SwaRon FF : Undead love ch:3(b) uptd pg 8 - Page 3

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Legilimens. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#21
Read the two parts in one go. Nicely written, I must say. Since you welcomed criticism, I'd like to mention one thing, that being coherent while expressing thoughts of the character is important. Hope you work on it. Other than that, it's a nice story up till now. Hope you continue it.
trisha19 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#22
Nice chapter!!
pls continue soon..
thanks for the pm!!
ikki215 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#23
Note ! :
I am not discontinuing !... aare one funny question comes in my mind after reading the comments is ...no one abused shivam ! :P that is hilarious...kisi ne shivam ko notice nhi kiya kya?? :P
try2149 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#24
sorry dear,i know i am super late to comment nd very very sorry for that.
for me its most hatke concept that's why i really liked it.
i always liked when sharon narrated her story nd i am really waiting for swaron's first convo.
i know it hurts when you didn't get response for your hard work but plz don't discontinue this ff,its concept is really very unique.🤗

SanskritiS thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#25
Awesome update
Sharon POV was really beautifully penned
Sorry for short comment
Waiting for Swaron convo
swarontruelove thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#26
Hey! i m a bit of a silent member on D3 forum but but but i came across this FF and damn i m forced to comment! THIS WAS SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!!!👏👏👏
First of all i so loved the concept. its different and innovative and hats off to u for thinking of something like that. really never heard of step siblings falling in love.
Then your title!!! its really good too and lets see how u r linking the title to the story.
The first chapter gave an awesome intro to Sharon's life and i loved how u described the minute details about it. i loved her concern for Rish and she being a model. the way u fitten kriyaansh into it was also good. you really penned it down well. and i really really really loved it.
The second part was even better i wud say. it gave the whole life sketch of sharon and all about her being fatherless to an orphan. the one where you described taani and sharon being stepsisters and how they slept together and how nandhini was sad knowing that its one of the first adjustments sharon has to make. too good. you totally did justice to that part and it seemed really realistic too. I liked how you described swaron's first meeting where sharon instinctively knew that he didnt like her nor did she. the one where she hears swayam saying all that to whoever it was about not wanting sharon or her mother in his life was a little harsh but then too nandhini was his step mom. how does one accept it so quickly. i liked the character description of swayam too in sharon's perspective nd in the general perspective. and another thing that i felt good was that swayam although not liking nadhini still never feel it. he is a nice person for sure but maybe cant accept it all tooo well of him sharing his dad with someone else. i was really really captured in the second part. it was too good.
BTW sharon likes shivam although doesnt love him which of course she wont? wow! lets see whats next.
And yeah you left it at that point where swayam came at sharon's doorste? coudnt u continue a little more? *sigh* but its ok. eagerly waiting for swaron convo nd to know what made sharon leave Aston of which i believe swayam plays the major role.
your writing style too is fab!!!! the way you describe the events the past happenings it all seems so real and its really captivating.
so lastly please pleas please update soon and do pm me when u update. will be eagerly waiting for the next part.😊
P.S. just had a doubt. how old is swayam from sharon ?
.Vrushanholic. thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#27
awesome update :)
really liked the way you penned it down!
ikki215 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#28

Chapter - 2 (a)


For a moment she could neither speak nor move, and her breathing felt oddly constricted. It was like a nightmare" as if Swayam was some demon that her thoughts had conjured up. All these months she had never allowed herself to think about him at all, she had closed him out, expelled him from her brain. Now Tanni's letter had reluctantly forced open the flood of her memory, and she had walked through the past into a scary movie. 'Talk of the devil,' people used to say, 'and he's sure to appear.' And it was true because the devil was here with her now.

She made a grab for the door intending to slam it in his face, but her momentary hesitation had been her undoing, because he had already forecast her intention and walked into the room. He said, 'Allow me.' And he closed the door himself, shutting them in together. Sharon said between her teeth, 'Get out of here!' . 'When I'm ready.' His voice was as cool as ever. He had hardly changed at all physically from the first time she had set eyes on him. The lines on his face had deepened with maturity, but his body still had the spare grace of some predatory animal. He moved forward and she recoiled instinctively. He threw back his head and stared at her for a moment, his eyes hooded, their expression enigmatic.

'Relax,' he advised caustically. 'The sooner you hear what I have to say, the sooner I can be gone, which is what we both want.' 'What the hell are you doing here?' she almost whispered.

'I'm not preparing to carry out the fell purposes you seem to have in mind,' he snapped back at her. 'For God's sake, Sharon, sit down and behave like a civilised human being.' 'What would you know about civilised behaviour?' She was beginning to tremble inwardly and she folded her arms defensively across her body. 'Just say whatever you came to say and get out.' 'Ever the gracious hostess.' Swayam walked past her, looked with a lift of his eyebrow at the sofa, then sat down on the chair opposite. 'You're very nervous,' he commented. 'What's the matter? You said I'd called at a bad moment when you opened the door. Are you"entertaining?' His eyes went over her, establishing beyond doubt that he knew quite well she was naked under the old silky robe, and she flushed angrily.'No, I'm not,' she grated, and could have kicked herself. Perhaps if she'd lied and said,'Yes"someone's waiting for me in the bedroom right now,' he might have left.'Then I'm fortunate to find you alone,' he said smoothly. 'I'd like some coffee.' For a moment Sharon stood glaring at him fiercly, then she turned and went into the small kitchen. The towel round her hair was slipping and she tore it off impatiently, thrusting it into the small basket next to the washing machine. Her hands were shaking so much she could hardly put the coffee powder into the vessel. She began to set a tray with brown pottery mugs, pouring creamy milk into a matching jug. She heard a slight sound behind her, and glancing over her shoulder, realised that Swayam was standing in the doorway watching her.

'Would you have sugar?' She made her voice cool and social. 'You've a bad memory, Sharon,' he said sardonically. 'How many years did we live under the same roof, and how many cups of coffee did you pour for me? No, I don't have sugar, and never have had. 'Too many,' she muttered. 'Well, that's one thing at least we can agree on,' he said. He strolled forward, trapping her between his body . He put out a hand and tilted her chin, studying her face critically. His touch sent every nerve-ending in her body screaming. She wanted to strike his hand away. She wanted to use her nails and teeth to free herself like a cornered animal, but it would be no good, she knew. He was the stronger, and he would not hesitate to use his strength. He said silkily, 'You don't change, do you, Sharon? I remember you all those years ago"a little hostile creature, yet beautiful and full of surprises.'

Edited by ikki215 - 11 years ago
swaron1107 thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#29
Read all the parts. Really superb and entertaining. The concept is really refreshing and would love to read more of it. So please continue. Both parts have been Sharon's side of story that too incomplete but now would like to read Swayam's side of story. The third part has been very nicely written to generate curiosity in the readers to read more and I love it. Just can't wait now to know about their past.
Edited by swaron1107 - 11 years ago
rosyrkohli thumbnail
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Posted: 11 years ago
#30
res
unres
i was completely thrown off gaurd
whn i read tis update
sharon's pov was very nicely executed
it was a visual treat for me
her feelings when swayam was watching her
everything was beautifully penned
swayam's cool entry n calm attitude
was sumthing tat struck my eye
all in all a very well formed update
do update soon 😊

Edited by rosyrkohli - 11 years ago

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