Wife's affair before marriage-Please help

I come from orthodox family and never was in relationship before marriage. My wife before our arranged marriage told me that she never had any BF's and treated all guys as brothers(She initiated that topic). After marriage, I found out from someplace else that she was not interested in getting married to me and was forced by her parents. When I asked, she cried and said she loved someone but was within limits and never had any physical relationship and took a oath on my head even though I did not ask. She said she was forced and pressurized by her parents to marry me.She said she loves me now. After couple of weeks, I found out that she had physical relations with that guy and was in contact with him over emails even after our marriage until the day I found out. When I asked, she again cried and tried to lie but accepted her physical relation part when I showed proof. She said she was still in touch as she was afraid that her ex will do something bad to himself or her and wanted to show him that she missed him. She says she just wanted to keep in touch as she felt she betrayed him and wanted to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. But all this while, she has been good to me.I never got a doubt until I found out.

I do love her but it's been hard for me to forget her past especially the physical relation part(I have seen their personal messages and pics, videos) and her constant lies and her acting. Many times she told me that I was her first love etc and all that crap.

I'm mostly good with her but inside me I have this rage building up that I have been cheated upon and feel depressed all the times to that point that I think of death at least once in a day. I fear that I may turn into a very bad person. I have already seen the signs in my behavior towards my parents, friends, co-workers etc. I see bad in everything and everyone and have become very cynical & sarcastic in my approach and feel that this is a f**ked up world filled with hopeless people.

I don't know if I'm in this marriage because I love her or because cannot go through a divorce(parents health, younger siblings marriage etc)

I find it really hard to trust her. In a way, I actually gave up on her and don't even care if she goes and starts this affair again with her ex.

Please help

In order of importance Edited by hippopotamus - 8 years ago

I think I understand the background of the story. I am sure you and every logical thinking person would have written off her past had she been honest to you from the start, but she hasn't. 

Can you provide us some feedback as in what happened and how are you managing and was our advice helpful?Edited by hippopotamus - 8 years ago

Never think of dying
Life is precious
She did mistake
She may have fault

1.If she is still in love with that guy then you should end the relationship cause she is a cheater (I know it may not be easy)

2. If she trying to accept you but still can't forget her past.If it is the case then she deserve a chance.Hard to forget it take time.

3.If She was blackmailed for any reason from that man then there is hope for solution

Originally posted by: hippopotamus

Can you provide us some feedback as in what happened and how are you managing and was our advice helpful?

We write and get no update. lol

I'm doing fine I think. Thanks for your words. They have some positive affect but sometimes I get these negative feelings back. In a week, I'm in a good mood for 3-4 days where we get along very well and then I get into these moods. I don't show it to her or let it come outside but its like a storm or rage inside. My wife sometimes senses and keeps calm but sometimes she doesn't. Usually romantic movies/scenes/songs or words she uses which she used with her ex - Things like these trigger my negative thoughts.

I know that meditation, counseling might help but I even developed negative thoughts on these as I believe that they are just some bullshit.

I feel anger at everone.
My wife - For lying to me and misleading me and spoiling my life
My in-laws - For lying and not letting them married because of which she is married to me now
My parents - For bringing me up in orthodox manner. We grew up in house where forget premarital sex even love marriages are considered bad. I have always been a good child to my parents. Always wanted to impress them and keep them happy and that's why never crossed the limits even when I stayed away in a foreign country for years.
I started hating God for doing this to me. All my life I have been a good son, student, person who lived by rules but now I lost trust that Good happens to good people. There used to be point in my life where I used to fast for my parents, family and now I find standing in front of him in temple and hurling abuses at him.

Not sure if I can get over this or if I will perish

Originally posted by: kkumar.1986

I'm doing fine I think. Thanks for your words. They have some positive affect but sometimes I get these negative feelings back. In a week, I'm in a good mood for 3-4 days where we get along very well and then I get into these moods. I don't show it to her or let it come outside but its like a storm or rage inside. My wife sometimes senses and keeps calm but sometimes she doesn't. Usually romantic movies/scenes/songs or words she uses which she used with her ex - Things like these trigger my negative thoughts.

I know that meditation, counseling might help but I even developed negative thoughts on these as I believe that they are just some bullshit.

I feel anger at everone.
My wife - For lying to me and misleading me and spoiling my life
My in-laws - For lying and not letting them married because of which she is married to me now
My parents - For bringing me up in orthodox manner. We grew up in house where forget premarital sex even love marriages are considered bad. I have always been a good child to my parents. Always wanted to impress them and keep them happy and that's why never crossed the limits even when I stayed away in a foreign country for years.
I started hating God for doing this to me. All my life I have been a good son, student, person who lived by rules but now I lost trust that Good happens to good people. There used to be point in my life where I used to fast for my parents, family and now I find standing in front of him in temple and hurling abuses at him.

Not sure if I can get over this or if I will perish

@kkumar.1986,see,I don't have anything to say you,because all the persons who commented in this thread has said everything what I wanted to say...

But I don't want to sympathies you,because you haven't done anything wrong,just be strong and most importantly don't ever think of attempting suicide,because death can't be a solution of any problem,doesn't matter how big it is!Just try to move on,I know it will be painful,but believe me,it will be less painful from the situation you are going through now,which is killing you day by day from inside!

I know ,it is easy to say,but hard to do!But best of luck,buddy!I hope and pray that you will overcome this situation very soon...

Originally posted by: kkumar.1986

I started hating God for doing this to me. All my life I have been a good son, student, person who lived by rules but now I lost trust that Good happens to good people. There used to be point in my life where I used to fast for my parents, family and now I find standing in front of him in temple and hurling abuses at him.

Not sure if I can get over this or if I will perish

Its not a big deal.. everyone has past but she should have informed you before marriage.. move on and forget it.. it was a past.. you dont know what were the circumstances that forced her to marry you.. if she is sincere with you today that matters !