Vanhi's Index: Note (41) on 2nd Jan 2017 - Page 2

Hello dear friends/readers,

For your undying support and limitless love, my "thank you" will always be very less to describe what I feel for you. Though I don't reply to any of your comments or interact with you all about the FF's, I do enjoy reading the comments (and always look forward). That acts as a door to know what you really feel for the story. Now a days, I'm trying to do it and replying to some of the comments in the blogs, and hopefully, will do so more.

The reason for this note is... well, real life has become busier than ever. I've been working for 12 hours in office and another 3 to gather all the information and to call up the clients. Being promoted to a project manager isn't easy when there are nearly ten ongoing interiors projects in our hands at present and another eight to be started. It takes 2 to 2.5 hours in travelling. So, I've less time in my hands to sit and work on the stories on daily basis from now on. Typing takes time even though I prepare rough draft of the parts of each FF.

I've 190 members in both friends list and waiting list. And for each story in my blogs, there are, on an average, 35-69 people following them (35, 38, 44, 69 to be precise for 4 FF's). I.e., auto notifications will be received to these members but at the end, not even half the people turn up to read the story, or bother to drop their comments to let me know what they felt about them. Basically, to be frank, I feel like my energies that I've been putting in writing FF's is being wasted without its results. In the time I sit on working them, if I utilize it for much more important issues which gives better results, I'll lead a happier and satisfactory life than the disappointment I'm having in sharing my stories.

Time and again, I've asked my readers nothing but their support. While I have plenty of it from few trusted readers (who have become a real good friends), unfortunately, the number is less. There are only 10-2- who turn up at every part of the FF and never fail to share their views regarding this. They motivated me and they helped me, encouraged me to continue with this. Time and again I've asked through PM's to delete me from their list who isn't interested in reading my comments. And while none of them do this, on the contrary, I've receiving requests who, again, never turned up to share their views. Not even once.

While I tried to do justice to the stories, and to satisfy my readers, I'm sorry to say this but I haven't done justice to either of them. I asked myself that what might be the reason for this and come up with few:

1) I don't update regularly. While I did at the starting (one update a day to twice a day and once in every two days), I'm not doing the same now. Well, for that, all I can say is I'm maturing. When I joined I-F and started posting FF's, I was in final year of my academic year and I was supposed to go to college twice in a week at the max. So, I'd plenty of time to work on FF's and my project work simultaneously by dividing time accordingly. Now, I'm married, have a job in hand, and have to plan accordingly. I hope you can relate to what I'm saying.

2) My stories are not Arnav-Khushi focused. This, I always mentioned at the very first post of all of my FF's. My stories are never focused on two individuals but it's a process, a journey of two individuals with as much reality incorporating in it as I can manage. I take a real problem, or experience, or a situation that stuck in my mind and wave a story around it. I give equal importance to all the other characters (sometimes may be more than Arnav and Khushi), but that needed to be done if I wish to unfold the story as I planned.

3) I don't ask for comments. People take it as I don't need comments to motivate me. For any author, feedback is the most important tool to either motivate her or discourage her. Unfortunately, for amateurs like me, and for FF writers, all we can hope for is comments from readers. And while I try to motivate myself to carry on with this, (and thanks to those few trusted readers/friends for motivating me time to time), at times when I really feel low and at the edge of breaking down, I can't help but leave this part of my life altogether. But again, I've committed to do some work here, to share my stories with you, and bring myself to do just that. I've tried to write different genres to see where the interests of my readers lie. That is the result of two FF's (ABS, ATY), which are more Arnav-Khushi focused. But it clearly didn't work.

4) People are busy with their real lives. When they get time to read what they want to read, don't they have enough time to at least drop two words in appreciation? I really don't have anything left in me to point out to them. I mean, everyone has a life out of this virtual world of FF's but if an author takes out of her way just to entertain them with her stories, can't a reader to the same? They are literally spending less than 1% of what an author spends regarding the story.

We breathe the stories. We constantly live with them. We tend to forget the line between real and virtual worlds. We neglect out professional career and we tend to forget commitments in personal life and get ourselves lost in the world we create for ourselves.

And a reader, go through the part, read what we has to say, and leave it there.

I'm not saying that the mentioned things above aren't true. I'm guilty for doing some things and for not doing some. I failed to evoke emotion in a reader to respond to my stories. And by extension, I failed as an author.

So, all that I came up as a conclusion is that I'm not writing what my readers want to read.

But, as immature as I'm, I've pushed my limits in hope that I'll be able to justify all the FF's at a time. I never felt it difficult to manage and write all the stories, while keeping each of them at bay with the other, never getting confused with so many characters. All I lack is, motivation, at this point. And the will to share my stories with those who never bothered to appreciate it or criticize it.

While I think about what I can do with this situation, there are two ways in front of me.

1) I stop sharing my stories altogether. This is not really an option as I committed myself to do it. I know no one will be coming to me and demand me for my decision. These are my stories. My sweat and blood, if I need to be dramatic. But I don't want those few trusted readers to be left disappointed behind. That, I repeat, that alone is the reason I'm even continuing doing so.

2) Update whenever I get time. And update on weekends by not having any personal commitments until I finish off the stories. And that is hardly an option. No one can ignore their personal lives for those who would never appreciate or satisfy you.

So, I request you to suggest me what to do henceforth. I really need to know your opinion on the issue and show me a way that would satisfy us both.

"Sandcastle" will not be a problem at all as it has two parts left and an epilogue. I'll try to post them as soon as possible. But others are in no way that I could complete it off as they all are in their initial stages (5 parts at the max), and "Palace of Illusion" has just reached its major turn as all the 30 parts in this FF is more of a setting to carry on the future story. The actual story starts now. So, I'll be carrying on with "POI" in a slow pace, updating at least thrice a month.

Remaining FF's, that is, "A Beautiful Stranger", "Addicted to you", "A Tale of Two Hearts", "Consummate Love-2"... I need your suggestions as what I need to do with these four FF's. And I request you to think about this by standing in my shoes. With this kind of schedule and lack of response (both mentioned above), what would you do if you are in my place. Think about it for one minute and give me your honest feedback. And please please, please, don't give your feedback as a reader as I know that ll always be "please don't discontinue your stories".

With this, I'm taking your leave. I'll decide only after I get response from you all.

For once I'll be as selfish and rude I as could be and let me demand this from you.

I'll decide whether to continue or discontinue this 4 FF's only after I get a response from all the 190 members that I'll be PMing now. And this will be my last note.

With this, and with a heavy, broken heart,

Goodbye!

Vanhi