Posted:
It's a looong post so please bear with me.
I always thought that Shaurya had abandonment issues, because his mother died in his childhood, his abusive father abandoned him for his selfish reasons, most of his foster family made him feel unwanted except for Karuna, and the only time he dared to love (before Mahek) he was used and discarded. I used to say until yesterday that he is a grown man and he is responsible for his own problems. That's true, but after reading some articles, I felt that it would help to have a strong loving person in his life. His mother is loving, but the fear of abandonment rears its head mainly in intimate relationships, so she won't be of much help there. But Mahek's character is behaving in the most counter productive manner at present though. I will write about it later. There is pattern in the way Shaurya behaved with Mahek. Whenever he was attracted to her, he would body shame her or call her unworthy of him. It's his way of self preservation from getting hurt again. Actually, he himself feels unworthy of love. From what I read, fear of abandonment is of primal nature, which a person develops for survival. It's not like normal fears one can get rid of, but one has to learn to be aware of it and deal with it in a positive manner. When it is triggered, the person actually relives his childhood trauma and acts like a child in an adult body. For all his boasting, Shaurya never got intimate with another girl after Shruthi, because intimacy triggers the feeling in him that he was used and dumped. He turned into a serial dater, who flees as soon as it gets more serious. After a long time, Mahek is the only girl he actually opened up to. He did want to marry her and was even rushing it for the fear that something will go wrong and she will leave him. But something triggered the fear just before the cocktail party, and he ran away before going through with marriage. He is a giver and he is always eager to give and keeps on giving to even those undeserving people and then feels the hurt, when they don't acknowledge and even make him feel worthless. That's why he felt good at Sharma house, because they not just forgave his mistakes, but also acknowledged the good he had done for them. The only way he can win over this fear is by learning to identify these triggers and facing them head on, instead of falling prey to them. I have to say that Karan is doing a marvelous job at portraying this character. Very complex character indeed. He literally looked like a wounded lion in the past few episodes. But please don't cross the line and make Shaurya a violent abusive asshole. What's with the stupid MCP dialogues like " She is not even my wife! Why would I hit her?!" . He is not that kind of a man! Please keep it sensible if you are planning a love story between these two.
That aside, I feel that the way they are shaping Mahek's character is downright disgusting. That is exactly how she is not supposed to act if she actually wants to breaks through his walls. I know that it's not a woman's job to fix a man, but if they are going for it, the least they can do is do it in a sensible manner. Why does she want to combat him and conquer him, when the right way is to stand her ground, set boundaries, but still reassure him of her love through her actions?! I loved the way she stayed in his bedside when he was ill. The way he snuggled into her and held onto her was really heartwarming. She didn't have to wash his hands. That was too much. We understand that she is a pativrata nari, but his hands are fine and he can wash them himself! I hated the way Karuna and Mahek plotted against him though and tried to bring him to his knees and beg for help. That's so mean and unkind. That's not how you win his trust and make him open up. Mahek does realize that he has childhood traumas and says that she wants him to see his faults. But her way of going about it is so wrong at many levels. And what's with the nari morcha crap?! Will he be able to put this humiliation behind him?! Will anyone in his place be able to do that?! How are her recent actions going to heal him?! He has fear of abandonment and hence wants to be in control of his life, but she wants to control him and make him dance to her orders! Does that even make sense?! She needs to let him fix himself instead of trying control him like her pet puppy. She needs to give him some room to breathe and let him figure out for himself. She is treating him like damaged goods that needs to be fixed instead of treating him like a human being with flaws. Only when he fights his own battles will he be able truly win over his fears. I know he hurt her and she has all the rights to leave him to rot in his own hell or take legal action against him, but she cannot treat him like this in the name of love. She is not God to punish him! She is acting like Svetlana. Hope Shaurya tells her that in clear words. Hope she realizes her own faults first before she helps him.
Let's say, my husband punishes me for misdirecting my anger at him sometimes, would I trust him ever with my fears?! I don't even have a traumatic past, but I do make mistakes! He tells me to take a minute to calm down and talk to him before going to bed. In other words, I can't go to sleep without talking about my outburst. (The only time he didn't make me talk was when I was in labor and shouted at him. I wasn't breathing properly, because the insides of my nose was inflamed from all the pushing. When he told me to calm down and breathe, I shouted that I am not going to breathe and to just get the baby out! 😛) I used to find it annoying in the beginning, because I didn't want to face the real reason and just wanted to keep on brooding. The reason would be that I have to be nice to people in the society and when something hurtful happens I take it out on my husband on some pretext. So I learned to speak my heart out at the right time in a less combative manner, instead of bottling it up and bursting out on the wrong person.
I think that's the right strategy to deal with Shaurya as well, if Mahek really means what she says she feels about him. She needs to make him trust her and talk about his fears. Conversations Conversations! She needs to make him aware of his fears and their ill effects on his relationships, but let him fix himself. He actually needs to be more self reliant in dealing with his fears as it will give him confidence that he can fight it alone and it will make him feel like a fighter and not some damaged piece that needs to be fixed by someone. She just needs to be there for him. He is the one who told her the trick to face her fear of not being to live up to expectations, as her online friend. Fry the fear in the pan, Darr ke aage jeet hai! She learnt to turn that fear into her strength, not weakness. He is the one, who encouraged her as KK! Wish she returns the favor and helps him face his fears, but without being a doormat and falling into codependency! If you want to take the realistic route, let them take the help of a therapist. She has gone through similar losses as him in the childhood, so she can bond with him over that! Can I expect them to start afresh as friends with a clean slate after the Valentines, all baggage and pent up emotions burnt?! I absolutely don't have a problem with live-in or legitimacy of their marriage. I have a problem with her confusion and hypocrisy. I realized that Mahek's approach is making me more angry than Shaurya's problem. She oscillates between nari shakti and doormat. Please give her character some silent strength. Again, she just needs to stand her ground, set boundaries, but still reassure him of her love and gain his trust and make him talk.
Here is some good articles to get the basic understanding of the issue and ways to deal with it
Found this Q/A interesting. Go through the problem and the first response if you are interested.
A scary scenario here when its wise to leave than hang on.
Don't ask me why I am reading up on abandonment issues🤪
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
