code of conduct - Page 11

Originally posted by: sarandha

@manismat

I understand what you are saying also but i feel since all of us our products of certain histories , the way the use or abuse of a word evolves is not free of its historical connotations. As has been pointed out, no such word exists for a man and the reason behind that lies in a patriarchal society whose history constitutes it in a particular way where men were and still are in a relation of power over woman. The way mistress is understood in many places comes much closer to rakhail - and in a feudal society like ours the status of such women remains horrifying - and rich men still continue to have mistresses.

I just feel that while Gauri's character ofcourse is open to being criticised and understood differently by different people, the term mistress didnt really fit her situation as i understood it - because why the term mistress could be offensive is for reasons which are very seperate from the way in which she is reviled for her character traits - and it is because she is shown as a woman with strong negative characteristics , the use of this term may offend people because it might be taken to imply that all woman who fit the bill of a mistress are necessarily woman like gauri and hence have to be condemned like that . If you feel a woman who has been manipulative needs to be abused and you use a term like mistress while conveying these feelings, its a moral judgement not merely on the negative character traits but also a linking of what's wrong with her as a person simply with the action of her living with a man who had had a child marriage. This mixing up of 2 different aspects of any criticism one might have of G's conduct is what made so many people uncomfortable. I remain uncomfortable at the use of the term mistress for such actions because it is not a gender neutral term - reflects a certain bias which exists in society aginst such women.

In any case that was my opinion, i would not have gone into etymology and history if people hadnt pointed out the dictionary meaning, the context etc. I had no intention of either demonstrating anything nor was it meant to take a high moral ground . However, the use of certain terms in public contexts and discourses against woman on grounds of morality continues to disturb me - and i was compelled to make these points almost despite myself. And i reserve the right to do so, because i am also part of this society and these things affect the space we are all allowed as women and as individuals.

However i do understand and even agree with some of the points you made, just feel we were both approaching this issue from a different perspectives - both of which raise valid points.