Brightness :
He was sitting on the Dhaba, looking at the plate in front of him. He was hungry but did not want to eat. He rubbed his eyes “Damn these lens”, he cursed and stood up.
“Balli bhai kaha chal diye? Khana bhi nei khaya”. He didn’t responded. Again somebody asked “Balli bhai”. He stood at the place and turned. “oye aise khana khilaega Balli nu to ek din murder ho jana hai tera mere hatho. E bhi koi khana hai. Ja mennu nei khana”
Leaving dumb struck cook behind he went inside his room.
He positioned himself near window looking out at dark night. He wasn’t afraid of darkness or stillness outside. He was used to it, it didn’t scare him. What scared him was when he will close the eyes and the light he will see. He was afraid to close his eyes and preferred looking at one invisible spot in darkness.
He had tried many times closing his eyes, and then he had seen the brightness…… her. Bright and shining. Then he had imagined her, walking into his room, keeping one hand on his heart. And those heartbeats …….He could still feel them! Still see her when he closes his eyes. He didn’t want to feel this now, so he was afraid to sleep.
To avoid sleeping and thinking about her, he turned towards the floor, he dislocated one of the loose floorboards and got one file out. All the information he had collected on Charu and the gang was there. He started going over the details again, 100th times when a breeze of wind brought a small white flower into his lap. He holds the flower delicately in his palm. That flower too reminded him of her, “Meri phool jaise Monami”, he whispered.
“Accha, ab phool ko dekhake meri yaad aa rahi hai tume?”
He jerked his neck towards the voice. And there she was, in the beautiful pink dress, flower earrings and diamond bindi on her forehead.
“Monami……”…. A very light word escapes his lips.
She smiles and sits in front of him.
“Ab mujhe itna yaad karoge to me hi aungi na”
He hides the flower ,”Me? Mene thodi yad kiya tumhe! Wo tot um mere bina nahi reh sakti is liye finally chali ayi”
Monami wrinkles her nose “Kaise ho na tum? Ek to khud hi mujhse door chale gaye. Khud hi mujhe yaad karte ho, aur jab me aa gayi to aise bolte hao. To phir me chali jati hoo agar tumhe yaad nei ati to”
She was about to leave when he holds on to her wrist, “Ab itne door se ayi ho to baith bhi jao”. Pulling her towards him with nervous smile.
“Kitne Dramebaaz ho na! Ab batao pareshan kyu ho, itni der ho gayi so kyu nei rahe ho?”
He looks at her hands and hold them in his. Feeling warmth of her hand. “Nei so sakta na! Jab bhi aankh band karta ho to wahi sab dikhayi deta hai. Aur phir tumhara chehara. Bohot takleef hoti hai Monami. Tumhe samne dekhte hui bhi chu nei sakta. Apni bahome le nei sakta.”
She looked sad , she too holds his hand firmly in her one hand. While with second she put the file away. Making him stand and dragging him towards the bed.
“Me hoo na. Me sab thik kar dungi. Tumhare sare andhere, dar, Pain sab dur kar dungi.”
Without questioning her even for once he followed her. he put his head on pillow and she sat by the floor near his head.
“Ankhein band karo”
“Nahi Monami me….”
“Mene kahan na Ankhein band karo”
He agreed and closed his eyes.
“Kya dikhayi de raha hai?”
He looked disturbed like he is having the nightmare.
Bomb blast…………….. fire everywhere…………. Breathing his last looking at Monami’s eyes………. She holding him closely not letting him go……………….Her tears on his cheek………………Blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Then again opening his eyes…………. Fighting through the fire……………………. Watching Monali going out in the ambulance…………..Faizi, ustadji,Sanju saluting………………Bluuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…
His eyes shot open in fear. Sweat gathered over his forehead.
Manami grabs her dupatta and wipes his forehead.
“Shhhhhh……. Me hoo na”
Placed one hand on his heart and by other caresses his hair.
“Tum jab tak so nahi jate me kahi nei jaungi. Me yahi tumhare paas hoo.”
He start relaxing , with each stroke of her hand on his hairs his heartbeat comes to normal. Now the only thing he could see, and feel was …her. Her soft hands, mischievous eyes , warm hugs, soothing voice.
“So jao mere Khadoos shergil and wake up with energy. Tabhi to yeh mission jaldi khatam karke you can come to me!”
He had to keep the truth hidden, as this was the perfect opportunity for him to disappear and do his solo mission, away from all. Away from Monami. Monami…………..
“Tum chaho to bhi mujhse dur nei reh sakte. Wapas to tumhe mere pas ana hi hogo na. And jab tum wapas aaoge dekhna me…..”
“…. Me tumhe punch maar maar ke mooh suja dungi and dressing bhi nei karungi”….. Karan completes her line smiling to himself. Still eyes close he could feel Monami smiling through her eyes.
He takes a long breath and hold on to her hand which was on his chest. He knew, he didn’t have to be afraid of closing the eyes, of the brightness because that brightness…. His Monami…. His Rani Sahiba…… was therefor him. Not as his weakness but as his strength as she had promised. With only love in his heart, finally after so many days, Karan Shergil falls asleep peacefully.
______________________________________________________________________
Darkness :
She had decided not to trouble Sid further. He had been in her room, sitting by her bedside all night from that day onwards. Making sure she atleast is resting, if not sleeping. Whenever she was afraid or had a nightmare, he would hold her tight. Relaxing her, reminding her that she is a Fighter, like always. Her Mad Sid, her best friend, her Family…. Her protector!
But today without telling him she had slide from cafeteria to her room trying to sleep alone. All the lights of her room were on, she was afraid to put them out. Because after that she can only feel darkness. She would shiver even thinking about darkness, stillness, and the void. Whenever the light went off in academy, she would look at table lamp, keep staring at it, afraid of looking at darkness.
She put her head on pillow, staring at table lamp, slowly slowly bracing her self to close the eyes. And finally, she did……
“Karan……………………. Nooooooooooooooooo…… please don’t leave me Karan…. “
She shot up in bed breathing heavily.
“Monu…….” Sid ran into room holding her hand. “Tu kaha chali gayi thi, kisne bola tha akele ane pagal”
He wipes of the sweat from her forehead with his hands.
“Sid, tu kya kar raha hai yaha pe? Kitni din tu aise hi mere pass baithe rahega, I need to deal with this. I need to come out of it by myself! Aur jitni affected me hoo utni Sanju bhi hai. You should be with her not me. Isi liye me tum dono ko cafeteria me chodke ayi thi. She needs you, she won’t tell but she really do!”
Sid smiles “Tum ladkiya na! Abhi Sanju ne mujhe cafeteria se dhakka marke nikala because I should be with you that you need me more than her. And ab tu ye bol rei! You both are looking out for each other, and I will look out for both of you!”
Sid drags a chair and keeps it in between her and Sanju’s bed. He raised her right hand “Ye hath se tera hath pakadunga” then raises left“ Isse Sanju ka hath”.
She smiles at her mad Sid and again went to sleep.
Few hours later, “Karan………………………Get up Karan……………..”
She was having same nightmares, his face….. covered in blood…………..the love he felt for her taking over the pain he was feeling…………his rough hands on her cheek wiping her tears……… at the last moment as well the soothing smile he had on his face………….
She opened her eyes in flash! She can’t. she couldn’t .. she didn’t want to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes all the scenes repeating in front of her and then comes the darkness, coldness.
She looked at Sid, he was sliding on chair and sleeping deep. Holding Sanju’s hand. She looked at her empty hands, they were shaking. With muffled sobs she tried to hold them together.
“Cadet Monami Mahajan………… Itni kamajor pad gayi aap?”
Monu looked at the source of the voice. There he was in his red hoodie, hands in the pocket, smiling at her knowingly.
“Karan ? tum?”
“aur kaun! Tumne mujhe majboor kiya yaha ane pe” He sat beside her on bed. “Tumne mujhe kaha tha na ke me tumhe apni strength banau kamajori nei! Aur tum kya kar rei ho?”
Monu sat cross-legged still holding her hands tight to stop the shake. Karan grabs her hand in his, totally enveloping them in his. Cold………she felt………….felt nice against her warm hands. That one touch made her heart flutter.
“Me try kar rei hoo Karan but..but I can’t. Jab bhi ankhein band karti hoo the only thing I feel is darkness! You going away from me, blending into darkness”
He smiled and made her sleep again in bed, fluffing her pillow.
“Ankhein band karo Monami” She slowly closes her eyes.
“Kya dikh raha hai?”
“Andhera hai Karan , bohot andhera”
He holds her one hand in his hand and by other he ran his fingers over her forehead.
She could feel the darkness but more than that she could feel his hand holding her, but she was not afraid. She went at darkness, mocking it daring it to scare her. She tightens her grip on his hand.
“Monami, dar lag raha hai?”
“Nahi”
He smiled and kissed her forehead.
“Yeh hui na baat! Yeh hai meri Monami! Meri Rani Sahib. Me tumhe kabhi harne nei dunga, kabhi darne nei dunga. I will always be there whenever you need! Bus apne dil me jhak ke dekho… Ab tum shanti se so jao Cadet Monami Mahajan… ove……….”
Before Karan could complete his line Monu smiled and continued “Over and out!” She could feel him smirking without even opening her eyes.
And after so many days Monami Mahajan Slept peacefully!
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
