The Truth
Sameer Rathod was not a petty man, but the truth is, we all lose control of ourselves sometimes.
For most of the eternity that had passed since Roshni's death, Sameer Rathod had tried to keep his emotions under control. Being the stereotypical 'macho' man, he didn't cry-in public that is. He reserved his flood of tears for the shower, where they were easily camouflaged.
Today, something inside him snapped. He'd been doing it perfectly for many years, keeping a stoic face, trying not to be too mean to his juniors, trying not to kill Rawte. Today, he had reached the end of his patience. His weary heart had given up the burden it had so bravely bore for so many years and given out. Maybe it was Rawte's lack of punctuality, maybe it was his refusal to acknowledge his authority.
Maybe it was the fact that he had expected Rawte to be a guilty, crying mess. Instead he had been composed and solved the case before anybody could say 'Caught you!' like he always did. And on top of it that woman Latika Rai had talked about getting close to him!! If Roshni had been alive, she would have set her straight.
Roshni. She'd been the most beautiful girl in his college. He remembered how the guys in class were always trying to get her to date them, how they passed lewd comments about her. Sameer had been the only guy who hadn't expressed any sexual interest and/or romantic desire in Roshni, and she'd appreciated it. When you were as good-looking as her, it was difficult to have your intelligence taken seriously.
He'd gone to train as an ETF officer afterwards, while she'd become a teacher in a reputed college. They'd remained in touch though, and then Rathod had committed what in his opinion, was the biggest mistake of his life. He'd introduced Roshni to Arjun.
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'Arre yaar, what's so special about this girl that you want me to meet her?'
'She's really smart. You keep complaining that I don't know enough about science and current affairs and stuff. She's up-to-date with all the possible trivia in the world. Ask her about machines, ask her a general knowledge question, ask her chemistry, there's a 100 percent chance she knows about it.'
'Wow, I must meet this Whiz Girlfriend of yours.'
'She's not my girlfriend idiot. I've never thought of her that way. We're like...Harry and Hermione!'
'I always thought they had a chance though, to be honest.'
'Shut up. Look, there she is.'
Arjun had been blown away the moment he'd laid his eyes on her. Those glossy black curls. Those kind, warm brown eyes. That nosering and jhumkas-uff, he loved a girl with style!! She carried a jhola bag and wore spectacles. She looked just like one of his stern teachers in school! He laughed at the thought.
"What's so funny?" she frowned.
"Hey Roshni, this is Rawte-Arjun Rawte, my best buddy from the Academy!! And this is Roshni, my best buddy from college."
Roshni disdainfully looked him over. He gave her a sly smile, and she sniffed,like there was something wrong blowing in the wind.
"What's that smell?"
"Rawte's deo. He says the ladies go crazy on it."
"I think it's disgusting," she said matter-of-factly. Arjun was delighted. This was the moment he'd been waiting for his entire life!! The one girl who didn't think he was the stuff dreams were made of! His mother had warned him about her, and here she was!
"Come Sameer, let's go have some chaat," she smiled. She glanced at Arjun the way a mother would look at a stray dog her son had bought home and wanted to keep as a pet, and motioned him to follow.
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Arjun was in love. It had been only two weeks, but he knew everything that was to know about Roshni. She was sensible, straightforward and practical. She was also, in his opinion, the smartest woman in the world. He didn't know whether it was just his hormones making him feel that way, but she was also prettier than Aishwarya Rai. Everything about her was perfect.
Except that Roshni didn't like him. As much as Arjun had enjoyed the proverbial chase, he knew that if he didn't do something to make her change her opinion fast, she would marry somebody else and his life would be destroyed, just like that. He needed to do everything that was possible to impress her. And who better to ask for advice than her best friend Sameer?
Sameer had been hesitant about the Arjun-Roshni pairing at first. However, he noticed the way Roshni would secretly look at Arjun, and he knew his friends were head-over-heels for each other. It would be so much fun playing Cupid!
Except that the fun soon turned to jealousy. Sameer noticed that the more time Arjun and Roshni spent in each other's company, the less time they had for him. Even though he didn't love Roshni romantically, as a best friend, he was still posessive about her. As it is, his quiet, stubborn nature made it difficult for him to make friends. Roshni had been the only one to break through his shell.
And now she belonged to Arjun.
After two years of dating, they finally tied the knot. He remembered how they'd jokingly touched his feet to ask for his blessings. He'd told Arjun, "Take care of her, or else I'll kill you."
The truth is, he had blessed them with a certain amount of resentment. He always wished that he could have his best friend back. But he knew Roshni would either laugh at his fears or grow upset on hearing that he thought that way. Besides, they made such a good couple. He didn't want to be the cause of misunderstandings between them.
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Now, so many years after Roshni's death, he wished he could turn back the clock. He wished that he'd never let Roshni and Arjun know about each other. He wished he'd never met Arjun, or gone to the Academy. Maybe if he'd just become a race car driver or a government clerk like his father...there were a thousand scenarios that he imagined, all which ended with Roshni alive.
Though he pretended to hold Arjun responsible for Roshni's death, he knew that wasn't the case. It was his fault. His fault he introduced them. His fault he let them get married. His fault he couldn't stop Sikandar or advise Arjun properly. His fault that he couldn't take the bullet for Roshni.
His therapist had called it 'survivor's guilt'. But he was too no-nonsense a man to believe in that emotional, psuedo-psychological crap. He was a police officer. He needed somebody to put the blame on, somebody to pronounce 'innocent or guilty'. Ambiguity, both in crime, and in tragedy, didn't do well for him.
He liked the world black and white, but Rawte lived in in a grey world. He had to move on, and be unemotional about Sikandar, and treat him like any other criminal. Rawte easily had bursts of anger, and he displayed pain in his eyes. He still dreamed of revenge. Rathod couldn't do that. He could only hate Rawte. It was better than thinking about arresting a criminal who was protected by the government and his own bosses. It made him a coward, and Rawte an idealistic fool.
But he would never admit the truth to anybody. He would keep it buried inside himself. He enjoyed watching Rawte squirm under the fury of his gaze. He enjoyed watching Rawte blame himself the way he had all these years. He enjoyed Rawte's guilt.
Sameer Rathod was not a petty man, but the truth is, we all lose control of ourselves sometimes.
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