Gauri Khan's Candid Confessions This month, that year Stardust May 1986 I was curious about Gauri. I had been since I met Shah Rukh a year and a half ago. He wasn't married to her then. He wasn't sure if he would get to marry her at all. Rarely spoke to her. "8th of October? You share your birthday with my girlfriend," he said once. "Oh! You're a Punjabi too," he exclaimed another time. So I knew that he had a girlfriend somewhere in Delhi, who was born on the same day as mine and she was a Punjabi. |
I didn't know her name because Shah Rukh never mentioned. He didn't owe it to me or anyone else, to talk about her if he didn't wish to. He spoke about everything else under the sun, personal or professional, without hesitation or provocation ' incessantly. Shah Rukh's energetic and relentless ability to talk has been well and properly established in his short association with the industry. The subject ' Gauri's was hence conspicuous by omission. As it is now by repetition. From absolute pre-marital restraint to the frantic post-marital proclamations of love and passion, Shah Rukh has gone only from the unusual to strange. This may or may not be my opinion. But this is certainly how the industry has reacted to Shah Rukh's "I am obsessed with my wife" ' "I love her body" ' "She has me by my balls" ' "She's the only woman on this earth I love." Men, in or outside the industry, don't go around proclaiming such obsessive and rebellious love for their wives. Even those, few or more, who do love their wives, normally don't find it necessary to make a feverish display of their ardour. And then, our beautiful but damned film industry, with all glory and glamour, fame and wealth, and the equally damaging pressures of maintaining and retaining these heady powers, has not exactly been a very ideal altar for marriages. So you could say its envy of people deprived for years of such marital vibrancy. Or just disbelief. Cynical distrust. Of a relationship so idyllic, set in a world of entangled, troubled relationships, marriages struggling to survive. Shah Rukh's marriage seems too perfect to be true. I would say it's too new. It's that glitters need not be gold, we need not suspect all that glitters either. The devastatingly sexy-looking 23 year old Gauri, clad in a micro-mini, radiant, confident, defiant, smug, almost purring on her star-husband's arm. The unconventional star-wife who broke every rule in the book, who refused to clothe her vivacity in the traditional pallu and walk behind her husband on the toed line. Who defied every snigger with a more sniggering snigger. Is Gauri really so insecure? Yes she is. Or let's put it this way, she's unsure, uncertain. She was always skeptical about the industry. She hated the thought of Shah Rukh joining it. She had already seen what fame and recognition, even at its lowest, could do. Shah Rukh was already a television star, but the film industry was something else altogether. It was too gigantic in proportion and prospect. And too scary. She would rather not have Shah Rukh at all than have a star-husband. Or that is how she made it out to be, if some of Shah Rukh's friends are to be believed. "She kept the pressure hanging on his head like a sword. She tried everything under the sun to keep him away from the industry. And she gave him real hell after he came to Bombay. The boy was miserable. He had just lost his mother. He was in a new city, new atmosphere and Gauri didn't make it any easier for him." The pressure showed on Shah Rukh. I clearly remember what he had told me in his first interview after he came to Bombay. "I don't know what is right or wrong," he said in the Stardust September 1991 issue. "I don't know if I will be more miserable if I leave people I love for my work or if I leave my work for them. I want to act. This is the only way of life I know' They must understand' Please, if you love me, stay with me. If you go away it will hurt me, but I can't turn around and say please stay. I've learnt to live alone' I can't be how I used to be. It's not that I don't need you but I need to be with myself' I need space' You can never understand the extent of my sadness' It's not your fault but it's not mine either. I guess I am too much of a coward to do anything'" Shah Rukh had not taken Gauri's name even once in the interview. In fact, he refused to talk about her. "Don't involve her please; I'm as it is having a lot of problems." But if you read the interview again you'll realize that despite his effort to keep her out of it, she was all there. I never existed, neither did the dictaphone. He was talking about her all along. Her insecurities had obviously rubbed off on him. The process of doubts and uncertainties, assurances and reassurances had already begun. It is understandable why once Gauri had accepted him as husband; it became imperative for Shah Rukh to reinforce the procedure. His profuse pronouncements were just a part of it. But like everything else Shah Rukh does in life, he overdid it. The industry didn't take very kindly to it. Gauri's miniskirts only added fuel to the fire. But let me tell you, behind the rebellion and bravado of this young newly-wed couple lies the vulnerability of two people very much in love ' against the world. "I think it's dumb. You can't please the industry either ways," says Gauri. "If you keep your wife at home, you are hiding her. If you take her around, you're flaunting her. If she's the quiet kind, she's a doormat. If she talks, she's overbearing. They are sick. It's really stupid," she shakes her head and rolls her brown eyes. I had never really met Gauri. I was fleetingly introduced to her at Ramesh Sippy's party months ago. And then I saw her in photographs, which I think didn't do justice to her. I almost did not recognize her that day when I went to Shah Rukh's rented apartment at Bandra. I think she had come straight out of her bath to open the door. She was in her bathing robe. Her face soft and warm after the shower. Fresh, flawless complexion, brownish hair wet at the ends with a hesitant smile, she said, "Hi, Shah Rukh's not in, but do come in." The Khan's make-shift house (he is in the process of buying one for himself) is devoid of furniture except for a refrigerator, a VCR, a television, a telephone and of course Shah Rukh's computer games. And a few mattresses thrown on the floor. A few suitcases and a row of sports shoes. "We have most of our meals at Chikki's (Chunky's brother) place. Or sometimes we just get a tandoor chicken and a few bottles of Thums Up or Pepsi from outside," Gauri smiled. "I guess the real settling down will start when we shift into our own house." She excused herself for a minute, went into her bedroom to get a house coat, came back and sat down on the mattress in front of me. "Why are these guys after me ya? I mean every month, every magazine I pick up, there is something cheap written about me. And they have the same dirty picture of mine which they keep printing. I wear minis, so what's the big deal ya?" she said perplexed holding her knees together with her arms, her fingers around toes. "I dress up like any other girl my age would. All my life I've dressed like this. And come on, these actesses, they go around half-nude in most of their films. No one seems to be reacting to that. Then why me? I mean, why do people even want to write or talk about me? I am not some actress. Shah Rukh is a star, not me. "And how many people have seen me anyway, that they go around talking about my appearance? I've hardly attended any film parties. Just that one picture which was taken at a party after which Shah Rukh and I were supposed to go to the disco. That picture in a mini-skirt. How am I supposed to dress when I am going to a discotheque? In a saree? It's ridiculous. And this is exactly what I feared about this industry. The magazines, the gossip, the attitudes around here' I came from a family which would have fainted if someone had to tell them a few years ago that they would be connected with films. My dad wouldn't know an Amitabh Bachchan or Aamir Khan. I don't think he's watched Hindi films in the past. That is why they were also against Shah Rukh." Which was not unusual for a Delhite. Most of them have this invested snobbery. I used to tease Shah Rukh a lot about his Delhi-special-snobbery when he'd just come to Bombay. "It's not that I look down upon the industry," Gauri corrected herself quickly. "But I'm neither in awe of it. Yes, I didn't like the idea of Shah Rukh joining films. I hated it, in fact. Because it was an alien world to me. Another city, another set of people. It was not so much the profession as the absolute uprooting it involved. I hated Bombay. I hated the thought of coming and living here all alone with Shah Rukh. No friends, no family, no relatives. I'm sure it would have been different if I had friends here. I'm sure I would've had a lot of fun. Maybe we would go to meet Aamir sometimes or Jackie or go and see a trial of a film. Now if someone calls me for a trial, I'm probably not so over-enthusiastic. Who's interested in sitting in an auditorium for three hours just like that? I mean, I am not a film buff, you know. I am not crazy like everybody else around here. Maybe, I'll get involved in some years. I'm sure I will. I am already making friends. I know Chunky and Chikki very well. We visit Salman's house very often. I am friendly with Sangeeta (Bijlani) too. Then Pooja Bhatt, Deepak Tijori' I mean I am beginning to find my bearings and maybe it's not going to be all that bad. "I am no longer insecure. I mean I never really was insecure ' Shah Rukh has never given me reasons to be' he's very careful'" She could say that again. Shah Rukh was going overboard in convincing people of his love for his wife. Didn't it embarrass her? Specially those quotable quotes about how obsessed he was with her and how he loved her body and how she had him by his balls? "That's the problem with Shah Rukh," sighed Gauri. "He gets obsessed with things. If he starts watching films, he'll watch them for days till his eyes burn. If he starts playing video games with Chikki, he'll keep playing them for hours till he's like half dead. And talking! My God! You know how he can talk. If he talks of a fly, he can talk for like five years. He can talk on a shoe lace for ten years. And me, that's his favourite topic. He can talk for a hundred years. He just gets carried away. And anyway, I don't know why you say he goes around proclaiming love for me. It's just that one interview he gave you. He doesn't give interviews. And maybe if you take into account that half a paragraph on me in another interview to a newspaper. So what's the big deal? Because you can't get him to give interviews, you can't get at him, so you get at me. And I think it's also frustration. He's a clean guy, nice guy, no affairs, no scandals. How come he's so faithful to his wife? She must be a bitch. You have to be a bad, mean guy to fit in out here." But she did have a reputation of being ferociously possessive, which follows her from her Delhi days. "I don't think any wife in this world would like to see women piling on to her husband. I am no different. But I am not the possessive stuck-up I am supposed to be either. Okay, I don't go crazy when I meet his heroines on the sets. I mean you don't expect me to immediately sit down with them and start chatting like old friends. I've met Divya (Bharti). In fact, we've sat down and spoken for some time. She seemed pretty okay to me. She seems to be a nice girl despite the wild reputation she has. I've met Raveena (Tandon), Amrita (Singh), Juhi (Chawla). And it's not just a smile or something. I've spoken to them too. "Ya okay, I do have this tendency to look through people," Mrs. Shah Rukh Khan conceded. "I mean I might look through a person at a party or something, but it's not because I'm a snob. I am probably shy. Even when I was in school, my classmates mistook my shyness for snobbery. I was always that 'stuck-up bitch' who thought no end of herself. I've been listening to this since I was 15. It doesn't bother me. I can't help it if I have this look about me. And now I think it's become second nature to me. But it is shyness, believe it or not. Anyway what's the big deal? Whether I am snobbish or not, whether I like the industry or not, why should anyone care? I'm no star." I couldn't help but smile at her child-like defiance. She was trying so hard to be a woman of the world. "At the moment I'm pretty cool," she said. "The industry can think what they want and the magazines can write what they want. They did write about Shah Rukh and Deepa (Sahi). It was so ridiculous. And if there is a link-up about Shah Rukh, I don't think there will ever be, but if there is, I will know about it immediately. Any woman should get to know when her husband is attracted to another woman. I'll get the feeling if he's inclined towards someone. I won't require reading it in magazines. "But I'm sure nothing of the sort will ever happen," she insisted. "I can't think of it in my wildest dreams. Maybe earlier I had this feeling that women are trying to pile onto Shah Rukh, but I was wrong. And I think it's demeaning to even think of it. It's more insulting to me. Shah Rukh will not look at any other woman. And I have 20 thousand reasons to think this way. It's not just a statement. In Delhi, I was never allowed to go out in the night. Shah Rukh never stepped into a disco with me. He would sit at home in the night when his friends went out. Sometimes even on New Year's Eve, he preferred to sit at home rather than go without me. I used to force him to go. But he never did. He was never seen with any girl ever. All my friends were his only female friends. "He was anyway an introvert. A shy, simple person. Once we split, we didn't meet for a year. I told him forget it. But he was so persistent. I would have broken off with him but for his persistence. In fact, I even told him that I would start going out with other guys. But he was so positive. He didn't see any other girl in that one year. And not that there must have not been any temptations. His Fauji was already on air. But not him. I think everybody is not so lucky," Gauri smiled, "I have realized that now. He's so gentle and caring. I'm so careless, but he never cribs. He's so positive about everything. And that is the most important thing; how a husband treats his wife. A man might be loyal to his wife, never look at another woman, but might be ill-treating her. I would prefer a husband who might be doing little funny things here and there, but who treats me with love, care and respect. I don't mean it in the typical Indian wife way. But I do mean that it is more important how your husband treats you and if he's loyal too, it's fantastic. I think I'm damn lucky. "You know, I might get a little flirtatious sometimes, but Shah Rukh would never. I have that confidence. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. In fact, we got married so early, before the release of his first film. So that I could come to Bombay, live here with him, see how it was and whether I could fit or not. If I had not fit in, Shah Rukh would have left Bombay for good. "But I am fitting in I guess. I have started liking Bombay. I didn't want him to come here. But he had lost his mother, he was going crazy in Delhi. He needed a change. He needed to break away. I had no choice but to concede this time. Earlier, there had been offers, but he had always turned them down. But this time I guess he needed to get away' Anyway, all's well that ends well." Gauri had started handling Shah Rukh's clothes for his films. She also does ramp modeling off and on as and when she has the time and she wants to. If Shah Rukh is getting busier, so is she. "I am equally busy, I have too many things to do, so Shah Rukh's busy schedule doesn't bother me anymore. There will be outdoors but I don't think Shah Rukh would himself agree for a very long outdoor schedule. Because I don't want to tag along with him for more than a couple of days or maximum a week." Gauri has expectations. And Shah Rukh, unlike other husbands, has intentions of living up to them. "I don't think it's a thing of pride to say that I sacrificed my life for career, like so many actors go around saying." He had said to me once, "I don't want to do 100 films a year, rake in money and when I'm tired and old to say, 'I missed out on the growing up of my children. I want to make it up to them.' I want to enjoy my youth, my wife, my children when I'm still young. I want to enjoy them, not when I have nowhere else to go." Shah Rukh is young and emancipated. Someone who theoretically recognizes a wife's place and wants to give it to Gauri. He is feeling endowed and so generous. He wants to give his wife the sun and the moon. And destiny is allowing him to. Things are happening to him. But the time will come when he will have to make things happen. There is a toll that success extracts, from the successful and those in the orbit of the successful. Change is inevitable. It might soon be time for her to live up to his expectations. Which could cross with hers. And then a choice may have to be made. Shah Rukh's indulgence is still his choice, not hers. There might come a time when there will be other more compelling demands to be met with. Gauri will have to learn to take a step back and put a helping hand forward. If she doesn't, the attention she enjoys from her husband and which he will get too used to by then will change easily into delusions of persecution. Whenever someone has tried to create an illusionary, fantasy world of their own, it has been at the expense of reality. It's too high a price to pay. I have seen too many marriages go kaput. Invest when you still have the wealth of youth, passion and intensity. Don't spend it away. They are more precious than diamonds. And they are not forever. The Current Scenario The couple who stood as an example for love, fidelity and mutual trust for more than two decades is facing a problem today. If rumours are to be believed, then actress Priyanka Chopra is the reason for trouble in paradise. A testimony to that is the fact that the Khan couple stopped making public appearances together at various social events and even private parties. In fact, SRK and Gauri's best friend Karan Johar has replaced Piggy Chops with Katrina Kaif in the sequel of Dostana and temporarily distanced himself from PC to his show support to Gauri. He did invite PC to his much talked about party though, so they are clearly making amends. SRK and Gauri did make thier first first public appearance together after a long time at KJo's bash, and she even attended the IPL's final match between Kolkata Knight Riders and Chennai Super Kings in support of her husband, so we can assume that they have made up too. "If you keep your wife at home, you are hiding her. If you take her around, you're flaunting her. If she's the quiet kind, she's a doormat. If she talks, she's overbearing. They are sick. It's really stupid" "I was always that 'stuck-up bitch' who thought no end of herself. I've been listening to this since I was 15. It doesn't bother me. I can't help it if I have this look about me" "If there is a link-up about Shah Rukh, and I don't think there will ever be, but if there is, I will know about it immediately. Any woman should get to know when her husband is attracted to another woman. I'll get the feeling if he's inclined towards someone. I won't require reading it in magazines" "I would prefer a husband who might be doing little funny things here and there, but who treats me with love, care and respect. I don't mean it in the typical Indian wife way. But I do mean that it is more important how your husband treats you and if he's loyal too, it's fantastic" By Nishi Prem http://www.magnamags.com/newm/Stardust/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=90&Itemid=59 |
Ghum Hai Kisikey Pyaar Meiin
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