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CHAPTER 7
Swara tied her into a ponytail. It was a very important day for her. She had been confused what to wear. Finally she had decided on something that she was comfortable in and traditionalenough for a temple. She had borrowed one of Ragini's simple suits. She looked at her hair again and let it loose. That looked more mature.
She grabbed her purse and went down to the hall. The house was empty. Laksh and Ragini were out shopping. She doubted if it was to calm Ragini's nerves. Ragini had been worried all day. She locked the door using her spare key and got into a taxi.
The temple was at quite a distance at from her home. She had never been there before. She climbed the stairs and looked around for him. He wasn't anywhere near the shrine. She wondered if Laksh had got it wrong. Maybe it was some other temple. Just as she turned around to leave she saw a someone standing in the shade of a tree some distance away from the shrine. She looked carefully and saw it was Sanskaar.
She took a deep breath and went to meet him. He jumped as she touched his shoulder. He looked relieved as he realized it was her.
"Swara, what are you doing here? " he asked still surprised.
Before she could answer he smiled and said " Wrong question. I just didn't think you were a temple person. Did you come alone? " he asked
"Yes. she replied.
"Oh. Go on. " he said gesturing towards the shrine.
She saw that some puja was going on there. She could see people dressed like her Dadi. Some Marwari family, she thought.
"Come let's pray. " she said.
He shook his head.
"It's better I stay here. The place is a bit crowded for me. " he replied looking away.
She looked towards the shrine . It wasn't crowded. Just a few people doing the puja. Probably Just a family. She turned to Sanskaar to ask him why he thought it was crowded. But becore she could put forth the question, she noticed the look on his face. He looked like he was in pain. His face looked pale. His eyes were filled with longing as he looked towards the shrine. As he turned to her she saw his eyes looked moist.
Then it struck her. She recollected what Ragini had told her about his family.
"Thats your family, right? " she asked him.
The next moment she regretted it lest he should get angry. But he only smiled at her sadly and nodded. Then there was absolute silence. Neither of them said a word. Finally he spoke
"Swara go on. Do your prayers and come back. I will drop you home. " he suggested.
She agreed and went towards the shrine. She stopped just outside it. She said her prayers and went back to him in a little time. They walked out of the temple together in silence. As they got into his car, he asked
"Do you mind if I stop at a place for just a few minutes? I always go there straight from hereh. "
"No. That's fine. " she said.
They drove in silence. A few minutes later he stopped the car. Swara got out of the car confused. It was an old demolished park. She wondered why he had come there of all places and whether she should go with him or wait in the car. She didn't feel this was the right time for what she meant to do but she didn't want to leave him alone. She followed him into the park and he didn't stop her.
"Have you been here before? " he asked as they sat down on a half broken bench.
"No. she replied.
"Hmm. Its a long way from your place. Moreover this park would have been closed by the time you were a toddler. They renovated the other half of it. " he said pointing to some new swings a little away.
"You used to come here all the time? " she asked a bit reluctant to talk about the past.
"Yes. My bade papa used to bring me and my cousin here. Every weekend. It is his birthday today. Every year we conduct a puja at the temple on this day. When I was a kid the both of us would come here directly after the puja. " he said smiling.
"Why-why didn't you go talk to them? " she asked.
"I lost them. All in my own folly in the name of love. " he answered lost in thoughts.
She didn't press any further. But he went on.
"I presume Ragini told you about why I fought with them. I was in Delhi. I met Kavita in college. I was one of the popular guys. I and Laksh. Kavita was our classmate. She was breathtakingly beautiful. We started seeing each other casually but then it for seious. I loved her and thought she felt the same. When I informed my family about us they weren't happy. My mother felt her she was too below us. Also she wanted a Marwari bahu. The others too kind of felt the same. I talked to my bade papa. I hoped he would understand. But he went to Delhi to meet Kavita and her family without letting me know. Then Kavita called me and informed that he had talked to her and then told her to break up with him. I confronted him. He tried to explain that he had talked to Kavita and felt she was not right for me. I wouldn't listen. I put it down to that she wasn't the kind of meek homely daughter in law he was looking for. I fought with him and told him that he can't always make my decisions. My dad couldn't take it anymore and slapped me. He told me to choose. If I leave I wasn't supposed to come back. And I left. I thought that was the right thing to do. All for love. I went back to Delhi and she kept telling me to talk to my parents. Then one day she told me that her parents were fixing her marriage. I told her that I would meet her parents. She refused. She told me to reconcile with my parents if I wanted to marry her. Her parents would never get her married to me without the Maheshwari tag. I thought she was trying to get me to go home. I thought so until the day she married that guy. "
Swara saw the pain in his eyes. It hurt her.
"Why didn't you go back Home? " she asked.
"How could I? They would never forgive me. " he replied.
"But they are your family. " she said.
"Yes but I walked out on them. I chose someone I knew for a few years over them. How can I go back? How can I ever face them? And they haven't forgiven me. They have influence enough to know what happened but they never got in touch with me again. It's better this way I guess. But I have to say love cost me a lot. "he said standing up. He closed his eyes and when he opened it again it, he was his usual calm self, or atleast he pretended to be.
"So You don't beleive in love anymore? " she asked doubtful if this was the right time for this .
"Of course I do. I mean look at your parents, mine, Ragini and Laksh, all the couple's out there. Yes they are in love and they are lucky. It's just that maybe love wasn't meant for me. " Sanskar said. Then with a smile he added "Come on. I think we should leave. These are not things for you to worry about. "
He started walking away. Suddenly she realized that this was her last chance. If she wanted to tell him, then it had to be now. Or she would end up waiting all over again.
"Sanskar, wait. I want to tell you something. " she said tugging at his hand.
"I wanna tell you how I feel about you. " she managed to stammer looking down to the ground wondering how to go on.
"I thought I had you dissuaded with my sad story. But you are adamant. "he said.
She looked at him confused.
"I know you like me. " he said.
She looked at him in shock. How did he know?
"Let me guess. You like me right from the first time we met. " he asked.
She nodded.
"Swara how do you expect me to react to this? Do I shout at you or talk to you ? I think talking would do. Please do not interrupt me. " he said.
"Swara, no matter what you say you are a child. You have seen nothing of the world. You only think u like me. He told her.
She tried to protest but he stopped her.
"Swara you are infatuated with me. You think of me as some hero. The guy who helped you. A good doctor. A loyal lover. You love all that but there is more to me as a person. You know nothing about that. You have fallen for your idea of me. I know what that's like. Moreover love should be the least of your concerns right now. Swara our lives belong to our family as well. Right now you have a responsibility towards your parents. Make them proud. Make your life. And beleive me, a few years later you will realise I am right. Please understand this. " he told her patiently.
She couldn't argue with him. She remained silent.
"Don't worry. Everything will change soon. You will be too busy to think about all this. And I won't be around much longer. I will be leaving for London soon. I just got a letter from a hospital there. " he said while she looked on not knowing what to say.
She remained silent. Then she walked ahead.
"I will drop you home. " he offered.
"No Sanskar. Don't worry about me. I am not going to do anything stupid but I want to be alone for some time. " she said.
She came back home in a taxi and silently went up to her room after telling Ragini that she wanted to be alone for some time.
She lay on her bed thinking. She hadn't expected this. She had expected Sanskaar to get angry and shout at her. Expected that he would reject her. Expected that he would let her parents know about it. But she hadn't expected that he would understand and talk to her patiently. She had expected to be heartbroken but she wasn't. She was a little sad perhaps but not depressed. She felt relieved. He knew. And she knew he was right. Not that it was just her childishness. No ,she knew it was more than that. But she knew that right now this shouldn't be her proiority. She wanted to make her parents proud.
And then if he belonged to her he would come back to her. Someday. That was hope enough.
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