She finally met herself

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#51

Originally posted by: katts
Antara [may I call you that??] and Tinoo...Both of you have written sooo beautifully😊 Made me emotional😭Tinoo great that you met yourself👏...awaiting that day in my life now that you said its a wonderful feeling. But I'm 20 and I haven't come out of my parent's shadow and their expectations. For me its their expectations that keeps me going. The day I would come out of it...I would breakdown🤢

Katts,

parental expectations are not a bad thing... they help you in setting goals, and goals are so very very important... really they help you focus your energies, give structure to your life and help you chart a course... and all this is important in giving direction to your life...

However, if I had to give you advice, the key thing to remember about ambition is that it should never be undergirded with the faulty premise that you have to be "better" than who you already are.

Your ambition should instead make you "more" of who you are.

There is a big difference in the two concepts... becoming "better than who you are" implies that you are lacking something currently and that you are imperfection.

Becoming "more of who you are" implies that you are already perfect, and that as you do more, you will be expanding your perfection.

Just like anandi, for the first time, discovered yesterday that who she was - was not flawed but perfection, you Katts, too should just make a decision that you are perfection here and now -- and that their expectations are all about helping you chart a direction that will expand your current perfection.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: elasingh
@ tinoo ur hindi is too good.

thank you elasingh. you are too kind. 😃

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#53

You know, the best way to phrase this turn of events... is that

first anandi thought nobody would ever like her until she was like gauri (cut in her mold I mean)

as she gained confidence, she then thought that even if someone liked her for herself, it would be INSPITE OF her past or INSPITE of her 'faults' (which implies tolerating something distasteful)...

but with shiv, she found that someone likes her BECAUSE OF her past and he celebrates her past as being the person she was today. (which implies embracing it as a part of her)...

I think it blew her mind that someone could love that past of hers because it brought her to who she is today.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#54

Originally posted by: woman11

I completely understand your situation. For me it's quite similar, the only difference being my parents never pushed me for academic achievement. Instead, every time I achieved something, I could see their prestige go up in the social and family cycle. I am talking about an academic social circle of over-achievers (my parents are professors) and a huge family with multiple same-age people, leading to inadvertent cut-throat competition. So though my parents never imposed anything on me, I still feel the pressure of doing something for their status and honor, and trust me, it's killing me😭.

My in-laws again are very progressive but a family of over-achievers too. And along with the betas the bahus too are in for a latent academic-financial success competition. For the bahus, nobody cares how much gold you carried, a rank in UPSC exam carries much more prestige😆 .Again, my parents in law are the most amazing people ever, but I feel I am letting them down if I am not doing something prestigious enough😭

Woman11 (may I call you antara too in the future? 😆)

I dont want to play a game of one-upmanship in this matter and begin sounding like gauri...

but I think I was worse off than you.

Your parents atleast never placed a premium on achievement, with punitive measures if you didnt.

And comparisons with other people's children are bad, but not as bad as comparison's with your own self.

Imagine receiving the message that you are not good enough to be yourself!!! (not someone else, but yourself)...

I always had some carefully designed version of tinoo, designed by my parents.

This version of tinoo was the one I was supposed to aspire to ...the tinoo who had "tinoo's full potential"...

so no matter what i did, it was always less than this fictional tinoo who existed in my parents' mind.

The gap i felt between the person I really was and tinoo with the full potential was just phenomenal.

Today, I really dont care. I define my "full potential" as just doing my personal best, without focusing on the results.

If I wash a sink full of dirty dishes and i do it in an honest manner and ensure there are no streaks ... then I am working to my full potential.

If I water the garden, and I do it in a thorough manner, then I am working to my full potential.

I am so happy now... that the me that I really am, and my aspirational role model (full-potential tinoo)

I've finally met myself 🤣🤣

I think you were lucky that your parents let you be yourself, and then they just basked in the reflected glory when you achieved something being yourself.

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Amni

@amni375

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#55

Brilliant & Beautiful thoughts!

A woman has but two loves in life: the one who broke her heart and the one she spends the rest of her life with!

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MrinalR

@MrinalR

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#56

what a post and how wel its emoted i cud feel her heart bleed and now its healing and yes he wil make it po$sible

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Autumnn

@Autumnn

Stunner

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#57

Antara, wow what a brilliant post. It was a very touching post. love it!!!

Tinoo.. what can I say..your first post made me emotional. It touch a nerve somewhere within me. And your subsequent posts.. simply wonderful, insightful and touching. Thanks for the input.

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kinsara.npl

@kinsara.npl

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

#58

iam the most happiest person on the earth by seeing anandi as strong, brave and independent lady. who was allways humiliated by her husband and was badly cheated that she cannt believe others, but shiv totally changes her slowly but steadily. seems like when ever jagya left her her bad times are over there and good times of anandi are coming. so happy for her. go anandi go.

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dolly

@tiny15

Stunner

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#59

@antara b'ful post!!👏⭐️⭐️

urs & ankit's post r most unbiased, v.apt & balanced posts!!⭐️till date i never find anything in urs & ankit's posts which i can dislike or even disgaree 2 sum extent!!😊👏tho oder ppl like tinoo do write gud posts but i may sumtimes disagree wid them in sum cases but wid u ppl there hasn't cum such posts/cases where i've 2 disagree!!👏hats off 2 u both!!⭐️

Edited by tiny15 - 13 years ago