Have you cried to the point when you feel there is nothing left? When it feels all your tears have dried up even as you feel wetness roll down your cheeks. The time when everything seems to be falling apart and all you can do is stand and stare. When you start remembering all the times when you had wished for that one thing and that very one wish is denied, you feel helpless; struggling against the fate. The bleakness and desperation so strong that you feel pulled down into the black hole threatening to consume your being.
Have you ever felt that? I have.
Ever since I can remember I wanted that one wish; just one thing.
Her happiness, their happiness and...my happiness. It was that simple, it all connected together.
I prayed day and night for it but my prayers were never paid any heed. Perhaps He did not consider them worthy enough, perhaps I wasn't strong enough in my faith, perhaps there was something lacking. I didn't know so I kept on praying, asking.
Even today the tears haven't stopped even though it feels as if nothing is left inside. I feel numb yet the pain seems to grow deep. I sit and stare ahead while my hands move up on their own accord, folding before me. My head bowed my hands joined before me like a beggar asking for money but I sought only mercy. Mercy from Him.
Unknowingly a tear rolls down my cheek as I continue to sit on the prayer mat, it feels as if an invisible force is holding me down and letting my thoughts wander. I don't know what I'm thinking but the silent pleas escape my lips. I think He heard, I hope. As if by magic I feel light, for a moment it all feels right. But then I hear my own sob, look down to see my veil soaking with my tears. I look up; my hands still folded before me and continue the silent requests.
Still waiting, hoping, praying.
Cricket
Anupamaa
