Ehsaas Bheege Bheege Tere Mere
"Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation: they are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigour ... If at my convenience I might break them, what would be their worth?"
Charlotte Bront, Jane Eyre
"Ishimaa, Papa can I sleep here tonight?"
The quiet voice of their daughter breaks the silence in the room and before he knows it, he has replied,
"Of course Ruhi come here."
His daughter comes to him, her favorite teddy in hand and quickly climbs in his lap as he sets aside his Macbook.
It is in the moment that he notices his wife is finally facing him, as she smiles fondly at the duo; their eyes lock for a moment and he smiles at her. Suddenly they are back in the moment - back where they were in the morning all alone - drenched and afire at the same time, locked in an almost embrace while their eyes met beneath a cascade.
He notices the pinkening of his wife' cheeks as she blushes prettily, her lashes casting shadows over them as she averts her gaze and in a fleeting moment she closes the door of the cupboard behind her and is out of the room nightdress in hand to retire for the night.
He has had quite an eventful day.
It began with the water running out on him while showering unexpectedly to finding himself unexpectedly in a heated moment with his wife that had him questioning himself once he came to his room. His delightful mood was ruined the moment he stepped out of his room dressed up for office to hear his wife' aghast utterance of a petty news printed against him plotted by his ex and her flame.
The rest of the day ranged from him landing at his ex' only to discover Ishita already present there blasting Shagun to having his heart breaking by the questions of his forlorn child to finding solace by taking her in his arms as he assured her she is the most important thing in this world to him.
He does not even want to imagine what would have happened if not for Ishita today. She made him realize the love he had for his daughter, had it not been for her presence in his life today how would have he handled this situation without her had the occasion arose at a time when she was not around him, was not in his life.
He is lost in his thoughts with his daughter nestled in his arms, her head pillowed on his shoulder when he feels the movement on the other side of the bed and notices his wife occupying her usual spot on the bed whenever Ruhi is with them.
Like a moth to a flame, they turn towards Ishita and in an instant Ruhi is in her Ishimaa' arms.
"Ishimaa will you tell me a story tonight?"
"Sure beta, which one do you wanna listen?"
"Hmm... tonight I want to hear your favorite."
The mother daughter duo interacts as he quietly looks on and soon his wife lays Ruhi between them and gets comfortable under the blanket.
It never ceases to amaze him the patience and love his wife has for their daughter but today the way he witnessed her fight for her, for him with his ex...he can't help but feel a burst of pride in his heart.
It has not been the first time Ishita has stood up for Ruhi; she has gone against him and even married him for her. There have been aplenty instances where he has had an earful from her because of his mistakes, but today...today, as she fought with Shagun, as he heard her say the words he ought to have chosen Ruhi over her he could not help but feel a sense of amazement and awe witnessing his wife.
His always calm, composed, patient, understanding and tolerable wife was lashing out on a woman who does not even deserve the least amount of respect as a woman let alone a mother.
"Once upon a time..." He hears her begin the tale as she starts the narration of her favorite story - The Beauty and the Beast to Ruhi.
Once the story is over, he hears his daughter ask her mother a question,
"Ishimaa but why does Belle love the beast? Wasn't he scary?"
"He was Ruhi but Belle saw something the others never did."
"What?"
"His heart Ruhi...his heart, everyone judged the beast because of the way he looked, the way he talked and the way he behaved most of the times. No one saw the goodness of his heart, his love and care before her or like her...she didn't love him because he was handsome or because he was strong, she fell in love with him because with him she felt happy, she found someone who understood her."
"But how could she stand to look at him if he was terrifying to look at?"
"She was initially frightened too but because Belle read a lot she knew, he must be under the influence of a curse to look like that. Once she reasoned with herself, it became easier to look at him, when that happened she could talk to him and slowly became his friend and once they were friends it didn't even occur to her when love happened between them. Do you know why?"
"Why?"
"Because you don't fall in love with someone for the way they look but because of the way they make you feel...and despite being so scary the Beast always made Belle feel safe, he made her happier then she thought possible. Now come on little lady time to sleep."
It is not the first time he has heard Ishita tell a bedtime story to Ruhi... but it is the first time he has found himself under the spell of her words just like his daughter.
As he looks upon the radiant face of his wife on the other side of the bed, he cannot help but compare how she is transforming him bit by bit just like Belle changed the Beast.
He wishes he could cross the distance between them and learn if magic happens for real too... yearns to know what would happen if he were to capture her lips with his, he so wishes he could do that now, if only they were at the stage of their relationship.
A slight chuckle escapes his mouth as he ponders how much things have changed already, from being pissed off at the mere thought and branding himself crazy for agreeing to marry her, here he is imagining what it would be like to kiss her, his wife; to hold her in his arms and make love to her.
He turns his head around feeling her gaze upon him and quickly she evades his gaze by pretending to be asleep already.
Smiling at her antics, he turns on his side as he faces her.
Was it just this morning that he was asking himself what has gotten into him, that he needs to get himself checked up for the direction of his thoughts regarding her.
Looking at her relaxed features in the dim illumination of the moonlight, he finds himself transported once again to the moment he had her in his arms earlier in the day.
He recalls the way she had instinctively leaned into him once the water came abruptly, the way he had reciprocated to her movements without a moment' thought or hesitation putting his arms around her. The way she had slowly lifted her head at the same time as the soap rinsed off from his face by the water flowing from the showerhead. The touch of her hand as it grazed his chest making his heart thunder when she drew back from his embrace under the shower.
Time had stood still for them as the intimacy of the moment they were in took them by surprise rooting them to their spots until they had heard Simi' voice calling him. She was talking to someone over the phone who was asking for him and thus ... the spell broke.
He had been unable to find his voice to reply to his sister and soon heard her say,
"Bhai is taking a bath right now could you call after sometime?"
Simi had soon hung up the phone and yelled out to him again,
"Bhai someone named Shah called up from ABP News, they wanted to talk to you, they are gonna call again in twenty so you better hurry up."
They had snapped out of the flux and had immediately looked away overwhelmed by the allure of their feelings.
As if they were not self-conscious enough already, what happened next was even more embarrassing for them, when his blushing wife tried to make a hasty retreat breaking free from his grip only to slip owing to the soapy water.
His quick reflexes caught her before she could fall but in the process she was back again in his arms.
As his arms went around her waist in a jiffy, her arms went around his shoulders for support. He was not prepared in the least for the onslaught that wrecked havoc on him next as her lips grazed the column of his neck and lightly flicked his earlobe when she collided into him.
Her startled gasp fell on his ears booming over the sound of the pouring water and he realized the gasp was as much for the shock of her involuntary caress as it was for shock of his touch upon her that had her shivering.
He had not even registered it until then that in his attempt to steady her and prevent them from tumbling down, his hands had travelled from around her waist to the small of her back and in doing so his digits were over her derriere.
With their faces inches apart, hands around each other and them wet from the shower which still flowed - they had involuntarily found themselves in their most intimate moment to date in a compromising position, none had even thought would be the consequence when she had entered the bathroom mere minutes ago.
His wife who was avoiding looking him in the eye then abruptly did with widened eyes and labored breath and just as quickly looked away as he saw her gulp down a lump. Her already pink cheeks darkened and turned a pretty shade of crimson as she felt the evidence of his desire against her thigh.
Still not looking at him she gingerly drew back and removed her arms from around his neck even as his arms refused to let go off her having a mind of their own, though his brain screamed he has to release her, she has to leave. When moments later he still did not liberate her from his hold she took the job upon herself as she lightly touched his hands and extricated herself from his hold. All this while, she avoided looking up at him and meeting his eyes.
He does not know nor can he understand what possessed him next; but as soon as she was out of his arms, and tried to leave he moved closer to her on his own as his hand reached for her and held her wrist to stop her from leaving. Stunned at his move she looked at him and blushed even more.
In that moment, he saw a reflection of his own feelings and anxieties mirroring in her eyes and face.
Desire warring with fear even as confusion clouded the mind already hazy and overridden by craving.
A corner of his mind screamed at him to throw caution to the wind, take her in his arms and kiss her senseless... let their passions flow and be swayed and burned by it. Demanding he quench the thirst that she incited within him there and then - her wet, glorious form doing nothing to help matters in the regard when sanity at last prevailed and he let go off her.
He knew in the moment they could have crossed a barrier but perhaps that would have been one-step forward in their relationship and two steps back.
His rational mind had stopped him as it reasoned he could not go ahead, not like this. She is his wife, his... it is true but they could not let a momentary temptation make a dent in their still blossoming relationship.
He did not want them to take this step and later find themselves burdened with a false sense of guilt or wrongdoing of any sort. It would be unbearable to regret this, the step that would cement their marriage further, unite them on all counts.
While it had pained him to do so, the instant he had looked upon her face after letting go off her hand he knew he had made the right call when he saw relief mingling with dismay on her face and understood she too stood on the thin precipice of desire along with him.
He is trying to hold back; not risk himself, his heart all over again but a part of him knows it is already a lost cause.
Their equations have changed and now the question of them crossing this thin line, this boundary no longer starts with an if but has become a matter of when.
He knows it without the shot of a doubt, as he knows she does too... for when she had made the move to leave the bathroom he had seen the slow pace of her steps as had he seen her falter before she had finally reached the threshold.
His heart had all but leaped out of his body when she was ready to make the exit and somehow... his unsaid prayers were answered when he got a few more precious moments with her stolen from time as she had immediately shut the door in a haste having peeked out first.
His husky voice had surprised them both as he had spoken next,
"What happened?"
Stammering a little his wife had replied to him with her back to him,
"Papaji is sitting on the chair opposite to the door Raman, how can I leave ...like this... I mean..."
He had not replied back only stood affixed to his spot as he continued to gaze at her mesmerizing form. She peeped outside once again and closed the door immediately, just as the door shut she shivered a bit. To fight the cold she started rubbing her arms and hands a couple of times, following which she ran her hand over her hair gathering it over a shoulder and wrung it with light, gentle hands.
He had thought he would burst into flames there and then as his eyes feasted on the unblocked view of the smooth expanse of her back only he didn't know it had been a moment too soon, for her Saree' pallu was met with the same treatment next.
Ishita once again peeped out and heaved a sigh of relief and he knew she would be out in the next instant, only his wife had shyly half turned around and peeped at him from over her shoulder, from under her lashes before she left, closing the door behind her.
He had walked up to the door immediately to have a last glance at her wet form and caught it as she entered their room and had immediately locked the door shut the next instant.
Heaving a sigh, he discarded the wet towel clinging to his waist, made way towards the flowing shower next but not before switching off the geyser and took his time to handle the repercussion of their encounter.
He had to smile once he was done since he saw his wife' gift at the rack.
A fluffy white bathrobe, she had got for him just the day before deeming it fit for him. He could not help but recall her words then, when she presented him with the robe she had let him know she had purposely chosen white. She knew he would pick things and taunt her if she selected a shade of her own choice for him but white - it was not just neutral but a gender-neutral shade. It will not be as embarrassing to see him don a robe if he at least wore this and not the peach shade feminine one he had gifted to her and later taken back, as he put it on.
He cannot help but think this woman has a knack to stump him and excite him, in more ways than one, all at the same time. What a wife he got!
Once upon a time, he had hated her and when inclined to marry her, hailed her as some sort of a karmic punishment meted out to him. He had figured he must have sinned spectacularly in some previous life, since he always begot such women as wives... now he knows better though.
The woman sleeping in front of him is not retribution for his crimes made in some former life...rather she is the answer to each prayer he made.
The only punishment, the true punishment is not having her in his life rather its being unable to have her even when she is his.
His torment is not to spend a life with her but to spend a life where he has to wait until the day when he can share a bed with her without the barrier of their daughter in between.
His ordeal is to be unaware of how long it is until that day.
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