Is love really that great or patient? : Hema Malini - Page 2

She does misses him, now that she’s getting older...

Q. Are you as happy as you look?

I wouldn’t say everything is perfect.  One doesn’t always get what one wants in life. When one is younger one dreams of a perfect life, which doesn’t exist. I didn’t get everything that I wanted. But I never gave myself the opportunity to miss all the things that I didn’t have. I had my two daughters. The last 30 years of my life just sped by with them. Taking them to school, looking at their homework, doing their hair and managing their tantrums I relived my own childhood.  Now when they’re grown up I suddenly I look back and I feel, “Arrey, I missed out on something!”

Q. What did you miss out on?

(breaks into laughter). Maybe I expected more of my husband’s company. I thought we’ll be together more often. I never felt that absence until now. When I married I thought we’d come to an arrangement that would suit all of us. Lekin nahin hua. But it’s okay. I accept the situation. I got my daughters. He has many problems to look after. As a human being I’m bound to have regrets….But he loves me like mad. When I think of his feelings for me everything seems worth it, even his physical absence.

It's not that difficult to understand really. Feelings of love and sexual attraction release dopamine and related hormones. They activate the pleasure centers of the brain. Overloads of these hormones can actually shut down parts of the brain like the prefrontal cortex that are responsible for decision-making. It's why certain drugs are addictive. They shut down the rational parts of the brain whilst producing highs. 

Monogamy in human beings is just something that has become prevalent in the past few centuries. Theories for the rise in monogamy range from outbreaks of STDs to fatherhood. Before DNA testing, it was impossible to determine who the father of a child was for non-monogamous women. That is why, you will see, rules of monogamy are stricter for women. 

Although a sociocultural norm, humans never biologically evolved to be monogamous. Committed and married humans still experience attractions and arousals like other women. Most humans who successfully engage in monogamy are suppressing their base instincts. 

Just how some people have addictive personalities and struggle with substance abuse, some people struggle with monogamy. It's the reason why polyamory and open relationships are on the rise. More and more people are realizing that monogamy is not the right fit for them.

That being said. Lying and cheating are terrible things to do. Breaking up a marriage is a terrible thing to do. But I feel society didn't allow previous generations to explore other choices. It was monogamy or bust. 

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

It's not that difficult to understand really. Feelings of love and sexual attraction release dopamine and related hormones. They activate the pleasure centers of the brain. Overloads of these hormones can actually shut down parts of the brain like the prefrontal cortex that are responsible for decision-making. It's why certain drugs are addictive. They shut down the rational parts of the brain whilst producing highs. 

Monogamy in human beings is just something that has become prevalent in the past few centuries. Theories for the rise in monogamy range from outbreaks of STDs to fatherhood. Before DNA testing, it was impossible to determine who the father of a child was for non-monogamous women. That is why, you will see, rules of monogamy are stricter for women. 

Although a sociocultural norm, humans never biologically evolved to be monogamous. Committed and married humans still experience attractions and arousals like other women. Most humans who successfully engage in monogamy are suppressing their base instincts. 

Just how some people have addictive personalities and struggle with substance abuse, some people struggle with monogamy. It's the reason why polyamory and open relationships are on the rise. More and more people are realizing that monogamy is not the right fit for them.

That being said. Lying and cheating are terrible things to do. Breaking up a marriage is a terrible thing to do. But I feel society didn't allow previous generations to explore other choices. It was monogamy or bust. 

Wow what a truthful statement. 

Its biological to get attracted to opposite sex even after marriage. This is where boundaries are created and many religions also control(in a good way) to only involve in sexual activities after marriage and to stay in control. 

Personally I hate people who want to experience sex before marriage. Its a gift from God, no wonder nothing is as pleasant and best emotional feeling as sex. People exploit for sexual pleasure and sex will always sell.

Both Hema and D were very attractive people who closely worked together and were infatuated with each other plus their whole story had a forbidden angle with him being married and having kids and her parents being very strict and not liking this. I think it gave Hema to move away from everything. Having said that you can clearly see that it was an infatuation of youth and it suited both of them well at the time.

Probably the reason why she got both her daughter's married a bit early and outside the film industry she did not want her daughter's to go through what she did.

Her daughter couldn’t achieve even one tenth of what her mama did so she was married off soon

Her second daughter’s profession I think is one one of those which rich, idle, talentless kids and wives of rich celebrities (un) do - fashion designing, interior designing etc (Although she might have real skill, haven’t seen her work)

From what I understand:

1. There was a lot of exploitation going on of actresses those days, starting with their own families. Sridevi's mom was famous for keeping her daughter away from eligible men so she could keep earning for the family. Not sure if Hema's mom was the same, but she was actually working constantly and not getting any chances to meet eligible men. Except of course those she worked with.

2. The actresses were kept deliberately naive in many ways to make it easier for the families to control them. Once again, ex is Sridevi. This then makes it easier for scummy men to manipulate them.

3. Dharmendra was a good-looking guy. Hormones are a thing.

4. They also develop entitlement out of being stars/celebs. A short circuit of the grey matter governing ethics. She knew Dharmendra was married but apparently didn't think she was doing anything wrong. Look at what she said in the interview. Her regret involves not having him around more, and she says it is because *he* has things to do. She doesn't say he has responsibilties toward other people. The suggestion is somehow that she should've had more of his presence in her life. 

5. Finances. Does she have money of her own? Actresses in the last couple of decades have played it smart with cash and developed their own resources. Women like Hema are dependant on the man. It then becomes impossible for her to extricate herself from the situation even if she wanted to.

Originally posted by: HearMeRoar

From what I understand:

1. There was a lot of exploitation going on of actresses those days, starting with their own families. Sridevi's mom was famous for keeping her daughter away from eligible men so she could keep earning for the family. Not sure if Hema's mom was the same, but she was actually working constantly and not getting any chances to meet eligible men. Except of course those she worked with.

2. The actresses were kept deliberately naive in many ways to make it easier for the families to control them. Once again, ex is Sridevi. This then makes it easier for scummy men to manipulate them.

3. Dharmendra was a good-looking guy. Hormones are a thing.

4. They also develop entitlement oiut of being stars/celebs. A short cuit of the grey matter governing ethics. She knew Dharmendra was married but apparently didn't think she was doing anything wrong. Look at what she said in the interview. Her regret involves not having him around more, and she says it is because *he* has things to do. She doesn't say he has responsibilties toward other people. the suggestion is somehow that she should've had more of his presence in her life. 

5. Finances. Does she have money of her own? Actresses in the last couple of decades have played ti smart with cash and developed their own resources. Women like Hema are dependant on the man. It then becomes impossible for her to extricate herself from the situation even if she wanted to.

Hema must have earned well during her heydays and made some investments too. Not sure if she was with Dharmendra all these years because of financial dependence on him. The description more fits in the line of is first wife, IMO.

Rest, well thought and well articulated.

Originally posted by: shiva02

She has a successful political career also

Double take on this point. She is the worst of the politicians

Sorry but no sympathy for cheaters 

I cant help but notice something messed up with every story of that generation of actors. The top actors were involved in domestic violence, infidelity, multiple affairs and lunacy, cheating. And it was all out there, in the open.

Sridevi-Boney, Amitabh-Rekha-Jaya, Parveen Bhabi's life, Rishi-Nitu..so many more.

The younger generation seems so much more settled in their marriages and just..normal. Say what you may about them as people but after their weddings, I cant imagine reading such bizarre stuff about Varun-Natasha, Ranveer-Deepika, Virat-Anushka, Shahid-Mira, Saif-Kareena..etc.