Poem: The Invisible Entity

Hey all! 😳

Well, I wrote this poem yesterday. To my surprise, I started with a real happy note but as I proceeded and neared the ending, I realized I was going to give it, well, a very confusing sort of end. I am not sure what I was up to while writing, I just wrote it!! 😆

Please do leave in your comments and/or hit the like tab. Feel free to criticize and pinpoint my mistakes, I'd like it if I get to learn more. Thanks. 😳

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Poem: The Invisible Entity

Shining away with glory, the sun bid me adieu,

Every myth, every dream seemed true.

I waved at it and turned to go back,

I never knew a smile was all my life used to lack!

The cold breeze caressed my cheek,

Nuzzled my neck and on my forehead,

Planted an assuring peck,

I felt as though it was only the breeze,

Some invisible entity was making me go weak in the knees!

I moved forward and saw a bush bowing solemnly,

The birds sitting on the tree sang their melody perfectly.

Amidst the merry making and glee,

I forgot I had to go back and I couldn't let it be.

Melancholy took over me,

Gloomy looked my face, glum was the tree!

As I walked back under the lone, velvety and mysterious sky,

I could feel the same invisible entity nearing me,

The feeling grew stronger with each second passing by.

I was home now,

How I wish, I could go back to the meadow!

Near the window,

I sat with the support of the wall,

I was afraid I might just fall.

I shivered in fear hearing the howls,

I could fend for myself, I thought,

Until the thunder and the terrible fear it had brought!

The invisible entity again came into play,

It caressed my cheek and kissed me on the forehead as in the bed with fear, I lay.

I never wanted to know what it was,

I would rather not know,

I would rather not break into the reality,

Or I would be left alone again,

I would be left deprived again in fear and pain.

-Kanky

@ kanky- awesome piece of writing .. its really nicely written write more... specially i loved this last line of the poem amazing use of words..
I never wanted to know what it was,
I would rather not know,
I would rather not break into the reality,
Or I would be left alone again,
I would be left deprived again in fear and pain.

Kanks =]]]

Originally posted by: ~pooja_15~

@ kanky- awesome piece of writing .. its really nicely written write more... specially i loved this last line of the poem amazing use of words..
I never wanted to know what it was,
I would rather not know,
I would rather not break into the reality,
Or I would be left alone again,
I would be left deprived again in fear and pain.

Thank you very much, Pooja! 😊

Originally posted by: -Daania-

Kanks =]]]

This poem is simply fabulous Kanks. I for one really respect poem writers because well, I really suck at them 😆

And this piece is just fabulously written. The writing is brilliant, it rhymes (for me that's a big thing cause somehow I can never get that done 😆) and the feeling is deep and real.

It's perfectly written, but if you don't mind there is just one teeny weeny thing that I would like to point out. In the second stanza the last line should be 'weak in the knees' Other than this, Amazing work.

Please do write more

Loads of love

Daania

Prepositions! 😆

I corrected it, thanks. 😳

@Italic: Aah, I felt the same. Well, sorta. 😆 Thanks a lot, Dee!! 😃

Originally posted by: shaheen_memon

loved it......

Thanks a lot. 😊

oohhh all mysterious, and some lovely lines there!
great poem! loved it

Originally posted by: ruexangel

oohhh all mysterious, and some lovely lines there!
great poem! loved it

Thank you, I thought it is more confusing than mysterious. 😆😳

Originally posted by: samiralovemayur

woooooow kanky brilliant n outstanding poem hun n i really liked thise lines

The cold breeze caressed my cheek, Nuzzled my neck and on my forehead, Planted an assuring peck, I felt as though it was only the breeze, Some invisible entity was making me go weak in the knees!I moved forward and saw a bush bowing solemnly, The birds sitting on the tree sang their melody perfectly. Amidst the merry making and glee, I forgot I had to go back and I couldn't let it be.

Thank you very much, Samira! 😃