"Bigg Boss was such a traumatic experience for Tanisha that I don't think an experience like that can do anything else but help you"
What was the first thing you told your sister Tanisha when she got out of the Bigg Boss house?
I was just glad she was back. The first thing we said was, Shit! You've starved yourself! Issko koi paratha khilao' She came back half her size, looking so frail. (Laughs) To which she shrieked, Please no more parathas!'
What was the reunion like?
We met her at the farm. And just talked and talked and talked... there was so much to catch up on. We wanted to tell her how everyone has been reviewing her, what we thought of the show and other happenings too. And of course Nysa had her own inputs on Bigg Boss. It was great fun!
Were you happy with the way the show turned out?
I was okay with it. She knew what she was signing up for. Whoever saw her thought she conducted herself with grace and dignity. She's come out with flying colours. As far as I am concerned she won.
Do you think it's helped her in the bargain?
It was such a traumatic experience for her that I don't think an experience like that can do anything else but help you. You have no other alternative but to learn from it. It's like God is forcing you to learn.
You didn't feel like lashing out at the media when they went berserk on the Tanishaa-Armaan Kohli allegation?
At the end of the day, you have to understand that it is all a media game. It's how you play it. What is actually happening inside is a completely different story. I say it in the best way possible that she was aware of what Bigg Boss was before getting into it.
Talking about relationships, how has the meaning of romance changed for you?
A lot. What Ajay and I have today is much deeper. Those 10 minutes we spend together in the day are enough. It's just that you're spending time with your spouse. You're probably discussing stuff or doing your own thing. It's the comfort and companionship. I used to do this with my mom (Tanuja). My mom, sister and me would sit in three corners and we'd all read. That's how we'd bond. No one chatted at the time and we were content. Marriage is no different, you can be comfortable with the person even if you don't say much.
How does he react when you throw a fit?
He gets to know I've had a bad day from the way I say hello. He asks me what's wrong and that's that. I'll vent and rant and crib, then he'll vent and rant and crib. In his defense, he's not the sort to raise his voice often. But he won't hold back when he's absolutely pissed off. But for him to reach that point takes a lot. I get there easily.
What were you like as a newlywed bride?
It took me nearly a year to get comfortable in the house. It took time to come to terms with compromising or feeling at home. It took me six months to go to the ground floor to ask for a coffee. I used to come down every day like a sweet guest and wait for my mother-in-law (MIL) to ask me for a cup of tea or coffee. And I'd say, Haan aunty, main coffee piyungi (Yes aunty, I'll have coffee).' It took me six months to a year to call her Maa. That's the great thing about my MIL. She was so nice about it. She used to say, The day will come when Maa will just slip out of your mouth. You call me Maa when you feel like it. As of now, call me aunty, don't worry about it.' Rightfully so, it did. Touch wood, I had the right people backing me.
What's your take on extra-marital affairs?
I don't have them. (Giggles) Thank God for it! Frankly, it takes too much time and effort. I don't know how people do it. As he (Ajay Devgn) tells me, one woman is more than enough. It works for me too. Seriously, I find one man difficult to handle, I can't imagine handling two and three for that matter. It's equally difficult for both unless they're of the same mindset.
What are the things Ajay loves about you?
(Laughs) You know after 15 years, you should ask me what are things he hates about me? And I'll give you a list. Whatever's not on that list, will be what he loves about me. Jokes apart, when he's in a good mood, he likes me talking. I think he likes my sense of priority. He appreciates the fact that I am pretty stable 80 per cent of the time. That 20 per cent I give myself the leeway especially when I'm PMSing. During those times, I've told him to leave me alone.I love the way he genuinely loves our kids. The way he is with Nysa and Yug, just melts my heart every single time. And I'm sure it's the same with him. He loves the fact that I love our family - from his mother, father, sister and their kids. Now it's been so many years that it's not even an effort on my part. They are my family. I've lived with them for 15 years. It's a long time to be on the fence. That's what a relationship is about. I can't pinpoint one thing and say this is what he absolutely loves about me.
Does he seek your advice?
I don't know if both of us seek advice from one another. But we don't go to each other to specifically ask, Do you think I should do this?' We definitely talk about our day and what's happening at work and home. We thrash out our issues in conversation.
What are family holidays like?
They are a mess. I need a two-to-three day holiday to recover from our vacations. I tell Ajay to not look or even talk to me after our holidays. I let the maid do all the work.
But the kids love their vacations. We take three to four holidays a year usually with the extended family with nieces and nephews. So we're basically 25 people with the staff. We go for three to four days but for those many days we manage to pack in so much, run around like headless chickens to get things done and also handle kids' tantrums. And we have a blast. We prefer going to resorts or a nice hotel where we don't have to move out of the vicinity. The kids love recreational activities and can swim all day...
Do you see your mother Tanuja in yourself?
I see a lot of her in me now. I didn't realise how much of her was in me till I got married and more so when I had kids. It's happened unintentionally, Her sense of discipline, the way she looks at situations and people, the way she meets people - I think I'm a lot like her. But I'm not as nice or forgiving. We share a sense of conduct and confidence. We have our doubts and fears. But we don't know what it feels like to be insecure.
She was largely a single mother. Now that you're a mom, can you fathom the kind of sacrifices she may have made in her heyday?
Definitely. I understand it a lot better today. When you have a child, you realise how much you love your child and what a mother's love actually means. You never understand it till then. Then you see the kind of effort, attention and time she spared and put into us. In retrospect, I remember it so clearly.As a single mother, it was tough for her. Now that I think about it, every holiday there was no male figure or maid around to help her out. My mom took us everywhere. Not that my dad (the late Shomu Mukerji) didn't or we didn't have holidays with both my parents around. But most of the time, it was just her. We were seven children including my cousins and we would usually land up going to Lonavala. Now when I think about handling four kids, I feel like taking a tranquilizer. She used to put us in the car and drive up and down for the weekend. It was amazing! She's a wonder woman!
What was the first thing you told your sister Tanisha when she got out of the Bigg Boss house?
I was just glad she was back. The first thing we said was, Shit! You've starved yourself! Issko koi paratha khilao' She came back half her size, looking so frail. (Laughs) To which she shrieked, Please no more parathas!'
What was the reunion like?
We met her at the farm. And just talked and talked and talked... there was so much to catch up on. We wanted to tell her how everyone has been reviewing her, what we thought of the show and other happenings too. And of course Nysa had her own inputs on Bigg Boss. It was great fun!
Were you happy with the way the show turned out?
I was okay with it. She knew what she was signing up for. Whoever saw her thought she conducted herself with grace and dignity. She's come out with flying colours. As far as I am concerned she won.
Do you think it's helped her in the bargain?
It was such a traumatic experience for her that I don't think an experience like that can do anything else but help you. You have no other alternative but to learn from it. It's like God is forcing you to learn.
You didn't feel like lashing out at the media when they went berserk on the Tanishaa-Armaan Kohli allegation?
At the end of the day, you have to understand that it is all a media game. It's how you play it. What is actually happening inside is a completely different story. I say it in the best way possible that she was aware of what Bigg Boss was before getting into it.
Talking about relationships, how has the meaning of romance changed for you?
A lot. What Ajay and I have today is much deeper. Those 10 minutes we spend together in the day are enough. It's just that you're spending time with your spouse. You're probably discussing stuff or doing your own thing. It's the comfort and companionship. I used to do this with my mom (Tanuja). My mom, sister and me would sit in three corners and we'd all read. That's how we'd bond. No one chatted at the time and we were content. Marriage is no different, you can be comfortable with the person even if you don't say much.
How does he react when you throw a fit?
He gets to know I've had a bad day from the way I say hello. He asks me what's wrong and that's that. I'll vent and rant and crib, then he'll vent and rant and crib. In his defense, he's not the sort to raise his voice often. But he won't hold back when he's absolutely pissed off. But for him to reach that point takes a lot. I get there easily.
What were you like as a newlywed bride?
It took me nearly a year to get comfortable in the house. It took time to come to terms with compromising or feeling at home. It took me six months to go to the ground floor to ask for a coffee. I used to come down every day like a sweet guest and wait for my mother-in-law (MIL) to ask me for a cup of tea or coffee. And I'd say, Haan aunty, main coffee piyungi (Yes aunty, I'll have coffee).' It took me six months to a year to call her Maa. That's the great thing about my MIL. She was so nice about it. She used to say, The day will come when Maa will just slip out of your mouth. You call me Maa when you feel like it. As of now, call me aunty, don't worry about it.' Rightfully so, it did. Touch wood, I had the right people backing me.
What's your take on extra-marital affairs?
I don't have them. (Giggles) Thank God for it! Frankly, it takes too much time and effort. I don't know how people do it. As he (Ajay Devgn) tells me, one woman is more than enough. It works for me too. Seriously, I find one man difficult to handle, I can't imagine handling two and three for that matter. It's equally difficult for both unless they're of the same mindset.
What are the things Ajay loves about you?
(Laughs) You know after 15 years, you should ask me what are things he hates about me? And I'll give you a list. Whatever's not on that list, will be what he loves about me. Jokes apart, when he's in a good mood, he likes me talking. I think he likes my sense of priority. He appreciates the fact that I am pretty stable 80 per cent of the time. That 20 per cent I give myself the leeway especially when I'm PMSing. During those times, I've told him to leave me alone.I love the way he genuinely loves our kids. The way he is with Nysa and Yug, just melts my heart every single time. And I'm sure it's the same with him. He loves the fact that I love our family - from his mother, father, sister and their kids. Now it's been so many years that it's not even an effort on my part. They are my family. I've lived with them for 15 years. It's a long time to be on the fence. That's what a relationship is about. I can't pinpoint one thing and say this is what he absolutely loves about me.
Does he seek your advice?
I don't know if both of us seek advice from one another. But we don't go to each other to specifically ask, Do you think I should do this?' We definitely talk about our day and what's happening at work and home. We thrash out our issues in conversation.
What are family holidays like?
They are a mess. I need a two-to-three day holiday to recover from our vacations. I tell Ajay to not look or even talk to me after our holidays. I let the maid do all the work.
But the kids love their vacations. We take three to four holidays a year usually with the extended family with nieces and nephews. So we're basically 25 people with the staff. We go for three to four days but for those many days we manage to pack in so much, run around like headless chickens to get things done and also handle kids' tantrums. And we have a blast. We prefer going to resorts or a nice hotel where we don't have to move out of the vicinity. The kids love recreational activities and can swim all day...
Do you see your mother Tanuja in yourself?
I see a lot of her in me now. I didn't realise how much of her was in me till I got married and more so when I had kids. It's happened unintentionally, Her sense of discipline, the way she looks at situations and people, the way she meets people - I think I'm a lot like her. But I'm not as nice or forgiving. We share a sense of conduct and confidence. We have our doubts and fears. But we don't know what it feels like to be insecure.
She was largely a single mother. Now that you're a mom, can you fathom the kind of sacrifices she may have made in her heyday?
Definitely. I understand it a lot better today. When you have a child, you realise how much you love your child and what a mother's love actually means. You never understand it till then. Then you see the kind of effort, attention and time she spared and put into us. In retrospect, I remember it so clearly.As a single mother, it was tough for her. Now that I think about it, every holiday there was no male figure or maid around to help her out. My mom took us everywhere. Not that my dad (the late Shomu Mukerji) didn't or we didn't have holidays with both my parents around. But most of the time, it was just her. We were seven children including my cousins and we would usually land up going to Lonavala. Now when I think about handling four kids, I feel like taking a tranquilizer. She used to put us in the car and drive up and down for the weekend. It was amazing! She's a wonder woman!
"Ajay appreciates that I'm stable 80 per cent of the time. 20 per cent leeway especially when I'm PMSing"
Do you see yourself in your kids?
Oh yes! I see so much of myself in Nysa and Yug. It's evident in the weird things they say and do sometimes. When Nysa washes and blow-dries her hair, she looks just like me. Even in her mannerisms, the way she sits. I have these pictures of her and me together, you can see the uncanny resemblance. Of course she's the older one so I've spent more time with her. Now she's become a young lady. So she wants to sit and chat with mom. It's great fun, I love it.
Which kid is more like you? And who is more like Ajay?
Both are a nice blend of Ajay and me. Yug is too young right now. Nysa is a lot like Ajay as well. She's a thinker. She has a logical way of working out issues in her head. She'll sit and ponder over one situation over and over again. She'll revolve and rotate the scenario is so many ways before she comes to a conclusion that suits her.
Your daughter's going to be a teenager. Does that worry you?
I do worry but I think my husband worries about it more. She's sensible though. Somewhere down the line, I have to believe in my own upbringing. I have to believe that I have done a good job. Yes, I will continue to teach her what is right and wrong but I will have to loosen up henceforth. There will come a point where I will have to say, Okay baby, you have to make your own mistakes now. It's your journey and you will have to figure it out yourself. We'll be there backing you 100 per cent.'
There's quite a gap between Nysa and Yug. She must be pampering him rotten?
In fact, she's the one disciplining him. She's the little mother and I'm the big mother. Either she's irritating the hell out of him or disciplining him. After all that, Yug takes up for her. He tells me, Mama, don't shout at Nysa. Mama, look at me naa...'
Are you a friend or a mother to your kids?
There is an age to be a mother and there's an age to be a friend. The friend is gradually coming into play now with Nysa as she's growing older. But earlier, I was only the mother. And she needed me to be the mother as well. I believe that children require a strong parental presence. They require that to set boundaries. You need to tell them you can't do this. That's what builds their morals and conscience. Initially, what is right or wrong is crystal-clear. Slowly, grey areas like etiquette or social behaviour are grasped from those morals. As a mother, you don't have a choice - you can't be their friend at that point of time. Yes, friendship will evolve eventually when the questions become a little tougher. The situations become greyer than pure black and white.
Having done it all, what still brings a sense of excitement in you?
Hmmm... (Laughs) Having a third baby? (Bats eyelids) That's out of the question though. Even Ajay's put his hands up now. But I don't think what I'll be doing in the future can ever be predicted. I can't go with the notion that this is what will excite me. Because by the time I reach that point, my excitement levels fizzle. Then it'll be nothing less than a burden to me. I hope what I do next brings out the best in me.
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