I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. My head was pounding after that little altercation I just had. How easy was it for her to say that I
couldn't understand? How could she even
think that it was easy for me? To stay
away from my wife. To stay away from my
children. To give up my life here
because I couldn't bear to live here anymore without her.
Pulling one of those bar stools out, I sat on the island as I
held the coffee mug securely between my hands.
My ice cold hands needed warmth.
I sat there, stirring the coffee a little, but with no
intentions of drinking it. I recalled
what happened just a few moments ago. My
heart dropped at the mere recollection.
Her words rang around in my head.
I had my
reasons Nachiket. And you know that VERY
well!
Back in college, I would be flattered by the attention that I
received from the beautiful ladies,
as I used to call them. It was a part of
growing up. I was a normal teenager who
liked the attention. But how was I to
know that that would come back to
bite me in the future? She knew I loved...
love her, then how could she even
doubt me?
My shoulders hung in defeat.
I actually thought I had a chance to make everything alright again. But I was losing hope. Tears dropped silently down my face, as if to
expose my vulnerability.
I was about to wipe them off when I felt a hand do that for me
instead. I turned around, to see the one
person I knew I could count on. I let her arms take me in as I sat there
crying in anger at my fate.
-
I stood here, absolutely numb.
Rooted to the spot.
This
wasn't supposed to turn out like this. I
was supposed to stop him from becoming someone else's. And what did I do? I ended up pushing him so hard he is going
away from my life entirely.
My knees collapsed and forced me to the ground. I felt my ankle twist, but that pain was
incomparable to what I felt in my heart.
I didn't
want to hurt you Nachiket. I really
didn't. I wish you knew that.
I replayed our conversation a million times in my head. How I could have prevented this from happening. How I could have prevented other things from happening. But what was the use of doing so. It wasn't like I could go back in time and fix everything.
Tears ran down my face, and unlike what I would do usually, I
let them be. I refused to fall weak in
front of anyone, but at this moment, I didn't have it in me to fight these
tears. Years of loneliness and pain was flowing
through these emotions; I couldn't hold it in anymore.
And then he came
along, just like our old times. He helped me up and took me to the
kitchen for some coffee.
---
"But
Rags, you love him! You should trust
him!"
"You
don't understand Karan. He's always
flaunting how many "chicks" throw themselves
at him, knowing very well how
jealous I feel."
I
crossed my arms; all this was getting tiring.
--
I
laughed at the sight in front of me.
"Dimpy... Have you ever noticed just how red Rags looks when she's jealous?"
"Oh
Chiku, don't you dare give yourself that
much importance okay?" Ragini commented.
She
smirked, very well knowing just how
much I hated that nickname. She
high-fived Karan... tujhe toh main baadmein dekhlunga Karan.
--
"But
seriously you guys, stop fighting!" Karan spoke up.
"Rags,
you know Chi... okay Nachiket (she finally said after the dangerous glare
Nachiket threw at her) loves you, he's just trying to make you more jealous
because of the idiot that he is!" Dimpy added.
"And Nachiket, why are you bothering Rags so much yaar? You know how jealous she gets!"
I
looked away from him as he came near me.
He kissed my cheek and surprised me with a wink. "I love
you Rags," was all he said, but it brought out the smile effortlessly. I punched him slightly before I hugged him,
snaking my arms around his shoulders.
"I love you too... Chikuuu"
---
Even then we needed others in our lives to help us through our
problems. Maybe I should... Ask... Them.
I felt ashamed at this moment for having given up on this
friendship just because of my failed relationship with him. But I was determined to
not make another mistake again. I hugged
him tight in the midst of our walk to the kitchen.
"I need you Karan. I
need you and Dimpy!"
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