'Ready' - ATBB = All Time BlockBuster Pg.77 - Page 16

Director: Anees Bazmee

Earlier this week while interviewing Asin, I joked to her that it was probably futile on my part to ask about her role in 'Ready'. She said she was relieved I wasn't taking the film too seriously: "It's an Anees Bazmee film, I play the female lead opposite Salman Khan. What else is there to say?" Not much, you reckon as you sit there in your seat watching 'Ready', and waiting for a joke - any joke, even half funny - to draw a laugh out of you.

'Ready' is strictly for die-hard Salman Khan fans (are there any other kind?) who're willing to forgive the fact that this tasteless, senseless film has no plot to speak of, yet lazily unfolds over two hours and thirty minutes. Director Anees Bazmee asks very little of his charming star: flash a few adorable smiles, romance the girl, beat up the bad guys, and don't forget to take your shirt off. It's an indifferent performance from an actor who showed us only last year that he can be riveting if he so much as makes the slightest effort. Remember 'Dabangg'?

The problem with 'Ready' is that the film doesn't even try. It's depressing to think that Salman would use his considerable star wattage to get such a lousy film made, which in turn only tarnishes his own brand. This film's wafer-thin story involves Salman falling in love with Asin, then trying to reconcile her two criminal uncles who have fallen out with each other. You're expected to laugh in a scene where little boys line up on a balcony and pee on the villains; and dialogues like "Main kutta hoon, yeh meri kuttiya hai" are meant to be funny.

To describe this film as paisa vasool or time pass is to confess that you really don't have a life. Because apart from two energetically filmed songs - 'Character dheela hai' and 'Dhinka chika' - this film offers little by way of entertainment. Salman Khan fans, I assure you that reruns of his 'Dus Ka Dum' episodes on Youtube are more likely to make you smile than this agonisingly boring film that wastes the charm of its immensely charismatic star.

I'm going with a generous one-and-a-half out of five for director Anees Bazmee's 'Ready'. Salman Khan deserves better than this. And so do we!

Rating: 1.5 / 5

Ready should have just been called: Salman Khan. The film is essentially a one-man show by an actor, who doesn't act.

Instead, he plays himself with aplomb ' a charming rockstar who can, without much sweat, win the girl, beat-up the bad guy, reconcile warring relations and of course, bare his chiseled chest.

This time, he even asks us, the viewers, mazaa aya?

How much you enjoy Ready is directly proportionate to your affection for Salman and cheerfully cheesy, low-brow humour.

Thankfully, Ready isn't in the same soul-sucking category as director Anees Bazmee's last two movies: Thank You and No Problem. But it still falls very much into his special brand of brain-dead, anything-for-a-laugh comedy.

So, the climax includes little boys standing in a line and peeing on the baddies; the dialogue includes lines like: "in that case, aa jao mere paas meri suitcase" and my favorite: "aaj pehli baar kisi aurat ne samajdari ki baat ki" and if you prefer your films to have a coherent plot, then you best sit this one out.

The story, what there is of it, involves Prem, played by Salman Khan, falling in love with an imposter Sanjana, played by Asin, and then attempting to get her two angry, criminal uncles to like each other again. Prem keeps saying: "I love these mafia peoples."

The film is a remake of a Telugu blockbuster and it comes with loud but infectious songs with titles such as Dhinka Chika and Character Dheela. Obviously class, wit, craft, continuity have little significance here.

Ready made me laugh sporadically but beyond a point I could almost feel my brain cells shrinking and exhaustion setting in, one joke at a time. I'm going with two stars.