It was always about Consent all along

Posted: 2 years ago

The issue of consent is being raised pretty directly in the current track but it was also woven in throughout the story if you think about it. 


Adi maintained in the beginning that he didn't accept the forced marriage with Imlie cuz it didn't have his consent. And Imlie accepted the fact that him not giving consent to it means he cannot be forced to nibhaao this rishta. Her acceptance of the marriage was always something she maintained out of her own belief- again a stance that she never FORCED on him....it was hers alone to maintain. 


All along, Imlie supported whatever Adi CONSENTED to....whatever he CHOSE out of his free will. When he said his choice was to remain with Malini, Imlie accepted that and supported his marriage with Malini as much as she could even at the cost of her own pain and heartbreak. 


Consent is not a STATIC thing....it changes with time and circumstances. In the beginning, Adi didn't feel consent in his marriage to Imlie so he didn't accept it....but over time he realized that he was indeed in love with her and that is when consent came into the equation....it was now his choice out of free will....the marriage now had his consent and that is when it gained validity in his eyes which it didn't have before. Imlie respected his consent in either circumstances.....again, there was never any FORCE involved from either side to make anyone accept something without their consent. And that is why this relationship blossomed MUTUALLY and grew into the deep bond it now is. 


Meanwhile, in the case of Malini, we are seeing that she never really understood the concept of consent. Her entire relationship with Adi has been based on guilt trips....she has COERCED consent from Adi for a long time so she was not able to understand why she lost it after a point. No doubt, at one point Adi was with Malini out of his consent....and again, that is fine cuz there was no forcing involved (it's open to debate if general coercion can count as some kind of forcing) but on a general level, the time he spent with Malini was willingly out of his consent.....but that was THEN, not now. As I said, consent is not STATIC.....it changes based on a person's will. Adi may have consented to be with Malini at that point in time when he hadn't understood what love really is....but once he did understand that he loves only Imlie, from that point on, Malini did NOT have ANY consent from Adi anymore. He made it clear that his consent and his choice is only for Imlie. So after that, for Malini to now FORCE consent from him is WRONG, period. You cannot force consent out of someone NOW just cuz you may have once had it in the PAST. A human being has free will that they can exert at any point of time as they see fit.....they are not objects that you can press a button and demand the reaction you want. That is what Malini doesn't seem to get. 


Anyways, I don't know how clearly the writers will explain this in the coming days but for those who saw the signs all along, the matter of consent is clear. A marriage cannot exist without mutual consent. Adi previously gave that consent to be married to Malini but that does not mean that consent can never change. It has changed now with Adi realizing what he really wants in his life so his consent is now fully ONLY for Imlie and no one else. Forcing consent from him is a violation of him as a human being, period. That is why Malini is only coming up empty no matter what claim she is using to force consent from Adi or just forcing herself on him in anyway. 

Edited by AreYaar - 2 years ago
Posted: 2 years ago

Lovely post AY. 

consent has to be both ways. 


You have drawn the parallels nicely. 

Posted: 2 years ago

Very well parallled and this consent has trickled to didis final chess move… tricking him into sleeping with her ( if he did is not clear whilst I believe it was fake) and the fake pregnancy without his consent .  Didi as usual sees ppl as tools to suit her . Ppl revolve and are to act as per her will like puppets and she is the puppet master . Her mum did it with her dad and with her before Didi showed her evilness and now Didi is doing it.for them consent and free will doesn’t exist if it is not in line with Didi and mum thoughts and intentions 

Posted: 2 years ago
Originally posted by nim_var


Lovely post AY. 

consent has to be both ways. 


You have drawn the parallels nicely. 


Thanks, Nim. I saw some confusion around with people wondering why the writers brought in the issue of consent here😆.....so I wanted to clarify that this consent angle has been there all along, even if some chose to deliberately not see it. 

Posted: 2 years ago

Great topic AY!!!👍🏼


Consent is such a simple concept but still gets misconstrued so badly & ignored as well especially in a married couple in our society. A No means No only- be it for a woman or a man. And the concept of consent being withdrawn by your partner very much exists. This issue was explained pretty well in the movie Pink as well- that even though the girls agreed to be with the guys initially, when they felt uncomfortable they said No. Their No had to be taken as a No only but the guys in their ego didn't understand that. And afterwards what happened was all forced on the women. 


Here because consent of a man is involved, the concept is being misconstrued further as if a man's No is not to be considered as No & a woman who is the physically weaker sex has freedom to ignore his No. Here Adi's family themselves do not want to lay blame on Didi because she is a woman & that would make their son a victim of sexual assault. A man being a sexual assault victim is again considered as a matter of shame in the society. Hence many cases of domestic abuse against men by thier partners are never even reported because shame. 


As for the marriage giving license to get physical gratification from your partner- that is wrong. Hence the concept of marital rape exists. A person has a right to withdraw their consent with their partner as well & just being married doesn't give you the right to force yourself on your partner. Consent is a personal right to be exercised by every individual just like right to freedom. 

Posted: 2 years ago

Originally posted by AreYaar


The issue of consent is being raised pretty directly in the current track but it was also woven in throughout the story if you think about it. 


Adi maintained in the beginning that he didn't accept the forced marriage with Imlie cuz it didn't have his consent. And Imlie accepted the fact that him not giving consent to it means he cannot be forced to nibhaao this rishta. Her acceptance of the marriage was always something she maintained out of her own belief- again a stance that she never FORCED on him....it was hers alone to maintain. 


All along, Imlie supported whatever Adi CONSENTED to....whatever he CHOSE out of his free will. When he said his choice was to remain with Malini, Imlie accepted that and supported his marriage with Malini as much as she could even at the cause of her own pain and heartbreak. 


Consent is not a STATIC thing....it changes with time and circumstances. In the beginning, Adi didn't feel consent in his marriage to Imlie so he didn't accept it....but over time he realized that he was indeed in love with her and that is when consent came into the equation....it was now his choice out of free will....the marriage now had his consent and that is when it gained validity in his eyes which it didn't have before. Imlie respected his consent in either circumstances.....again, there was never any FORCE involved from either side to make anyone accept something without their consent. And that is why this relationship blossomed MUTUALLY and grew into the deep bond it now is. 


Meanwhile, in the case of Malini, we are seeing that she never really understood the concept of consent. Her entire relationship with Adi has been based on guilt trips....she has COERCED consent from Adi for a long time so she was not able to understand why she lost it after a point. No doubt, at one point Adi was with Malini out of his consent....and again, that is fine cuz there was no forcing involved (it's open to debate if general coercion can count as some kind of forcing) but on a general level, the time he spent with Malini was willingly out of his consent.....but that was THEN, not now. As I said, consent is not STATIC.....it changes based on a person's will. Adi may have consented to be with Malini at that point in time when he hadn't understood what love really is....but once he did understand that he loves only Imlie, from that point on, Malini did NOT have ANY consent from Adi anymore. He made it clear that his consent and his choice is only for Imlie. So after that, for Malini to now FORCE consent from him is WRONG, period. You cannot force consent out of someone NOW just cuz you may have once had it in the PAST. A human being has free will that they can exert at any point of time as they see fit.....they are not objects that you can press a button and demand the reaction you want. That is what Malini doesn't seem to get. 


Anyways, I don't know how clearly the writers will explain this in the coming days but for those who saw the signs all along, the matter of consent is clear. A marriage cannot exist without mutual consent. Adi previously gave that consent to be married to Malini but that does not mean that consent can never change. It has changed now with Adi realizing what he really wants in his life so his consent is now fully ONLY for Imlie and no one else. Forcing consent from him is a violation of him as a human being, period. That is why Malini is only coming up empty no matter what claim she is using to force consent from Adi or just forcing herself on him in anyway. 

Thanks AY for this thread - it makes so much sense what the makers have been trying to show, albeit in a roundabout way all this while.

Another point I wanted to add to what you said - Adi's consent in a lot of ways became Imlie's responsibility as well. That is why even in this entire Sautan drama, people who ask that when Imlie can leave Adi and Malini for their happiness then, why can't she do it now. The biggest reason is exactly this - Consent. Imlie knows that even if Malini is in love with Adi, his consent lies with staying with Imlie. She keeps reiterating that only - that Adi needs to be with the person he wants to be with. As long as Imlie had even a bit of doubt about his consent and choice, she was willing to go from his life without looking back. But when Adi continuously reaffirmed to Imlie that she was his choice and he consented to live with her, that was only when Imlie decided to fully embrace their relationship.

Even today, the episode reiterated consent multiple times. Imlie today was willing to leave Adi when she assumed he chose to be with Malini, even in a drugged state. The minute she realized that by impersonating her Malini took away Adi's consent, she was ready to come back and face the flak from everyone but still punish Malini for what Imlie feels was akin to assault. For Imlie Adi's consent was always her most important priority and continues to be even today. That is why I feel that no matter what Malini does, Imlie will still not allow Adi's consent to be compromised.

Posted: 2 years ago

Thanks AYji. Always loved the way your draw parallels and pen down your perspectives. 

I wish there are some angles of Imlie’s consent here as well. She always goes with the flow, be it with the T family, her village people, Adi, Dev or M. 

In the periphery it looks as if she had a choice to stay or leave Adi but the emotional turmoil and her mental agony always pushed her to prevail in a difficult situation. 

I wish they take into account her consent too. 

I know Adi asks her many a time what does SHE want or what does SHE think, but at all times, her hands our tied to be able to do anything with free will. 

It’s quite obvious that we all look for an entertainment quotient as well when we watch a show, but the tracks just drain people emotionally over and over again. There is no joy or happiness ever. There is always a looming dark cloud over every scene that makes it all very depressing ( post 130 episodes that is). I wish they can balance these tracks so that it’s not back to back to back turmoil. 

Edited by krispy - 2 years ago
Posted: 2 years ago

Lovely post AY. 

Yesterday’s episode also Adhi clearly said mujhe Malini ke saath ke aadat they.. but long before that also not exist…clearly said No pyaar ke aadat.

I think even in phere table thod he clearly mentioned jab forced marriage occured hum donom ke marzi nahi the… ( at time of marriage imlie also doesn’t give consent… there after complete all rituals only she accepted her faith) as you said only because after marriage imlie stick to her believe … but when ever Adhi said her to leave without protest she try to leave … she never forced anything…

Your question regarding (“if general coercion consider as kind of forcing ‘)

As per common wealth laws coercion is not consider as free consent… it is our logic to consider free consent is a kind of forcing .

Today’s episode also Malini saying hum samjhothe karenge khush rahenge

So all these years Adhithya was also like that truly Malini is also like that … that’s why each circumstances minor or major she pulls a big public tamashas…

We cannot fully said Adhithya with his full consent married Malini … if she withdraw engagement he will definitely doesn’t protest or like stop her like he did to imlie… he was even ready to say truth in his marriage venue without thinking of consequences…

And one more thing from 1st episode of proposal Adhi was still in confuse & ask M for whether she is ready or reconsider that matter… by seeing recent Aparna’s behaviour she may also played a role in AM marriage … 

Edited by Midnight_moon - 2 years ago
Posted: 2 years ago
Originally posted by Lodestar


Great topic AY!!!👍🏼


Consent is such a simple concept but still gets misconstrued so badly & ignored as well especially in a married couple in our society. A No means No only- be it for a woman or a man. And the concept of consent being withdrawn by your partner very much exists. This issue was explained pretty well in the movie Pink as well- that even though the girls agreed to be with the guys initially, when they felt uncomfortable they said No. Their No had to be taken as a No only but the guys in their ego didn't understand that. And afterwards what happened was all forced on the women. 


Here because consent of a man is involved, the concept is being misconstrued further as if a man's No is not to be considered as No & a woman who is the physically weaker sex has freedom to ignore his No. Here Adi's family themselves do not want to lay blame on Didi because she is a woman & that would make their son a victim of sexual assault. A man being a sexual assault victim is again considered as a matter of shame in the society. Hence many cases of domestic abuse against men by thier partners are never even reported because shame. 


As for the marriage giving license to get physical gratification from your partner- that is wrong. Hence the concept of marital rape exists. A person has a right to withdraw their consent with their partner as well & just being married doesn't give you the right to force yourself on your partner. Consent is a personal right to be exercised by every individual just like right to freedom. 


Thanks, Lodestar! Loved your points here as well👏


Word on the concept of consent generally being misunderstood and especially getting turned on its head when it happens to be a man's consent getting violated instead of a woman's who is easier to be portrayed as a victim. So what the makers have picked up here is an unusual topic indeed and it remains to be seen how well they can show it.....


@bold: On the topic of marital rape....this also has been twisted so much by supporters of Malini who also accused Adi of "marital rape" when he was with her as a husband. Again, the simple concept of consent seems so hard for people to grasp, dunno why. When Adi was with Malini, there was mutual consent as a husband-wife at that time....so the claim of any kind of rape does not hold to begin with. As it is, it is clear that Malini was the one always more despo over him to initiate any kind of intimacy....but anyways as long as it was mutual, it's fine and there is nothing to raise an issue over. 


The issue now is that that the consent no longer exists from Adi's side but Malini is DEMANDING it by claiming a technical legal right as a wife.....so again, for those who don't understand....married or not, you cannot DEMAND consent from someone. A no means no, period. And Adi has said No to Malini a hundred different ways but clearly she has no comprehension skills regarding consent. 


And word....a person has the right to withdraw consent at any point of time....that is their free will as an individual and no one can demand consent over any kind of relationship. Consent is given from free will only. 

Posted: 2 years ago

Makers not going to give any closure to this as they won't show final case and Imlie will have to withdraw case but yes if makers have raised the topic they should handle it properly but we have already got promo so I have no hope left



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