How do you feel when someone you have admired and followed since the starting of their career, someone for whom you have fought with random strangers on internet, someone whose success made you proud, dies in such a tragic manner? It's been almost a week and yet it feels like time has stilled since I heard the news. I haven't been able to concentrate on my work, haven't been able to stop thinking about all the whys and what ifs.
I still remember how I voted for him from both my mom and dad's phone so that he would win Jhalak, I remember how I begged my mother to take me to watch Kai po che just a week before my Final board exams because I was so excited to see Sush on big screen.
Watching him succeed in Bollywood made me so happy. It felt like he was part of my own family, someone I knew. But I have also seen the negativity which he attracted, countless blinds, people mocking him, calling him a druggie, a pervert, a weirdo and what not. I remember occasionally putting his name on search tab in Bollywood forum and finding no popular thread even when his movies were doing well. All I saw in Bollywood forum were some really demeaning blinds and people calling him ugly and pretentious. More than anger I used to feel deep sadness for him, seeing how misunderstood he is. I am not saying he was some flawless angel or a saint but he was a sweet guy, an introvert and so relatable.
When Chhichhore was announced I thought he will finally get his due. I had a feeling that this would be the next 3 idiots and will put him in the league of RS and RK. But I also noticed his change in attitude last year. He was very irregular on Social Media, hardly promoted himself and completely disappeared from public eye after giving one of the biggest hits of last year and the biggest hit of his career. I was frustrated and tbh even angry on him for letting such a good opportunity go waste. Like any other stan I got so obsessed with his career and success that I never realised that he was unhappy from inside.Not that I could've done anything to help him but I wish I knew that he was suffering, I wish I left some encouraging comments and messages for him, telling him how loved he is. Anyway it doesn't matter now. He is gone and it will take a long time for me to finally move on.
All the shit storm that has unfolded after his death is disturbing for his fans and for people who loved him. Everyone is cashing on his death, getting likes and retweets, making up stories and conspiracy theories, forwarding their own personal agenda and what not. I am sure this thing won't die down soon and might even get uglier but once it does I wish people would still remember him for what he was..a brilliant actor, an amazing person, a bright mind, a dreamer and an achiever.
Goodbye Sushant. You'll be always in my heart and star gazing will never be the same again.
Cricket
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