Sandhya's "On the other side she-know-must-not-be-named marches into the enemy camp and gets herself caught. " has inspired me. This is the story of how she-who-must-not-be-named (SWMNBN = Swamini Biggest Nautanki)
SWMNBN: Aah it's a fine day to take a stroll. *skip skip, skip to my loo. skip skip, skip to my loo."
Guard: Hey stop. Who are you and what are you doing here.
SWMNBN: I am SWMNBN. How dare you stop me. Do you know who I am?
Guard: No, that's why I asked you.
SWMNBN: I just said I'm SWMNBN. I am the Rajkumari and uttar-adhikaari of Kalinga. My father Jagganath --
Guard: Oh you're Jagganath's daughter. *to himself* Master Keechak has ordered to capture this girl. But she certainly seems bright and intelligent.
SWMNBN: Yes, yes I am.
Guard: Oh about him ...
SWMNBN: Yes, yes tell me.
Guard: Well, he sort of offed himself.
SWMNBN: What? Pitaji is dead?
Guard: Yeah.
SWMNBN: How did he die?
Guard: Well, I don't know the full story, but I heard from another guard, who head from another guard, who heard from this maid, who heard from her guard husband who said that Jagganath fought Keechak and ran for his life to save you from being a Nagar Vadhu.
SWMNBN: Pitaji did that for me.
Guard: Well that's what I heard.
SWMNBN: But you haven't told me how he died.
Guard: Well, he saw Ashok strolling happily as he was crossing the bridge and ...
SWMNBN: Ashok killed him?
Guard: *to himself* well I was going to say that he tried to hide from Ashok and decided to jump into the moat where crocodiles ate him ... but what she said will do. *to SWMNBN* Yes, Ashok killed him,
SWMNBN: Nahin! No! Ashok would never kill my father.
Guard: I'm just telling you what I heard.
SWMNBN: Oh god, where is Ashok?
Guard: I don't know.
SWMNBN: Well where is my father's dead body.
Guard: Inside the camp. But you're not allowed inside.
SWMNBN: Just you stop me.
Guard: I'll tell you what, I'll get in trouble if you just wander in there alone. So I'll pretend that I arrested you, and take you into the camp.
SWMNBN: You would do that for me?
Guard: I think we bonded pretty nicely over the past few minutes.
SWMNBN: But wait, I can't come like this. It will be too obvious. I need a disguise.
Guard: *to himself* Confounds! She is far more intelligent than I had imagined.
SWMNBN: So I'll disguise myself as Ashok okay.
Guard: Ok, that's fine.
*Some time later - SWMNBN has disguised herself as a pretty ugly looking Ashok*
SWMNBN: So how do I look?
Guard: Perfect. No one will believe you're SWMNBN.
SWMNBN: Excellent. Now how is this going to work? Are you going to arrest me now or are we just going to walk some distance side by side or ...
Guard: No, I think I'll just put this leash around your neck. That way people will think I've caught and put Ashok under control.
SWMNBN: Oh that's so smart of you.
Guard: *to himself* Wow, I've been praised by the princess of Kalinga herself whom I consider to be very intelligent. I must be smarter than I look.
SWMNBN: So ... let's go then shall we?
Guard: Yes, let's go.
**The two stroll into camp and headed towards a large tent.**
SWMNBN: Oh is this where my pitaji is held?
Guard: *to himself* Keechak is the master, so in a sense he is a pitaji.
SWMNBN: Hey, I'm talking to you. My pitaji is in here.
Guard: He isn't just your pitaji, he is all our pitajis.
SWMNBN: *thinks to herself* Oh my. I thought my mom was the only queen. Looks like pitaji has quite a bunch of sons.
SWMNBN: Wonderful, thank you bhaiyya.
Guard: Oh please don't call me that. You're in disguise remember.
SWMNBN: Oh right. *to herself* I must give my father the best farewell ever.
*The two walk into the tent*
SWMNBN: Jai Janan-- Keechak?
Keechak: Oh gosh. Gauntak, why am I seeing an ugly Ashok in front of me?
Guard: I have brought this "ugly Ashok" here. *wink wink*
Keechak: *to himself* Why is he winking to himself?
Guard: *to himself* Why isn't he saying anything.
Dharma (sitting and eating blueberries): Hey, that's not Ashok.
SWMNBN: Maa Dharma! Jai Jana--
Dharma: Stop saying that. You're not Ashok, and as a fake Ashok, that's a horrible catchphrase. Not even my Ashok says Jai Janani so many times.
SWMNBN: But what are you doing here?
Dharma: Well, Keechak here was very nice to me. He called me sister and told me what this impudent brat named Kaurvaki did. He told me that she was also a part of Ashok's gang and under her mental instability, she might even cause me to lose Ashok's younger brother.
SWMNBN: Kaurvaki would never do that Maa Dha--
Dharma: Stop calling me that. You may be a disguised as a very ugly Ashok, but you aren't my handsome son. Anyway, Keechak told me to hang out here. And my time has been wonderful. The only thing I miss is my son, but in some ways, seeing you here ugly Ashok, is nice as well.
Keechak: So you aren't Ashok. We already knew that.
SWMNBN: But did you know **fumbles with mask, makeup, costumes** hold on just a second.
** Few minutes of getting out of disguise.**
SWMNBN: Did you know that I am SWMNBN!! A.K.A. KAURVAKI!
Keechak: Actually we knew that. Gauntak had specific instructions to capture you. You keep meddling in my plans and Ashok's plans and we can never have a proper face off.
Dharma: But you won't hurt Ashok will you?
Keechak: Of course not. If he wins, I step down. If I win, he's become my nephew now. I can't kill him.
SWMNBN: Wait, but I came here to see my pitaji.
Keechak: Jagganath? That idiot died by jumping into a moat filled with crocodiles for some reason.
SWMNBN: That's because he saw Ashok!!
Keechak: Ashok is busy with other things like Dhananjay. He doesn't have time to stroll near our castle sanctuary without a disguise so your idiot father can recognize him.
SWMNBN: But that means, Guardji, you lied to me!!
Guard: Well, I thought you were intelligent so I had to --
Keechak: What?
Guard: I thought she was intelligent sire. So I thought I would have to trick her.
Keechak: This little monkey for brains isn't intelligent. She prances here and there unaware of the actual situation. Where did you find her?
Guard: *looks down in shame*
Dharma: Gauntak. Bratha Keechak is asking you a question. Answer him.
Guard: On the route to our camp.
Keechak: So you're saying that this .. this Kaurvaki was already on her way to our camp, but instead you stopped her, made her dress up as an ugly Ashok, put her on a leash and parade her from there to this very camp, where we had to watch her free herself from her costume?
Guard: *looks down in shame, mumbles* yes my lord.
Keechak: Good job man. Very entertained. *claps twice* here take this bag of gold for your trouble.
SWMNBN: What about me?
Keechak: Yeah, you're going to prison. We don't like you interfering. You are an annoying --
Dharma: Pest.
Keechak: Exactly behn. Exactly. A pest.
SWMNBN: Ashok will save me! Just you watch.
Dharma: There are only two things important to Ashok - his matrabhoomi and his ma. His Ma comes ahead of his Ma-trabhoomi. Bratha Keechak has changed already, you are the only bad influence on Ashok. So ...
SWMNBN: I'll tell Bratha Ashok that you're in cahoots with Keechak.
Dharma: And I'll tell Putra Ashok that you tried to kill his younger brother.
SWMNBN: *gasps*
Everyone: *gasps*
Dharma: Oh can it all of you. You all can't stand her, so what made you think I could stand her?
THE END.
Edited by shyam09 - 9 years ago
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