Ehi Murare

Ehi Murare Completed G

Rukmini

Published On Wednesday,Apr 15, 2020 15:16 PM GMT-06:00

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BrhannadaArmour
BrhannadaArmour @BrhannadaArmour 1 months ago You have used language skillfully to create atmosphere and characters. The parts I especially liked: how Kṛṣṇa’s story inspires Rukmiṇī’s doll-play and observation of seasons; how the idea of Dvārakā inspires her to imagine the ocean and hold the conch shell to her ear; how Rukmiṇī experiences the ocean for the first time while realizing that she’ll never see her people again.

You made the characters come to life with these touches: Bhīṣmaka drinks a lot and misses Rukmiṇī’s mother, who passed away; Rukmiṇī as a young child listens to Nārada; Rukmin reasons with Rukmiṇī.

A few details didn’t feel right to me. If Rukmiṇī hasn’t seen Kṛṣṇa or his portrait, why would Rukmin say that he doesn’t blame Rukmiṇī because Kṛṣṇa is easy on the eyes? Wouldn’t Kāśīśvarī have told Rukmin that Rukmiṇī was attracted to Kṛṣṇa’s indomitable daring?

Kāśīśvarī means “mistress of Kāśi,” and such a name, especially shortened to Kāśī, seems anachronistic in this setting, when the Kāśi country had a king, women rarely ruled a kingdom, and people were typically named after body types or moral values, not deities. (Sāvitrī is an exception.) A princess from Kāśi would have been called Kāśyā.

Would Rukmiṇī write her letter on “paper” with a “pen,” or on cloth, palm-leaf etc. with a stylus? Would her friends offer “glasses” of water, or cups?

Although your Śiśupāla is an only child, Harivaṃśa 87.20-21 tells us that Damaghoṣa and Śrutaśravas had five sons: Śiśupāla, Daśagrīva, Raibhya, Upadiśa, and Balin.

In your story, is Kāśīśvarī’s daughter the future wife of Pradyumna?

I have many proofreading suggestions that I'll put in replies.
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