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"Shaan...Kaun Hai?"
This episode broke my heart into a million shards. The last scene, those last three words...
The BHR_K team is surpassing all my expectations, writing scenes with so much depth and then executing them in a way that leaves me stunned speechless for a long, long time. Words are simply not enough to describe the impact of this show and the feelings it evokes. But I will share my thoughts here because two scenes from today's episode deserve to be discussed at length...
And Karan V Grover deserves a standing ovation for his stellar, understated performance. God, I cannot imagine anyone in his place. No one could have nailed the nuances in these scenes like Karan did! The episode belonged to him, without a doubt. What an actor! But there's also his onscreen complement, the co-actor who contrasts him in every way and balances him out, who supports him and is able to stand shoulder to shoulder with him (figuratively!) in their scenes every step of the way. Ridhima Pandit, the scene stealer who doesn't need to say a single word to make my heart swell and shatter. The two of them together, with the help of the fantastic behind-the-scenes crew, made Rajni's farewell into something that will haunt me for a long, long time. What a team! 👏 👏 👏
"Rajni ko deliver karne ka time aa gaya. Kya tu ready hai? No, Rajni...Par tumhe deliver karne ka time aa gaya hai. Pata nahi main tumhe Matthew ko hand-over kaise karoonga. Main tumse kya kahoonga, Rajni? 'Activate Dismantling Mode'...? Aur tum kahogi...'Command accepted.' Don't accept this command, Rajni...Don't go..."
Shaan is talking to himself, looking out the window of the room that he and Rajni have been sharing for the past few days. He is quiet, morose, lost. And then something clicks into place. What is he saying? Why is he behaving like this? He knew this was coming. He had told Rajni himself, countless times.
"Kya 'Don't go'! Paagal ho gaya hai kya tu?! Abbey, realistic ban! Pragmatic! Practical! Rajni ki tarah! Logic board! Yes/no! Black/white! Rajni ek robot hai! Tu ek insaan hai! Koi baat mat karna! No discussion! Only command! Give command, accept command! That's it!"
And with that, Shaan leaps up from his seat, done warring with himself. Logic vs emotion. Two parts of his mind at odds...and he has resolved the conflict. It's as simple as the difference between black and white. Or is it? Subliminally, he just brought up the human-robot relationship issue again. The recent moments of intimacy between them, however innocent and pure they might have been, are not going to be forgotten. Those memories aren't going to vanish into thin air. But that is not his problem right now.
"Poora system hi shut down kar deta hoon. Best! Reboot kar ke, naya robot banaaoonga!" He begins the shutdown process, resolute. Then he stops...his resolve is weakening. "Lekin Rajni nahi bana paaoonga." He moves away from his laptop, runs a hand through his ever-messy hair, and slumps against the floor. "Shaan ko tumhari aadat ho gayi, Rajni. You are like his processor. Kaise rahoonga tumhare bina?"
I was struck by the varying composition of shots in this episode. Usually not many wide shots are shown in episodes besides the establishing shots for locations. So the variety in this scene made me go back and consider what made them stand out. Black and white everywhere. Shaan is clad in the two colors, the room furniture is also black and white. The decision to give Rajni up should be simple, easy, like the contrast between those two colors, and like Rajni's binary decisions. But it is not that simple anymore. Not for Shaan. The shot of Shaan looking out the window is fascinating. His face is not entirely visible through the windowpane. Fragmented. Incomplete. Just like he keeps saying he will be when Rajni leaves him. There are wide-angle shots of the entire hotel room, showing Shaan lying on the floor. The same floor where he slipped and fell and shared a few moments of innocent bliss with Rajni...And now he is there again, lifeless without Rajni by his side. The room is primarily decorated in shades of black, white, and gray. The only colors that really stand out come from the wall...and from the mug on the floor, which is white...and red. White and red. The two colors Rajni is wearing.
"Shaan! Aap kahan hai? Mujhe aapko ek zaroori baat bataani hai! Shaan!"
A visibly overjoyed Rajni walks into their hotel room. She calls out to him, glancing around. He is nowhere to be found. From another viewpoint, outside the bathroom door, Rajni can be seen standing with her back to the doorway. The camera sees what Shaan sees, moves as he moves. Shaan steps closer and closer, making rapid strides towards her. She turns.
She is so happy to see him. "Shaan! Mujhe aapko ek zar- " Before Rajni can say another syllable, Shaan reaches out to press her ear. Mute. The excitement in Rajni's expression is wiped clean off her face in a second, with the press of a button. Shaan looks at Rajni with pained eyes. She looks back at him, her gaze a bit hazy, her face just the slightest bit tight. Ridhima's expression stood out to me in this moment. I have absolutely no idea how she does this. How does she manage to keep her expression and body language so carefully controlled and still convey emotion without moving?! Incredible. I don't know how to describe it, exactly...but I felt like there's a shade of sadness in Rajni's face, just the lightest touch of it. It's not her normal resting smile. Nor is it her characteristically blank expression. It's something else. Something that, to my eyes, looked a little bit more human...
"Bas Rajni. Ab tum kuch nahi bologi. Main jaanta hoon tum mujhse bahut baatein karna chahti ho." His voice is gentle. "Tum aur kuch mat bolo, Rajni." He moves to stand behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Tumse jitni baatein karoonga, utna emotional hota jaaoonga. Weak ho jaaoonga. Phir tumhe Matthew ko deliver nahi kar paaoonga." He pauses for a moment before walking around to face her again. "Aur yeh sab jitna jaldi ho jaaye...utna better hai." Shaan averts his eyes, unable to meet Rajni's gaze for a few seconds. He can't bear to listen to her voice because he knows he won't be able to go through with this if she's interacting with him. It's already hard enough to tell her what he has to say.
When he looks at her face again, there's a turmoil in his eyes that provides a sharp contrast with her steady gaze. "Rajni...I have to dismantle you."
Slowly, she blinks.
"Maine kabhi socha bhi nahi tha," he says, both to himself and to her, "ki mujhe iss tarah apni Rajni ko dismantle karoonga." He presses his fingers along her hairline quickly, carefully, gently. "Mujhe aisa lag raha hai..." He swallows, trying to find his voice. "...jaise main apni body parts nikaal raha hoon." I had once mentioned that Shaan would have to honor his contract with Matthew by paying the price with a piece of his heart...That is what Shaan is going through right now. Rajni is so much a part of Shaan that it will leave him broken inside.
"Humare yaadon ke liye...tumhare naam pe...sirf mere paas yeh memory chip hai, Rajni." He can't say this without struggling. He says her name...It comes out as a whisper. "Iss mein tumhara saara data..." His gaze shifts from her face to the small chip in his hand, and then to someplace distant in his mind. His tone and expression are wistful as he continues speaking to her. "...humari saari yaadein...tumhare programs...sab kuch hai." He's trying to keep his emotions in check. "Jab bhi tumhe miss karoonga..." He exhales, a silent sigh, a hint of the pain within that he's holding back. "...iss chip ke sahaare tumhe yaad karoonga." His voice cracks and fades into silence.
I was instantly reminded of the very first time Shaan took Rajni with him for a presentation at Matthew's office. Then, Shaan had carefully pulled Rajni's hair into a ponytail, giving her instructions and last-minute advice to prepare her for the most important meeting of his life. He went into that meeting with high hopes and was fully willing to let Rajni go. The outcome of that meeting had initiated a chain of events that led to marriage and the deepening of the bond between them. Now, Shaan carefully gathers Rajni's hair into a bun, sharing his thoughts with her in a final farewell to brace himself for a meeting that will irrevocably change his life again. He's going into this meeting with an aching heart...and he doesn't want to let Rajni, his Rajni, go. But he has to. "Matthew ke paas tum ek blank robot ban ke jaaogi." He has no other choice.
As Rajni continues gazing at him, Shaan's voice begins to waver. "No Shaan..." He slowly reaches out to brush his hands against Rajni's cheeks. Smiling through his pain, he cups her face ever so lightly. "No Rajni..." He has touched her face so many times before...and this is the last time he will ever be able to feel that smooth outer layer of hers, the skin that he made for her. He needs this last moment of contact. He needs to feel her one last time. Wrapping his arms around her svelte form, he hugs her. She doesn't hug back. She never does. She never will. He presses a soft kiss against her hair. Then he pulls back, and she still has that unflinching, blank expression on her face. My heart began to break as I watched this, cracking slowly, bit by bit, with every word spoken, with every moment of focus on the contrast in Karan and Ridhima's faces and body language.
And the music. As soon as Shaan's fingers made contact with Rajni's skin and the first notes of the background music began to play, I knew this was going to be another scene that would haunt me. I knew this tune was going to be another one I'd want to keep. The music begins so softly and escalates as the scene progresses, so perfectly timed, so well-suited for the emotional turmoil that Shaan is going through as he dismantles Rajni.
She watches him pull her apart. There is reluctance and regret in every movement. He takes her arm and holds her hand, which is now rigid. His face crumples as he looks at their hands. A moment passes. He has to keep going. He frames her face in his hands, looking into her eyes. This is the hardest of all. The final farewell.
"Bye, Rajni. Thank you. Saari yaadon ke liye. Mera...mere parivaar ka itna dhyaan rakhne ke liye." His voice is husky, rough from all the pain he has been holding back. That pain shines clearly in his eyes through a sheen of tears. It is in his touch as he leans forward slowly to kiss her forehead. Her eyes drift closed as he kisses her...they open again when he pulls away. Unmute. She doesn't speak. She just looks at him with her big, beautiful eyes - her gaze is simultaneously blank and piercing.
"Hopefully...Hum phir kabhi milenge." Hoping against hope. "Aur hopefully, tumhari memory mein...meri koi memory hogi." His voice cracks as he says this, the cracks in his composure deepening with every passing second. Hoping for a miracle. Shantanu Kant, the pragmatic scientist...is now Shaan Kant, the heartbroken husband, whose only hope is that one day, his wife will return to him. That his Rajni Kant will remember him.
"Shaan." Rajni finally speaks. "Searching for Shaan." Her eyes. She's searching for him. She's searching for him - and he's right in front of her. He's right in front of her...and she can't see him. No data found. She sees right through him.
"No data found. Shaan...kaun hai?" Her robotic, clipped voice reaches him, and his throat tightens. "Shaan kaun hai?" His lips tremble and he tries to stay strong. "Shaan kaun hai?" A shaky breath escapes his lips as he holds her face in his hands. Every time she repeats those three words, he breaks a bit more. She asks him six times. "Shaan...kaun hai?" Her dark eyes move rapidly across his face, meeting his own eyes but not seeing. He listens, his eyes brimming with tears that don't spill over. His composure is crumbling, crumbling, crumbling into dust.
"Tum jab chali jaaogi, toh meri life ka sabse bada loss hoga. Shaan will be incomplete."
"Aapko jaanna mere memory ka sabse important data hoga."
Unable to bear it any longer, Shaan holds her head against his chest, letting out a silent sob. He cries for her, for them, for their memories. He has her memories with him...But that is not the same as having her by his side. Without Shaan, she is not his Rajni. He has left her with nothing. No Shaan...No Rajni.
Anupamaa
Indian Idol 15
