first cut is the deepest.

Dear ____,
i dont know if writing dear is appropriate even. i know we hardly ever talk, and when we do, i act like i don't care or the conversation is too stupid or awkward or unimportant. but i do care. and its important for me. so i really hope you care too. or think about me once in a while. sometimes? for a second? anything really. because i think about you all the time. sometimes, i think of the time i wasted and could've spent doing something else, like discovering myself or creating myself. but then i think, whats the point of life without you in it. its pointless really. its because with you i have hope and without you, i have nothing. its not that i cant tell you all this but its that i don't want to.its too pure for me to ruin it like this. coming up to you and saying 'i love you' isn't enough to do justice to whatever it is that i feel towards you. is it love? maybe. obsession? could be. i just cant imagine myself without you or having anything better than you, for me. i don't think that you're perfect, because you aren't. i'd be lying to myself if i thought this. but for me specifically yes, you are. so i think that if it is meant to be, its meant to be. if god wants us to be together then we will be. why should i do something to ruin the natural process of things. and if it's not meant to be then i want to see how i handle things. will i be able to make it or not. can i take it? i don't know. i just can't imagine it. it becomes black. not because of sadness, but because i can't foresee it. that's scary. yes, highly. so what now? i wait. yes. i always knew we would meet once more, i just knew we would, and we did. that's why i never really liked anyone else or found them attractive throughout this time. i tried, but always had a feeling that you're mine and i don't need to waste time anywhere else. even if you're not with me, are a hundred miles away. and even if you don't feel the same way, i still feel that you're the only one that is mine. even if i don't get to have you. that's how pure this feeling is and makes me realize the good in the world when things aren't how they're suppose to be. let's see what the future holds.
Love,

Me.