Abusive relationships-Red Flags:Sharad vis a vis Real Life

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Shinning_AD

@Shinning_AD

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 7 years ago

#11

This was a excellent post, thank you for taking the time out to write it down! 😳

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Saras100

@Saras100

Explorer

Posted: 7 years ago

#12

Nice Post and Nice analysis.

Although, not all Guys are Same. My Husband married me and touchwood, we have a very happy going relationship. What Matters is Love, Understanding and Trust for each other in a Healthy Relationship. Those who are only truly committed in a relationship can move forward. This concept has been in effect since 90s. Just because some are angry or have a temper doesn't mean they are necessarily bad human beings or something, it depends on their situations. No doubt, weird people like Sharad exist in men and women & sadistic females exist in society. It is all time and that's why two sided mutual understanding and love is very important in a relationship.

😊

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rock&roll

@rock&roll

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 7 years ago

#13

Originally posted by: mystique123
Realistic take on the society, very well written.👏
Kuddos to you for taking time out and I agree the need of the hour is to keep your eyes and ears open and listen to your instincts to save yourselves.⭐️

Thank you for your reply.It is indeed important to keep ourselves aware and be a little cautious in relationships

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rock&roll

@rock&roll

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 7 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: asmita21180
Very very well thought of and insightful post...On serious context of Abuse /Dowry /physical Violence and other social issues...
I completely agree with your points ..Been there ,done that... Thank God to give me parents like me..Who knew what would be best for me...And they themselves denied such alliance beforehand😆 ...One proposal was denied for the reason The grooms mother was too sweet with her Honey coated words ,the moment they left our house my father said that she would be an abusive MIL ..😉😆...Which came true as I see her now DIL never steps in their household anymore..
Similarly other alliance was denied coz my dad didn't like the families attitude..( when my parents visit the family for the proposal...The boy himself was not home...My parents were not even asked for Water or tea...And their house was hut ) ..I see the family today also and the girl who got to that family and her conditions and feel proud for my father to actually forecast all that before. ...

I personally liked the way chachaji gave Naina courage to stand up against her insult...This is wat a good and friendly father would have done..(.These does not mean that teach your daughter to oppose or misbehave )...These actually gives them confidence for standing up when they find something wrong...

Finally I was married in the family and to the boy...First thing my father liked was the joint family here..And the way my other SIL were present the time my parents came with proposal...My father was actually impressed by my SIL (she is still the best here ..My biggest strength in these unknown family since day 1 )
I had problems here as well ,but not violence or abuse...It was basically the other kind..Eat this ,wear this...Or behave like this type of things...Which also was gone after some time...The small demands in the name of rituals was bad but that too was managed smartly by father and husband...And now no one has any complaints...😆

Thanks a ton for sharing your experiences😊

It is wonderful to know that you had perceptive parents who were able to read into early and subtle signs shown in relationships.That is where experience comes in handy,I guess.Parents and their intuitions work really well,especially when it comes to children.A little bit of compromise/adjustment is needed in every relationship and it is great to know that you made the right choices,right level of adjustments and are in a happy and comfortable place now.

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rock&roll

@rock&roll

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 7 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: bmk28
Excellent well analysed post.. Naina due to her family background was an easy prey for sharad. But in reality even well educated women fall prey to such abusers.. So one needs to keep their eyes and ears open before getting into such relationships..

@Bold,very well pointed out.Many well educated women from good families fall prey to abusers.As I had mentioned in my post,a lot of empaths(people who feel the pain of others closely) tend to become victims to absuers.It is like opposites attract...and empaths and abusers are people from two extremes and unfortunately,they attract.

Even if one is not an empath,many well educated women still become victims. We wrongly assume that abuse happens in rural areas or to unedducated people.But very often,it is our next door neighbour who is is educated,is working and independent who is being abused at home.Women are masters at masking the abuse they face.

Maybe it is the general mentality of society and the way women have been brought up.So many women want a knight in shining armour or a Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet and pamper them and shower them with gifts.Little do they realize,that this is the typical profile of the abuser.But many women are so caught up in the beautiful dreamland created by the abuser that they fail to see him for what he is in the initial stages.And then of course,is the age old mentality of Indian women to give our marriages all that we have and make it work at any cost.Very often the price they pay for this is too high.

In serials and movies ,the villians and heroes can be clearly identified .In reality,unfortunately they do not come with labels of "Abuser" on their foreheads.

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rock&roll

@rock&roll

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 7 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: Shinning_AD
This was a excellent post, thank you for taking the time out to write it down! 😳

Thank you so much for taking the time out to read it😊

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rock&roll

@rock&roll

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 7 years ago

#17

Originally posted by: Saras100
Nice Post and Nice analysis.

Although, not all Guys are Same. My Husband married me and touchwood, we have a very happy going relationship. What Matters is Love, Understanding and Trust for each other in a Healthy Relationship. Those who are only truly committed in a relationship can move forward. This concept has been in effect since 90s. Just because some are angry or have a temper doesn't mean they are necessarily bad human beings or something, it depends on their situations. No doubt, weird people like Sharad exist in men and women & sadistic females exist in society. It is all time and that's why two sided mutual understanding and love is very important in a relationship.

😊

I completely agree with you when you say that not all guys are the same.Just because a person sweeps us off our feet,wants to get married quickly or appears perfect doesn't mean he is bad.Similarly just because a man has temper issues doesn't mean that he will abuse.But a man who exhibits three or more of the traits I had mentioned in my post,is quite likely to be an abuser.My post was simply to point out the most likely things to watch out for in an abuser.Not everyone will be an abuser,of course.And not every abuser,will show these traits.Some abusers are way too smart😆.

I agree that understanding ,love and trust is important in a relationship.But with an abuser,none of these things are possible.No amount of patience,commitment or understanding can change them😊.They are sick people and will most likely continue to remain sick.

Extremely happy to know that you are in a wonderful relationship with your husband.God bless both of you😊