This is an imaginary take off of an interview I had with the Guhas. Please take this post with not only a pinch but also a Kilo of salt!!!
Forum ladkiyon ko aaj kal DK aur uske beard ke illava kuch aur baaten nahin aati hai. Thang aagyi hoon mein yeh sub sunthe sunthe. Is TD only about DK and his Beard? Surely there's more to the rest of the Cast and making of TD than what meets the eye. To find out, I boarded a flight and head straight to Bombay. I am excited at the prospect of an interview with the most intelligent people who make the most talked about "Brain Twister" (these twisters are worse than the ones you experience in Oklahoma!!). I approach the nice lady at the reception of my hotel and request her to get me a cab that will take me to Film Farms. She looks at me in bewilderment that read something like "you must be out of your mind". I smile back very sweetly in reply. Escorted by a driver, armed with my camera, notepad and microphone, I head to Cloning Farms Oops Film Farms.
I arrive at Film Farms and look agape at the massive gates in front of me. In all my excitement (ish not at the prospect of seeing DK but to meet the Guhas), I fail to see the burly Gatekeeper seated on the side. As I was about to open the latch, I hear a loud voice saying "kidar chali?". I turn towards the voice and sheepishly reply, "andhar" for which he retorted "permit hai"? I said what permit? For which he replied, "permit ke bina hum kissiko bhi andhar nahin jaane dete, maalik ka hukum hai". I try to plead with him to let me in but he seems to be adamant in his stance. So I play my best trump card that's played very well in all movies, serials and in IF by Manisha!!! . "Arrey Bhaiya tumhe apni bahen par taras nahin aati hai kya? Tum humen is baar andhar jaane do agli baar hum permit lekar hi aayenge. Hum do dinonse theekse soyi bhi nahin". Seeing my face and my expression and the huge magar mach ki aansoos (Manisha you're too good!) and relentless pleading, his bheja gets fried and he finally lets me in saying "theek hai tumne humen bhaiya kahan tum bhi kya yaad rakhogi". I quickly retort, "aap ko tho mein aur meri IF friends zindagi bhar nahin bhool paayenge".
As I walk in I see that preparations are underway for the days shooting. I spot the World Famous Guhas who are in discussion with their ace Scriptwriters. I approach them with a lot of trepidation and introduce myself and brief them about the purpose of my visit. Their face light up immediately. They say, "of course we hear a lot about your Forum and are happy to know that you are very fond of TD. Glad to see you in our sets and please take as much time as you want to interview us". Little do they know what we write about them and I thank my stars for this. Agar pata chala tho, aisi gaaliyon ki barsaat hogi ke even Bombi will seem like an Angel! So I fire away my questions.
Me: Why do you have these innumerable twists to the plot, which not only confuses the audience but also degrades the standard of TD.
G&W (Please read as Guhas and Writers NOT Goofy and whacko!) : "The twists, they are good for the story. Sub karthe hai tho hum kyon nahin. Aur, aisa karne se TRP ratings bhi badh jaate hain". (I thought to myself TRP ratings my foot, kya bhaadaya ulta neeche jaa rahe hain). They said, "ab kahani ko aise hi kheecha jaata hai. Ek plot pakdo, phir usko ghoomao phiraao, phir jitna kheench sake utna kheecho, phir aage jaake story line pakhad lo". I thought to myself are they making Noodles or a TV Serial. They proceed with their animated explanations about the excitement they had created among the viewers when they killed off DK.
Me: (By now I am dying to burst out laughing but I control my laughter and pop my next question). Theek hai tho DK ko maar kar agar TD ratings bhad gayi tho phir aap log Ahsish ko TD men wapas laaya hi kyon?
G&W: "Oh we know all the girls are fida over him and without him the serial is a no go. We need Ashish in some form. Also there are some vested interests in Ashish so we had to bring him back".
Me: Vested interests? Who or what are they?
G&W: "No comments". (I smell a rat or rather a chic!) But they are not prepared to elaborate more on the vested interest topic. So I too decide to drop . I do not want to antoganize my hosts!
Me: (I fire my next question) Tho jab aapne decide kar hi liya hai ke aap Ashish ko wapas laayenge, tho Goatie ke bina kyon? DK ko hi wapas kyon nahin laaye?
G&W (They are so excited that they all begin to talk at the same time.) "Good question. Humne DK ko abhi nahin laana chahate hai. Kyon ke we have not finalized usko phirse wapas kaise lana hai. On seeing the hysteria among the audience hum logone yeh socha hai ke kisi bhi tarha hum ko Ashish ko lana hi hoga, lekin DK ko nahin".
Me: Why not?
G&W: "Us ke liye abhi time hai".
Me: kiskeliye?
G&W: "DK ko aane men abhi waqt lagega. Woh hi tho hum decide nahi kar parahe hai ke hum DK ko kaise, kab kin haalat men wapas laaye!
Q: (by now mujhe chakkar aa rahi hain. So I ask…) What do you mean by kin halaat men?
G & W: "Woh tho hum nahin bata sakthe. That's like giving away our plot".
Me: tho issiliye aaplog Ashish ko bina Goatie ke TD men wapas laya?
G & W: Han!. But it's the same person.
Me: (Ah!) What do you mean by the same person? Is Satwik DK?
G & W: Nahin, nahin DK aur Satiwik ek hi hai – Ashish Nayyar
Me: Gotcha! (highly intelligent. I should get their brains insured!!) So why give the Goatie the snip, I am sorry the slip?
G & W: "Ashish was tired of his makeup. He did not want to wear the Goatie day in day out and also we wanted to give him another image and another angle to exploit his talents. He had this grey shade before, now we wanted to paint him white".
Me: Pardon?
B & W: "Oh, his character had shades of grey in the past therefore we have decided to show him as a good person".
Me: Ah! But this image seems to be not gelling with the female fans. You could have shown DK too, because he was going through this metamorphosis.
G & W: "Thodey din men aadat hojajenge. When we brought DK with heavy jewellery and the sinister looks no one liked him initially. Lekin waqt ke saath saath ladkiyan paagal hote chali. Uski character men bhi itni badlav aayi ke subne ussse pasand karne lage".
Me: Very true. Ladkiyan Paagal tho hai.
Me: Do you know when approximately DK will return to TD?
G&W: Woh tho hum abhi nahin bata sakthe. Ladkiyonko filhal Satwik ko dekhe kush rahena padega. Perhaps, we will bring him before the end of the year".
Me: Well the sooner you bring him the better because IF men bechari ladkiyan DK se zyada uske beard ko pasand karte hai.
G&W: (They Laugh) "Yes we know girls are lattoo over DKs beard but filhaal Soccer Player Satwik se hi khush hona chahiye".
Me: So can we expect more twists in the story?
G&W: "Oh yeah, definitely. Kahaniyan aisehi bante hai and ab tho zabardast twists honge".
Me: Thank you for taking out time for the interview. The members of the IF and I greatly appreciate it.
G&W: "Mention not. Tell the members to continue watching TD. Aage aage its going to be very mind boggling. Kahaniyon tho life jaise hi hai. Ups and downs tho hote hi hai but hang in there. Hum DK ke bare men soch rahen hai. Woh jaldi wapas aayega"
So yehi thi interview. Mera deemag tho ghum gaya hai. Next week I will be posting the interview I had with Mr. Nayyar. So stay tuned.
Cricket
