Personal Confession, unique perspective on show :)

Hi guys, this is a light post so I hope it brings you some chuckles and smiles as you read. Okay, I have been sitting back and enjoying this show and the forum for a while now, the writers of the shows and here in the forums here have made it a joy to check each day for people's thoughts, opinions, and passionate insightful discussions.

I have always debated about what I am going to share now, but I know that it will be taken in the right spirit which is for fun...okay, why I said I may have a unique perspective and some similarities with this story and serial, loosely of course, after all it's a fictional story but the biggest one is that I too am 42 and actually turned 43 on June 28, so I was laughing that just a week later, Mukhi also turned 43 on the show 😊 Some people have read my life story so I don't want to say too much about that stuff but I will provide some basic history

I was raised in a very strict household that focused solely on sports and education, there wasn't much socializing or fun, that was considered frivolous and for later on in life, like when you retire at 65 lol! But anyway long story short, I wasn't allowed to date go out etc and even in university, even though I learned how to talk comfortably with girls, my main focus was always school, then career, so fast forward until I am 30. I have achieved my educational, career, financial goals, I had my MBA, I had a secure job and future, I owned my own house but I had let my body go chasing these goals and was 330 lbs or 150 kilos. Cutting it short I lost the weight to be 77 kg and got fit so I finally started dating. So just like Mukhi, I was a late bloomer lol.

Now of course I had read and talked to many people in relationships, I had book knowledge and information but let's be honest, meeting women in real life, all that really goes out the window! No amount of book info prepares you for the complexities of human relationships, so that diary Mukhi reads from, at best, its a nice guide but you know how we keep saying oh why doesn't he learn more from this book, why can't he understand a woman's mind, but I am telling you, no amount of second hand knowledge prepares you for women lol 😆

At best that diary is a nice fun read with some wisdom sprinkled in but as soon as he is with Aru, that goes in one ear out the other ;) Just like Mukhi I was completely oblivious to the subtle cues women give, the double meanings to things, smiles, deep looks, all that was wasted on me since I had nothing to compare it to right, just like Mukhi it was all new so it takes time to solve the mysterious puzzle that women are, no matter how young they are 🤣

Now the main similarity, the age difference thing, I have dated 3 girls who were 14-15 yrs younger than me. I was raised and firmly believed that a few years difference is okay, anywhere from 5-6 maybe 7 if you're stretching it, being born and raised in the west, one big difference we have here is that age gaps are more noticed here than in India, India actually accepts age differences a bit easier than out here. So here's the mentality of dating younger women, I was in no way, shape, or form ever going to date anybody with 14-15 yrs age difference, that's just not done right, no way in hell. So when I had the first girl boldly let me know she liked me, I was 38, she was 23, I laughed at her, I was like yeah yeah please, go back home to mommy and daddy before you get taken advantage of little girl but she refused and eventually sat me down and explained the following.

She told me, that age doesn't mean the same thing as it did before, before we used to be able to assume that age meant wisdom, it meant maturity, it meant you were experienced in what life is about, but nowadays, as time has gone on, you will meet guys and girls in their mid 20's to early 30's who aren't emotionally intelligent, aren't wise/mature, don't have set goals etc. They are still stuck in a juvenile mindset, a boys and girls mindset, not men and women. Conversely you'll meet people who are younger for example 22-25 who are old souls and wise beyond their years. She said if someone who is older has everything she likes, they are fit, smart, funny, educated, passionate, strong work ethic etc and the only thing that is a hurdle or issue is age, that age in itself is not a big enough deterrent to not explore the possibility of a relationship working out.

She was like why am I going to eliminate the potential happiness I can have with an older man when guys my own age have no ambition, vulgar one track-minded, are aimless, talkers not action oriented, have no drive or are committed to a healthy lifestyle etc.? At first I was still hesitant, but she was persistent and I started to see on my own she was right; I would meet ppl my age who were lacking in maturity and class, were still ignorant and inexperienced in life, no resiliency, and then I would meet younger ppl who were my level physically/mentally, so I had to adjust my thinking and give her the benefit of being an adult and to allow her to make her own choice.

If she felt the age difference wasn't an issue then I have to respect her decision as an adult woman and go with it, I can't presume to think that because I am older, I have the right to over-ride her decision thinking I know better, if I do that I am disrespecting her right to making up her own mind. Just like Mukhi, I saw the value of what my younger gf's brought into my organized, structured, duty/responsibility filled life, they added a zest for life, a spark, a new vibrant energy that made your heart feel light, a certain innocence, a fresh upbeat way of seeing life, so I cud see the positives of having a partner who was younger, yet did I fight feelings of "hey am I right for her, does she not deserve someone the same age but then they would remind me I have that same energy level, I just combine it with patience so those occasional thoughts would fade.

The other 2 girls I dated who were younger repeated pretty much what the first one said above. Now this age difference also leads to the real similarity to Mukhi. Guys, no matter how confident, passionate, strong, emotionally intelligent I am, I am an alpha male, BUT I will still never ever ever make the first move or declare my feelings for a girl who is significantly younger! 😳

The reason is this, the potential stigma and fallout from me disclosing my feelings and have her either not be interested or reject it outright is too harsh. If I go up to a younger girl even 24-25 yrs old and ask her out on a date, when ppl find out my age, I will be called a pervert, a cradle robber (that's a western word obviously implying I am taking advantage of a young person), that I am a slimy creep etc, or that I am trying to relive my youth, the potential shame/embarrassment is not something you will understand unless you're an older male. Getting rejected by people your own age is understood, it's normal, it happens, you feel hurt a bit but there's no lasting damage to you or your reputation but the way I as a older man would come across is too big of a chance to take. So I have always openly stated to my female friends that if they like me, or have feelings for me and are younger, they will be the one who has to tell me their feelings first, state plainly that they want to go out with me and then maybe I would say yes, but I would never make that declaration first, even if I knew that he girl liked me, I still wouldn't say anything. The younger girls I dated, they were the ones who had to approach me and explain their feelings before I went out with them 😳

So you know how we are always saying why doesn't Mukhi reveal his feelings or why is he now deliberately acting a bit colder to Aru, I hope you can see that there's too much guilt always waiting to make him feel that he isn't right for her just by the fact he is older, that thought is deeply embedded in him. Think about it, when he started to actually forget the age difference and began to believe in that temporary love world that was being created between ArMu, she abruptly reminded him she was leaving by mistakenly asking him how was he feeling, she meant one thing but that one comment immediately took him back to that reality of his age.

We all want a separation track to make him see how much Aru means to him but in reality even though it's a show, guys it's not that easy. It's not like we don't know that we care and share strong feelings for these girls, but there's nothing that can get rid of that slight guilt feeling in you that the world is judging you as wrong for having such an age gap. After dating several younger girls I have overcome this ever present guilt feeling, but being as inexperienced as Mukhi, as frustrating as he can be with his lack of emotional intelligence sometimes, it's not easy to overcome what has been hammered into you by society, how many times in the show has he said who is going to want to marry a 42 yr old man?

Guys when you are told by everyone that you're too old for love, you accept it as the truth after awhile, In Mukhi's case he hears it from the villagers, Rami, even Aru made jokes about his age in the beginning. Remember when he made her those garam chole and he told her this age isn't where you find love and Aru argued with him a bit, the point is, nothing Aru will do, no actions by her will ever make Mukhi accept that she loves him unless she says it directly to him, even if Sanvi tells him, he still won't believe it really. I can say that about myself as well, I haven't given up on finding love but do I think I will find it now, maybe, maybe not and I am okay with that, but my point is, breaking free from what society is constantly hammering into you, that you're too old for love especially with a younger woman, in this aspect the show is quite realistic in regards to Mukhi's character.

Also in regards to Aru acting juvenile at times, guys no matter how mature or wise you can seem at a younger age let's not forget that she still is 21, we all remember how we acted at 21, those younger girls I dated at times did act immature and over-react, so you have to accept that yes, they still are going to learn about things, remember this is her first time in love too.

So all this time I have watched this show with a personal smile because I too was so unware and inexperienced at an older age in terms of dating, women, the things most people take for granted about relationships, I never knew, I still find it hard to differentiate between someone being friendly and flirting with me ;) I too understand the age gap feelings, I get how you can lead a life of sacrifice, duty and responsibility and sadly accept that although you want to be loved, that you will never get it. So I find that this up and down love story of ArMu where sometimes you want to hug the characters as well as slap them upside the head is actually quite believable at times lol, even if it's as realistic as it gets in a fictional show, it does have its roots in reality as I can attest 👍🏼

So anyways guys, I hope this commentary makes you chuckle or smile slightly as well, you now know my deep dark secret 😆 By the way if any of you start calling me Wally-ji, I will kick your butt 😈

p.s I have sent my writings on my life and my thoughts on love, sexuality and relationships to several ppl on I.F and they have thoroughly enjoyed it so if anyone is curious after reading this post or needs motivation in their life, let me know and I'll send you them.

Originally posted by: C0raline

Wally,

You are back! And how!!

Amazing post, as usual "vistar purvak tippani " will be given later. Here is an applaud for such a great post.

Originally posted by: bluejalpari17

So all this time I have watched this show with a personal smile because I too was so unware and inexperienced at an older age in terms of dating, women, the things most people take for granted about relationships, I never knew, I still find it hard to differentiate between someone being friendly and flirting with me ;) I too understand the age gap feelings, I get how you can lead a life of sacrifice, duty and responsibility and sadly accept that although you want to be loved, that you will never get it. So I find that this up and down love story of ArMu where sometimes you want to hug the characters as well as slap them upside the head is actually quite believable at times lol, even if it's as realistic as it gets in a fictional show, it does have its roots in reality as I can attest 👍🏼

@ Wally...the above line in bold from your post- I want to say to you...its never to late to find a good partner, never too late to love and be loved back..and its a myth to think that only younger people can find love. Infact the older lot above 40 has much more mature perspective and value the relationships much more..I value my marriage much more today than what I did 15 years back. So ..don't let it ever hold you back...you will definitely find the special person .

Love has nothing to do with perfection...its not a perfect partner thats needed, its the partner who is right for you, even if they are flawed in some areas..thats whats needed. I have seen many many of my cousins reject suitable partners in their quest for perfection...and feel sad that they lose so many chances to create the love they want, rather than waiting for it to be handed to them. You come across as much more mature and sane, and sooner or later will attract your best fit.

Unlike you, I never dated, just got married after meeting my husband for a cursory half hour " pelli choopulu" what they call in telugu..where boy's family and girls family meet for an arranged marriage discussion. Our families actually met each other due to a Marriage Ad in a newspaper!!! thats how insane things get..😆...My husband was a man on a mission..he had come from US..had 15 days with him..met about 6-7 girls in a row...didn't like any of them..I was the last one to meet him..he had come expecting it not to work out, came in a wrinkled shirt with semi beard...😆

But I liked him , he fit the bill on few of my important expectations...and the half hour we had to talk , we talked as if we already knew each other for a long time. We got engaged in two days..and when I went to drop him to the airport, we were already missing each other. I was a big skeptic of the arranged marriage system..always criticized it, but in my own case realized things can "click" and fall into place in this way too.

There was no love here initially...there was some compatibility, some friendship, lots and lots of mutual respect,sense of responsibility for each others families ..and loads of commitment. Then came some affection ..

Love came much much afterward...after we were married.

And that is where I am coming to. We see lots of people looking for love first...they may find it, but don't find compatibility, respect or commitment. Those are the real deal of long term relationships. With them, love might come slowly but stays😊

And thats what Mukhi and Aru already have...they have a strong sense of commitment to people around them...they don't want to admit to taking marriage seriously but in reality, they both do. And they have lots of mutual respect , and affection. They have all the building blocks in the right place...love is just waiting to happen.

Anyways...Welcome back to the forum with a bang...and thank you for penning this personal perspective . Its not easy to share some ups and downs of our life but sometimes penning them down helps others in knowing that there are more like them. And its this unique personal experiences that gives each member of the forum a particular perspective.

A 21 year old girl might be wanting a knight in shining armour who will come and sweep her off her feet, be the first one to propose her and even convince her that it will all work between them. But Mukhi here as you perfectly explained has no liberty to propose first. Even if he likes her, loves her, knows she is good for him..he cannot do anything until she communicates her interest to him.

Thank you for providing this very needed insight from a male perspective!

Originally posted by: Spartan187

Thanks Cora!

I know you've been busy with accounting stuff, you know I am all about the love story and the subtleties of the various differences in this atypical serial but when it becomes a little too TRP oriented meaning drama for the trp aunties, I tend to let others write about it :)

I'll have another one for thursday that I know you will like 😉 As always, i look forward to your response, they are always great insightful reading.


p.s When you're less busy, i can't wait for your thoughts on the writings i sent you and in case the links are hard to access, leave me a PM and I'll email them to you when you have free time