Sigh
I'm trying, so hard too to get over this show believe you me and then comes along the talent of DT & KP, who make it impossible NOT to watch, so I resort to the next best thing not trying to get too deep into discussions but you come along Zoya and make posts and my fingers find a will of their own as they reserve a spot to comment because darn it, I'm tempted 😳
As usual you have made a lovely post and so without fail my fingers, sneaky traitors 😡 did their job and here I am...
Usually when people speak of love they want unicorns and rainbows, roses and honey but they forget about love being multifaceted - love is all of the above mentioned things, well not unicorn 😆😆 but the rest are possibly to attain - roses given to a beloved, honey tasted in the form of kisses and words spoken, and rainbows witnessed while sharing a single umbrella when trying to be shielded from a torrential outpour or soaking in it carefree and joyous...
But there always exist two sides of a coin - for a rainbow, one has to endure a storm; roses come with thorns that can prick and cause bleeding, sometimes despite the most careful attention paid and honey well too much sweetness can be nauseating and diabetes inducing too 😆😆
So is love - it is full of thorns and storms, it can be sickeningly sweet but it can also burn and that is precisely what we witnessed last night - the man who was trying to inflict pain on the woman he loved to the point of madness, burning up himself.
If love is heaven it can be hell too - especially if it is of the kind that is so all consuming - like it is here or was in one of the greatest classics ever written, my favorite dark love story - Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte.
Raman IMO is to Heathcliff what Ishita it to Cathy - he would have her in hate if not in love, whether the hate is his for her's or her's for him - so long as he can be connected to her he doesn't care - he can endure hate and anger, he can't endure indifference and being isolated from her.
The gist of which can be found in these lines -
"May she wake in torment!" he cried, with frightful vehemence, stamping his foot, and groaning in a sudden paroxysm of ungovernable passion. "Why, she's a liar to the end! Where is she? Not there"not in heaven"not perished"where? Oh! you said you cared nothing for my sufferings! And I pray one prayer"I repeat it till my tongue stiffens"Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you"haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always"take any form"drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"
Emily Bront, Wuthering Heights
In momentary glimpses if you notice carefully - in the hospital when Ishita assured Pihu she would not take her anywhere, like you said; he is unable to meet her eyes and even in the police station a little before that when his son straight forward without mincing words tells him that does he realise how much in pain everyone is thanks to him? And the father looks away because - yes, he does, he is in the most pain himself and while since her return everyone has been able to claim a piece of Ishita, have her back and been lovingly embraced by her - he is the only one who has yet to find that solace, that peace.
And the worst part about it is, he himself has assured that and assumed it that he is no longer as important to her as she is to him, why, because she chose to leave him despite knowing his fear of losing her and stayed away from him - knowing the loneliness that would engulf him in her absence. What he fails to accept in that anger and agony of the torment he bore the brunt of all these years, years wherein he loathed himself for losing the two people he loves dearly - killing one of them himself, not literally but ensuring that she doesn't want to live any longer is that he had a hand in driving her away all those years ago and just as she had the power to unleash hell upon him with her absence, he had the power to thrust her in the pits of hell by his vitriolic words.
He couldn't have her in all these years and even after her return found she might not be his and based on that one assumption decided to give her hell - the same she left him in. His words, accussations, his anger he directed it all at her. He started to build his arsenal from his tears and frustration, loneliness and anger and turned it all into a vengeful, hate.
And he saw her take it all - without a word, without so much as a reaction until lately and as much as it pleased him to lash out on her, it hurt him to find indifference fo him - with her no reaction stance...
He turned mad and outrageous in his fear of losing the one reason he had been left with to live for when he felt he would lose her as well - but the moment she surrendered, he felt he lost once again..Why? Because she chose to give up on that one link which connected them and would forever keep them connected - like she said, she lives on in Pihu, their impossible dream, their child - an amalgamation of him and her.
And so in his anger did what came naturally to him, he handed the child to the one woman whom he can't ever in his heart embrace again as anything to him despite proclaiming to one and sundry he'd marry her and walked off. Trying to hurt her for giving up on him once again as well as their family.
But until last night he had one assurance - she might not be his but she wasn't anyone else's too yet...so in a twisted way, she was still his - to love, to hate, to hurt, to want back...
However when he learned she is now gonna commit to another man - become his, it was more than he could take, it was the blow he didn't see coming...
It was like he finally has lost her and the very idea drives him crazy - how can it happen, how can she belong to someone else and not him - this woman who he loves to the point of insanity and it hits him square in the gut...that if this happens, if she goes through with it - this time his loss would be forever.
He is spiralling down and unravelling - his polite demeanor yesterday when he saw her with another man, that very man he once thought was eligible and perfect for her - he controls himself because in his mind - they are now a unit and he has no rights whatsoever over her but the moment she comes to him...all that is once again but on the backburner because how can she, how can she leave him again and this time forever for another man - for all his words of nonchalance, what he displays is pain - unimaginable and unbearable - because of the mere idea of losing her.
And that is a hell far worse to him than the one he lived in for the past seven years - the hell of knowing she is around, alive and well and not his, happy but not because of him, smiling but not with him and probably in love - but not wiht him...
He endured the void she left him in thinking at least in his memories and hate and anger she is still his, and forever shall remain so - but this, this is far worse, to know she is alive and happy but he's not the one sharing that life with her, making her happy, basking in the sunshine that is her smile.
And her walking away from him is the abyss which petrifies him...
Edited by QueSeraSera - 9 years ago
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