software symphony 35 Maanvi - Page 87

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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am unable to come out of my grief. I dont know what I should do in order to shake myself out
</font>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am constantly thinking about whatever she said to me or whatever she wrote on these pages. I am unable to comprehend what her room and her things must look like today. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HER well enough. She wrote 5 mails maybe? And when she was engaged she sent a picture over PM</font>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">that is all... I didnt Whatsapp with her or call her or email her.</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I was overjoyed to see her on these pages... but what I have discovered through these pages is sending me down a spiralCry</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am not sure why I am so distraught... I dont know of anybody that died 9 days after detection of cancer, especially in America. I DONT.</font>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am cursing th
e Docs that reviewed her pneumonia reports back in Feb? March?</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am lamenting about the lil things that went unnoticed about her health the last three months</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">In her email from June 28th Sunday she wrote "All my favorite food is spread before me on the dining table, I am unable to eat or taste anything. Every weekend, when I came home, my Mom would oil my hair, massage my scalp and braid my hair as I readied to eat, every Sunday, today she asks my Dad "should she just get a hair cut and a wig?"Cry</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">The sheer horror and cruelty of it all is hard to ignore</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">She went on to say " Since Wed when I got the report, every breath I take I wonder HOW MANY I HAVE LEFT and if I should use the rest prudently"</font>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">She went BY HERSELF to collect her report, and read through it and lived with the news for a dayCry</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I am unable to get over this.</font>

<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">I dont know what I should do...</font>
[DIV]<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif">She is TWENTY FOUR.AngryCry</font>[/Nisha, have nothing to say. No words to console you. Life sucks.

Nisha, have nothing to say. No words to console you. Life sucks.

Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by ishruhi


Originally posted by NSB7


Nisha...I promised to stay strong and smile
I'm going to keep it

U must have promised NIV you will too right
I might not be able to say great things ever
But we are here
To share
If u can talk say things feel lighter
A hug
A smile
A warm grip on your hand
All for u

agree with all my heart...
she is not a reason for our tears,but our smiles,our hope,our love,our friendship...

I agree with that aswell 
Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by NSB7


Nisha...I promised to stay strong and smile 
I'm going to keep it

U must have promised NIV you will too right
I might not be able to say great things ever 
But we are here
To share
If u can talk say things feel lighter 
A hug
A smile 
A warm grip on your hand 
All for u

I am sorry Namratha but I didnt promise anything like thatCry I am not strong and I dont particularly feel cheerful right nowCry I am weak and insecure and immature and unwise, unreasonable and angry

Being mature and rational is not making me feel better is not reducing my grief. I dont have to smile and pretend "she is a better place" whatever the hell that means

All I see is she is NOT HERE

Who knows what happens to us after we pass, religions cons us into believing that angels wearing white maxis will greet us. Hell!! She was 24 she didnt need no angel to greet her

She was supposed to be stuck in traffic jams, fight with Doc S about who will pick up the kids from day care, have her toilet be clogged, and be denied promotions and raises, and have the NY cabbie rip her off by over charging her $20 for a 2 minute ride be upset with Diva because she blew off their lunch date.

Heaven is over ratedAngry

I wanted her to be alive in this shitty HUMAN world
Her parents and Doc S and Manit would have preferred the same


P.S. Sorry!!! I know EXACTLY what you mean... I am sorry I am not particularly in a gentle kind mood right now. It hurts like hellCry
Edited by Nisha0604 - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago
shout it all out as much as u want...we will b here...everyone reacts dif...
Posted: 6 years ago
I understand nisha...please tale your time with things 
As I mentioned
We don't mind waiting
Even if it takes a lifetime

Please remember we are with u
If not as much as for u
She meant a lot to us too
We will relate to u
Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


I am unable to come out of my grief. I dont know what I should do in order to shake myself out
I am constantly thinking about whatever she said to me or whatever she wrote on these pages. I am unable to comprehend what her room and her things must look like today. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HER well enough. She wrote 5 mails maybe? And when she was engaged she sent a picture over PM
that is all... I didnt Whatsapp with her or call her or email her.

I was overjoyed to see her on these pages... but what I have discovered through these pages is sending me down a spiralCry

I am not sure why I am so distraught... I dont know of anybody that died 9 days after detection of cancer, especially in America. I DONT.
I am cursing the Docs that reviewed her pneumonia reports back in Feb? March?

I am lamenting about the lil things that went unnoticed about her  health the last three months

In her email from June 28th Sunday she wrote  "All my favorite food is spread before me on the dining table, I am unable to eat or taste anything. Every weekend, when I came home, my Mom would oil my hair, massage my scalp and braid my hair as I readied to eat, every Sunday, today she asks my Dad "should she just get a hair cut and a wig?"Cry

The sheer horror and cruelty of it all is hard to ignore

She went on to say " Since Wed when I got the report,  every breath I take I wonder HOW MANY I HAVE LEFT and if I should  use the rest prudently"
She went BY HERSELF to collect her report, and read through it and lived with the news for a dayCry

I am unable to get over this.

I dont know what I should do...
She  is TWENTY FOUR.AngryCry
Oh Nisha!Hug
Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


I am unable to come out of my grief. I dont know what I should do in order to shake myself out
I am constantly thinking about whatever she said to me or whatever she wrote on these pages. I am unable to comprehend what her room and her things must look like today. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HER well enough. She wrote 5 mails maybe? And when she was engaged she sent a picture over PM
that is all... I didnt Whatsapp with her or call her or email her.

I was overjoyed to see her on these pages... but what I have discovered through these pages is sending me down a spiralCry

I am not sure why I am so distraught... I dont know of anybody that died 9 days after detection of cancer, especially in America. I DONT.
I am cursing the Docs that reviewed her pneumonia reports back in Feb? March?

I am lamenting about the lil things that went unnoticed about her  health the last three months

In her email from June 28th Sunday she wrote  "All my favorite food is spread before me on the dining table, I am unable to eat or taste anything. Every weekend, when I came home, my Mom would oil my hair, massage my scalp and braid my hair as I readied to eat, every Sunday, today she asks my Dad "should she just get a hair cut and a wig?"Cry

The sheer horror and cruelty of it all is hard to ignore

She went on to say " Since Wed when I got the report,  every breath I take I wonder HOW MANY I HAVE LEFT and if I should  use the rest prudently"
She went BY HERSELF to collect her report, and read through it and lived with the news for a dayCry

I am unable to get over this.

I dont know what I should do...
She  is TWENTY FOUR.AngryCry


You have to let go Nisha, there is no other way absolutely. It's cruel, it might sound mean and horrible but that's the only way...it is the circle of life...sounds mahaan, but no this is the truth...one just has to accept. The only way you will be able to deal with this is to train your brain to think that that all we have, what we see around us, what we have gathered around us is only a step towards a final journey. It is the nature of the mind to embroil you in all sorts of complicated emotions - don't let it do that  be aware and accept ...grief teaches you a lot, confronts you with the reality that we are but mere specks in the larger scheme of things...the only thing that is pure is unconditional love, which resides inside you. Think of NIVI as a beautiful person who had so much love to give, revel in that love and be thankful that she has touched us in so many ways. 
This has taught us many things but the most important lesson is to cherish what we have. Because who knows what's tomorrow...and always be aware that things change! 
I repeat this to myself a million times a day and try not to be hurtful, mean or vengeful...jo hona hai wo hoga, its vidhi ka vidhaan, us chakkar mein why create bad will? 
NIVI gave us love let's give love back to her .

Posted: 6 years ago
i m not leaving this place unless i m sleeping or cooking bcoz i cant explain to others what i feel...but here i know more than 50 people r with me who knows why it is still hurting that too for a person i hav never seen...i know everyone of us is coming here to seek some comfort...even it hurts now,it will get better...this is the only thing i m holding tight...

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