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Manasi

@Manasi_16

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#91

Sanaya, let us not even get into value system Gauri has, or the lack of it thereof. Ignorance is not always bliss...certainly not in case of the law. Just bcoz J_G didn't know the legality of Jagya's bal vivah doesn't mean the law is new!!!

Much as I try not to use that word for Gauri, what a few people feel & think is not gonna change the legal situation. A woman who stays with an married man is called a mistress, or in hindi doosri aurat. It is MEANT to be derogatory, coz her act is being condemned. Now why men are not called by any such name...that is a shortcoming of our languages and societies. But we never mince our words while talking of Jagya.

If gauri had married Jagya & stayed in mumbai, i don't think anyone would have objected to it. But the way she used to flaunt her 'husband' in Anandi's face, obviously we are not gonna think well of her isn't it?

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Manasi

@Manasi_16

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#92

And anyway, why calling one lady as a mistress is equated to demeaning all women??? Its not like we are saying all women are wh**es...

We make a very specific comment against a specif girl because of the way she conducts herself.

I am all for curbing the use of this word...but to argue against its application or to raise questions on our value system is not done

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Blukitten

@Blukitten

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#93

Let us leave aside the legal aspects...is it right to flaunt ur wife status in front of his ex? its not normal behaviour to ask for good wishes from ur husbands ex and rely the fact tht i am going to sleep with ur ex husband...i hav never seen such audacity even in western society
its was very cheap action by gawari...she is called a mistress due to her attitude ...she has earned this tag;)
People are not so forgiving tht tehy will easily forgive her "few" mistakes

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#94

Very well said Manasi 👏 Behaving like Mistress and justifying it not demeaning WOMANHOOD, but calling a Mistress as Mistress is against WOMANHOOD and making this issue as if man vs woman 😆 with Narishakti Jindabaad banner 😆 whn the same man was cheating another nari, where were these Nari mukti morcha people. tht time Jogia was symbol of true love and a fighter against BV 😆 😆

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753037

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

#95

Originally posted by: rohini55
Can we evolve a code of conduct for our members?. I know IF has rules but I'm seriously appalled by the coarseness of language and the third-rate name calling happing on this forum -- on both sides..Gauri is not easy to defend at all. She has been godawful to Anandi and the Singhs. So it is legitimate to dislike her. But what is not legitimate is to call her a mistress, s***t etc. This kind of language is demeaning as much to the target as to the user and certainly no woman should use this for another woman. What do you call a man who is in an extra-marital relationship? Haue you thought of an equally offensive word for Jagya? Why are the curse words always aimed at the females of the world?

I'm equally upset by the abuse of a gentleman like Bhairon. His only fault is that he could never defy DS. But he quarrelled with himself all the time, felt agonised by his helplessness and slowly but surely put his foot down. Please there are very few men in this world who can come anywhere near this level of humaneness. Let us respect him.

Take Gauri, leaving aside our distaste for her personal conduct. She did marry Jagya in the temple, didn't she?. If only a court certificate can prove your marriage, then, my mother, my grand-mother and even my sister never got married. I don't know what you'd call me -- a product of a certificate-less marriage? Or something worse?

.Secondly, let us recognise that the problem here is how JaGo treated Anandi. That was unforgivable. But strangely and ironically Anandi herself tolerated it all. Indeed,her character would be equally appalled if she were to visit the forum and see how Gauri is being abused. She would bristle at the gender curse words being used for her.

So many of my friends are in live-in relationships. Two of my dear friends are in extra-marital relationships -- on both sides -- because their respective divorce hasn't come through. One of them has been refused a divorce by her husband. So is she to suffer forever? Does she become a mistress by this act?

We live in a world where political correctness demands that we don't use certain outdated words. There was a time when other names were permissible for the black people. Today it would be considered terribly racist to use those words.There was a time when we could use words like untouchable and harijan. Today they have been replaced by Dalit. We no longer call an unmarried woman a spinster -- I cringe at the word. We say she is single..

So language has evolved and there are ways to say the same thing without heaping indignity on ourselves. Can't we respect each other even as we take sides and agree to disagree?

.============================

Actually each name given to Gauri in this forum had been evolved from Gauri herself.

For example ---she was called a gawari when she taunted Anandi that she was a gawari , chule choukawali etc..

She was named pizza madam, when she taunted Anandi about eating pizzas.

She was called insane and a murderer after the car crash happened and later taunted Anandi that this incident brought her and J closer instead of feeling sorry for her aggressive behavior that actually killed her baby .

She was called a mistress after she decided to live with J w/o making him divorce his wife.

She was called an ungrateful human when she went to Jester to ridicule the Singh's and challenged them to separate their Son from them. She found the Singh's so much at fault while she never thinks of her parents faults.

She was ridiculed about her saccha pyar too because that character deserved it.And so , each name given to her was due to her role.

I have never seen people calling her a s**t..and in case someone did call her , i don't support that.

And above all if people here have been behaving in such third-rated way as u stated, i think the mods wold have taken action by now.

P.S : I have only explained about G's name calling as u seemed to have been stressing more on that and very less about Bhairon's name calling in ur big post.

edit: Also i think she was called a characterless woman only because, she wanted J to prove Anandi characterless in the court...

Edited by -Perseus- - 13 years ago

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rohini55

@rohini55

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#96

@mansimat

You have confused between me and sarandha. 😃

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mansimat

@mansimat

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

#97

Oh Yes! I edited my response.! :)

Thanks

Mansi

Originally posted by: rohini55
@mansimat

You have confused between me and sarandha. 😃

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Asha

@Chytra

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#98

If a person treats sickness of others and has degree to do then that person is called a doctor. Now if I have issues with him and deny that he is a doctor. Will his degree fly out of the window?? Or will people stop calling him a doctor??? No right. In my opinion he is not doctor but I can't rub in on everyone around. Same way if you feel she is not mistress get on with it why try to rub it on a set of people who think she is.

A mistress is a person who lives in a sexual relationship with a married man. She did that so she is a mistress.

She earned that title. Now please don't compare such woman with others. It is a insult on womanhood comparing such characterless females to rest of the entity. She is a disgrace and she brought it onto herself with her actions and behavior. If you feel she don't deserve it then OK. We are not going to smother anyone who thinks she is not mistress. So please live and let live.

I will definetly not stand upto a character like her ever in my life. Even if she is my blood sister. I am against such woman. I will never forgive or forget or give second chances to such woman. A person who knowingly causes pain to others and enjoy their agony are not forgivable in my standards.

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Crunchie

@Crunchie

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#99

Bilkul sahi kaha Perseus aapne. Har baar Gauri ko naam tab hi diya gaya jab usne aise karam kiye.. Same with mistress too. Saaf zahir hai karam ko kharab kaha ja raha hai..Ab agar logon ko problem hai mistress word se, to phir gawari, pizza madam, insane, ungrateful, etc se bhi hona chahiye..

Iska saaf matlab to yeh hua ki koi kuch criticize hi nahi kar sakta yahan...log ke komal dilon par lagta hai...

Aur, yeh kya itna naatak hai ki poore forum ko bhashan diya ja raha hai ki yeh word use mat karo, woh word use mat karo! Woh bhi aise word ke liya jo gaali bhi nahi hai!! Log ne bola ki aisi aurat ko yeh bolte hain.. bass..

Jaise ki baaki sab log bechare low intellect hain, low intelligence hain and kuch thode hi log hain jo 'sane' aur'dignified' hain! Yeh attitude mujhe pasand nahi aaya.

Poore forum ko control thodi kar sakta hai aise koi... just bcoz kuch 1-2 log ko 1 word pasand nahi hai!! Sahi arguement nahi hai.. Agar log ke strong opinion pasand nahi hain, to mat aayo phir yahan.. koi force thodi kar raha hai..

but yeh to mat batao.. ki kaise behave karna hai.. bhai sabke 'dignity' levels alag hain.. Is baat ko samjho aur respect.. apna opinon sab par mat zabardasti lagao!!

Originally posted by: -Perseus-

Actually each name given to Gauri in this forum had been evolved from Gauri herself.

For example ---she was called a gawari when she taunted Anandi that she was a gawari , chule choukawali etc..

She was named pizza madam, when she taunted Anandi about eating pizzas.

She was called insane and a murderer after the car crash happened and later taunted Anandi that this incident brought her and J closer instead of feeling sorry for her aggressive behavior that actually killed her baby .

She was called a mistress after she decided to live with J w/o making him divorce his wife.

She was called an ungrateful human when she went to Jester to ridicule the Singh's and challenged them to separate their Son from them. She found the Singh's so much at fault while she never thinks of her parents faults.

She was ridiculed about her saccha pyar too because that character deserved it.And so , each name given to her was due to her role.

I have never seen people calling her a s**t..and in case someone did call her , i don't support that.

And above all if people here have been behaving in such third-rated way as u stated, i think the mods wold have taken action by now.

P.S : I have only explained about G's name calling as u seemed to have been stressing more on that and very less about Bhairon's name calling in ur big post.

edit: Also i think she was called a characterless woman only because, she wanted J to prove Anandi characterless in the court...

Edited by Crunchie - 13 years ago

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sarandha

@sarandha

Beginner

Posted: 13 years ago

#100

@manismat

I understand what you are saying also but i feel since all of us our products of certain histories , the way the use or abuse of a word evolves is not free of its historical connotations. As has been pointed out, no such word exists for a man and the reason behind that lies in a patriarchal society whose history constitutes it in a particular way where men were and still are in a relation of power over woman. The way mistress is understood in many places comes much closer to rakhail - and in a feudal society like ours the status of such women remains horrifying - and rich men still continue to have mistresses.

I just feel that while Gauri's character ofcourse is open to being criticised and understood differently by different people, the term mistress didnt really fit her situation as i understood it - because why the term mistress could be offensive is for reasons which are very seperate from the way in which she is reviled for her character traits - and it is because she is shown as a woman with strong negative characteristics , the use of this term may offend people because it might be taken to imply that all woman who fit the bill of a mistress are necessarily woman like gauri and hence have to be condemned like that . If you feel a woman who has been manipulative needs to be abused and you use a term like mistress while conveying these feelings, its a moral judgement not merely on the negative character traits but also a linking of what's wrong with her as a person simply with the action of her living with a man who had had a child marriage. This mixing up of 2 different aspects of any criticism one might have of G's conduct is what made so many people uncomfortable. I remain uncomfortable at the use of the term mistress for such actions because it is not a gender neutral term - reflects a certain bias which exists in society aginst such women.

In any case that was my opinion, i would not have gone into etymology and history if people hadnt pointed out the dictionary meaning, the context etc. I had no intention of either demonstrating anything nor was it meant to take a high moral ground . However, the use of certain terms in public contexts and discourses against woman on grounds of morality continues to disturb me - and i was compelled to make these points almost despite myself. And i reserve the right to do so, because i am also part of this society and these things affect the space we are all allowed as women and as individuals.

However i do understand and even agree with some of the points you made, just feel we were both approaching this issue from a different perspectives - both of which raise valid points.

Edited by sarandha - 13 years ago

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