I dont get Anu - Page 2

Originally posted by: piyu008

I know right!

I do fail to understand her. They are showing her as a perfect, responsible parent. But is she one? Nope don't think so.

This whole chapter of Pakhi - there were so many questionable things. Her telling Pakhi - 'Bado ke bich me na pde and respect Kavya'.. I mean WT*?

First, she is not a toddler. Respect for elders differs from person to person. Are you teaching her, to respect a marriage wrecker who created the distress in the house and turn blind eye to it?! How she is not in the equation? She is a teen, if she doesn't understand how a big issue is EMA - it is Anu's job to explain the situation.

And putting the entire expensive gift/party thing on Vanraj and Kavya is not helping at all. At least let her know what happened was wrong! Anu telling her she can't get upset on Pakhi's Khushi --- Dude like is that supposed to be the point? Shouldn't she point out - Pakhi is finding so-called happiness at the wrong place and in the wrong thing.

For today's episode, I think even Toshu was more sensible than Anu. I wrote it in another post as well, Anu should have learned hard way by now, what that kind of parenting could do from Baa- Vanraj's example.

They do point out what Vanraj is not supposed to do as a parent, well completely agree there. But what about Anu's parenting duties!!

Pakhi specifically is lacking an entire emotion called empathy - shouldn't that be a red alert already!

I think you’re contradicting yourself here. If the creatives were showing Anu as a perfect parent, then your words would support that view. You yourself have just said that you do not think so, then where are you getting the impression that they are showing her as that? Literally lots of people on here are saying that Anu’s parenting needs a lot of work. This post is example of that. If it was the opposite, everyone would have glorified Anupamaa’s as this ‘Perfect Maa’, but this is obviously not the case. Your perception I of Anupamaa is only there because of a viewing experience and had Anupamaa not been presented in the way that she has been or is being, you would not have characterised her parenting in the way that you have. So, no, I do not think they are attempting to showcase her as this perfect parent. At least, you cannot say that because your experience of it is entirely different and your words are evidence of this. Putting my phenomenological argument in short, I don’t think it makes sense for you to say that they are showing Anu as a perfect, responsible mother, if your actual experience of Anupamaa is opposite. Also, what exactly is a perfect mother anyway? All mothers are human beings and no human being is perfect, then how can a mother who is a human first (inherently imperfect) be a perfect mother?

Also, what do you expect Anu to tell Pakhi to do in relation to Kavya? That she should shout at her, rebuke her, argue with her and put herself in a complex situation where she has no relevance? We can already see that Pakhi is uncomfortable around Kavya nowadays anyway.. she isn’t being how she used to be. Is this not enough to show that Pakhi does have some understanding of right and wrong in some ways?

As for respecting Kavya, I prefer to believe that what Anupamaa meant what was that she continue to be civil with her, which in some way or the other a form of respect. Respect does not need to mean that one must worship the other person. We experience this with lots of people, we have people in our life that turn our life upside down, but our social circumstances mean that we must continue to behave in a civil way with them, even if really deep down we want to strangle them. And why should Kavya be called the home wrecker here? The home was wrecked because Vanraj made a choice that broke their family. If anything Pakhi should reprimand her father for the whole situation.

Pakhi, her brothers and the remaining family members are only in the equation for a small part. Anupamaa is not entirely wrong to advise Pakhi that she should not get in the middle of her parents because she should not. The EMA, though affecting the whole family in some significant way, is a matter entirely between Anu and Vanraj. Pakhi and Vanraj share a father and daughter relationship, why should his status as a husband and his actions as one affect Pakhi’s perception? After all, a child does not love its parents because of their status as a husband and wife. In other words, we do not love our mother or father because of the way they are to each other. Our love for them is independent of their relationship. Our relationship to each is personal and unique. Further, is it really necessary that Anu spell out how wrong EMA is when Pakhi has literally witnessed the worst arguments, her dad being thrown out of the house, finding herself torn between parents all because of a EMA. If she is not processing all of this as a negative consequence of EMA, then do you think a simple statement or a conversation from her mother would do the job? I really do doubt it.

As for Pakhi finding happiness in the wrong things - well we are all guilty of this. I have said elsewhere that as human beings we all define happiness from things beyond us. As a specie, we all feel that falling in love with someone, marrying someone, buying nice clothes, having a nice house, having friends, having lots of money and so on as a source of happiness. These are all things beyond and outside of us. Most of us struggle to be happy in ourselves. I personally think that these people have never truly found the real happiness which lies within themselves, but I do not go around telling everyone that they are looking for happiness in wrong things. But then at the end of the day, just as you say respect varies from one person to another, so does happiness. If that is what made Pakhi happy in that moment, then so it did.

And empathy means putting yourselves in someone else’s shoe (at least this a common perception) how can a teenager who has had no relationship with another person, who has not been married for 25 years or married at all nor have kids and experience anything similar to a breakdown of a relationship have the kind of empathy needed for this kind of situation. She does have sympathy, she does accept that whatever has happened is not right. I like to think this is enough, at least for now.

I do agree though that whatever has happened is wrong and Pakhi does consider this. She did speak to her mother afterwards, who later has said that it’s ok, if you were happy then that is all that matters. If Anupamaa can convince herself that at the end of the day, what mattered the most was Pakhi’s feeling and not hers, then she has clearly put her daughter before her feelings and she is allowed to do this. We all sometimes suppress our hurt and disappointment for the sake of someone’s happiness. This is often for our family members or closest friends. We all have experienced a situation like this, where we expected something but the opposite happened. But we convince ourselves that if that is what made them happy then I suppose that is good enough for me.

One of my lecturer once said: “the world is not made up of our characteristics”. This is true. Being a human means being a “Being” like no other. To expect Anupamaa to meet an ideal that does not exist anywhere is nothing but foolishness.

Originally posted by: kooki07

i have not been watching it from the beginning started only just before their 25th anniversary but i have not seen the boys and girl been told off for anything how they are going to learn difference between right and wrong it should have been taught from the early age thats why it been said that your first school is your mum .

Thats correct. But beginning episode we can clearly make out that Pakhi and toshu were not that much affected with Anupama. Whatever Vanraj was telling they would listen. So because of Vee only children are like these.

Anupama want to give 1 birthday dress to pakhi according to budget may be around rs 2000

Where as vanraj give 4 costly dress ( around rs 20000 rs for 4 dress) to pakhi just because pakhi select those dress

Then it is understood who is really pampering, babysitinng their kid

Show is loosing track ...Anupama became week she was supposed to work somewhere here they r showing she is asking money to her cheater egostic hubby ...what happened to their divorce ?

Now every episode cheaters Vanya humiliating ,taunting Anupama and she is crying nothing else same abla nari

Don't want to comment abt Pakhi ... Want her out of home soon she need a big lesson the way she behave like nothing wrong her father has done ...

In all this only Rakhi kinjal's mom I liked 🤪😆 She said right that paise ke liye tum log Sautan Ko saheli Bana loge Pyaar my foot 😆

It was long so, I have put in my response in between in Bold.

Originally posted by: ThePhilosopher

I think you’re contradicting yourself here. If the creatives were showing Anu as a perfect parent, then your words would support that view. You yourself have just said that you do not think so, then where are you getting the impression that they are showing her as that? Literally lots of people on here are saying that Anu’s parenting needs a lot of work. This post is example of that. If it was the opposite, everyone would have glorified Anupamaa’s as this ‘Perfect Maa’, but this is obviously not the case. Your perception I of Anupamaa is only there because of a viewing experience and had Anupamaa not been presented in the way that she has been or is being, you would not have characterised her parenting in the way that you have. So, no, I do not think they are attempting to showcase her as this perfect parent. At least, you cannot say that because your experience of it is entirely different and your words are evidence of this. Putting my phenomenological argument in short, I don’t think it makes sense for you to say that they are showing Anu as a perfect, responsible mother, if your actual experience of Anupamaa is opposite. Also, what exactly is a perfect mother anyway? All mothers are human beings and no human being is perfect, then how can a mother who is a human first (inherently imperfect) be a perfect mother?

Talking about Anu from the serial (not real world) - Makers had this image of hers that she has been at her best at being a mother, a housewife, a wife, and DIL. When it comes to her family - that has been her image from the start. So yes Anu has been portrayed that almost perfect from the start. I certainly did not make it up here. If you remember they use the word 'Achhi' with that context. In the real-world I agree - no one is perfect. Mothers learn as they grow old- so should have Anu, from Vanraj and Baa's example.

Also, what do you expect Anu to tell Pakhi to do in relation to Kavya? That she should shout at her, rebuke her, argue with her and put herself in a complex situation where she has no relevance? We can already see that Pakhi is uncomfortable around Kavya nowadays anyway.. she isn’t being how she used to be. Is this not enough to show that Pakhi does have some understanding of right and wrong in some ways?

So is being uncomfortable enough?! I don't have the same complaints from Samar and not even Toshu.

Just ignoring Kavya would do, don't you think so? Would you party with someone who contributed to breaking your parents' relation just a week before? Would you eat cake from someone like that? Someone who made your mother cry buckets!! Does any of this seem realistic to you? No one in their right mind goes around celebrating birthdays with someone in the equation of Kavya - not to forget it has just been days. The wounds are still fresh! No one recovers from such a shock this quickly unless you don't give a damn!

As for respecting Kavya, I prefer to believe that what Anupamaa meant what was that she continue to be civil with her, which in some way or the other a form of respect. Respect does not need to mean that one must worship the other person. We experience this with lots of people, we have people in our life that turn our life upside down, but our social circumstances mean that we must continue to behave in a civil way with them, even if really deep down we want to strangle them. And why should Kavya be called the home wrecker here? The home was wrecked because Vanraj made a choice that broke their family. If anything Pakhi should reprimand her father for the whole situation.

I agree with civil behaviour. BUT why Kavya can't be called marriage or homewrecker?? They BOTH made a choice which resulted in what happened. Kavya or Vanraj alone did nothing. There is always a two-way street. I agree she should be more upset with her father - that proves my point of her being not understanding enough of the situation.

Pakhi, her brothers and the remaining family members are only in the equation for a small part. Anupamaa is not entirely wrong to advise Pakhi that she should not get in the middle of her parents because she should not. The EMA, though affecting the whole family in some significant way, is a matter entirely between Anu and Vanraj. Pakhi and Vanraj share a father and daughter relationship, why should his status as a husband and his actions as one affect Pakhi’s perception? After all, a child does not love its parents because of their status as a husband and wife. In other words, we do not love our mother or father because of the way they are to each other. Our love for them is independent of their relationship. Our relationship to each is personal and unique. Further, is it really necessary that Anu spell out how wrong EMA is when Pakhi has literally witnessed the worst arguments, her dad being thrown out of the house, finding herself torn between parents all because of a EMA. If she is not processing all of this as a negative consequence of EMA, then do you think a simple statement or a conversation from her mother would do the job? I really do doubt it.

She should not get in the middle of their parents when it comes to divorce or any fight.

That does not take her role as daughter away. Sorry but I don't get your point. Maybe we have different cultural understanding. Not saying you are wrong, but as a daughter why should she not be angry on her mother's behalf? They are still family, aren't they? If your father does something that is morally wrong to your mother - do you just blindly ignore the whole thing? That, it is between husband and wife - it is none of my business? You won't even go to your father to confront him?

To me, she has the full right to question her father, show her anger and discouragement. They are family for god's sake. What she has been doing is ignoring the whole thing to stay in her Lala land. Her not processing the negative impact of EMA is the major issue. That is why Anu need to teach her better, and teaching a child does not necessarily result in a simple statement. The way she is now, tomorrow she can do the same with her husband and just say 'Oh my father did this too because he was not happy with my mother - No one made such a big deal that time. Why on earth me doing the same is wrong!'

As for Pakhi finding happiness in the wrong things - well we are all guilty of this. I have said elsewhere that as human beings we all define happiness from things beyond us. As a specie, we all feel that falling in love with someone, marrying someone, buying nice clothes, having a nice house, having friends, having lots of money and so on as a source of happiness. These are all things beyond and outside of us. Most of us struggle to be happy in ourselves. I personally think that these people have never truly found the real happiness which lies within themselves, but I do not go around telling everyone that they are looking for happiness in wrong things. But then at the end of the day, just as you say respect varies from one person to another, so does happiness. If that is what made Pakhi happy in that moment, then so it did.

This is not just about her being attracted to materialistic things, I certainly do not suggest that she should leave the material world to become a sage. Mothers usually teach their child, liking the limitations of materialistic things. I pointed it out because everyone in the house was worried about the expenses she did on her birthday (Everyone is just talking, no one is saying a single thing directly to her). It would have been better if Anu or anyone tried to teach her that expensive things don't matter - emotions do. If she doesn't learn such basic things as a teen, when exactly she is going to learn it. It is point blank simple that they going have some financial trouble now, so I believe now is the time.

And empathy means putting yourselves in someone else’s shoe (at least this a common perception) how can a teenager who has had no relationship with another person, who has not been married for 25 years or married at all nor have kids and experience anything similar to a breakdown of a relationship have the kind of empathy needed for this kind of situation. She does have sympathy, she does accept that whatever has happened is not right. I like to think this is enough, at least for now.

Yup, you are correct there. The problem is she lacking sympathy as well. I don't expect her to behave all mature, but the point again is her being educated on the situation of the house. The houses which have problems - their kids usually are grown up before their age. The point is, she must be educated enough to understand that her mother was wronged by her father. Her father cheated on her mother for 8 straight years. We won't be asking too much, if we ask a child to sympathise with her mother, right? (Just say once 'Haan Mamma, papa ne galat kiya') All I ask is for her to accept - that wrong has been done.

I do agree though that whatever has happened is wrong and Pakhi does consider this. She did speak to her mother afterwards, who later has said that it’s ok, if you were happy then that is all that matters. If Anupamaa can convince herself that at the end of the day, what mattered the most was Pakhi’s feeling and not hers, then she has clearly put her daughter before her feelings and she is allowed to do this. We all sometimes suppress our hurt and disappointment for the sake of someone’s happiness. This is often for our family members or closest friends. We all have experienced a situation like this, where we expected something but the opposite happened. But we convince ourselves that if that is what made them happy then I suppose that is good enough for me.

I agree with this one, from Anu's POV it makes sense.👍🏼

One of my lecturer once said: “the world is not made up of our characteristics”. This is true. Being a human means being a “Being” like no other. To expect Anupamaa to meet an ideal that does not exist anywhere is nothing but foolishness.

Well, I won't say it doesn't exist - she just needs to grow a backbone. If anything a Teen not reacting to EMA is unrealistic. Teens are usually capable enough to understand relationships, loyalty and honesty. A teen her age, should have been capable enough to understand her mother was wronged. A teen her age, should have been angry at a woman who contributed to breaking her mother's heart!

PS: Nothing directed to you personally. Just healthy debate - so apologies if something comes of as too strong.🤗