Bhibhatsa - Disgust. The emotion evoked by anything that sickens us, nauseates us, revolts us.
At first, it was just one cloud, faraway in the horizon; dark, huge, slowly moving in an overcast sky, ready to crash into cluster of hills that stood in its way; silently though, no rumble yet.
She would have said that it looked like a giant elephant, ambling at a leisurely pace.
But she said nothing of that sort. She had earphones in her ears blasting music that he could hear sitting next to her. It was loud. The kind that he hated. She was staring out of the window. Maybe, she was staring out of the window. Her head was turned in that direction away from him. Whether she was actually staring out of the window or not he couldn't know. He couldn't care.
He had a splitting headache. Day had been filled with errant suppliers, irate clients, and incompetent assistants. In between all his mother had called. Zoya needed a ride back from the convention center where network security workshop was being held. Her car had broken down two days back and was in service center. Her colleague had given her ride to the workshop venue. Why wasn't he giving her ride back? Which idiot organizer decided that the workshop should be held at a hotel that was 50 kilometers away from the city? When the city had perfectly good venues available? Had she conveniently forgotten to inform her colleague that she would need ride back home? Typical. And, she hadn't called him. She had called his mother. She had called his mother who lived 500 km away and his mother had called him. Couldn't she have directly called him? Hadn't he always been there whenever she wanted, wherever she wanted? Stubborn woman! Egoistic woman! So called independent woman!
They had been arguing over past few weeks over smallest of matters; and hence they avoided talking. But she could have called if she needed a ride. Wrong...they had not been just arguing...quarreling. They had been drifting apart one step at a time. Not sure when it had started; when they had passed the metaphorical point that engineers of any space agency dreaded - that one wrong calculation which could make a probe reach the Moon instead of Mars.
The car was zooming fast on the highway. Only sound that infiltrated thick glass windows was muffled whoosh of air it was cutting through. To Asad and Zoya, it was white noise. When one cancelled that out, what remained was silence. Cold silence! AC was high. Zoya liked AC set to low temperature. Something that made Asad feel cold even in his three piece wool suit. And, yes, there was blasting music. Asad had tuned it out that as well. He was calm. He was angry. He was undecided of what he was feeling. He better concentrated on driving and he pressed on accelerator. Zoya loved speed. She would have rolled down window and leaned to feel the wind on her face. It would have played havoc with her hair. He would have been annoyed. He would have secretly smiled at her messy hair. He would have said some choicest words. She would have rolled the window completely down and would have shouted, "Woohooo..." But nothing of that sort happened.
She stared out of the window.
The elephant was no longer ambling. It had started running and there was rumble in the far horizon. Not of one elephant but a herd of them. Thick, black, gigantic, billowing clouds. Forget about the cluster of hills, now they crashed against one another and like flint stones generated sparks.
It was not the lightning that startled her though, it was a big fat rain drop on window pane. Loud music had disappeared beyond horizons of her lost mind. But she thought she heard the drop fall and saw it spread like a flower opening its petals and then saw it loose against gravity.
Soon there were many more drops and lightning and thunder. The road was now flanked by thick jungle on both sides. They had left open fields a while back and had entered the jungle that nestled close to hills through which the road passed. It was darker here. It was not possible to say whether the Sun had set or was it still sulking behind clouds as no one was bothered whether it was present or not.
First time during the ride, she looked at Asad. His full concentration was on road. Rain was coming down heavily now. Lightning was striking like whips and clouds were thundering like mad elephants. Her instinct was to pull earphones and say something to him and her hand reached out to yank earphones but she stopped and looked away, not far though as rain had obscured view from the window. After glaring for few moments at rain drops that were falling so hard that they matched intensity of her eyes, she pulled her earphones but looked ahead without uttering a word. Home was still 25 kilometers away. Or, was it million miles away? Or, had they left it behind somewhere?
The car engine started spluttering.
"What's wrong?" The car was completely stopped now.
He didn't answer but he tried to start the car again and again and again.
"I said what's wrong," she spit out the words.
"Can't you see? The engine is not starting."
"Yes, I can and that is why I am asking what is wrong. Aren't you capable of answering one simple question?"
"Aren't you capable of keeping quiet for five minutes?" He tried to start the engine one more time.
It was good that due to darkness they were not able to see each other's faces clearly. Despite their own anger, it pained and hurt in some corner of their hearts to see such an anger on the faces that they had loved so much. Not childish, tantrumish, irritating anger. Anger that hurt. Anger that meant to hurt.
She switched on flash light on her phone.
"Allah miyan, fuel tank is empty." She shouted.
He stared at the gauge showing empty tank, dumbfounded. How was it possible? He had filled the tank last evening. It could have easily lasted journey of 100 kilometers.
"Asad, how could you have not seen the fuel gauge? There was a gas station near the hotel." She shrieked.
He clenched his jaws and refused to look and instead stared at the fuel gauge willing it to answer why it was showing empty.
He glared at the fuel gauge, his knuckles going white gripping the steering wheel. She glared at him. He felt her glare and defiantly looked ahead at the flapping wipers which were diligently at work even though their efforts were futile. She checked her phone and muttered a swear word under her breath on seeing no signal. He had to check his phone with same result. While she looked around looking for something, anything - another car, a house, he hurled his phone on the backseat. She looked back at him startled and saw that his back was turned. Shrugging her shoulders, she turned back to peer in the darkness outside. There was movement in the next seat that she ignored but she could not ignore sound of door opening.
"Where do you think you are going?" He had retrieved his cell phone and also had an umbrella in hand.
He clicked the button to open umbrella without bothering to answer her.
"What does he think of himself?" She opened her side of the door.
He whipped back.
"I am trying to find signal. Stay inside." He ordered.
"And, who are you trying to call? AAA?"
"Prasad." With that he stepped out.
She sat back fuming but grudgingly admitted that Prasad was lot more efficient than AAA.
She checked time. It was not even eight yet but it seemed like midnight. She again peered outside, but could not see anything. She looked at other side looking for Asad but couldn't see anything there either.
"Where is he?" It has hardly been two minutes he had stepped outside but it felt like eternity. She moved to driver's side to get a better look. "Where is he?" The sky thundered and lightening illuminated the road ahead of them turning its dark tar into silver. He was not at the front of the car. In one deft swoop fear clutched her heart - for his safety, for her safety. Her hand was on door handle and the door was yanked open. She lost her balance and gripped steering wheel, clutching on horn. His hand steadied her and his mouth unsteadied.
"What the heck are you doing? Why are you on this side? Move over or do you want to me stand in rain all night? Will you stop honking?"
Gone was the fear, replaced by even more powerful claw - hatred - mindless, senseless hatred which just wanted to hurt where it hurt the most.
She stayed in the driver's seat and determinedly pressed horn adding more noise to an already cacophonous night. Rains lashed. Wind howled. Trees swayed violently. Car honked. And, they glared at each other. Like that stupid game, she had played in college, where one who blinked first lost.
He was the first to look away and her hand slid from the horn. She moved to her side. He settled in his seat and closed the door shutting the world away.
The savage satisfaction of just a minute ago got replaced by hollowness. Now what? Clock ticked.
"There...there is a house."
Asad grunted.
"Over there...I saw it when lightning flashed."
"Of course...car chose a convenient spot to die. We have a welcoming home ready for us." He deadpanned.
"There is a house. Probably a telephone. People. Warmth. I know you don't care much about people and their warmth, but you surely care about a telephone as neither of our cell phones are working." She enunciated every word, nicely dipped in sarcasm, screwing in his gut deeper and deeper.
He got that look - the one of a kicked child, completely stricken, the one that made her forgive his every mistake and mother him. Lately that effect was wearing off.
"I am going. You may choose to sit in the car." With that, she stepped outside.
Even after one year and two months of marriage and six months of courtship before it, he still took time to understand his wife's sudden actions. He growled and then jumped to follow her all the way to hell if required.
Indeed, there was a house; at a short distance from the road. And, it had a glowing light beaconing them towards it. She reached the front porch and light was out. His footsteps could be heard behind her above the ruckus that rain and wind made telling her that he was just behind her. She turned to look at him and saw with a vicious satisfaction that his umbrella had turned inside out and he was drenched from head to toe just like her.
He opened his mouth for another biting comment but someone up there was tired of their constant fights and said 'order...order.' Lightning struck on a giant of a tree at the edge of the forest that surrounded the house. Blazing ball of fire illuminated the darkness and splintered wood pelted nearby trees and ground carrying with it arrows of fire. As it was raining heavily, the fire was doused almost immediately. The tree was torn in two halves. This show of pyrotechnics was over in just few seconds leaving the stinging smell of charred wood behind. Asad and Zoya were stunned in silence and had instinctively moved towards each other.
"Get inside." Asad whispered. Zoya didn't argue. There were many trees around the house.
Front door opened with a gentle push and they stepped from one darkness to another.
"Anyone home?" Zoya whispered. Asad didn't roll his eyes at her feeble attempt because the deadly hush inside the house seemed to demand whispering. Lashing rain could still be seen from the open door and yet inside there was a quiet. Both of them stood mesmerized not realizing that they had reached for each other's hand till a strong gust of wind opened a window. And, the spell broke.
"How come the house is empty?" Zoya tried to look around in darkness as her eyes adjusted to darkness.
"I don't think anyone lives here."
"Yh...they have kept the house open just for marooned travelers." She mocked.
"I meant it is a farm house. Maybe, someone lives here during peak of the season. Rest of the year, guarded by a watchman who in such a weather must be lying somewhere fully drunk."
His logic made sense to her.
"Good for us."
"What's wrong with the electricity?" He switched on and off an old-fashioned switch.
"It has taken off. It is monsoon in jungle. What else can you expect?" Zoya who had walked towards the window stated what she thought was obvious.
"We are barely 25 km away from Bhopal." He argued.
"Ooh...I am thrilled to know that such a piece of land exists so close to the big bad city." She was flippant.
"All because of you...," words slipped out as he loosened his tie and removed his dripping coat and tried to peer at the small puddle that he had collected around him on the floor.
"I did not ask you to come to pick me up." Her voice rang clear across the room.
"No, you just called my mother."
"She called unexpectedly and I ended up telling her. I was going to call a cab."
"Yh...50 km away from the city."
"She insisted."
"Of course, she did. After all, you are her darling daughter-in-law."
"Yes, I am her darling daughter-in-law. Do you have problem with that too?"
"Why would I have any problem?"
"Oh...I don't know...you have problem with my work, my eating habits, my housekeeping, my dressing, me working late, my colleagues, my success...you have problem with everything."
These accusations were an interesting mix of true and imaginary; old ones that had been rectified and new ones that had just reared their head.
"I do not have any problem with your success." He was by her side in few quick strides.
"Oh...yes, you have and that is why today you were not by my side when we won the award for the best security solution." Rain had washed off all makeup. Her hair was plastered flat on her head. She suddenly looked way younger and fragile as wind gushed from open window and made her shiver. At the same time, she looked strong as she held her ground and looked at him with steady eyes.
He had something on his chest and it was not ready to let go.
"You were not the only one who got the award."
"Yes, it was a team award. And, every team member had someone by their side - parents, husband, wife, friend. Everyone but me. Ammi lives in another city and she could not have traveled at a short notice. My Aapi and Jiju live in another continent. Najma is nursing her first child. And, my husband...my husband didn't care." A sob escaped.
"Everyone took turns to take photos with the trophy with their folks. Not me. I got a group photo. People congratulated and happiness reflected on those parents' and spouses' faces but not mine. I had to fake a smile and lie that my husband had some urgent work and could not come. To add insult to an injury, had to bear that catty Tanveer, your school friend about how not every woman was made to handle both work and home. By the way, her husband was there. Even though her firm did not get any awards. That good for nothing Imran was there and he seemed genuinely happy to be by her side. I felt jealous of Tanveer. That catty, two-faced Tanveer!" Hot tears dripped from her eyes and stung at the back of his eyes.
"My first ever success after I moved to India and the man for whom I moved wasn't there!"
The sting in his eyes deepened and he could not look at her.
"If it was not for Faisal..."
His face whipped to look back at her.
"He tried to cheer me up. He stood by my side and we got a photo taken with the trophy. He dragged me to the buffet counter for food. And, then the team caught on. Some or other person stayed by my side for the rest of the day which was not all good I would say because all I wanted to do was to hide in the rest room."
"And, Faisal forgot that you needed a ride back home." His voice was clipped.
"There was some confusion. He thought that I would go home with Stephanie and she thought that I was going with him. And, I was talking with Mr Sinha. If you care to remember, I have told you about him. He is the top most leader of the field and I thought that Faisal would call me. Mr Sinha asked how I was going home and I said that I had a ride. And, in this confusion, everyone that I knew had left. Ammi called to congratulate and I ended up telling her."
"Faisal did not come back to get you?" He had folded his hands and looking at thrashing trees in the garden. Just then a strong gust of wind brought the rain inside and drenched them. He stood without flinching, while Zoya had closed her eyes.
"He wanted to when I called him to know where he was. But, as Stephanie was going to drop me..." She started wiping water from her face but stopped mid-sentence.
"What are you trying to imply?"
He resolutely looked outside.
"Asad Ahmed Khan, answer me. What is going on in your head? Spit it out." She dragged him by arm to face her.
Lightning kept flashing and she could see in its light. His face was set. Fold of his hands had tightened. He didn't bother to move hair coming on his eyes. He was not speaking but she saw the hard look in his eyes and she was shocked. Her husband believed that...it took her a full minute to recover.
"Are you saying that there is something going on between me and...?" She felt so disgusted that she could not even finish the sentence.
"Your guilt talked, haan? I didn't even have to say it." He hissed. She turned away as she could not look at him. She was in no position to observe the momentary look of a man whose worst fears had come true that came to his face and vanished as anger and need to hurt took over.
"I have given you everything that you wanted, Zoya. I would have even given you Talaaq, if you just asked." His voice was feral. "I would have..."
A sharp noise created by skin touching skin stopped him. His ears rang and her world shook. Zoya had slapped Asad.
Next Rasa: Bhayam
Edited by Noe123 - 9 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
