So, I might be saying something very weird here but I have to say this Gan...I agree that a couple' sex life is their own, there has to be absolutely no interference in it by the family let alone outsiders, they need not know the status of what a couple is doing there much less the when's and how's of it.
I was also of the view that yeah no one should be concerned about this - there' absolutely no need for the Bhalla and Iyer clan to know that Raman & Ishita did it, much less Shagun but then I heard a line from Ishtia to Shagun...a Ishita who was very unlike herself today, said something that made me view the matter in a completely different light.
Her words about becoming Raman' premika now, it just gave me a brainwave...that she was no longer just a wife, a DIL or a mother to him, but she was his premika, his lover too.
And it struck me, how important is this facet of a married couple' life - isnt this what everyone had been harping on about for ages even in the forum? That, Ishita and Raman are being way too unreal because they are not doing it, It being sex the component of a couple' life that seperates them - this love that they share from the rest. A husband is family, a wife is family as are our parents, siblings, children, in-laws, even aunts, uncles and cousins but we DON'T demonstrate our love, our affection fo them in the same way as we do for our spouse. While a certain level of affection is displayed openly and can be without embarrassing anyone, when it comes down to it, the most intimate of all acts, the most heartfelt and personalized way of displaying our affection for our spouse, happens behind closed doors, in rooms where even the curtains are closed as are the windows. When we make love to our beloved, we dont want anyone looking at us, hear us much less be around us... That is how sacred and profound this act is to us, no one other than the one who is supposed to be on the receiving end of that love has any rights over it in anyway whatsoever.
BUT, and I would like to repeat myself again, BUT - this is where the whole world sorta was getting in in the lives of these two people, this couple.
The ball started rolling with Param, who made a move on Ishita after knowing she and Raman are not intimate, he made his disgusting intentions come across as services to her, so that she may know pleasure. It still boils my blood to think of that scene - but it opened the door wide open that made Ishita vulnerable in front of so many people - a woman like Shagun upon learning that Ishita was harassed because of her son at her fiance' party said she is hungry for some male attention, she time and again even insulted and humilated Ishita that her marriage is a mere farce that is nothing more than a way for Raman to have a legalised governess for his children he gave the tag of a wife and for her to have children, a woman who cannot have one herself. It got everyone interested in the love life or rather should I say sex life of this couple when it was out in the open, and thanks to Raman' words that day confirmed to be true too...
Since that day and point of time, things changed - the couple grew closer, the family too became more unified and there was so much difference now - however, the one thing that didnt change was their status quo and by extension of that...they were taken for a ride, for granted literally...I know it may seem like what the heck is Aani saying, but just bear with me please.
Are Ishita and Raman, the only members in the Bhalla family? Are they the oldest in the group too? I understand he is the eldest son and by extension that makes her the eldest DIL of the family, but beyond that was this couple given any consideration, any attention?
If you have a problem, Ishita and Raman will solve it, was the general consensus and while there is nothing wrong in having faith in your son and DIL or your sibling and his/her spouse, these two were NOT given any relevance beyond that. Ishita and Raman were considered the de facto go to people at any point of time, for any problem because of one thing - they were considered just as a platonic couple and not a couple in the actual sense of the term.
Recently the family barged in on their Mumbai trip and we all hated that, and how!
But wonder why it didnt even occur to the family in question not just parents and the youngest sibling who towed with her husband, which later grew as others in the family too dropped in. that it isnt prudent to just hijack a trip that was a couple' some private time - it was because they had considered it a given, that these two need NO privacy. That the door to their room is always and shall forever remain open to anyone and everyone who wishes to interrupt at any point of time and it wont be an issue, because why should it be? They have nothing that is there that might be interrupted...there is no personal life of this couple, which needs to be not disturbed by the family...that even if there is an issue there is no need to wait to just go to them, even if it is not an emergency that needs immediate attention - why should they be considerate of this couple and their space - they dont have anything worthwhile going there...
Growing up in a home where classic music was a part of my childhood, I have adored a lot of songs particularly of Lata Mangeshkar and her duets with various other legends such as herself, one of the songs by her that I absolutely have loved and adored is called 'O mere sanam' from a movie called Sangam.
A stanza in it just comes to my mind which I love the most in the song sung by Mukesh,
sunte hain pyaar ki duniyaa mein do dil muhskil se samaate hain
kya gair wahaan, apnon tak ke saaye bhi na aane paatey hain
The lines above are as per me the most amazing lines written about a couple - in the movie he learns his wife had a lover - one when they weren't even married or engaged because he finds letters hidden in a stash from him in his wife' belongings... and starts suspecting her of keeping ties with the man even when married...
but the gist of these lines is simple - that in the realm of lovers two hearts find it hard as it is to come together but once they do - forget about strangers even those who are beloved to us don't find a place - which is how it is between a couple, a husband and a wife - in their realm (their bedroom) no one has a place when they are lovers, when they come together not even those they love as in family or children forget then the question of a third person - someone who could pose a danger to them, their relationship - doesn't even stand a chance.
Until tonight a lot of people didnt consider Ishita and Raman as lovers, even in their own family...they were considered spouses, friends, two people who love each other and parents but NOT lovers.
We were discussing the other day when Shagun taunted Ishita about the importance of sex in a marriage and isnt this just that?
Today while everyone was made privy to a couple' personal status quo, they were also shown the door in a way that is now being closed - metaphorically and literally to keep everyone out of their bedroom space...because now these two arent just a husband and wife who have children, they are lovers too...the chain of events that happens for a normal couple is happening in the inverse for them.
Usually when a couple marries they are given some privacy, allowed to be by themselves because the family and world in general understands their need for the quality time they spend together, they later become parents as well as don the various roles that they do...but in IshRa' case they became parents first, donned the various hats that they do, but they could not become a couple - a pair of lovers until very recently, which was known to everyone and so barging in on them was not considered a disturbance, which I hope that now it will be.
Like I said, Ishita' reference to the word Premika made me think in a different way which is what inspired this reply as it made me think, realise how important it is and what a difference it makes - this status quo...Lovers need not be spouses, but spouses need to be lovers...the absence of sex in a marriage just doesnt drive the couple apart as they may fall prey to their insecurities, become victim to their own demons - as Ishita and Raman recently did when they both felt what they did, due to the lack of a reassurance in their relationship despite knowing it in their hearts they love each other, but it allows others to create differences between them, it allows people to view them as something of a mockery, a joke, which I hope will stop now.
I might not have the most popular opinion tonight but I couldnt help but share it.
To end this long post, a video of the song I mentioned. 😳
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7m4fJipIN9k[/YOUTUBE]
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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