Toshu, Kinjal and Parenting - Page 2

Originally posted by: surabhi01

Ya i remember anupama telling pakhi and toshu off when both insult anupama

Anupama did feel hurt and said to toshu that u told to ur papa about kinjal but not to me . ( toshu being love to kinjal share only to vanraj not to anupama)

And toshu Even said to vanraj that i dont want mother ( anupama) to come infront of kinjal mother because my mother is not educated and if mother come infront of kinjal mother then then i could not marry kinjal

So he ask vanraj to brinh kavya as my mother in front of rakhi .

So when anupama was not at home at that time kavya became mother of toshu and serving snacks to kinjal family

When anupama come to know that toshu and pakhi bring kavya as her mother infront of rakhi. . Then she ask toshu that why he did so. Toshu said because u r not educated to mera rishta kinjal ke saath toot jaata if kinjal mother have meet u

Then anupama said sternly said to toshu and pakshi that maa ki qualification nahi di jaati maa ka pyaar dekha jaata hai

Even toshu said to anupama that how can u take decison of grand father operation without papa permission ( grand father has heart attack and anupama and samar keep trying vanraj phone that his father has heart attack but vanraj is not picking phone at all as his phone was silent)

So doctor ask anupama to take decison soon as vanraj is not picking phone

So anupama took decison of operation on advise of doctor

So when toshu to anupama that how she can take decison of operation of grand father witout papa permission then at that time anupama tell toshu off

Toshu Even Dont want anupama to learn driving but anupama tell toshu off

And Even anupama slap toshu when he come drunk at home and insulting every one at home

Anupama said to pakhi marriage is important but gettting educated and standing on ur feet is Very important so before gettting married u shoulder become self independent and stand on ur feet

Anupama Even question pakhi about cigarette when anupama found cigarette in pakhi school bag

So there are many example where anupama did tell pakhi and toshu off. And did give nice advise and score to both when both pakhi and toshu are wrong and try to insult and dominate anupama

But as i told toshu and pakhi ko wohi karna hai jo woh chahte hain. Woh anupama ki baat ko ignore karte hain

So if toshu and pakhi ignoring anupama teaching to galti to pakhi and toshu ki hui. Anupama ki nahin

Apart from that Anu pretending maid - all happened after Anu knew about Vanraj's EMA. If she did not react with cigars, alcohol, them replacing her - I would have called her terrible mom. But, I just pointed out their parenting is lacking and is at fault.

You are still missing my point. My point is not just on how they behave, but them being self-sufficient, responsible - both at home and outside. Their attitude towards a lot of things.

Keeping this short, I still not agree that Anu's parenting is not at fault. She might be good, but she lacks a lot and that has somehow contributed to Toshu and Pakhi-- being the way they are.

Originally posted by: nautankitadka

I like your take on this. Toshu turned to be extremely pampered as the oldest 'baby' in the house. The family members were so happy to have their first third gen kid that they did not allow him to learn anything on his own. The preconceived society notions with the mother being pressurised to step back, the father looking at him as the zariya to achieve his dreams - MBA, Baa and Bapuji looking at him as taking the vansh forward and making him think as if he is the smartest on this earth has all played with his understanding. He loves Kinjal hence he is not acting out right now.

Kinjal has seen her parents start the coaching class. There may have been many times during her childhood when her parents (esp. Rakhi) must have been travelling to expand the business and create a brand of their own. She was expected to understand and learn to do things on her own, hence she is always eager to take up a challenge and complete it with utmost dedication. Rakhi may not be an ideal neighbour/society member in that she is classist, but never has she taught her daughter to compromise on her ideals and dreams, which she seems to be doing in her current role.

Lets see how this contrast works moving forward, and how the duo resolves their conflicts!

Exactly!! You expressed it way better. 👍🏼 Double standard the Shah family shows are sometimes too much. Exceptions from Kinjal and Toshu are completely different. Wait they don't show any expectation from Toshu at all.

Kinjal being educated/modern (what according to them Anu is not- was treated as an issue) - the treatment remains the same. And no one questions!

@BOLD Say it louder buddy! Her attitude towards various things is what wins me over.

Originally posted by: _charu_

Everybody's nature is different . Samar was influenced by Anupama more than others while toshu and pakhi are carbon copies of vanraj. The fault def lies with Anupama and vanraj and their parenting ..here parenting is secondary. When anupama doesnt find anything wrong with ba and vanraj (before ema revelation ), her right and wrong were also dictated by these 2 people not Anupama herself. Her eternal belief that everybody is good and kind hearted , her children are perfect is the main problem.

That stage is crossed now where Anupama needs to correct them. They are adults , overgrown kids actually but age wise , adults . They have been spoon fed their entire life n they expect the same . Toshu with his wife and pakhi with Anupama. There r several problems with such adults. N the only way they learn is when they are away from the influence of their parents and grand parents. However in the serial , superwoman Anupama will tc of all, and her belief will stand.

If rakhi should not interfere , ideally Anupama and her family must also not interfere . What kind of wedding it should be what honeymoon what job what should kinjal wear and what her daily routine should not be decided by either of the parents. But since toshu baby was spoonfed his entire life he is enjoying the attention from his mil lol. And kinjal is too desperate to live anupamas life.

Yes!! It is still hard for me to understand, her worshiping Vanaj and behaving as he dictated. As a mom, she should have taken a firm stand. But even if we neglect that time, now it is different.

They are showing her as a great mom and superhero - who is doing everything. But that is the problem, you cannot take everything on your shoulder and don't even encourage your children to solve their own problems. What is the point!

@Bold - Exactly. The funny thing is, Initially they emphasize a lot on education and working woman to show Anu inferior. Free pass was given from house duties and such, but now Kinjal matches all those criteria(except working women). She is expected to do everything Anu is doing. And with the same qualification, Toshu baby is lazying around in the house in name of studying. None of the children still can't even serve their own food.

I am actually looking forward to seeing Kinjal's limit to take all BS.

My point is that parents can only give good parenting to children if children ready to listen

Here whether it is matter of doing their own work or another matter parents can only give good parenting if there is proper communication between children and parents

Here anupama want to have communication with pakhi and toshu but toshu and pakhi Even Dont want to listen what her mother want to say

Whenvever anupama try to have communication with pakhi and toshu both just away and close their room or say i hate u mother ( pakhi said to anupama i hate u

Pakhi and toshu never want proper communication with her mother though anupama want to have communication with both pakhi and toshu

It is not only anupama duty to give good parenting but it is also duty of children tos listen hu what her mother want to say

Jub dono taraf se corporation hota hai aur proper communication hota tabhi positive result hota hai

Aur apni maa ki baat suno isko koi nahin seekha sakta khuch baatein ander se aati hain

Another big factor anupama totally left slone while giving parenting to three children

Giving all alone parenting to three children while doing all house hold chores is not easy Task . Here vanraj never cooaprate anupama in raising children . He never teach her children ( pakhi and toshu) to do theit own work. Always saying ghar ka kaam karna sirf anupama ka hai

To parenting mein anupama ke saath vanraj bhi cooaprate karta to pakhi toshu kuch to sahi hote

Originally posted by: piyu008

What most of us have been discussing since before Toshu -Kinjal wedding. The makers are slowly turning cards.

The ultimate product of Immaturity, greediness, and insufficiency - The Toshu baby. He is literally living his nickname "Baby".

This overgrown baby has a habit of getting everything on his hands. He probably did nothing his entire life except for studying. Anu gives everything in his hand, he probably doesn't even know where dishes are placed in the kitchen.

A person usually his age, usually knows how to be self-sufficient. Use sab kuch hath me hi mila he, so now he doesn't see any reason not to accept gifts from his mother-in-law. I don't think he is thinking about his capabilities, like Pakhi he is materialistic. The honeymoon package - only those two were happy. If someone provides for him for life, he won't move a muscle to do anything. I mean basic job or training kise krni he, direct MD ban jau.

He doesn't even think that if that position should be given - it should be given to Kinjal. Like seriously what kind of delusion is that, on what basis he is claiming anything before Kinjal.

On the other hand, Kinjal - the so-called daughter of 'Not So Sanskari' Rakhi. She is been grown beautifully. Apart from a runaway wedding, selecting Toshu as a life partner - She is been perfect in her choices, has been mature and smart. It seems Rakhi was away while she was a kid, which again proves how wrong Anu - Vanraj's parenting is.

If you don't push your child to learn on their own or don't even try to teach them - this is what you get as a product - Toshu, and Pakhi. They got lucky with Samar. Spoonfeeding on every damn thing!!

PS: I am not really against Rakhi giving them a honeymoon package. I think that is how things usually work. One side of the family usually arranges for a honeymoon, if the couple themselves don't.

I didn't understand why they treated it as a Taboo. I mean, every couple in the family has kids - how did they get kids.🤪 Doing it is fine, but you can't discuss a honeymoon trip 🤣

Of course, what Rakhi pointed out was straight to the point - EMA is fine, Vanraj living with Kavya is fine but a newly wedded couple can't discuss a honeymoon trip with their family.

Vanraj is hopeless case so no need to discuss him

Originally posted by: surabhi01

My point is that parents can only give good parenting to children if children ready to listen

Here whether it is matter of doing their own work or another matter parents can only give good parenting if there is proper communication between children and parents

Here anupama want to have communication with pakhi and toshu but toshu and pakhi Even Dont want to listen what her mother want to say

Whenvever anupama try to have communication with pakhi and toshu both just away and close their room or say i hate u mother ( pakhi said to anupama i hate u

Pakhi and toshu never want proper communication with her mother though anupama want to have communication with both pakhi and toshu

It is not only anupama duty to give good parenting but it is also duty of children tos listen hu what her mother want to say

Jub dono taraf se corporation hota hai aur proper communication hota tabhi positive result hota hai

Aur apni maa ki baat suno isko koi nahin seekha sakta khuch baatein ander se aati hain

Another big factor anupama totally left slone while giving parenting to three children

Giving all alone parenting to three children while doing all house hold chores is not easy Task . Here vanraj never cooaprate anupama in raising children . He never teach her children ( pakhi and toshu) to do theit own work. Always saying ghar ka kaam karna sirf anupama ka hai

To parenting mein anupama ke saath vanraj bhi cooaprate karta to pakhi toshu kuch to sahi hote

If u see samar did scold pakhi on her birthday for going to hotel and celebrating birthday . If anupama did not scold but samar scold pakhi

And anupama does not like it that pakhi celebrate her birthday in hotel thoiugh she does not scold pakhi

When pakhi was scold by samar. Pakhi start crying and vanraj taunt everybody that thank u giving my daughter tear as gift

So when there is no coaperation from father in giving good parenting so what can anupama do all alone while giving parenting to three children

Good parenting tabhi di jaa sakti hai jub doosre ke side bhi corparate karein aur sunne ko tayar ho

Roti muh mein tabhi daali jaa sakti hai jub saamne wala mooh kholne ke tayar ho yeh to saamne walon ko khud sochna chahiye ki use mooh band rakhna hai ya mooh kholna hai roti khaane ke liye

Yahi baat toshu aur pakhi ke parenting ke case mein. Anupama unhe daat degi unhe bata degi ki tum yahan galat ho but maa ki baat ko samjhana aur use follow karna yeh pakhi aur toshu ko khud samjhana hoga jo ki toshu aur pakhi nahi karte hain and both keep arguing aisa kya ho gaya maine aisa kar diya. Aakhir isme problem kya hai

Originally posted by: piyu008

Exactly!! You expressed it way better. 👍🏼 Double standard the Shah family shows are sometimes too much. Exceptions from Kinjal and Toshu are completely different. Wait they don't show any expectation from Toshu at all.

Kinjal being educated/modern (what according to them Anu is not- was treated as an issue) - the treatment remains the same. And no one questions!

@BOLD Say it louder buddy! Her attitude towards various things is what wins me over.

It just goes to show how a difference in upbringing and circumstances have led to these two individuals to act completely differently when it comes to handling pressures and functioning as adults. Kinjal may have riches, but they were all earned by sacrificing time with her. Vanraj never let Anu progress, so she got left behind and trampled by her children too, and she allowed that in the name of 'love'. What I dont understand is while a 18-year old Anu married into the household emulated Baa because she thought that was the right way to go, Kinjal is a tad bit older, smarter and knows what she wants from life. So she should not put up with that treatment when it threatens her self-worth. Lets hope Toshu learns from her in this journey.

Originally posted by: tellyme

Little disagree.. Kids don't listen... Teenage is the time when you start fixing kids... Most kids become rebel at this age... They learn new things and think they know everything and parents know nothing... This is common.. it is these few years when smart parenting is needed and soft and hard methods are applied to bring kids in proper shape.. it is duty of parents.. you can't be strict all time and can't be soft all time.. and need very keen and observant parenting... This was lacking here as Annu is soft every time and try to be in good book of kids... Pakhi needed a good scolding for her birthday act but Annu was hiding and crying.. comeon she is your daughter not a friend who have hurt you... It was Annu's duty to make Pakhi realise about how she has ignored all families effort... This is just an example

Exactly! They never listen- you have to make them listen to you. By hook or crook. That is why I think Rakhi is a somewhat practical mother compare to Anu.

That phase itself is quite delicate. As you said, both parents need to balance out being good cop -bad cop.

That is the age where you get under peer pressure. I have had friends doing such stunts- running away from the house, getting all obsessed with things friends have, a single no can sometimes turn them into thinking - their life is miserable. Teens are usually selfish, there is a reason teens are considered most difficult to raise in literally every culture.

With Pakhi especially, there is a lot of scope. Her not giving a big deal to anyone's feelings, being all materialistic, not treating EMA seriously. She even befriended Kavya back. She has become an epitome of selfishness - Anu needs to step in real bad. But she is busy pleasing everyone.

Not to forget, many kids are lazy - you can't just expect them to help around a household out of responsibility. You gotta teach it. That is why mothers usually make little kids do different errands so they get used to doing work from a small age.

Originally posted by: nautankitadka

It just goes to show how a difference in upbringing and circumstances have led to these two individuals to act completely differently when it comes to handling pressures and functioning as adults. Kinjal may have riches, but they were all earned by sacrificing time with her. Vanraj never let Anu progress, so she got left behind and trampled by her children too, and she allowed that in the name of 'love'. What I dont understand is while a 18-year old Anu married into the household emulated Baa because she thought that was the right way to go, Kinjal is a tad bit older, smarter and knows what she wants from life. So she should not put up with that treatment when it threatens her self-worth. Lets hope Toshu learns from her in this journey.

Yes!!

I am happy that she is talking back even if it is just little. I think part of the reason is her respect for Anu, and her teachings of respecting elders no matter the reason

But I do believe, Kinjal will get fed up at a point. She is clearly not used to unfair treatments and Baa doesn't look like she is going to stop. And no one in the house has the guts to stop her anyway.

So I think it will be interesting to watch -- how Kinjal will handle it.