Hi Guys,
This is my third OS. Thanks for all the comments, likes and pm for my first two OS.
I always feel that people like Ishita are still living in this world. They don't tell anything to anyone but I think they have to unburden their feelings somewhere either it is a pet, plant or dairy. In my story she is going to use diary. This is a bit long hope you guys like it.
Realizations
Raman is still angry with Ishita as she is not helping him with Romi's problem. He could not stand to see she is standing on the opposite side of the problem because he thought she will always be his support system.
Ishita comes to him and asks about the meeting with Shagun he does not say anything nor look at her he is still looking at the laptop doing his work. She then says to him about how Adi apologized for his mother's behavior and how he is changing for the better. He still does not say anything to her she feels sad and moves from there. She takes some of her books and goes out to Ruhi's room to find the much needed solace in her daughter's arms due to past week happenings.
It is Sunday morning when Raman gets up out of habit he looks at the sofa to see his madrasan pillow and comforter neatly arranged on the side of the couch because she never opens the cupboard to keep it in until he wakes up so that he is not disturbed in his sleep. He is surprised to find that it is not near the couch that is when he realizes that she never slept in the room that night. This is the first time like this happened in their marriage. He gets angrier at her that how can she sleep somewhere else without me.
He comes down to see his mom and sister working in the kitchen. He is surprised not to see Ishita there because she is the one who cooks food for everyone on Sundays even though nobody asked her she usually full fills all her responsibilities. He asks his mother where is Ishita she says she does not know she thought she was still in there room. He says she is not there probably there is an emergency at the clinic she has gone just then a call comes to the house asking for Ishita from the clinic that there is an emergency they tried contacting her through cell but she is not picking up. Raman tells them that she won't be able to come today so to find another replacement for her.
He is worried now as to what happened to her and where to start searching for his pagal madrasan. Ruhi comes from fighting with Shravu calling Ishimaa to take her side in their fight. Ruhi cannot find her in the kitchen and goes to her room when she opens the door she sees Ishita sleeping with her back facing towards the door so she quietly closes the door as to not to disturb her. Raman comes there she signs him to be quiet he asks for what she says Ishimaa is sleeping and runs to play.
Raman is thinking why she is sleeping till now. He thinks to go and check on her but his ego gets in the way and he moves from there to do his office work. When he comes down for lunch he still doesn't see her. He finishes his lunch as asks his mom did Ishita come down she says she is still sleeping and we are banned from that room by Ruhi as she wants her Ishimaa to sleep. Raman gets back upstairs to work he passes the room he waits outside for a sec to check on her but still his ego takes him to his work while working something is disturbing him and he is not able to concentrate he gets up from work his feet move towards Ruhi room he goes near her and is shocked to see her in this state.
He shouts at Romi asking him to start the car everyone comes towards him he is carrying Ishita in his hands her nose is bleeding and she is unconscious. Raman is in a panic mode he is shouting at each and every one for small things. Romi starts the car and they rush her to the hospital she is taken into the emergency room.
The Bhalla and the Iyers family reach there. Vandu is taking care of the kids. She also informs Mihir and Mihika about it. Mihika says she will come to help her so that jeeju can stay with Ishu akka. Mihir and Rinki rush to the hospital.
Raman is signing the forms and is worried what is going to happen to her. The doctor comes and asks Raman was he not taking care of her properly he has already informed him that she should not be on an empty stomach for more than 2 hours. Doctor says she had a relapse and they are trying their best to bring her back. Raman is worried hearing this news.
Everyone is praying to god for her full recovery. The doctor comes and asks him about her previous medical reports. He says he will bring it from the house. Mihir offers to drive him. He realizes that his brother is no shape to drive as he has seen the devastation his bhai went through seeing his bhabi lying like this in the hospital during the navarathi at that time his bhai hasn't even realized that he was in love with his wife but now his bhai knows that he is in love with her so the pain must be unbearable for him.
Raman reaches home and is searching frantically for her reports. He gets them and starts to leave for unknown reason his feet takes him to Ruhi room and stops where she was lying unconscious there he finds books scattered he picks them to put them on the side table and sees the pillow case soaked with blood. He is rooted to the spot seeing the blood and the feeling of having to be strong for others goes away and he cries howling falling to the floor. Mihir rushes inside hearing him cry. Mihir takes him in a hug and pacifies him Raman says to him how his ego stopped him from checking on her even though he knew it was unusual for her. He tells to him that he want be able to forgive himself if something happened to her. Mihir comforts him saying that nothing will happen and we need to go now to hospital to give the reports. Raman picks up all the reports and they leave.
Raman gives all the reports to the doctor. The doctor checks on the reports he also gives a diary back to Raman. He realizes that he picked up the diary from Ruhi room when he was picking up all the medical reports. He waits for the doctor to come out of the emergency. Doctor comes out and says they have done what they could medically it is up to god now as the patient is not responding to any of the treatment. Raman is shattered hearing this news unconsciously his hold on the diary tightened.
Mihir takes him to a chair and makes him sit on it. Raman does not hear or see what is happening around him the only word that keeps repeating in his head is that of doctor saying that the patient is not responding to any treatment. He is thinking madrasan please don't leave me and go. I cannot live without you. Mihir stops everyone from going near Raman he says to them he needs to be alone now just give him some time alone.
Raman opens the diary unconsciously and see that it Ishita handwriting. He lovingly caresses it thinking he is touching Ishita. He turns the page and opens to see more of her writing.
The first thing he sees is the page is little bit crumpled with tears. He frowns at it. He wants to read it but his conscious is pricking him that it is her personal stuff and she has never even told him that she keeps a diary after lot of deliberation he starts reading as he wants to feel close to JRK now as he feels her words might give him the comfort like she usually does.
Ishita writes that she was upset with Raman today as he taunted her for being Ishimaa. She pours her heart out in the diary. She writes he always taunts me with my weight, dressing style and my choice I never felt bad because I knew he never means it but today while he was searching for Adi he came and shouted at me for no fault of mine and taunted me for being Ishimaa that one word from him made a small part of me die today. Everyone taunted me for being infertile he never said anything to me about my condition until today he also thinks I don't deserve to be a mother so that why god had made barren. He did not even listen to me that I was not at home and I entered few seconds before him. He left me to go to Shagun to bring back Adi shouting at me in front of family that I was an outsider when it comes to his kids when he said that another chunk of me died. When he came back I wanted peace to prevail so I went to him and asked what Adi said he shouted again at me saying I did not make an effort to patch up with Adi. He knows very well that Adi doesn't like me and mummyjii wants me to stay away from Adi. Adi now wants me to apologize to his mom.
Raman does not realize what a toll it takes on me to keep Shagun in this house just for him to be with Adi. She insults me at every turn Adi took wrong medicine and put his life on danger for his mom everyone blamed me for that happening I took the blame for it as I did not want to point finger at an 11 year old kid being manipulative. He once did not realize I would not have given a wrong medication to kids even mummjii blamed me for this mess did anyone stop to think will I put a kids life at risk? No one did. I am going to kill my self-respect today and apologize to Shagun to bring back Adi that will make Raman happy. I love him that much.
Raman recollected the incident and thinks how callously he behaved with her in his fear of losing his kid. He never once thought how his one word he said out of anger that he did not even mean would inflict this much damage on her. He thinks he could not find a best mother other than her for his kids even if he searches the whole world. He turns the page to read again.
The next entry is about Lohri and Pongal pooja. She writes Raman does not understand why I don't talk with him I want him to pacify and pamper me just for once I would like to feel like a wife for him after his outburst it is his job to calm me down. I was so excited like a kid in a candy store about my first Lori puja as husband and wife. My life shattered before my eyes when I saw Raman holding Adi hands and in turn him holding his mom hands they were preparing to do the puja. No one said anything about my rights being taken away from me as usual everyone was a mute spectator to this but then came my angel Ruhi she stopped the puja and gave my rights back to me she is the only one who loves me unconditionally without any reservation in this house. I cannot explain my love for her with words. Raman did pacify me with his "Sorry Ravan kumar" card. I did forgive him because I never could stay mad at him as my love for him will always triumph over my anger on him.
Raman recalls the incident how he thought that she might have wanted this for Adi sake it was a genuine mistake on his part and he gets happy thinking about the patch up he made with her. He turns the page further to read.
She has written about their anniversary. Dear Diary today I am extremely happy because my Raman made the day special for me by giving me a surprise in my clinic by giving me flowers and with each flower he gave a thank you to me for being in his life and making it beautiful for him but he was the one who gave me the biggest gift saying if I wish I could be a mother and no one will call me barren.
Raman recalls the incident and how they had a chai date after the clinic and how they planned to fool their family and spend their time alone and how she arranged a belly dancer as a surprise for him by mistake and all his family came once again to spoil their alone time and smiles remembering the incident.
He turns the page to see the entry is after the Rinki marriage with Mihir. Ishita writes I felt very bad today as everyone pointed the blame solely on me for Rinki failed marriage to Nikil. I did not want to create a scene there so I accepted it is as my mistake and the best solution I could find then and there was Mihir. He is a gem of person and I know he will keep Rinki happy.
Dear Diary tell me how am I solely responsible for Rinki's mess. Initially I did not want Rinki to get married but mummyjii pressured me to talk to her to get married I suggested to her to see the groom I never forced her to marry only this guy. They talked she liked him and accepted him the alliance came through Pammi aunty who is mummyji friend. Papajii enquired about the family and found out theirs was a good family they all fixed the alliance when I was not even there. I took over from there to make arrangements for the wedding and through the groom I came to know about my junior and talked with her I got a good report which I said to the whole family. My check was of secondary nature during the initial stages itself if they could not find anything bad about the groom how are they making me responsible for not finding anything about the groom in my secondary check.
Shagun created this mess to show me down she could have avoided Rinki humiliation by telling us that he is already married when she came to know about it but nobody blamed her. The alliance came through Pammi aunty. It hurts me to hear mummjii telling to Pammi aunty that she should not have trusted an outsider looking at me and not feels sorry for herself (Pammi) for them to be in this mess. They should be asking Pammi aunty how she did not know her relative was a married man instead everyone blamed me and even Raman did not open his mouth to support me. This day I feel like I never belonged to this family they just want me to just fix their life in order.
Raman recollects the events and realizes he never supported her when everyone was blaming her as he was in a shock thinking about his little sister who is more like a daughter to him her life was getting ruined by his ex-wife shenanigans. He feels sorry for making her feel like an outsider in her own house.
He further reads the diary. This day is about Amma throwing out Shagun from her house and how Shagun is shouting at her. Ishita writes today too my family did not support me when Shagun was calling me baanch I wanted Raman to slap at her and make him shut her mouth but he was standing as a mute spectator. She called me so many vile words which I cannot describe not one person opposed it they were all standing around us allowing her to speak and insult me and questioning about my relationship with my husband finally my patience was at end and I slapped her and she pushed me back the only person who supported me from falling down was my amma Raman finally came out of his trance when she raised her hand to slap me. He stopped her saying he will not tolerate his insult to his wife that was also for his sake not for me. I am wondering where I am fitting in his life.
Raman recalls the incident and how he was standing on the side without saying anything to support her as he was thinking about what is going to happen to Adi. He is feeling ashamed now reading her feelings and how much she has buried from their family how she is feeling with a smile on her face.
He reads more it is the day after the wedding when he gives an ad in the newspaper searching for Sarika to fix Romi life and she was standing opposite to him not wanting to be in this decision. She writes Raman shouted at me again in front of everyone again saying it was my mistake for the failed marriage of Rinki and how the whole family covered my mistake by getting Rinki married to Mihir. If they did not like my decision they should have told me then and there. I tried to convince everyone that Rinki's life is not spoiled but mummyjii was adamant that Rinki's life is in shambles and I could not stand to see her crying so I took the best decision available to me at that time by asking Mihir. I did not force him or Rinki I explained the situation to him and he proposed to Rinki and she accepted I did not force these two into marriage anyways tell me dear diary how have I spoiled Rinki's life by getting her married to the best guy.
I did not stop anyone from going to Sarika and making a proposal to her I told him I won't be the one doing it as I feel this decision is not correct so I don't want to be part of it. After all this I still forgave him and talked about how Adi behaved in school he never once looked up at me as he has that much hatred towards me.
The last nail in the coffin was when he shouted at me saying I have spoiled his life. If he does not respect me and shouts at me at the drop of the hat how is anyone going to respect me? Shagun keeps taunting me saying he never behaved with her like this as he was in love with her. I don't even want his love I just want my self-respect back which I buried in my love for him.
I wonder now if he is the same as Subbu initially I thought he was not bothered about my inability to conceive but I am wondering now if he did not have kids would he be still with me after knowing my condition or would he have left me like Subbu did?
I don't have any more to give in me if he feels like I have spoiled his life I will happily go away from him as he will be happy. I love him very much I cannot stand to see him in pain. I know he will take care of my Ruhi and Adi very well. This was the last line she has written on her diary.
Raman recalls how he behaved like a jerk to her due to his hiding things from her regarding his job and the pressure of Romi's life is in shambles and how his mummyjii chant on Ghar ka chirag was taking a toll on him and the only person he found to take out his frustration was Ishita because she always forgave him or understood him that he did not mean anything what he said.
He never realized that she may be taking everything in a different manner or she might need someone to support her during her hardship she faced due to his ex-wife. He now realized how his mom chant affected her pointing to her inability to conceive even though his mom never intended for her to get hurt.
He realized how he had slowly stopped taking care of her and taken her for granted because he never realized that she has stopped eating before he used to pester her by anyways whether by taunting or making Ruhi to make her eat but for the past few days he did not even notice that she was not eating properly and her health was deteriorating.
Raman is thinking how much she has buried inside herself by showing her smiling face to the outside world. He feels now he never earned her trust as she has felt to show him a fake faade to make him happy. He realized he never once sought to see how she was feeling after he shouted at her he always makes an excuse and she always forgives him but reading her diary made him understand how much she was affected by his shouting at her. He promises to himself that he will earn her trust so that instead of writing on her feelings she would be able to talk with him.
He realized how much she was affected by Subbu betrayal and how sensitive she is. He even realized her insecurity had made her to think him to be just like Subbu but for him even without the kids he would not survive without her. Her inability to conceive in no way affected him. She was his life.
He promised himself that he will make everything alright with her once she gets well. He thought they should sit and talk all the issues regarding their life and put some demons from the past to rest from both their lives and start a new good one.
He then recalled the doctor's words that the patient was not responding to treatment and how the last line she wrote was that she will go away from him if it makes his life happy. A thought suddenly stuck to him that his madrasan does not want to live as she feels he wants her to be out of his life he gets up from his seat drops the diary and runs to Ishita.
She was being kept in the ICU the nurse stops him from going in but he fights with her everyone is trying to stop him but he fights with everyone the only thought he had was he needs be near her for her to wake up from her sleep. He climbs on to the bed with her this is the first time he is sleeping besides her. He takes her in a gentle hug carefully so that all the monitors are all still attached to her.
He comes close to her ears and says to her I love you mere pagal madrasan please don't leave me alone in this world. I am a selfish person I need you by my side to fight with me. I know I shout at you unnecessarily and you always forgive me so please don't punish me like this I cannot see my sherini being quiet please get up so saying he starts crying.
The monitors start beeping the doctors and the nurse come inside the room they see Raman is on bed with her they ask him to move once he moves the monitor stops they are puzzled by this and they ask him to talk to her he sits and says some random thoughts which came to his mind the monitors starts flashing activity in her again. They say it is a miracle she is responding only to your voice rather than the medicine keeping talking to her she needs to wake up before an hour for the danger to pass.
Raman talks about his feelings for her how she has enriched his life and how sorry he was for not being there when she needed him and how he will cherish her and take care of her. He also promises her he will get his anger under control and he says to her he will make sure when they fight they are always alone. It is almost close to an hour and there is no sign of her waking up he gets worried and he gets desperate finally an idea stuck to him he had a recording of Ishita and Ruhi talking on his phone. He brings up the video and plays near her ear. It is of Ruhi asking her Ishimaa to promise her that she won't leave her ever and Ishita promising her that she would always be there for her Ruhi. Hearing Ruhi voice she stirs and opens her eyes.
Raman is relieved to see her up. He shouts at the doctors to come and see her and turns and scolds her why she was not taking better care of her health and says if I don't look after you are behaving like a child. Ishita seeing him like this gives him a weak smile. He asks why you are smiling now bewakoof madrasan. She says to him my Ravan Kumar was missing for some days and he is back now with a weak voice. He says be quiet you need all your strength with that he takes her in a hug and cries his heart out showing her all the fears he faced in the few hours she was lying unconscious inside . Ishita eyes are filled with tears seeing him this state.
They let go of all their past mistakes through their tears each one of them is silently promising the other one that they will make the other persons life better here onwards.
The End
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Thanks,
Maya
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