OS: Salvation (Note on Page 4, last part page 5) - Page 3

Part 2

Ruhi was very happy to see her Papa home so early. "Papa" she cheered "you're back. You know? Ishima was just telling me a story about a king, a queen and their little princess. She said they lived happily together forever. But I will have to leave you and Ishima and go when I marry my prince. Ishima also had to leave Paati's house so she can stay here with you and me, right? Just like that. Papa, you find me a prince that stays close by so that I can see you every day. Deal? See Ishima's mamma is our neighbour, so Ishima can visit her every day. I don't want to stay away from you and Ishima, please Papa." And then she pouts.

Raman smiles through his tears. "Okay my dadi amma. But there is still a lot of time for that. So many years more. Till then you will be with us only. Okay?"

Ruhi smiles happily. "Okay, papa. Now I will go and tell dadi and paati that I will always be with my Ishima and Papa." Ruhi skips away merrily.

Ishita was silently observing the father and daughter interact. Once Ruhi left, Raman's eyes landed on Ishita.

"Ishita, come with me."

"But, Raman..."

Raman was exasperated now. "Please, for once just listen to me and don't argue." Raman's tone was so authoritative that she quietly followed him after that.

When Raman entered his home this afternoon, all he wanted to do was forget the pain of losing his true love by indulging their daughter. He did not expect to hear anything of the sort that Ishita just said to Ruhi. Raman did not have too many expectations from life. He was not overly ambitious or competitive. He was a simple man. When he married the first time all he wanted was a family he could call his own. A wife who would love him the most and children who would look up to him. But everything didn't turn out as he had wished. His wife turned out to be an infidel who loved herself more than anything and his son looked up to some other man. He was left all alone with a daughter with a striking resemblance to his infidel wife. This misery was what gave rise to his ambition. He wanted to show his ex-wife that he had the ability to lay the world at her feet if only she had asked him to do so for her. Instead, she tried to fulfill her needs elsewhere and broke every vow she ever made to him. He was like a sinking ship in the ocean, drowning in his own misery until he collided with Ishita. She came into his life like a storm but in the end, she showed him the right way up. He could reconnect with his daughter. Now he no longer saw her as Shagun's daughter. She was Ishita's Ruh. His mini madrasan. Somewhere along the line he had also lost touch with his family. Ishita helped him reforge all his relations. With her by his side, he became a better son, a better brother, a better friend and most of all a better father. All he wanted now was to be a good husband to Ishita. He had tried and failed with Shagun. She was the wrong woman for him and he was the wrong man for her. But with Ishita, he had high hopes it would work. That is until he noticed how close Ishita was to Mani and then said I love you' to him. She turned to him in her time of need. She didn't think of her husband.

He didn't realize that all these days, being angry with her, insulting her, pushing her away, he was just looking for a sign that may be he holds some importance for her, in her life. Does it matter to her if I'm cross with her? Will she be hurt if I insult her? Will she miss me when I'm away? Just one sign that maybe, all is not doomed yet. There is a chance that his second marriage is not a failure. That Ishita is not another Shagun. That Ishita is not another woman that he failed.

Meanwhile, Ishita was wary of Raman. He had grown distant in the past few days. He was angrier, moodier, grumpier and was ready for a fight at the word go. She didn't want to fight anymore. She didn't want to be his friend anymore. She couldn't take his cruel taunts anymore. His anger scared her and his taunts hurt her and made her feel small. She wanted to be perfect for him when she already knew she wasn't. But she hoped he would accept her love. All she could promise him was that she would always be with him. She hoped it would be enough. She didn't want to hide her love for him anymore. She just finally wanted to be his wife.

Raman led Ishita straight into their bedroom and shut the door after her. He locked the door and went to stand by the window, looking out of it. Ishita stood still near the door.

"I heard everything that you told Ruhi."

"I was just..." Ishita was scared at being put on the spot like this.

"Was it true? All that you told her."

"Raman I just... It was nothing... I..."

At this, Raman turned to face her. "For goodness sake Ishita, just tell me yes or no. Did you really mean what you said to Ruhi."

Ishita knew she couldn't get out of this one. Maybe it was time to drop the veil. "Yes."

Raman looked visibly relieved. He sat down on the bed and gestured her to sit with him. Ishita took her place a few inches beside him, fidgeted with her fingers and apprehensively looked at him.

Raman let out a deep sigh, his eyes distant. "I really loved Shagun."

Ishita cringed at this. "Hmm..."

"I was happy with her. You know? The first time I saw her she seemed like a fairy... so beautiful. It was an arranged match. Their family was not as well off as ours. I didn't care. I had decided right then that I would say yes to her. I wasn't that handsome and my prospects weren't that good either. But I knew we would be well off. Maa liked her too. Everyone liked her. She was so likeable. It was my dream come true when we married. The first year was great. We used to have some arguments. I considered it a normal thing because we are such a big family. Everyone wants their opinion to be heard and think that it is the right one... Then we had Aditya... my Adi. I felt like my family is complete. Everybody was happy. As the years went by and Adi started growing older, he became more and more like his mother. It was a natural thing. I used to spend a lot of time at the office and used to get very little time at home. By the time I was home, I was very tired. Adi used to be asleep by then and whatever time I had on my hands, I would spend it with Shagun, ignoring everyone else. I even stopped asking on my parents and siblings. It was all about her. As the days went by, her demands started growing. She wanted new branded clothes, the latest mobile phone, diamond rings, foreign chocolates for Adi, the best toys, admission in the best school for Adi and it was all more than I could afford. I had to look after my parents and siblings as well. Papa's salary was not enough for everybody. I would work overtime, save every penny I could so that I fulfill her demands. I knew I would earn more if I took on more work but I didn't want to compromise on the time I would spend with her. More work would cut down my time with her. I didn't want to compromise on that."

Ishita didn't know what to make of this sudden confession spree. She had always wanted to know everything about Raman and his life before she was in it. But right now she wished to not know anything. It hurt her to know how happy he was with Shagun. It hurt very much. But if he wanted her to listen, she would.

Raman continued. "She was my sole focus. In a way she was my goddess. I didn't even bother about my son... And then... it slowly started. I began to see the cracks in my perfect world. At first, I didn't think anything of it. When I'd introduced Shagun and Ashok to each other, he said what anyone else always said about her. She was beautiful. Your wife was beautiful. It made me feel proud. Slowly,the frequency of their meetings started increasing. Ashok would invite me to different business parties. I thought he was impressed with my work. Shagun made me invite him home for lunches and dinners. I thought she is doing this so that I improve my relationship with my boss. Then I got the news that Shagun is pregnant again. That was the first time we had a major fight. She wanted an abortion. I wanted my child to live. And as you know she gave in. I had already realized that our relationship was crumbling. I thought the child would help me save it, renew it somehow. It was a very difficult nine months for me. Shagun and I grew more distant rather than coming closer. She was crankier. I tried my best to care for her. I was all alone. In all these years, she had completely alienated me from parents. Papa had completely stopped talking to me. Maa also kept her distance in fear she would ruin my marriage. I was living in hell. And the only thing that gave me any hope was the child that was about to come into this world."

"Ruhi..."

"Yes, my Ruhi. The one that kept my soul alive. That's why I named her Ruhi. I always wanted a daughter. When I held her in my arms the first time, the love I had for her overwhelmed me. It was even more than I had ever felt for Adi."

Ishita was surprised at this statement. "But I always thought you loved Adi more."

"No, Ishita. A father always loves his daughter the most. I am more concerned about Adi because he is not with me. Ruhi is in safe hands. It's Adi that needs help. I love them both. They both mean a lot to me."

"Ruhi loves you the most too."

"And I've only just realized it."

"Why did you stay away from her then? For soo long that too."

"Because she reminded me of Shagun's betrayal. That beauty spot just above her lips, just like Shagun has it, always reminded me of Shagun."

"Shagun once told me that it was what you liked most about her face."

"Yes, I was crazy about that beauty spot..."

Raman took a deep breath here. "After Ruhi was born, Shagun grew even more distant from me. It all started with little lies that turned big. She would spend a lot of her time on the phone, sometimes ignoring Ruhi. She would hand Ruhi to the maid and just chat on the phone. She didn't care when I came home, or anything else. I didn't think much of it. I trusted her with my life. Once I walked in on her conversation on the phone, and when she saw me she looked scared. I asked her who it was and she told me that it was a woman asking her for clothing tips. But I'd already heard her addressing the person on the phone as Ashok. I thought she wouldn't ever lie to me, I must have heard it wrong. I'd come home one day, specially to surprise her. I'd brought flowers too. I searched the entire house for her. She wasn't there. I called her on her mobile and asked her where she was. She told me she was at home cleaning the house. She complained about how my mother cannot see her resting even for a moment... One day she made plans to go for a movie with her friends. I told her I wanted to come along. She brushed me of saying I would be bored being the only man among a bunch of women. I agreed. She went to the bathroom and her phone started ringing. It was some Anupama calling her. I decided to answer it for Shagun. Only it wasn't any Anupama speaking. It was Ashok. He hadcalled to ask her how much more time till she reached the theatre so then could watch the movie..."

Ishita felt Raman's heart break along with him. "I'm so sorry Raman... you had to go through all this..."

"Don't be sorry Ishita. This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many things she did earlier that I ignored and many things she did later that I wanted to forget."

"I understand Raman... Even I..."

"No, Ishita. You don't understand. As far as I know, for you and Subbu it was a clean break. One day you came to know about your condition, and the next day you broke up. It was like a car crash. But what happened between Shagun and me was like cancer. I could see it growing, giving me pain but still living inside me. That love I had for her. Before it left me and completely changed me. You lost a limb Ishita, I lost myself. Your soul was still intact. You lost your lover, but you still had your family with you. She scarred my soul. And my family... my family was no longer with me. My father hated me, my mother pitied me, my siblings didn't think too much of me and my son thought the worst of me. And Ruhi was just too little. I begged her to reconsider. I told her it would affect the children... All she said was that she will take care of Adi. He would stay with her because he was more used to being with her. I could keep Ruhi with me because she was too small to miss her. Taking Ruhi along would mess with her plans of going on a world tour and anyway it was I that wanted her. So Ruhi was my burden to bear."

"What?!" Was all the came out as a whisper from Ishita's mouth.

Raman laughed a grim laugh at this.

Ishita was shocked.

"After that, I had only one thought in mind. One goal. To prove to Shagun that I can be twice the man that Ashok is. To show her she made a mistake by leaving me. To make her cry realizing that I am better than Ashok and now she can never have me back. I wasn't that Raman anymore and she wasn't the woman I loved... I left Ruhi with Maa and started on the journey to change my destiny. I came home sometimes. But I could never take Ruhi in my arms. I could never even look her in the eye. And most of all I could never forget Shagun's betrayal. That's why I would drink till I lost my senses. I just wanted a peaceful sleep. You've seen me that way many times haven't you?"

"Hmm... Does Shagun still hurt you? Is that why you drank the other night?"

"We'll come to that..."

"But..."

"Shh... Today its my turn to talk and your's to listen. Okay?"

Ishita nodded.

"You've influenced me Ishita... ever since the first time I saw you."

Ishita was surprised at this statement.

"I don't share your views on life. Mostly... or I didn't back then. I don't know. You think I ignore whatever you say, but I don't. I listen and if I think what you say is right I do accordingly. You've always guided me the right way. Towards my family, towards my Ruhi and even towards Adi. What Shagun had broken, you repaired."

Ishita gave him a faint smile.

"We hated each other before. We married only for Ruhi but as time went on and I started knowing more of you I began to like you more each day. The way you are with Ruhi, no one can tell that you didn't give birth to her. Sometimes, even I forget that Shagun was the one that gave birth to Ruhi. I like to think that she is just your's and mine. That no Shagun was ever involved."

"Raman... that does not change the fact that Shagun did give birth to Ruhi."

"But that's the thought... the belief that helps me show my love to Ruhi. The thought that she has nothing of Shagun in her."

Ishita nodded, accepting his beliefs.

"All these months, we have grown closer... you and I. You accepted my family as your own."

"You did the same."

"You took on their responsibility."

"You did that for me too."

"You didn't have to love them, or love my daughter the way you do."

"I couldn't help it, I fell in love."

"You made me expect more from you."

"I... what?" Ishita was confused now. "What more do you expect from me?"

"I expect our relationship to move on from just for Ruhi'. I don't want a mother for my daughter anymore... I want a wife. I finally want that happiness that has eluded me for all this time."

"Is that why you were acting weirdly all these days? Is that why you were angry at me?"

"Yes and no... I've started doing things for your happiness, Ishita. Not because I want to show off to Ruhi. I genuinely want you to be happy with me."

"I am happy with you Raman."

"No. You're content. Not happy... and about being angry. Yes, I was angry at you. You reminded me of Shagun."

"I don't understand Raman. What did I do wrong?"

"You lied to me." Raman accused.

"No, Raman..."

"No, Ishita. Don't you dare deny it. You've been lying to me. You gave me hell the other day because I lied to you about a simple accident..."

"Simple accident, Raman? How can you even say that? Don't you have any sense as to how a wife would feel when her husband has been in an accident?"

"How was I to know you felt anything for me at all? You have been neglecting me for days, spending all your time with precious Mani."

"Raman! Are you accusing me of cheating on you? How can you? I..."

"What else am I supposed to think Ishita? You praise the man to the skies. Tell me all the time how he is so perfect... okay, he's you're friend. You guys are close childhood friends. I understand that. But what I don't understand is you lying to me. I've never forbidden you from speaking to him. At any time. Why would you lie to me about talking to him on karvachauth. I did keep a fast for you that day Ishita..." Ishita was happy hearing this "... I was excited to celebrate the day with you. I'd come to call you, tell you the moon is out. But you were on the phone with Mani. You could have said that its Mani, why did you lie about it being a patient?"

"I'm..." Ishita didn't know how to explain herself.

"You ruined the day for me. I thought I'd make you happy but... Forget that. Next day, you forgot your lunch at home, so I dropped by at the clinic to give it to you. You told me you had a full schedule. But what happens when I get there?"

"..."

"You cleared all your appointments. You weren't there. The nurse told me you had called in to inform this the day before. I thought that maybe you made a mistake. You must have forgotten. But then I receive your SMS asking me to pick Ruhi from school because you are busy at the clinic. What do I make of that Ishita? I met Shagun at the school. She told me she saw you roaming around with Abhimanyu."

"Raman..."

"Okay lets forget that too. I was upset with what Shagun said that day so I came home late. I wanted to talk to you but you were already sleeping so peacefully. Your phone started ringing. Just two days back you had blasted me off for switching your phone off at night. I didn't want to disturb you. I thought I'd pick the phone up and see if it was an emergency. It was 1 a.m. I'd wake you up if they really needed you. Imagine my surprise Ishita, when someone that I thought was Manisha turns out to be your friend Mani?"

Ishita gasps at this.

"I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't want to think anything bad about you but the questions wouldn't leave me. I asked Mihir what a husband could do if he had doubts on his wife. He told me that he should talk with his wife. Communicate. Clear his doubts. I agreed with him. I had to ask you. I couldn't wait a moment longer with those questions in my head. Maa told me you were at Ruhi's Taekwondo class. I went there. And what do I see... you and Mani in a tight embrace. You told him you love him. That he was your hero..."

"It is not what it seemed Raman..."

"Why did you lie? Are you in love with him?"

"No, Raman. Please just listen to me... I was hiding something from you. Just not what you think. I didn't want you to lose your nomination for Asia Business Head."

"What has that got to do with any of this?"

"Mani had called me asking about Romi and Sarika..."

"How does he know about that?"

"His lawyer had told him that Ashok was helping Sarika fight the case against Romi."

"What? Ashok is involved in this?"

"Yes. Mani thought that the only reason Ashok would help Sarika is to destroy your chances of winning the title."

"Why did you hide this from me?"

"I know you Raman. You would just give it all up for your family. Just like you did it before for me. I didn't want Ashok to win over you. So I asked Mani to help me resolve the matter between Romi and Sarika."

"And how did you do that?"

"Mani thought that since he's a neutral party, Sarika would listen to him. He convinced Sarika that it wasn't a good idea to marry Romi. And as far as the child future was concerned, he would have his father's name."

"And Romi?"

"Romi agreed to give the child his name?"

"And you think this is going to solve the entire problem?"

"Isn't it?"

"Agrh... what do I do with you?"

Ishita looked at Raman confusedly.

"All this sneaking around, giving me grief, was for some god damned position that doesn't mean much to me?"

"How can you say that? You worked so hard for it? Ashok wanted to snatch it away, playing all these games..."

"Ishita, that position doesn't mean more to me than you do. I wouldn't have cried much over losing that title. I thought I was losing you. I thought you were in love with Mani..."

Ishita was furious now. "That's not true. This is the last time I am saying this. Mani and I are just friends. There is nothing going on between us except friendship. Yes, I admire him but not more than I admire you. I don't love him more than I love you."

Raman was ecstatic. "You love me?"

"Yes. I love you." It took Ishita a moment to realize just what she had said. "I mean..."

"Ishita... I love you too."