TS - Mr & Mrs. RKB, Part 2(pg.1) by -Payal-

Mrs. Raman Kumar Bhalla

Crossroads
::A Raman OS::

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"When we first met, I didn't want to get involved with anyone. I didn't have the time or energy, and I wasn't sure that I was ready for it. But you were so good to me, and I got swept up in that. And little by little, I found myself falling in love with you."

Nicholas Sparks

"I would lay down everything I possess, even my soul, for you. If that isn't love, it's the best I have."
Becca Fitzpatrick

***

The agony he carried in his heart as he closed the service apartment door behind him was the kind that had inspired poets for hundreds of years. As he stood just outside the threshold, his hand still on the doorknob, he couldn't help but send up a silent prayer to Mata Rani, asking her to watch over his family, his kids, and...her.

His legs felt like lead as he slowly made his way to the luxury sedan that awaited him just outside. His mind was made up, there was no going back now, but the ache in his heart could not be ignored. In his attempt to save himself the pain, to ensure his resolve wouldn't weaken, he hadn't even waited for her return. He didn't allow her a goodbye...just as he couldn't allow her to confess her love earlier in the day.

A fresh wave of guilt washed over him. 'I'm sorry.' , he whispered into the void of the night as he reached for the handle to the car door. With a heavy heart, and one last look back towards his home, he got in the car.
As an old Jagjit Singh ghazal played on the radio, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes as he was driven to the airport.

**

Ranj aur dard ki basti ka main bashinda hoon
(I dwell in the slums of grief and pain)

Ye to bas main hoon ke is haal mein bhi zinda hoon
(And yet, only I, am able to still be alive in this state)

Khwaab kyoun dekhoon, kal jispe main sharminda hoon
(Why should I build dreams on a past for which I am ashamed?)

Mai jo sharmindaa hua, tum bhi to sharmaaoge
(IMy shame will only cause you to be ashamed too)

Kyoun mere saath koi aur pareshaan rahe,
(Why should others stay with me and be subject to distress?)

Meri duniyaan hai jo viraan to viraan rahe
(If my life is to be lonely, than lonely it shall remain)

Jindaki ka ye safar tum pe to aasaan rahe
(But may this journey of life at least be easy on you)

Humsafar mujhko banaaoge toh pachtaaoge
(If you stay with me on this journey, you'll face only regret)

Pyaar mujhse jo kiya toh kya paaoge
(If you love me, what will you gain?)

Mere haalat ki aandhi mein bhkhar jaaoge.
(For the storm of my life, shall ruin you, too)

**

A year ago if someone would have told him he'd be married to a woman he'd find himself irrevocably in love with, he would have scoffed. Today, it was an undeniable fact.

His life had been in shambles when she came waltzing into it uninvited. 'Well, not exactly uninvited', he reminded himself. Ruhi, his angel; she had chosen Ishita. Invited her into her life with open arms...and so, invited her into his life as well. He smiled as his thoughts lingered on Ruhi for a moment. She had been his saving grace all along; she had given him purpose when Shagun left him...and she had been the reason he was fortunate enough to have her. His Rooh, his soul, truly. Had he really spent 6 years running from her, depriving them both of this beautiful bond? Was he really leaving her again? That too when just a few days ago she had tied the three of them together forever? He shuddered at the thought of breaking his baby girl's heart; especially since she had declared him the best papa in the world. The dull ache in his heart seemed to intensify as his throat constricted and eyes filled with unshed tears. Suddenly, he didn't feel so worthy of the title.

Best Papa. In less than a year, he had gone from practically non-existent in his daughter's life, to 'Best Papa', all because of her. She had given his daughter back to him, and so much more. In a matter of months, she had managed to do what he couldn't in six years. She had picked up the pieces of his shattered life...she had knocked down the walls that encased his heart - the walls it had taken him six years to carefully build.

He couldn't help but wonder how he had gotten so lucky to have her in his life...and how foolish he'd been, not to be able to keep her, make himself worthy of her. She'd brought him back from his self-imposed hell, given his family, his daughter back to him; she'd even tried to rectify his estranged relationship with Adi. She had been the strength that helped him fight the demons of his past, and somewhere in the midst of all of that, she had mended and healed his bruised and battered heart. She'd given him a reason to smile again...the courage to dare to love again. He hadn't planned on it, but she had been so good to him, even in those moments when he didn't deserve it - when he blatantly lied to her or came home drunk...even that horrid night when he'd accused her of adultery. He got caught up in her goodness...he hadn't even realized when he'd fallen in love with her. His Paagal Madrasan. He never really stood a chance. Foolish he was to run from the notion of loving her...to ignore what his heart had been telling him for months now. He was undeniably, irrevocably in love with her. That's why he had to do what he was doing now. To save her from himself and his past that continued to haunt their present and threaten their future.

He couldn't help but notice the next song that played on the radio as he suppressed a chuckle at the sad irony of his life.

Chahoonga tujhe saanjh savere,
Phir bhi kabhi ab naam ko tere,
Aawaaz main na dounga

He let out a resigned sigh as he thought of the pain, grief, and humiliation he'd given her in return for all her goodness, care, and love. 'Not anymore', he thought. Now that he had removed himself from her life, his past would seize to weigh on her. Ashok & Shagun would have no reason to use their dirty schemes against her; and with their no longer targeting her, Param would seize to be a threat as well. And she would no longer have to be on the receiving end of Adi's anger and hatred - which had always been meant for him, anyway.

Adi. An overwhelming pain gripped his heart as he thought of his son. He had gone back to Mihir's in the morning to say goodbye, and as usual, Adi had only dismissed him. Why should I care that you're leaving? You haven't been around for seven years.', his son had said, leaving him with nothing to say in his own defense.
Adi never did approve of his marriage to her. He never could accept that another woman had taken his mother's place in his father's life. Maybe now that he was leaving her, his son would finally be able to forgive him. His son. Possibly the one person he had failed most of all. He could only pray for his son's well-being now. Maybe once things were settled a few years hence, he'd ask Mihir to be more a father figure in Adi's life...and if his son could ever forgive him, maybe he'd want to come visit his papa someday.

A tear escaped his eye as he couldn't help but think of the plans he had made for Adi...with her. 'Ek na ek din woh aapko samjhega, Raman. Baccha hai abhi. Usse waqt do. Ek din humara beta humare saath rehne zaroor aayega.', her words echoed in his mind. Humara beta. 'Had she really referred to him as humara beta? Our son?' His heart swelled at the thought. But now their dream of having their son come live with them would never be fulfilled. There would be no 'ek din'. Their days together, his days with her, the best days of his life, were over.

Was he really leaving her? Forever? He would never see her again, never hear her call him "Raavan Kumar" again. Was he giving her a divorce? He'd been divorced once before; had experienced the agony of it - the agony of having the one you love throw you out of their life. Would she be subject to that agony too? Was he doing to her what he had been victim to? Was he throwing her out of his life, that too, callously? He lied to her just to leave her; had sent her a divorce notice after his departure because he knew she'd never consent otherwise. Was he being a coward, running from her, her love? Was he, who had never been good enough, afraid to fall short again? Afraid to be loved?
He knew she loved him, there was no questioning that. Her love reflected clearly in those beautiful eyes of hers...it radiated off of her every time she was in his vicinity. He loved her too...God, how he loved her. He never imagined he'd fall in love, but now, he couldn't imagine a life without her.

A sudden panic gripped him, as his chest tightened and his breathing became labored.

What am I doing? I can't do this. I love her. I have to go back. I have to tell her. She has to know. She has to know that I love her and that I know she loves me though I can't fathom why. I can't leave her...I tried, but I can't. I'll beg her to forgive me for the pain I've caused. I'll vow to never make her cry again, I'll listen intently to all her lectures, I'll never complain about her Kapde Ki Thaan, I won't make her sleep on the couch anymore...I'll do whatever it takes. Whatever the issues are, whatever hard times befall us, we'll face them together - her and I...just as we have, all these months. She'll be my strength, and I'll be her shield, and we'll find a way to make it work, to beat the odds...to give our love a chance...to be happy...to raise our kids together, to grow old together...

"Turn the car around! Take me back home!", he exclaimed suddenly, startling the driver.
"Lekin, saab...", the driver retorted only to be cut off.
"I said, take me home, NOW!", he repeated, this time with utmost authority and finality.

Just as the driver made a U-Turn, his phone beeped.

A smile that reached his moist eyes spread across his face as he read the words that flashed on the screen of his iPhone.

[1 New Message: Ishita]

'My Jhansi Ki Rani...'

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