My Heart Aches As Well...
His words were echoing in her mind.
"Ishima Ishima Ishima... Ishima banne ka bahut shauk hai tumhe... yahi hi tumhari zimmedaari"
Tears were continuously doing their work. She thought whole world could come and put a question on her motherhood but her husband rather the father of her children. She had trusted him.. She thought he would never misunderstand her.. She had started to find her life in him. But does his love last only till she was fulfilling her duties? Is she a toy who when would stop working would be thrown into a trash bin or may be directly out of the house?? Her family needs her only till she is performing her duties.. Is she a machine who could very easily be switched on and off.. Her self-respect which she had dig somewhere beneath her love was finding its way out. She could no longer take it anymore..
She who was head over heels trying hard to get the boy comfortable in this house was accused of throwing him out. She who had brought her husband's ex under the same roof was blamed to be insecure. She who had not done any mistake was asked to apologize for no reason. She did it.. Crushing her self-respect she did it again for her family, for her daughter, for the person she loves the most. But was she really moving on a right path? Was this the same independent woman who used to run herself all on her own?
Tons of questions were in her mind.. But answers were still to locate..
Turn of events had made her something else. He mother-in-law who once called her the daughter of the house had asked her to stay away from her husband's son. Her husband has made her feel she was the most irresponsible person on the earth because his son has accused her to be rude to his mother. She had become quiet. All she was trying to make her strength was her silence.
After her apology to Shagun and Lohri and Pongal celebrations she hadn't spoken to anybody much except Ruhi. Ruhi is the only angel in the entire world who made her feel wanted. Raman had tried to talk to her but she needed time to digest certain things. Four days have passed and she was silently doing her work. Her face looked pale and her voice had gone lost. Whenever she use to hear Adi or Shagun's voice she started choosing to be as away as possible.
First few days went unnoticeable but later everybody in the family had started to notice her change in behavior. They even tried to speak to her but she wasn't same doing all the work..
One day when she was serving tea to everybody and Raman was with Adi. Simmi asked her to sit with them and have her tea.
Simmi- Oye ishita.. Aaja natu bhi pee le chai..
Ishita:- Nahi simmi mujhe kaam hai.. kucch chahiye to bolna..
Toshi ji:- Puttar aaja baith ja..
Ishita:- Nahi mummy ji thank you and sorry.. Adi aa jayega to shayad use accha nahi lagega..
She left the place leaving behind the family in thinking mode.. The Ishita who use to be very cheerful and very smiley had lost somewhere..
Another day Shagun came and informed her she is going out with Raman Adi and Ruhi. She nodded and asked
Ishita:- acchi baat hai.. to aap mujhe kyun bata rahi ho? Kucch chahiye kya mujhse??
Shagun:- nahi who I just thought tumhe pata hona chahiye.. I mean tumhare hsband ke sath mai bahar ja rahi hoon to..
Ishita:- thank you batane ke liye..
Raman came to her and said apologetically.
Raman:- Wo I am sorry ishita.. Adi ne force kiya to...
Ishita:- apne baccho ko ghumane le jana galti nahi hai.. please sorry bolke mujhe culprit mat banao..
She left from there.. Raman could for the first time sense the hurt in her words.
The wounds on her heart were increasing day by day.. And she was bearing it all because of her daughter.. She couldn't leave her and go neither could she take her with her taking happiness of her own family with her.
It was another morning. Raman was looking for his mobile's charger. He was shouting her name. She came and handed him his charger and was about to leave when he held her and pulled her closer..
Raman:- Mere liye aaj kal tumhare pas waqt hi nahi hai? Bahut naraaz ho?
Ishita:- Leave me Raman.. Mujhe baccho ke liye naashta banana hai.. warna fir se mere ishima hone pe sawaal uth jaayenge..
Her words hit him and he left her. She ran from there hiding her tears not gone unnoticed by him.
Her pain was the last thing on the earth he has ever thought of. Was he taking things very casually? Had she built a mountain of inhibitions inside herself. Was she going into some shell??
After breakfast of Adi and Ruhi and their departure for school she came back to the kitchen and resumed her work.
Toshiji:- puttar tune naashta nahi kia? Ki gal hai? Teri tabiyat theek hai?
Ishita:- mai theek hoon mummyji..
Toshiji::- te pher nashtha kyun ni kitaa?
Ishita:- thodi der me kar lungi mummyji? Aapko kucch chahiye?
Toshi ji:- nahi puttar par tu aise ...
Cutting her in between...
Ishita:- Lunch me kya banega mummyji?
Toshi ji:- Ishita meri baat sun.. Maine tujhe adi se dur rehne ke liye kaha tha pure ghar se nahi..
Ishita:- Mai pure ghar se kahan dur hui mummyji? Ab pura ghar saara time adi ke paas rehta hai to isme mai kya kar sakti hoon.. mai to bas apna promise nibha rahi hoon.. Anyways mummyji.. aap woh sab chhodiye.. aapko kucch chaiye kya?
Toshiji:- oye khotiye.. kya ek ma apne baccho se sirf kaam ke time baat kar sakti hai?
Ishita:- Kaash ek ma apne baccho me farak bhi na karti mummyji.. but mai jaanti hoon ki mai aapko koi khushi nahi de sakti to aapka pura right hai mujhse gussa hone ka.. Mai kucch time ke liye bhool gayi thi mummyji ki mai Ruhi ki ishima hoon.. ab kabhi ye baat nahi bhulungi..
She held her hands and said
Ishita:- thank you mummy ji mujh jaisi bahu ki accept karne ke liye meri kamzoriyon ke sath and I am sorry ki aapko na chaahte hue bhi mujhe jhelna pad raha hai..
Toshi ji:- Na mera puttar tu to laakho me ek hai..
Ishita:- Waqt ne mujhe bata diya hai mummyji ki mai laakho me ek nahi laakho me akeli hoon.. isi waqt ne mujhe meri jagah bhi yaad dila di hai..
She left with tears from there. Her last words were heard by Raman.. He was left in thoughts..
She was sitting in her room looking absolutely nowhere. He entered the room and placed his hand on her shoulder.She instantly stood up wiping her left tears and said.
Ishita:- aapke liye paani laati hoon
Raman:- For God's sake stop behaving like a servant Ishita..
Ishita:- I am no more than that Raman. Kya pata aapko paani nahi puccha to aap mere ek biwi hone pe sawaal utha do..
Raman:- Tum itna bura kyun maan gayi Ishita.. mai gusse me tha... Adi ke liye pareshaan tha..
Ishita:- hmm I understand .. mai paani laati hoon..
Raman:- For heaven's sake talk to me Ishita..
She sighed sarcastically..
Ishita:- Talk.. Hope we had ever talked Raman.. Half of our problems would have been vanished right there.. But we don't prefer to talk. Rather fighting is our forte.. But I wont fight.. Coz may be I would show another sign of being an disregarding mother..
Raman:- you are taking things far ahead..
Ishita:- I am just walking on the terms set by you.. I am here to be a mother who keeps an eye to the kids of the house and know about their whereabouts without going near to them. Who feeds them on time. Who ensures their homework is done properly. Who is not supposed to scold them on their mistakes. I am trying to follow all these rules.. I am doing things staying in my limits...
Raman:- Ishita look you are not understanding my point of view.. I was in problem sometime. Atleast try to understand me..
Ishita:- This is the only problem Raman.. You have accepted That Ishita is a strong stone who can bear the hits to infinite extend.. She doesn't has any right to get hurt..You have forgotten that I am a human too... It was always about you Raman.. Always about you.. Your divorce, your ex wife, your son, your pain, your sorrows.. I never existed anywhere.. But I am happy being Ishima of Ruhi and I owe you my life for giving me Ruhi isliye i will always respect and love you. But sorry.. I cant be the stone anymore...
She had left the room leaving him in tears... Tears of guilt.. Tears of fear of losing his life once again.. Tears to see her pain.. Tears that had taken his blindness with them. He has to take a step urgently coz whatever was happening wasn't perfect and Ishita likes perfection.
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Hey people.. Felt really bad for Ishita.. Wanted the family to realize her importance and her pain especially Raman. Wrote this to vent out my frustration. I really hope you could connect to it..Please leave your valuable comments and likes..
Last Part:- I'll Heal All Your Pain
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