smirked in confidence.
Collapsing on his pillow he stared up at the banality of what he had just done, his thoughts only to be interrupted by her voice.
"I'd thought you'd enjoy this much more than you did."
He kept staring up.
"I did."
She turned to face him, "you know what I think you need? You just need a bit of Acid."
He finally looked at her, and the smudged state of her face. "What do you mean by Acid?"
She smirked again, reaching to her clutch she plucked a packet of colourful lollies.
"Relive you're best memories over and over and over again with this." She finished with a smile.
And like any kid taking a lolly from a stranger, Swayam popped the pill into his mouth.
***
Back to the Present:
Rey kept caressing Taani's forehead, it helped him calm a little knowing that she wasn't going anywhere now, and he was going to make sure of that.
Her eyes stirred again and she saw him standing over her once again, "you're still here?"
He smiled at her innocence, "offcourse I am."
Her heart fluttered at his smile, he always spread a certain warmth when ever he was around.
"I'll tell the nurse to get you something to eat." She nodded, she hadn't hand any proper food in too long, and she was definitely hungry.
The nurse brought a tray of food and set it in front of her on her bed table. Taani looked at it with an appetising smile and dug in. She didn't care what she ate but she was just hungry and too weak to care. Rey looked over at her and kept smiling and thinking how could she throw everything away.
"You know you're going to have to talk to me about what happened."
She looked up but was still eating, "I know."
He didn't want to start the conversation now while she was eating, but he couldn't avoid it either. "What's been on your mind that you made such a foolish decision?'
He was blunt and straight forward, "I destroyed my brother's life."
She looked away, feeling too full now and pushing the table away.
"I'm sure what ever it was, wasn't so bad. These days he seems to be doing a great job of it himself."
She was hurt at his comment, "don't say anything if you don't know anything."
They his eyes begged, "then tell me, tell me what the hell has been going on because I will understand, you need to have some faith in me?"
This time she looked back at him in the eye, "just like the video I had to see over and over again? Such faith I had in you back then... no thanks I'll save it for another time maybe."
Taani was still bitter about it, and that was the first time she attempted to take her own life, how could she not be. But getting over what Rey did was possible, understanding how her family had fu*ked up was beyond everything she could imagine.
"The mistake I made is something I'll regret for the rest of my life, but I can't afford to make another one again. And for that you need to tell me, pretend all you want but I know deep down you still love me even if you don't trust me."
She wasn't entirely convinced but she knew he wouldn't get of her back, at least not yet.
"Swayam walked in on Tayuji and a prostitute having sex when I was admitted in the hospital the last time."
And then Rey's world officially collapsed.
"WHAT?"
She looked at him sternly, "this is a hospital put your voice down."
"Please tell me this is a joke?" She looked at him saying really.'
"Come on! This has to be a joke." Rey looked in disbelief.
Taani spoke, " It didn't look like it when Swayam walked in on them climaxing."
Rey looked like he was going to puke.
"Yeah the visual is little disturbing."
Rey was now the one to say, "really? No wonder Swayam has changed so much over the past month."
And that's the point Taani wanted Rey to reach and understand.
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
Jodha Akbar
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