Samaina SS: My Dark Lover closing note p56 - Page 35

This update is dedicated to my dearest friend Mayashika. Happy birthday Shreya. Its been a year since our first PM and the warmth and adoration I have for you has only increased since then. I wanted to do something special for you today so weaved in your favourite scenes from the PVKM track of our show. Either as direct references or parallels or as metaphors. Let me see how many you can pick out!

Chapter Three- And We Burn To Ashes

Note: Naina and Sameer's thoughts and flashbacks are in italics

All non-octofriendly or suggestively mature moments are highlighted in red

The curtains split allowing warm afternoon breeze to break sweat over his newly washed skin and she stood there; her heart a hurricane she could only stand there and observe him in all his fresh newly bathed glory. His body was as fair as the first shower of snow and yet it burned her anew like flames had just risen at the bottom of her belly. His long lethal arms that had felt so secure wrapped around her were a display of chivalry so strong it made goosebumps decorate her skin like dewdrops at dawn. A strong perforated vein caught her sight and she followed its line down his bicep to his wrist. It tingled her fingers making them curl inward with the urge to feel the heat of the pulse beating through his thick fair skin.

She noticed him flail his hands around his partially wet hair. Some stuck to the forehead with drops of water that followed a delicious path down his beautiful face. Envious of the drops, her own body confused her. Sweat had gathered like a bouquet of clustered flowers at the back of her neck. She could feel each drop with a magnified intensity like flowers opening up at the first touch of rain.

Naina Agrawal had become familiar with all kinds of sweat since she had started falling for a very handsome and charming Sameer Maheshwari back in school. From the inconvenient sweat she would get on her forehead as she spied on him playing cricket in the glaring afternoon heat to the nervous sweat that would make her skin tingle every time he had tried to hold her hand. But the beads of sweat that were lining her forehead at this precise moment were of a different genre altogether. They rippled through to the gushes of heat she felt dissolving between her legs. New sensations, unknown and unaware, triggered within her.

'Bewakoof ladki usko dekhna band kar' she reprimanded herself mentally but her eyes refused to wrench away from the spectacle in front of her. Her eyes followed down slightly frustrated with his side view which covered his torso from her. Catching hold of her wayward thoughts she slapped herself in the head.

There it was again. That sonorous tune of Naina's bangles which made his skin prickle with elation. The day suddenly seemed brighter, his heart thrummed, and each cell in his body vibrated with fierce anticipation as he turned around to catch sight of her.

She was like a mirage in the water. Her beauty flowing freely like the ocean waves. Her cascading black hair melted into the loose bodice of her dress. Her eyes swam with dilated desire; ocean deep he could read every single tingle that passed through her at the sight of him. Her skin had the russet colour of sun-kissed waves and it looked flawlessly glowing and smooth. If his fingertips slightly stroked her skin would she vanish? The thought of it felt like sharp pokes of icicles against his warm beating heart.

Wet impressions on the cold marble floor saw him trace his path to her. Her fingers bunching up her dupatta as she stood frozen, her eyes wide like saucers, her skin flushed with the colour of fresh fuchsias. She looked every bit as beautiful as a dream. He only wished it could be true but he had been dreaming of her constantly. In every breath, every heartbeat, she lived in him and he dreamt of her every second. Just the thought of her a necessary motivation for him to eat.

The past few years he knew no matter where he was or how he was, Naina would never stop loving him. She would lock him up in her precious vault of memories as her first love who she would love to her last breath. His existence was a sorcery on her and yet he could not erase it. No matter how much he wanted to because if she read his obituary she would lose her own breath. Even if she was not with him she would break. And that thought imprisoned him to his breaths: after all the heartbreak he had caused her, he could at least spare her a few tears by meandering through life. Her dreams had been his solace but also his ultimate torture. The more he dreamt of her, the more he missed her, the more he craved for her, the more he felt his life slipping away like water you just cant hold in your fists.

"Naina.." he whispered in the air which suddenly seemed so much more fragrant than a second before. Reaching his hand out, his fingers glided against the smooth skin of her cheek; leaving it more scarlet than a thousand sunsets he had witnessed. The first touch of her skin was like the stroke across a gentle petal: soft, bright, and filled with colour. Is this how warm and soft her skin would feel in real life too?

Blushing, the Naina in front of him lowered her eyes, her body bunching up like an innocent flower with shivers. Unable to speak, she stood frozen, her skin flushing even as her dusky gaze dawned with new embers glowing in it.

Wide eyed, flushed russet skin, and the slight parting of her luminous lips. She looked as innocent as a doll drawing his arousal for her deeper. He looked at her curled fingers and wondered what they would feel like on his chest.

"Naina.." he whispered once again his arms finding their way around her dainty waist, pulling her close to him. The heat of her body burned his bare skin. God what did I even take that shower for? Sweat of arousal itched at the cavities in his body as she flushed; her warm, delectable, and sinfully curvy body flourishing with heat against his skin. The soft fabric of her clothes teased his bare skin.

His manhood hardening up against her feminine softness as she melted in his arms. Her head on his heart where she would always belong, he could almost fool himself into thinking this was really her. The touch of her soft flesh, the heat of her breaths on his chest, and the slow rises of her tiny belly against his hard stomach made it feel torturously real. Like she was here and not just a dream.

"Naina..Naina" he whispered in her ears as a soft pleasing melody as his arms pulled her into a tighter embrace.

She smelt like the first rain showers, the touch of her in his arms like the tiny drops of rain wetting his dry heated skin. Cooling, soothing she blew the chill on his warmed up being. Her existence landing like a tornado on his heart: harsh wet breezes that blew up his beats. How could someone so innocent and gentle cause a havoc inside of him?

Cause him to burn one moment and soothe his soul the next. He was living both the day and the night with her in every second he breathed. Not with her but with the memory of her. If her memory alone was this extreme how hard hitting would her presence be?

The 'aap', the midnight long hair, the smooth luminous skin, the curvy sassy body, those deeply mystical eyes, and lips full of nectar: memory of every inch of her from this morning mixed like alcohol in his veins. The intoxication of her memory clamouring along the hurricane, deepening his arousal, and roughening up his hold on the mirage in his arms. A sigh reverberated through him like a shudder as he felt her innocent warm mouth brush against the small of his chest.

She was waterfall and he the mountains she fell out of. In that moment they were not separate bodies, they were one. Each cell on his body jumped with the awareness of her womanly heat and feminine scent.

"This feels so real..please be real.." He repeated softly. Once. Twice. Thrice.Not understanding how it happened, Sameer felt tears embrace his rough hard cheeks. Tears he had been cruel enough to keep caged in the tormenting prison of his eyes for the past six years. Scared that these stored up tears were all he had and if they were dropped, her memory, her essence would flow away like time; immaterially slipping away from his palms. Their salty greeting on his cheeks an acceptance of their separation. An acceptance that she was no longer his even if he would always be her's.

His proximity brought slow silent tears to Naina's eyes. She was in his arms, hearing his heartbeat, nuzzling in the warmth of him. The softness of his skin calming her heart beats one moment while his cool breath in the crook of her neck flaring them up the next. She had longed for this: his sinful masculine scent, his touch, his essence; him. He was her destruction and yet she clung to him wilder than blood to veins. Oh how beautiful it was to crumble like this!

Her fingertips stroked the light hairline on his chest; the black a striking attractive contrast to the fairness of his skin.

She knew she should stop now. Break this dream before she wakes up into the nightmare of her reality. But she couldn't. Even if for a second more she wanted to feel his body pressed against her's; feel the beat of his heart against her's. His lips nuzzling into the nape of her neck that evoked butterflies so deep it made her toes curl. If she was sleeping she prayed for her eternity to be the tale of sleeping beauty who never wakes up. If she was daydreaming she hoped to be in her own bubble with no interruptions as she stood in the arms of the man she loved.

"Please be real Naina..." His whisper reached the drums of her ear like a loud stereophonic sound. And she lost herself. In his fresh, delicious scent. In the rapid beats of his heart. In the silk like texture of his pleas. She lost herself in the abyss called Sameer Maheshwari. Maybe not her's anymore but he was still the man she loved. And probably always would.

Brushing her fingers over his bare being, she felt the thrumming vibrations from his rapid heart against the reddened skin of his chest. Perspiration mixed with water greeted the clammy skin of her fingers. She heard him gasp and looked up to see his eyes closed, drops of water flowing down his face to his neck. Were those tears? No no they weren't...they were from his bath. Naina don't build up expectations again. Don't do this to yourself.

In a few moments this trance would break and she would be away from him again. Till then she would make the most out of his embrace. Time stilled as he stood there with his arms clasped around her and she drank in every inch of him. Memorising everything about him. From his messy black hair that came till his eyebrows to the graceful dive of his long roman nose. His broad shoulders, his ballooning arms and his masculine hard-looking gentle hands on the curve of her waist.

Gently she turned in his arms to move away only for him to grasp at her stomach and pull her tightly into a back hug. His hands at her core, she felt seared; his fingers imprinting themselves on the zonked nerves in her belly.

His breath stilled as he felt her walk away; the warmth of her leaving him. The winter sun moving away leaving him in the harsh snows of his life. No no no..if just for a breath longer he wanted to feel her close to him, arousing those feelings which only she could. No other woman could make him ache the way she did, no other woman could make him melt with just a touch of her finger, no other woman would ever occupy his heart the way she did. Because there was only one Naina in this world.

The thought made him chuckle. Even if there were several girls like Naina he would not have them. He was meant to be only Naina's, to love only Naina. When had he fallen in love with her? He didn't know. He felt like he had loved Naina since the beginning of time; an elemental love so strong that it renewed his faith in reincarnation.

Iss janam mein na sahi Naina..agle har janam mein mai tumhe apna banakar rahunga...he thought to himself as his arms pulled her; her back to his front. His hands finding themselves on the warmth of her stomach as he planted his chin on her shoulder and deeply breathed in the scent of her windblown long hair. Everything about this moment felt so heavily real he wished he could grab a hold of time and stop it . But the little idiot would not have it! It ran away from his clutches like Nanu had slipped away from his life. Here one moment and gone the next. Out of his control, without his will, leaving him a crumbling heaping shell of his former self. Hollow, empty, undeserving of Naina.

As a heavy sadness started to weigh on his insides, he felt it, her touch. Her slim nimble fingers brushing against his hands. Their touch, their feel like this morning's. It was when she intertwined her fingers with his that he gasped, the wound on his palm rubbing against the towel's surface creating a burning sensation.

What was that sound? Why did Sameer react like he was in pain? Zaroor isne chot par marham nai lagaya hoga... Naina thought as she drew his left hand away from her stomach, turning his palm towards her.

And sure enough.

The wound from this morning had not been treated. The blood had dried up but the gash looked infected and unclean. A filthy yellow liquid oozed out of it.

"Sameer!" She yelled as she turned around to face him. He must be in so much pain and he had not even gotten injection or taken medicines. What if the infection grew worse? Wasn't Sameer living with his mother? How could she have let this happen? Maybe she wasn't home. She hoped against hope that was the reason because the other answers would only point at distance and lack of communication in the mother-son relationship. Something she couldn't take. She knew his relationships were complicated and he was isolated in this house. But she always felt reassured that if nothing else Vishaka mum...errr..Vishaka aunty would be there to love him and take care of him.

Isse toh apni bilkul bhi padi nahi hai...The masterni in her scolded him mentally as she glared at him. His eyes now open they swam deep like the universe engulfed in fires of agony, hidden truths, and extreme unfulfilled desires.

The look of anger on her face engulfed with worried features as her eyes investigated the damage on his hand. She held his hand oh so gently like it would melt the next moment, her fingers brushing like feathers along his wound. He heard her gasp and looked at the silent tears gushing like a river to him. Stop Naina..Please stop loving me. I am not worth it. He thought as every tear drop felt like a monsoon shower to his barren heart. If this continued a flood was imminent and with no dam to stop he would burst forth; his control would waver. He couldn't let that happen. Naina was too precious to be with someone like him. She would be happier without him.

"Tumhe pyaar se allergy hai Sameer" "Tum pyaar karne ke liye bane hi nahi ho" "Vishaka yeh ladka tumhari chinta ke kabil hi nahi hai" strained words from a broken past and an even more fragmented present dropped on his heart like a pile of bricks; ravaging his being like they always do.

Leaning towards her he kept his forehead on her's. Nuzzling in at the parting line of her fragrant hair. They smelled of sweat, of Delhi heat, of outside. Yet a subtle warm scent lingered; characteristic of his Naina. Who had faced the oddities of the outside world but had remained pure, warm, and untouched at heart. He could only consider himself lucky that even in his dreams Naina shed tears for his wounds just like she did in the reality of this morning.

"Naina didi! Naina didi jaldi aaiye mummy aapse milna chahti hai!" Deepika's scream drew them into the present. Shaking one into an ethereal shock and throwing one into a ravine of pining.

The haze of worry, their sheltered euphoria of desire had been broken. Time had stretched long enough to give her the allowance of his embrace but now she had to let go. His proximity was her addiction and addictions could destroy. They could swallow her up and refuse to spit her out.

A tear escaped her already watery eyes as she registered that she would never feel this peace and tranquility of being in his arms again. His embrace had a magical effect on her and she would never be able to absorb herself in it like she wanted to with every fibre of her being. Slowly counting her every breath she drew her hands way from his body.

But the shaken Sameer refused to leave her. Realising it was really Naina that he had clung to his arms held her tighter than before; wanting to keep her close to him. To revel in her embrace. To memorise her features, her reactions, the blush on her cheeks, the tears for his wound in her eyes, the warmth of her body, the softness of her skin, the silken essence of her hair. She is really here, godd**nit!

"Chodiye mujhe! Maine kaha mujhiye chodiye Sameerji!" She yelled trying to break from his hold even if all she wanted to do was submerge herself in his arms once again.

The rudely splashed at him 'Sameerji' shook him out of his senses. Breathless, his arms shook as he left her, his tears creating drop-like patterns down his neck where her breathing had teased his skin just a minute ago. "Naina....Naina...tum yahan.." He spoke, his voice wavering as he felt an ocean emotions threatening to broke out of him. Her arms had been his paradise, her scent his sanctuary, and the feel of her heart beating against him had been his home. Deprived of her warmth, it felt like his heart was wailing, screaming at the top of its voice to be let out; to somehow be rescued.

"Kya samajhte hai aap khud ko? Kis haq se aapne apni baahon mein mujhe bhara? Kya sochkar?Kyun? Naina Agrawal koi khilona ya maze lene wali cheez nahi jisse jab chahe chod diya aur jab chahe chu liya. " She screamed with the fury of the raging storms. Her heart, the soft organ was crumbling with the pressure of the beating it took. She was scared it would hurt so much it would burst forth one day.

Could you die of heartbreak? the two minds thought. Same question but different reactions burned through them. While one burned with the spirit to not give up, the other had already surrendered.

If the heat of love burned her to ashes she would mould herself back from them and stand proud in front of him. She was not made to be burned and crumbled from heartbreak, she was made to write it down; her tears would become the ink of her pen and flow out as words on empty pages. She would create whenever she was destroyed. That was her. She was strength and the fire of those ashes.

Where she stood tall with vows of strength, Sameer crumbled to vestiges. A heap of lifeless burning ashes that would be swept away by the wind and tide of life. If he died he felt a snarking celebration was in order because he would finally be rid of life and would get to reunite with his nanu. Atleast in death he would find some peace and love.

"Bataye Sameer ji, kyun gale lagaya apne mujhe? Kya ab aap itne gir gaye hai ki ladai ke saath ladkiyon ko bhi chedna shuru kardiya hai? Pehle toh aap aise nahi the." Naina asked, disbelief and anguish deeply etched in her dark gaze. She spoke her words like she spit venom. Sameer had been so different when they were in school. She remembered when they were in Mount Abu he had lost the game of four corners just so she wouldn't get uncomfortable with his proximity. He had hesitated so many times before he had actually held her hand and when he had touched her it was out of the strength of his feelings for her.

So why was Sameer clinging to her now? Had he really changed that much that he would touch just any girl even if there were no feelings involved? Insecurity gripped at her as these questions led to a dark vagrant thought: what if there had been other girls in his arms? 'Meri aankhon par toh pyaar ki pati bandhi thi Sameer lekin tumhare aankhein toh khuli thi na' she thought to herself.

"Naina maana mai gira hua hoon jisne ek ladki ko apne kamre mein dekh kar use apne paas khich liya lekin tum bhi toh aayi meri paas. Kyun?" Sameer spoke, his heartbreaking at the way she viewed his touch. Kya mera tumhe chuna tumhe itna napasand hai na? kya sachme maine tumhare pyaar aur bharosa humesha ke liye kho diya hai?

His breath fell out of his lungs as he saw her walking away. With every step she took away from him, his hands vibrated with the urge to hold her, to stop her from going away forever. Please don't leave Naina..please don't ...

"Kyunki aap bhi jante ho ki mai aapse pyar karti thi aur shayad aapka pyar jhoota ho magar mera na kabhi tha aur na hi kabhi hoga. Shayad aap jaisa insaan yeh samajhta nahi. Lekin ek din aapko saccha pyar hoga aur woh pyar jab aapse dur chala jayega na tab aapko samajh aayega ki dil tutane ki chubhan kya hoti hai aur kitni zor se lagti hai."

She said slowly as she turned at the frame of the door looking at him one last time; soaking up his image as a vestige, as that wrinkled old rose she would keep pressed within the pages of her diary. Thats all he would be to her now: the fragrance of her first love, the bleeding shade of her first heartbreak, the thorny reminder of abandonment, but mostly importantly something that would lose its scent as time moved ahead.

He watched her turn and close the door. He watched as her back turned to him, her hair a messy afterthought of their first embrace. He watched those tears in her eyes: of his injury, of love, of betrayal. He watched her cross the threshold and close the door to her heart which would never open for him again.

'Ek socha samjha paap tha woh' 'ek ladki ke dil ke saath khilwad kiya hai tumne Sameer Maheshwari' 'tumhari wajah se ab kisise bhi pyar nahi karpaungi' her angry words from the hospital room came back to haunt him as she loudly slammed the door. He had done it to her again: broken her and made her cry tears of blood. If only she knew that every tear of her's was like a shard of glass piercing his heart. That he spent the nights dreaming about her and the days remembering her. That her whispered words of his future heartbreak were the lamentations of his past, the truth of his present, and a curse on his eternity .

"Dil toh mera toot chuka hai Naina...." he whispered to himself as he sunk on the floor his back touching the very door she had closed. Unaware he sobbed; unaware that the angel whose loss he mourned was on the other side of the door cursing him even as she loved him.

Two broken souls sat with their backs against the same door wreaking of heartbreak, unaware that the scent of their intense love had been caught by a woman in red.

Precap: 'Tum yahan kya kar rahi ho, Naina Agrawal?' he asked, cornering her against the fridge.

Thank you to all my readers for being so patient as I go through the hardest time in my life. Please maintain this patience because in the future its going to get harder for me to update quickly. Next update will be of HAHK that will come in the next two weeks. Till then please do leave your comments as they motivate me and I will now try to respond to your past comments as well.

Bundles of love to you all,

Sims