JAAN impact on ANSH- My take on it

Good post Aparnauma. You have clarified your point. I agree with most of what you wrote except for the last point. In many people's life, there is always some one who made them feel small. It could be one's own parent. But wise thing is to move on when you get an opportunity instead of mopping around with those negative thoughts. In A's case months have passed with Shiv as fianc. Years have passed separating from J. A wise intelligent strong responsible woman should be sensible andsensitive to the needs of the most important person in her life now because she chose to marry him.this is not we expect from A. Lot of us are disappointed . We were eagerly waiting for their physical intimacy like a parent would expect her daughter to please her husband so that they know her life and her own family will start. The bashing we all do is because we love Shiv and A. We want them to be happy. And A is not helping.

@Jan50.

Wonderful post appy and even emotional abuse can be the worst form of abuse as it breaks you emotionally and mentally. Which has happened with anandi and her scars are too deep to be healed so soon. But i think cvs are handling it nicely and let us see how they take it forward

Well written post as usual Aparna.

I am repeating my views from my previous post.

In my opinion A's reservations are justified to a certain level. At the same time, I will hold J responsible for instilling these fears to a certain extent even if he might have not been intimate with her after going to Mumbai. J had an intimate relationship with A before he went to Mumbai. All of us have seen how excited J was at that time to spend time with A alone.

A's definition of intimacy is a level higher than J's. She needs to be emotionally involved with a person so much that she is ready to give her all. This is how she felt with J and hence also reciprocated to his 'love'. But what did she get in return? After he went to Mumbai, he insulted her at every instance he had. When she tried to change herself to meet his expectations he belittled her and discouraged her just to make himself feel good that he did the right thing by choosing his upgrade. If I remember correctly he was not happy with her topping the board exams and asked her to stop studying ordering her in the capacity of a husband. He ridiculed her on her looks, her dressing, her attitude and just about everything that defined her. and finally like a coward he gives her a call where he harshly rejects her saying that he never ever loved her. So what is she supposed to understand of all his past actions? Yes his harsh behavior is explained but what about his intimacy? Was she a means of relieving his raging hormones? Like I said before her idea of intimacy is much higher than J's. She gave back love to the person she thought so highly of and he in return only used her. So from his words of 'I Never Loved You' and 'you were only a friend' what is she supposed to understand? If one accepts it or not, at least in my opinion it is definitely a way of physical abuse. She might have definitely have felt used and then discarded for the need of an upgrade. That would have definitely brought disgust to her.

So getting intimate with a person itself may not be a very pleasant thing for her and might bring back all the past baggage. She might be scared of being used again and the paranoia might just be an outcome of the same.

Having said this the fault that I see in A's behavior is that she should have started to make her self ready for all this before marriage. The relationship of marriage does entail a few expectations which are not hidden from her. Yes she wanted to fulfill her mother's wish but when that wish involved the life of another individual she should have carefully considered her decision. I totally respect the fact that she cannot get intimate with S right away since she doesn't love him yet, but expressing these reservations are pertinent. Moving ahead, she will need to keep her mind open and accept the new change in her life. Not all men are alike and she will have to recognize the genuineness of S. She cannot always keep S away from her throughout their life coz she is neither doing justice to her married life nor is she fulfilling her mother's wish to the fullest.

Hopefully after she expresses her feelings she slowly comes out of her fears with the help of S although they may take baby steps towards it.

In addition I would also like to add that I feel the J-A relationship hit the rocks due to their long distance relationship. J as a person very easily takes his relationships and comforts for granted. The Mumbai culture made him want to fit in it so much so that he found everything related to his past including his family as below his standard. He was ashamed of his very roots. He spun a web of lies so much that he found it difficult to come out of it. His so called love for G was an outcome of that and his loneliness compared to a house full of love he had back in Jaitser. He knew he was wrong at every stage when he was advancing towards G but covered his guilt by showing A down, in an attempt to justify his actions.

Anita - You have put in a much better way than i could.

Anita - totally agree with you a full 100%

Aparna: like you correctly pointed out, A has moved on in her own way with respect to other aspects of her life, but intimacy is one thing which she has not experienced after the fiasco until now from Shiv. Like she took time to get over the others and that too more than our expectations, she will also get over her inhibitions in this aspect with time and support from S.

The complaint I had with her was her escaping the situation rather than confronting it and explaining her fears to S. But the precap indicates that she will be opening up to him. That is the right step in the right direction. I also hope the Cvs treat the track sensitively and sensibly.

I loved you last sentence. So aptly descriptive of her situation.

@hooked