It was always about Consent all along - Page 3

Originally posted by: krispy

I love that it is a love that grew over time, a love or emotion that still has a lot of scope to be portrayed. That’s what keeps me tied to the two of them. I wait for that “What’s next?” Moment in their relationship. Totally get where SM gives her consent and that to me in a way is also like going with the flow, this is my destiny or this is what God wants of me. We are all bound to do those things in our lives. This is where some of the free will or the freedom to show those emotions will be suppressed by ourselves. It is a social dilemma. 

In yesterday’s episode, that little nuance where Adi stopped running behind I AFTER Anu’s tantrum is an example I can think of. His respect to I, letting her go is one thing but Anu pulling him back and him letting her go as an after effect didn’t bode well with that sentiment of free will. 

But I didn't see it that way....I saw it as him also giving respect to his mother. No matter how much he loves Imlie, what kind of son would not give regard to his mother's kasam of saying he will see her maraa hua muh if he doesn't listen to her? 

So what we actually saw in that scene was an Adi who was clearly yearning for Imlie and would follow her to the ends of the earth but was only stopped in his tracks by his Mom ki kasam....that too very temporarily😆....he still followed Imlie to the corridor and after that also kept pleading with his Mom to let him go to Imlie....so that shows his intent regarding Imlie. Just because someone is your priority doesn't mean you will never feel conflicted about going after them....but it is what prevails in the end that matters.....and it is Adi's love for Imlie that always prevails in the end. 

Originally posted by: AreYaar

I think Malini's initial attempt at doing a mahaanta act was an exercise in attention + sympathy seeking. The way Adi revealed the truth to Malini, made Imlie's sacrifice appear so staggering that Malini felt deflated for a bit😆.....if you think back, her initial reaction was all about crying over how she is the dusri aurat and Imlie sacrificed her husband for her, then few minutes later, she asked Adi to forget everything and come back to her to continue their marriage.....lol but Adi refused by bringing up KC as an angle too so Malini was trapped in her own lie that she is supposedly in love with someone else😆.....

Malini didn't have a CHOICE back then but to play mahaan cuz she had already given Adi the impression that she is with someone else.....so for the sake of her ego, she kept the lie going because somewhere she didn't want to explain to Adi why she lied to begin with. Then when Adi ran off after Imlie to the lodge, Malini was getting sympathy from the Ts over playing bechaari so she milked that as much as she could until Aparna told her to leave😆. This is why I find it funny to now hear people claiming that Malini left the house on her own....umm no, Aparna told her to leave😆....but they all act like she did a sacrifice. 

Even the divorce was initiated by Malini out of ego to stop Adi from leaving to go search for Imlie....but when Adi said, "jaise aapki marzi", it again became an ego thing for Malini that now she has to see it through cuz she asked for it😆. After that, when Adi brought Imlie back, Malini still continued to randomly show up at T house every other day.....why? lol she can claim as much as she wants that she was called over but the truth is that she always wanted excuses to come over and check on how Imlie is being received, how much reaction she can get from the Ts......even that phase when she was acting bechaari that the Ts are MU-ing her over her affair with KC, she was still managing to get sympathy from Adi so she was still quite ok overall.😆

Things basically changed for her when the divorce date started drawing nearer and the finality of it started to hit her.....until then she was sort of just seeing it through out of ego ki maine bola hai toh pura karna padega ab.....but when it started to get real, she started pulling her hand back......simultaneously she started to see Imlie settling into the role of Adi's wife by taking care of him when he was sick etc. so Malini started to TANGIBLE evidence of what the REALITY of Adi-Imlie's love is....it was no longer an abstract idea that they are husband-wife.....the reality was starting to hit home and Malini couldn't bear the actual truth despite claiming she had accepted it. Cuz it had been an act of acceptance all along and mostly a case of her getting trapped in impulsive lies she blurted out to save face. 

Then came the truth revelation from Adi to the whole family and things escalated as he publicly started proclaiming Imlie his wife everywhere....so that is when the Malini who claimed to have accepted Adi-Imlie's relationship from way back actually revealed her true face that she CAN'T bear the actual reality of Adi claiming Imlie his wife. Bit by bit things escalated as she started doing more bitter taunts to Imlie, lashing out at her in big and small ways.....then the kidnapping track showed that Malini was just looking for an excuse to claim herself Adi's wife again.....

Anyways sorry for the long recap, the short answer to your question is that Malini's ego didn't let her tell the truth directly to Imlie or Adi before and now the situation has come too far for her to even play that sympathy card anymore, so she is trying to snatch by force instead. Even now, ego is playing a part.....she has too much ego to REQUEST Imlie to leave Adi....lol Imlie is soft-hearted enough ki shaayad she'd have tried to back down then also....but no, Malini has too much ego and superiority complex that requesting Imlie would feel like a step down to her so she is DEMANDING like a entitled brat instead....and this what Imlie is refusing to bow before. 

Also worth adding that Malini is too much of a coward to directly ask Adi to stay with her cuz she also knows his answer will be a flat NO.....lol that is why she plays the mahaanta act as much as she can.

Wow!! Thanks a lot for the detailed reply. It definitely makes sense. She did ask Aditya to forget about Imlie even before they reached home. So that's her obsession with Aditya playing out there. But she had already taken KC's name so she could not back out.. that totally makes sense.  

Originally posted by: Midnight_moon

Lovely post AY. 

Yesterday’s episode also Adhi clearly said mujhe Malini ke saath ke aadat they.. but long before that also not exist…clearly said No pyaar ke aadat.

I think even in phere table thod he clearly mentioned jab forced marriage occured hum donom ke marzi nahi the… ( at time of marriage imlie also doesn’t give consent… there after complete all rituals only she accepted her faith) as you said only because after marriage imlie stick to her believe … but when ever Adhi said her to leave without protest she try to leave … she never forced anything…

Your question regarding (“if general coercion consider as kind of forcing ‘)

As per common wealth laws coercion is not consider as free consent… it is our logic to consider free consent is a kind of forcing .

Today’s episode also Malini saying hum samjhothe karenge khush rahenge

So all these years Adhithya was also like that truly Malini is also like that … that’s why each circumstances minor or major she pulls a big public tamashas…

We cannot fully said Adhithya with his full consent married Malini … if she withdraw engagement he will definitely doesn’t protest or like stop her like he did to imlie… he was even ready to say truth in his marriage venue without thinking of consequences…

And one more thing from 1st episode of proposal Adhi was still in confuse & ask M for whether she is ready or reconsider that matter… by seeing recent Aparna’s behaviour she may also played a role in AM marriage … 

Thanks, Midnight....

Adi's dialogues about how he has never loved Malini have been very clear and explicit for a while now.....he has made it clear with the "saath ki aadat" line that he was used to Malini as a companion, but he wasn't in love with her. Yes, he will always keep getting questioned over this cuz he didn't understand love before but he is clear on his stance for whoever wants to see the contrast of his emotions and actions for Imlie. 

And you've made such a good point about the samjhauta line from Malini today....yes, all these little bits show how Malini has used coercion with Adi throughout in small ways so that no one has realized how he has just been giving in to her suggestions rather than thinking for himself. Everything comes from Malini's suggestion only ki oh look we are in love now....oh look, we should get married now.....and Adi just kept going along with it cuz he didn't think much about these things and had no other experience with relationships. He is basically a man who got taken for a ride by a very manipulative woman. 

I do feel Aparna did play a part in coercing Adi for the marriage to M too....I remember the scene you're talking about when they showed a FB of how Aparna convinced Adi to consider marrying Malini....there also he just went along with it cuz it sounded like a "practical" choice for a companion given M was someone he knew since a while.....but he was clear then also that he doesn't know if this is love....lol still everyone around just wanted to see him married so they seem to have coerced him. 

Those small acts of coercion built up all along and now they are clashing against Adi declaring his consent for only Imlie. That is what all the people who softly coerced Adi all along can't bear....ki why is he still not getting coerced as per their demands of him😆.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Exactly. This is why Malini doesn't understand consent....because for her, people are just objects to use...to manipulate per her demands.....she has been doing soft coercion with Adi for so long and it was getting her what she wanted, so now she isn't being able to handle it that Adi is no longer giving in to her manipulations as he was doing before in the 7 years of being her puppet.....lol this new Adi knows his heart clearly and his heart only wants Imlie. 

It’s very ironical cos she accuse adi and  imlie Of hiding the truth so she is upset that this marriage of hers was not done with her knowing the full facts… dare I say her consent was not sought to given a chance to amend a decision after knowing  the truth … does that make any sense ? 

VERY very very impressive post, thoughts and topic!

Your post touches a sensitive subject in a very realistic manner and I am in awe to see the parallels you've drawn since the beginning of this story. 

I truly hope that the writers do justice to Adi & Imlie's characters in the correct manner.  Adi & Imlie have never forced anything on each other - not when they were not in love and not after realizing and confessing their love for each other. It has always been a mutual rishta and that is why there's so much respect for each other. 

You said it rightly that the consent is not static and we experience that in our daily lives too. This realistic thought is nicely woven in the story, if of course you have eyes to see it.

I can't write well and say that I have much to add here but thank you for making this post and sharing your thoughts....as you said, it's always been about the consent! 

Originally posted by: aarti1234

Wow!! Thanks a lot for the detailed reply. It definitely makes sense. She did ask Aditya to forget about Imlie even before they reached home. So that's her obsession with Aditya playing out there. But she had already taken KC's name so she could not back out.. that totally makes sense.  

You're welcome :) 

And I would add, Malini's issue also has always been that she can't imagine her life without a man. Initially she may have seen the divorce through out of ego, but after a while, she started to believe that she has no life without a husband and woh akeli reh gayi blah blah.....this is why she taunts Imlie in her delusions these days ki, "Maine tumhein apna sab kuch de diya aur mere paas kuch nahin bachaa".....lol it satisfies Malini's ego to believe she ever had anything to give to Imlie...as if Adi didn't choose Imlie out of his own free will😆.....and baaki she wants to play victim in imagining her life is over if she can't have Aditya. That is why she is acting extra desperate and psycho now....cuz she is convinced there is nothing to her life if she can't have Aditya as a husband....that is why his consent doesn't matter to her.....it's an ego battle for her about ownership. 

I also find it funny to see people fixating on the fact that Adi supposedly "hated" Imlie before so Imlie didn't have a choice but to accept his rejection of the validity of their marriage.....firstly, Adi never hated Imlie or he wouldn't be calling her his wife literally the day he brought her to Delhi😆.....baaki was his frustration and denial talking which I guess is too much nuance for people like Malini to understand. And secondly, there is always a choice about how you react to someone's acceptance or rejection. Imlie handled his rejection with grace and still maintained her dignity throughout. But Malini is the polar opposite who let go of any shred of dignity and just debased herself completely cuz she couldn't handle rejection. 

A very well done topic.. had a lot of fun reading the various takes..  apparently try getting this simple Funda is too much for people who like to be spoonfed and only u derstamd something when it is yelled  at them in fprm of bhashsaans of PSA's.  It is so simple that Adi  and imlie never have forced them upon each other in anyway even when they  were actually brought together by kismat in a forced manner they still gave each other the space and time to proceed  and to accept at their own pace .. unlike someone else  

Originally posted by: AreYaar

But I didn't see it that way....I saw it as him also giving respect to his mother. No matter how much he loves Imlie, what kind of son would not give regard to his mother's kasam of saying he will see her maraa hua muh if he doesn't listen to her? 

So what we actually saw in that scene was an Adi who was clearly yearning for Imlie and would follow her to the ends of the earth but was only stopped in his tracks by his Mom ki kasam....that too very temporarily😆....he still followed Imlie to the corridor and after that also kept pleading with his Mom to let him go to Imlie....so that shows his intent regarding Imlie. Just because someone is your priority doesn't mean you will never feel conflicted about going after them....but it is what prevails in the end that matters.....and it is Adi's love for Imlie that always prevails in the end. 

Great perspective. In my eyes may be Aparna has fallen so much, that I didn’t want Adi to pay heed. I didn’t want him to plead. When did he ever ask for permission or plead when it came to Imlie (when the truth was t out). Subconsciously, I still love that Adi and yearn for that “may the earth shatter, I don’t care) selfish guy when it came to Imlie. 

Thanks for engaging in this inner turmoil of mine. It’s always fun to hear each other’s perspectives and learn more. 

Originally posted by: krispy

Great perspective. In my eyes may be Aparna has fallen so much, that I didn’t want Adi to pay heed. I didn’t want him to plead. When did he ever ask for permission or plead when it came to Imlie (when the truth was t out). Subconsciously, I still love that Adi and yearn for that “may the earth shatter, I don’t care) selfish guy when it came to Imlie. 

Thanks for engaging in this inner turmoil of mine. It’s always fun to hear each other’s perspectives and learn more. 

Oh I think we all very much love the "I don't give a damn what others think" wala Adi, no disagreements there😆. 

But in this particular situation, I think we have to make the allowance for him feeling totally off balance by the situation he's in....the trauma of coping with this accusation, being unable to remember what happened last night, then Imlie having lost faith in him.....he was too overwhelmed. His conscience was heavy with a lot of guilt and trauma.....so he wasn't able to be as assertive as he may be otherwise when his convictions are clear. That is why he pleaded to his mom in that state of vulnerability.....any other time he would be decisive in blasting anyone who stood in his way to get to Imlie....but this time he was already reeling with vulnerability over the daag on his character, hence it went the pleading route. 

Originally posted by: naadanmasakalli

A very well done topic.. had a lot of fun reading the various takes..  apparently try getting this simple Funda is too much for people who like to be spoonfed and only u derstamd something when it is yelled  at them in fprm of bhashsaans of PSA's.  It is so simple that Adi  and imlie never have forced them upon each other in anyway even when they  were actually brought together by kismat in a forced manner they still gave each other the space and time to proceed  and to accept at their own pace .. unlike someone else  

Thank you ji :P.....Word to the bold👏

And I just realized another direct parallel on the issue of consent. Imlie didn't even ENTER Adi's room because he didn't consent to it at that time.....she literally spent the entire time just talking to him from outside his door - managing to give him tea from there, helping him with his kurta from there😆.....all the while still respecting the boundaries of consent HE set....no matter how unfair they were to her. She only entered his room when he INVITED her in....when he CONSENTED for her to enter it. 

Contrast this to Malini who literally ABUSED Adi's trust to get easy access to his room as a "friend" and then violated his consent to get to his bed👎🏼. Adi only gave her access to his room cuz he respected her as a friend....but she chose to VIOLATE him as a man and force herself on him without his consent instead. Imagine the kind of mind it takes to do that. 

Wohi baat hai that some people don't understand that you don't get rights and consent simply over a technical title. Imlie was Adi's wife to begin with and she had full right to enter his room from day one....but she still didn't cuz HE didn't CONSENT to it. But Malini is acting like she has all rights to do anything as a technical wife on paper even though Adi has not consented to giving her any such rights anymore.