Ehi Murare

Ehi Murare Completed G

Kalindi

Published On Tuesday,Sep 29, 2020 10:08 AM GMT-06:00

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BrhannadaArmour
BrhannadaArmour @BrhannadaArmour 9 days ago This story creates anticipation right from the start. Kālindī’s restless mood suits the river’s nature, and her expectation that the Sun smiles down at her is a clever hint at her divine father.

Days of the week may be an anachronistic concept in a story set in ancient India, but I like how you used Sunday to draw a parallel between Kālindī’s human father, the sage, and her divine father, the Sun.

The watery imagery (ripple, fog) as Kālindī recognizes Kṛṣṇa is apt and seamlessly woven into the narration. The memories that you have given Kālindī are expertly chosen.

The banter between Kālindī and Kṛṣṇa is endearing. Kṛṣṇa lives by the western ocean, but Yamunā flows into Gaṅgā and reaches the eastern ocean. Kṛṣṇa made me laugh, foreshadowing Bhagavad-Gītā by saying that he has to sing entire songs to get Arjuna to pay attention.

I have a few proofreading suggestions in the reply.
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