he was sitting alone in the bedroom, stroking the chords of guitar in his lap. he was lost somewhere, and was stroking a tone, like its so familiar to him that he can play it even in sleep. he was also humming a song...it sounds like something this !
apne karam ki kar agahey...
yaraaan...
this song was written many years ago, and he always hated it for its melancholic tone. but she...she used to love it. her favorite song was this, and he didnt get it whats so wonderful about this song. he many time asked her this question, but she just smiled, and said like a philosopher.
''iss gane main dard hain arjun...aur mujhe dard pasand hain.''
he was always got angry after her same reply every time. he asked in angry tone, ''kyu? tum khush nahi ho? ''
she used to smile at his anger, and sighed, ''khusi mein hi to dard ke saaye chupe hain.''
he gave up...she and her philosophy talks!
after all these years, he was singing this song...he sang the next lines, remembering her.
mujh ko irade de, kasme de vaade de
meri duao ke isharon ko sahare de
dil ko thikane de, naye bahane de
khwabon ki barishon ko mausam ke paimane de
apne karam ki kar agahey...
kar de idhar bhi tu nigahein...
sun raha hain na tu
ro raha hoon main
sun raha hain na tu...
kyu ro raha hoon main...
he can still remember how they first met...he was cursing this mumbai's rain and 10 km long traffic jam...he was late, and he hated being late, even for a mere minute. then his eyes went on her, standing on the footpath, enjoying the rain. he was mesmerized by her beauty and that peaceful look on her face. she was enjoying every drop of rain, like its now or never!
they met through a common friend's wedding, and get to know each other well. he was slowly falling in love with her...who wont? she was so pure, so caring, so loving, at the same time, supportive and strong individual. she was today's woman, single handed handling her work, her job in NGO, and her family, where she was the elder daughter in house. her approach towards life was so unique... she was ever so optimistic. she was able to see through tough times and find happiness in dark days. he can write a fully fledged book on her...but one thing he hated in her, her unknown love for sadness. sad , tragic stories, sad songs...she loved it more than anything. and he never knew why is that so!
when they met, she was well established, happy in her favorite job and family, and he, wanted to become a singer, but didnt get a chance to show his talent. she was like a good luck in his life...after she came, his life changed. she and her optimistic, positive approach...it transferred to him as well. he worked harder, and eventually, became a well known singer of country. he was famous rockstar...Arjun Rawte.
he write this song before he became famous...maybe her bug of sadness also bite him. he write this, and almost instantly started to hate it. it felt so sad, so much pain in this song...it made him uncomfortable. but she loved it. he still remembered how she used to request him to sing it, and he did it, after much requests, though half hearted. he was so happy in his life that time, and this song made him insecure...he dont want to felt the pain by singing it repeatedly.
he closed his eyes, cherishing those days...he sang next lines.
manjile ruswa hain, khoya hain rasta
aye le jaye, itni si ilteza
ye meri jamanat hain
tu meri amanat hain...haan
apne karam...
he remember the day they got married...that was his biggest happiness. he still remember how beautiful she looked in her bridal attire, or how she blushed when she saw him, or her happiness filled face when he put vermillion on her partition...
''ab meri har khwahish puri ho gayi...ab agar maut bhi aa jaye to koi gham nahi...'' she had said later that night, and he shut her up with his trademark glare and sealed her lips with his hand for further saying anything.
he was very happy in his married life, where many suffered after marriage , cursing the day when they had proposed their lady love, he everyday used to thank god for sending her in his life, for changing it to best. he was busy to love her unconditionally, and getting popular each day by hard work, while she balanced her job and his house. this whole house was decorated by her...the curtains, the bed sheet, the vases, the pictures, all were part of her interior designing plans. and he loved it, like he loved everything about her. whenever he used to enter his house, he felt relaxed, happy...the house was a positive place, like people feel in a temple, he felt the similar energy in here.
now when he stared at this bedroom, where their lives most precious memories are captured, he felt only emptiness. the colors of walls, the curtains, the photographs, the bed...everything is so incomplete, so wrong. it still felt very much familiar, but the positivity was missing. because the person herself was missing from the house, from his life. he is still waiting, this house is still waiting for the owner of this house, the owner of his heart, but they both know its impossible now. she is gone, forever.
he can still remember the day... she had come to his concert, which was very often. she came, and informed him that she is leaving for chennai for a work. he was so sad...he was not used to living without her, nor he wanted to. she smiled when he complained like a kid.
''please roshni, jana jaroori hain kya? kaise rahoonga tumhare bina?''
''main humesha ki liye thode hi na jaa rahi hoon arjun. aa jaoongi jaldi.''
she answered, and hugged him tightly, like she always did to make him understand. and he gave up, like always. he hugged her back, and kissed her on lips, surprising her. he had never did this public display of attraction before, but he did that day...now when he think about that, he felt maybe deep down his heart has felt that time its the last time he can feel her.
she was red due to shyness. she waved good bye, and slowly went away. he was still looking at her leaving, and unknowingly a small tear made its way. he was shocked, what the hell? why he was feeling like this emptiness? maybe because its the first time she is going away...first time he is watching her going away from him...and it hurt like anything.
he was staring in disbelieve in the tear in finger, and suddenly he heard a car's loud horn and several yelling. he automatically stared at the place where she was going, and his world stopped!
waqt bhi thehra hain, kaise kyu yeh huya
kash tu aise aye, jaise koi dua
tu ruh ki raahat hain, tu meri ibadat hain
apne karam...
she was standing on the side of high road, and a drunken fellow was driving harshly towards her...2 seconds and all things changed. her life, his life...everything was changed.
its been 2 years since that day. he still felt her every time he wake up, but when he open his eyes, he saw nothing. he still burned his food while cooking, but she was not there to scold him or to show how to do it properly. he feel she is talking to him, her usual talking like a wise, old saint, but he cant see her. he is messier like earlier, but she is not there to fix it. she is not there to fix his life.
she broke her promise ...she didnt come back.
he miss her...no, its like he is going crazy every passing day. sometime he wished so hard to see her, but his logical mind shout back at him, ''its impossible arjun, she is gone.'' . his heart refuse to accept it, but his mind, the emptiness in this house , all shout at him to accept this. sometime he felt it would have been better if he didnt feel her at all...then he got scare even to think not to feel her at all. he was at a dilemma, his life was a living hell. and there was none to drag him to life, or to throw a light in his dark life. 2 years...may be enough for others to move on...but not for him. he didnt even think anything except her, actually he didnt have to think about her at all. she was a part of life...like eyes and ears. its impossible of him to survive without her.
today his eyes fell on the guitar...she gifted it to him after his first public concert. his favorite guitar...he composed and played many songs in this. he cleaned it with hand, picked it up, and sitting on the bed, started to play. he didnt realize its the same song that she used to love so much.
finally he felt the pain in this song...and he dont have to try at all. this pain is now the part of his life.
15 june, 2013.
former rockstar and music composer Arjun rawte's body found in his own house under suspicious circumstances. the neighbours felt some disgusting smell from the house and went to check it, when they discover his body, lying in a pool of blood. the police told us that its a clear case of suicide. arjun rawte was under depression from last 2 years. he was traumatized after seeing his wife running over by a drunken car driver. the case is still running in the court. thousands of fans are heartbroken after the news was out .
ps i am not sadist...this os is depressing
pss i love this song...đł
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